Just like in everyday life:
Xiao Ai always likes to pile up wood, and it must be exactly the same as the reference object in her heart, otherwise it will keep piling up, but Xiao Ai is very quiet and will keep piling up even if it doesn't move, but Xiao Ai's mother refuses to ask her to eat, but insists on piling it up. It's hard to tell her mother that she can't pile it up!
Xiao Ai likes to make clothes for Barbie dolls. Sometimes she cries when she doesn't do well. Mom couldn't help, so she finished it there alone.
Ma Ye's little boy is very stubborn. If his mother can't answer his question, he will find the right answer to tell her even if he digs deep underground.
Sometimes, when my mother sees that he always falls down while learning pulley, she can't help asking him to stop, but he just doesn't listen to you and doesn't come back until he plays outside late. His knees are blue and swollen, which makes my mother feel distressed and sad.
However, Xiao Ai's mother and Ma were also very helpless, saying, "Many times you told them that they wouldn't listen to you, and they always thought they could. In fact, the mother just wants the children to step by step. "
In fact, we can find that such a "stubborn" child often gains a lot in his youth. They have strong hands-on ability and self-confidence ability, have their own opinions and opinions, and will not be easily tempted by the outside world. Of course, it depends on when they can tell the truth clearly, not blindly.
Zheng Banqiao wrote a poem: "I insist on the green hills, but my roots are in the broken rocks. If children are stubborn and tenacious since childhood, they will embark on a sunshine avenue under the correct guidance of their parents.
At the beginning of the 20th century, Kurt Lewin, a psychologist, observed many times during the meal and found that many waiters could easily remember the bills of customers who didn't pay. For those who have paid, as long as the bill has been sold, it will soon be forgotten.
This led him to speculate: "Many adults and children will be obsessed with things that have not met their expectations and cannot forget them. They always want to finish them well and achieve their goals. Behind this persistence is the driving force for us to pursue complete satisfaction. Here is a technical term: "psychological tension"
Another experiment was done by Russian psychologist Zigennik. She assigned a series of different assignments to 65,438+028 children. Some children finished all their homework, while others were asked to stop halfway. Experiments show that the children of the former have little impression of their homework after a long time, while some children of the latter have fresh memories of that day's homework.
This is the famous purple Genik effect. We humans always want to finish one thing, and we will never forget the unfinished work.
If parents' children do things without tails, give up halfway, and are careless and not serious, it is weak psychological tension; And if some children do things from beginning to end and don't completely give up or even stick to their own ideas, it is a strong psychological tension.
Such a child's character is not a defect, but a good sign.
Just like where my father went, Chun Wu's daughter Nene took part in the first Asian competition and worked hard day and night to perform for the first time. Nene is a very strong and obedient little girl, but she felt that she didn't do her best and couldn't win the game, so she couldn't help crying when she stepped down.
Chun Wu wrote that he couldn't help seeing his daughter cry because she didn't try her best, but he would guide Nene: the result is not important, but the process is the most important. "
Anyone who has seen Where is Dad Going can know that Nene is a very sensible and self-reliant child. Adults will do everything they tell her. Although Nene sometimes shed tears because she didn't do well enough, she still gritted her teeth and insisted on doing well.
An American psychologist once did an experiment on a group of children: he gave each child a piece of candy and told them that he would leave for a while and wait until the children came back to eat the candy. If so, he will give them two sweets. The children were full of confidence at first, but gradually they began to waver. Some children can't help eating early. Some children are waiting for a reward.
And after many years, those children who stubbornly don't eat sugar are more likely to succeed than the former!
Because of their inner desire for unfinished things and because they have their own ideas, they will not change their ideas casually because of the temptation of the outside world and the words of others. As they get older, they will know more about what they want and need.
It is this goal and initial intention that will make such children more responsible and responsible. They won't give up at will and have good quality.
"Baby, hurry up and put your toys away. Look, they are everywhere, do you hear? "
"Why are you still playing with puzzles? Come on, don't finish eating. Come over for dinner, you know? "
"Come and do your homework. You just play all day! "
Do your parents feel deja vu about the above words? Do you use imperative passwords on children when you are impatient? At this time, the child will be very unhappy and reluctant, and you will be very unhappy.
So we might as well put ourselves in the children's shoes and communicate with them euphemistically: "Can you do mom a favor? Will you water the flowers on the balcony? " "Look, you've been playing with building blocks for ten minutes, and you'll come and do your homework. Obey! " This effect is definitely much better than the former.
To educate children, we must first think from their perspective and learn to respect them. If stubborn children give them corresponding respect, we must educate them to give them corresponding reason and compromise.
There is no need for a long speech, and there are many rules and regulations that make children disagree, but there must be an important red bottom line for children to understand that crossing the bottom line of parents is very serious. Only in this way can we arouse their vigilance and vigilance. More importantly, parents should set an example and follow a fixed habit order. Only in this way can people be convinced.
It won't be complicated. Parents should choose a fixed time for their families, such as when they have to take a shower and go to bed. When is homework and when is entertainment time; Get up at the latest on weekends. Let children have a fixed life pattern. If the child is worried about unfinished business, parents can give in appropriately and give him a deadline. Don't make a hullabaloo about, because stubborn children are sensitive and independent, which will stimulate their violent factors and lead to the road of no return.
Parents should help their children control their emotions when they are disappointed and stubborn, and don't be unreasonable. You can squat down gently and ask them. If the children make a scene, let them calm down first and ignore him. Then parents can comfort and guide him and tell him softly that it is wrong to do so. When children are very excited to express themselves, parents should listen carefully and understand their own needs and wishes.
No matter children or adults, they will not lose their temper for no reason, and there must be something in their hearts. At this time, as long as the parents are serious and gentle, the children will say it.
Stubborn children are willing to get to the bottom of a question; Have your own bottom line and refuse to do things you don't like; When arguing with others, you have your own opinions and can argue according to reason. But parents can't give their children unreasonable stubbornness and unreasonable troubles, and they are doomed to suffer if they don't listen to good words. Parents are their children's first school, so they should guide their children correctly and embark on a correct and healthy development path.
I am Nemo's mother and the mother of a 4-year-old baby. In the process of raising and educating children, you can ask me any questions. I hope my advice can help you solve the confusion and troubles in the process of taking care of your baby and let our children grow up better!