In the movie, Xu Shiwan, the hero played by Xu zhēng, tried his best to stop his wife's business cooperation because he couldn't accept his wife Zhang Lu's divorce, so he got on the train to Moscow with his mother by mistake and started a parent-child tour for six days and six nights.
1. Bad parent-child relationship stems from lack of sense of boundaries.
In China families, parents generally have a cognition that children's affairs are their own affairs.
When children fall, they should be helped up; Children who are bullied at school should make noise to the principal; If the child doesn't do well in the exam, find a relationship to go to school; Children have to agree to find a girlfriend; When children get married, they should regard their home as their own; Children's children should be their own children, and so on
But one day children will know that they have grown up and should make their own decisions. So there is a contradiction between parents and children, and both sides feel very painful.
The boundaries between the two generations are blurred. When you have a sense of boundaries, you don't understand them. Children think their parents care too much, and parents say their children are baiwenhang. In fact, understanding comes from the sense of boundaries between each other.
When Xu Wanwan called on the train to arrange work, his mother kept feeding him. One minute he's on the phone, and the next he's stuck in a little persimmon. After eating one, he stuffed another. After eating a wave, his mother wiped her mouth and stuffed a whole egg. Xu ten thousand finally couldn't help it.
"Mom, I'm not hungry."
"No, you are hungry."
A whole box of braised pork, mother asked Xu to eat it all.
"There is one piece left"
"Eating too much can lead to fatty liver."
"You just gave me a whole box of braised pork, okay?"
"So I want to control you now."
Because of mother's control and interference, Xu Yiwan is about to collapse. She is really fed up with all kinds of quarrels with her mother.
The son spoke from the heart: "You have an imaginary son in your heart. Why do you insist on reforming me? Didn't you find it? " I am not the son you think I am. "
But my mother said with tears: Everything my mother did was for your own good.
I hope the children are good, I hope the children will develop in the direction they think is good, and spare no effort to pay, control and interfere. Seeing this, I believe many viewers will sigh with one voice: Isn't this my mother?
At the same time, Sister Anne also has a doubt: Is love selfish or altruistic?
Classmate Xiao Q, it is up to parents to decide what school to go to and what major to choose. Finding a job after graduation is also a good unit for parents to choose. Finding a girlfriend is also an interview with parents, and it is also brought up by parents. In the meantime, Xiao Q struggled and wanted to get rid of it, but his parents always advised him on the grounds of "being good for you", and Xiao Q really tasted the benefits of taking fewer detours under the protection of his parents.
Because parents take care of their children, they are also fully involved in Xiao Q's family life. Every day, they eat, wear, read, read newspapers and attend classes. Parents made it clear that they wanted their son to work hard and get ahead.
Little Q, who is happy everywhere in his life, suddenly becomes depressed.
After living for most of my life, life seems to have nothing to do with myself.
Coupled with the sudden unemployment, no one at home wants it, and Xiao Q has depression.
Since childhood, we have all seen or experienced too many "for your own good" lies. Nobody told us how bad it was and how bad it would be. We dare not try. If this is not good, it will make us worse.
From an early age, I was taught to listen to adults, not old people, and suffer.
We have been taught since childhood that listening to our parents means loving them.
No one told us that true love should not be destroyed, hurt, forced or demanded in any form.
No one told us that true love is to see, listen and feel each other with your heart.
Psychological "self-boundary theory" holds that the two most typical manifestations of unclear interpersonal boundaries are taking other people's affairs as their own and overexposure.
The former is over-enthusiastic, over-involved and over-interfered, always posing as a psychological counselor or savior and taking care of others as its own responsibility. The latter always likes to talk about his thoughts and feelings with others, whether others are interested or not.
Bi Shumin said that keeping close is the most suitable way to blend in. No matter how close the relationship is, keep a sense of boundaries.
The boundary between husband and wife should be kept just right.
The brand of "The House of Origin" is also deeply imprinted on Xu Shiwan's own family. Before marriage, Xu Yiwan and his wife Zhang Lu were close lovers who knew each other and loved each other, and they were also comrades-in-arms on the road to starting a business. However, as their career became more and more successful, they began to alienate and even divorce.
At the beginning of the film, there is a scene in which Xu Yiwan and Zhang Lu have a conversation about the future of a lamp at home because of their divorce.
"You take this desk lamp away and I'll fix it for you."
"I tell you, I never liked this desk lamp."
"Don't you like this desk lamp?"
"From the first day it entered the house, I thought it would grow up."
"How can you scold it like that?"
"You see this is the problem between us. You have an imaginary wife in your heart: you set all her likes, dislikes and how to speak. Why do you insist on reforming me? After all these years, don't you realize that I'm not what you think? "
Ivan Xu said tearfully to Zhang Lu on the other end of the phone in snowy Moscow, I don't want to divorce you, and I still love you. The last-minute confession still failed to keep Zhang Lu's heart. She said on WeChat to Xu Yiwan: "I tried so hard to be your ideal wife, but I really couldn't! We have all failed in this marriage. "
In the end, they ended in divorce.
Once so in love, but still not come to the end of life together.
Many people think that love is good for you and love is good for you. In fact, this kind of love is wrapped in the core of self-interest and self-interest On the surface, it is beneficial to each other. In fact, it is to seize some tiny sense of security and arm the weak self.
Someone teased, Tony Leung Chiu Wai Carina Lau, this pair, really don't look like a pair. They are free with their sexuality, they are chic and healthy, and the media took photos of them coming home after midnight snack.
What's more, news about Carina Lau's contact with the opposite sex is endless, and Tony Leung Chiu Wai is even more exaggerated. He and Maggie Cheung began to have an affair on 1984, which is still talked about by many fans.
In The Venus Show, Venus asked Carina Lau what he thought of the love affair between Tony Leung Chiu Wai and Maggie Cheung.
Carina Lau said quietly:
Maybe you know more than me. That's all I know. This is a beautiful story. I think if he really likes Maggie Cheung, I will be very happy. As long as he decides, she is also a good actress.
In a variety show, Carina Lau also mentioned the story of Tony Leung Chiu Wai:
Once, their house needed to be decorated, so Tony Leung Chiu Wai took the trouble to go to the hotel with his suitcase. The house was basically decorated, and he came back with the box.
Everyone present likes Carina Lau very much. Anyone who encounters such a thing in life will be full of grievances.
On the other hand, Carina Lau doesn't look wronged at all. He just smiled and said, "He will only look at you with melancholy eyes until you cook him a bowl of noodles."
Why can this seemingly "mismatched" couple have a sweet and beautiful marriage? In the variety show "Women have something to say", Carina Lau revealed her way of getting along in marriage.
"Perfect control means no control", which is the secret of Carina Lau's husband-wife relationship.
Intimacy is like sand in your hand. The tighter you hold on, the more it loses.
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3.？ Guard each other's borders and get along with the world gently.
Shu Ting once wrote: "I must be a kapok beside you, standing with you in the image of a tree."
We often say that the best marriage is diamond cut diamond, which is evenly matched. You have your ideals and I have my pursuits. There is no need to stand on tiptoe or cling to each other. They are attracted to each other but independent. And behind this, it depends on your courage, confidence and wisdom.
If you are in full bloom, butterflies will come.
When you suffer, you lose your charm.
May we all protect our own borders, not offend others' borders, and get along with the world gently.