I motioned for them to continue writing. In less than two minutes, they put down their pens and began to play with compasses and triangles.
I asked Xiaoqiu softly, "Xiaoqiu, is it difficult to copy words?" "
Xiaoqiu said, "It's not difficult. I just don't want to copy. "
I swallowed my anger and said, "Your literacy is very small, and you still refuse to copy words. What kind of homework do you want to do? " "
I don't want to do any homework. Xiaoqiu said casually.
"Well, since you don't want to do your homework, I'll come to class. Just move the table to the corner behind the classroom and let the bunch of brooms play with you!" I turned up the volume and said angrily.
What method should I use to communicate with these two children who refuse to study hard, so that they can get on the right track of learning?
In the book Non-violent Communication, the author Marshall? Dr. Luxembourg introduced us to a way of communication. According to it, listening to it can make people contact each other and live in harmony. This kind of communication is non-violent communication. The language of this way of communication is called "the language of love".
Marshall? Dr. Luxembourg is the founder and director of educational services of the Center for Non-violent Communication of the International Peace Building Organization. He not only taught people how to make their personal lives more harmonious and beautiful, but also solved many conflicts and disputes around the world. He is full of spiritual energy and tells us how to create a more peaceful and satisfactory world.
1. The harm of violent communication
Where there is nonviolent communication, there is violent communication.
What is the spread of violence?
Speaking of "violence", people think of male chauvinism in solving family conflicts by force. However, "violent communication" does not necessarily mean that violence really exists.
Violent communication is a way of communication that brings emotional and mental trauma through denial, ridicule, preaching, and casual interruption, judgment, neglect and non-response. It is often called "violent language" or "verbal violence".
This kind of verbal violence may be unintentional or intentional, which will make people become indifferent and hostile and more painful than physical injury.
According to this definition, my last sentence above, asking Xiaoqiu to move the desk to the corner of the classroom, belongs to violent language, because it means threatening.
There are too many violent exchanges in life.
When the child is disobedient, the mother said angrily, "If you are disobedient, the mother will not want you."
Grandson kept crying, and grandma threatened her grandson, "If you cry again, I'll throw you out the door and let the wolf eat you!" " "
When the couple quarreled, the husband said, "You don't care about your family and your children all day. If you don't want to live, roll! "
Language violence in life really hurts. Absurdity, negativity, preaching, interruption, refusal to respond, and random output of comments and conclusions will all bring us emotional and spiritual trauma and can overthrow a person's will.
When Xiaowen was in the fifth grade, I took over her class. This is an introverted and very smart girl. One day, when I was correcting her composition, I found another folded manuscript paper in my book. More than 300 words of self-accusation were written on the manuscript paper.
It turns out that since the second grade, several boys in the class have given Xiaowen an ugly and insulting nickname. As long as they leave the campus, those boys will always call Xiaowen's nickname. Xiaowen has cried many times about this.
I looked for an opportunity to communicate with Xiaowen, and after a few words of comfort, I asked her why it took three years to tell the teacher. Xiaowen told me that she had told her former teacher, but the teacher criticized the boys directly in class. After that, they became more presumptuous, threatened her and even encouraged more people to call Xiaowen's nickname.
Xiaowen became unhappy under the verbal violence of those boys, and even asked her mother that she didn't want to go to school.
Later, I found those boys. They were smart enough to put themselves in others' shoes and finally stopped them from giving others nicknames.
It can be seen that violent communication hurts people more mentally than physically.
2. Non-violent communication, the transmission of love
(1) The characteristics of nonviolent communication.
Violent communication uses "violent language" instead of non-violent communication, and uses "language of love".
Non-violent communication guides us to change the way we speak and listen, so that we no longer react in a conditioned way, but show our observations, feelings and wishes and use language consciously.
Using nonviolent communication can not only make us express ourselves honestly and clearly, but also respect and listen to others. Every time we interact, we can hear the deep breathing of ourselves and others, which urges us to observe carefully, find out the behaviors and events that are affecting us, and put forward clear requirements.
For example, when a child loses his temper and throws toys everywhere, his mother observes them carefully and then says in a calm tone, "You are very angry and want to vent your dissatisfaction by throwing toys, right?" Mom understands how you feel. "
Children will soon calm down when they hear such calm words. At this time, my mother went on to say, "I feel sorry for you, because you threw away your toys, and you won't have any toys to play with in the future." Now, what should we do? "
I believe that in this loving language, children will soon pick up their toys and put them back in their original positions.
People often say, "Love can heal the wounds of the soul." "
Non-violent communication is a good book, which can help us discover the beauty and strength of life, not only heal our inner wounds, but also heal the wounds in our interpersonal relationships.