Lulu's mother in the same community is one of the reasonable parents. The child's mother believes that the use of tough coercive means can only make the child yield on the surface, but it can't make the child feel a sense of identity and make the child forced to yield. Now that children are afraid of you and leave you when they grow up, the script will repeat itself. This is ineffective education. Therefore, when Lulu's mother educates her children, she will generally reason with them. Recently, however, Lulu's mother is very worried, because she found that it seems that she has been talking seriously for a long time, and the child has been in a state of incomprehension, and she will do the same thing next time, which makes Lulu's mother very headache.
In real life, like Lulu's mother, parents who love to reason with their children are very common. Such parents often feel that they can't play hardball with their children and pay more attention to their educational attitude. It is precisely because these parents feel that their way is correct that they are even more angry with their children for making mistakes again and again, and feel that this is a child's problem and has nothing to do with themselves. Is it true?/You don't say. The fact is that parents' reasonable education methods are not necessarily correct.
1. Parents try to pass the buck.
When parents reason with their children, they are actually using various arguments to describe their mistakes and list all kinds of dissatisfaction. In this process, all the mistakes are inadvertently blamed on the children. And their parents choose to reason with their children, which is the highest point of family rights. In any case, the child was wrong and forgot his responsibility.
2. Authoritative education
In the family, parents are above and children are below. This structure makes parents feel that they have to be persuasive and have certain authority before their children can obey me. Sometimes parents are unconscious, but the reasonable behavior is that one side complains to the other. A loving and harmonious relationship must be not obedience and control, but cooperation and mutual respect, so the sweet words of parents are also a disguised form to stabilize their lofty position in the children's hearts.
3. In order to gain a sense of security
In fact, it can also be understood that parents think that they have fulfilled their due obligations during this period of parenting education and given themselves a sense of security. When parents are reasonable, if the child still doesn't get better, parents may think in their hearts that it is not because I didn't educate the child well that he will do it again, so that he will feel comforted and feel that he is not dereliction of duty. In fact, it is wise to be reasonable, and it is also a waste of breath not to think blindly and do nothing.
On the one hand, parents like telling the truth to their children, on the other hand, children don't like their parents' reasoning. They feel that they have to recite the scriptures, and they are tired of listening. This two-way negative influence will only make the communication result worse.
"It is not terrible that children have shortcomings. What is terrible is that parents, as the leaders of their children's lives, lack correct family education concepts and teaching methods. " This is a famous saying about children's education left by Jenny Alimu. It doesn't matter if the child makes a mistake or makes sense. The question is, are you using the right method? What should parents do? Let's try marginal effect.
In fact, marginal effect is an indirect education model for children. Some parents' too direct practices may make it difficult for children to accept, but changing the way of indirect introduction will make it easier for children to accept and correct. Specific practices can refer to the following points.
1. Virtual imagination method
This method is more suitable for younger children, because the younger the child is, sometimes the greater the imagination space for things. In practice, we can make use of children's imagination and let them do what we want them to do through some tricks or games. For example, children don't like to take a bath. Parents can put some duckling toys in the bathtub when their children take a bath, and then make up some children's songs that extend from the duckling's imagination to make their children fall in love with the bathing process. This is very interesting.
2. Learn to use body language or rich language.
Being able to communicate with children with body language, rich vocabulary and even some exaggerated expressions is actually to narrow the distance with children, and make children feel equal with him through such efforts. For example, if a child throws a toy and breaks a vase at home, if a parent picks up a toy and makes an exaggerated gesture to throw it out, then tell the child, you see, if I throw it like this, I may break a lot of things and even hit you. In fact, this is all to create a good environment and atmosphere, so that parents can tell their children some truth appropriately and help them understand.
3. Law of Natural Consequences
In fact, this can be understood as family law, combing out these intangible laws, making them more specific, and attaching the results. For example, we agreed with our children to watch TV for an hour every day. If it exceeds the standard, we will be fined to write an extra copybook. If the child makes a mistake, he will face a small punishment. This rule with a box will let children know the consequences before they do it, and will not make a fuss if they think they are wrong.
Therefore, in general, it is not impossible for parents to take a reasonable approach, but it requires a lot of bedding and skills. Endless reasoning and nagging will only make children feel bored, and children will get used to it after a long time. So it won't have any real effect. Parents who make good use of skills and wisdom, after mastering the "side door effect", can let their children understand the true meaning of truth by beating around the bush, so that their children can be more active in cooperation and will not easily make mistakes next time.
Tyman Johnson once said, "Successful mentors make successful children, and failed mentors make failed children". The quality of a person's family education directly affects his life development, so family education has always been a subject of constant research at all times and at home and abroad, and it is also a subject that all parents should study in depth. If you can choose the right way of education, you are responsible for your children and yourself.