Few people who study psychology don't know Li Zixun. Many people embark on the road of psychological counseling, precisely because they watched CCTV psychological interviews when they were teenagers, surrounded by this gentle, intelligent and romantic person, who always smiles like a teenager and is compassionate. From this, I know a new world and understand that people's hearts need to be cared for and watered with love as often as a garden.

I am surprised to learn that Mr. Wang passed away, which is believed to be a bolt from the blue for most psychology colleagues and enthusiasts. Before, I could hear my husband's understanding of psychology and family education in his eyes from his unique warm voice in class. The phrase "gentle persistence" has been deeply imprinted in my mind and has become an anchor for my education of children.

Teacher Li is not only a specially invited psychologist on CCTV's Psychological Interview, Tell the Truth, and Beijing TV's Psychological Time, but also a columnist in magazines such as Parents Must Read, Psychological Monthly and Girlfriend.

His main idea is rooted in postmodern philosophy, and he advocates that children's education should follow the law of natural development, that is, education cannot ignore the gradual and individual development of children's psychological and behavioral development.

In modern society, with the rapid development of science and technology, the requirements of society for children are more eager for quick success and instant benefit. Society expects children to "clone" a good child according to the model of social reality. Such demands will inevitably ignore children's own development needs, ignore the growth of children's personality, suppress children's nature, and create a variety of problem children.

However, if children develop freely according to their nature, some children will not adapt to various relationships in society, and there will be many problems in entering society in the future. In the final analysis, the purpose of education itself is to cultivate useful people who can promote social development, rather than a person with only primitive personality.

So, how do parents find a balance between these two methods?

Therefore, in the book "Family Makes Children", Mr. Li Zixun did not give several seemingly ingenious methods of educating children like other books, but made a relatively detailed comb of his understanding of children and his requirements for family from the post-modern perspective.

Parents or psychologists who expect to attach importance to children's education can find that balance point from the perspective of children and families after reading this book.

Following this logic, this book is divided into two parts, which are discussed from the perspectives that children need to follow the law of natural development and the role of family in children's education.

The last article can be summarized by four key words. That is "natural laws", "ideas", "rules" and "emotions".

In the "laws of nature" section, Teacher Li spent a lot of time introducing and explaining the laws of children's brain development and intellectual development.

Then, from several aspects of the general children's development period-"attachment period", "separation period" and "madness period", it is expounded that children will have various problems in different development periods. If we understand the development law, we will not be crazy because of this or that behavior, but will treat them rationally.

For example, children in attachment period have poor sleep, children in separation period have poor independence, and children in crazy transition period are uncertain. By analyzing these cases, readers can understand well that it is very important to understand the natural laws of children's development.

In the "concept" part, the essence of teacher Li's post-modern thought is fully displayed. Although there is no long-winded theoretical exposition, we can grasp this idea well from the incisive analysis of each case.

Children may have various problems in the process of growing up. For example, what if children often make mistakes and get hurt? It doesn't make sense, do you want to fight; How to manage a wide range of interests and frequent changes; How to cultivate good study habits and so on.

If we just look at these problems, we may also be confused. How to deal with them? In Mr. Li's eyes, he always looks at the problems in children's growth from a developmental perspective, and has been guiding readers to form such a view in easy-to-understand language: don't rush to solve problems when you see them, you should see that these behaviors of children have their own development reasons, and finding the reasons behind them is the cornerstone for properly handling problems.

In the "Rules" section, Teacher Li introduced a case in which a 7-year-old child was out of control, reminding readers that the establishment of rules awareness has its best period. If you miss this period, don't pursue the reason, but feel the present mood. Is the child's kinetic energy not released enough? Or is the child's desire not satisfied? In addition, we should realize that children's aggression is a kind of life energy, and guiding it to other aspects will also have excellent consequences.

Later, Teacher Li pointed out that it is better for children to establish their own inner rules than those imposed by the outside world. In the process of establishing rules, we still can't jump out of the natural law of children's development.

In the "Emotion" part, it is still based on the natural laws of the first part, so that readers can understand how to observe children's emotions and help children identify, express, self-channel and manage their emotions.

A principle implied in these four parts is that parents should follow the basic laws of children's brain and intelligence development when facing their children, and at the same time respect the different personality characteristics of each child's development. Don't judge children with your own values, and don't think that children's views are correct. Instead, it is necessary to "learn to feel rather than understand children, learn to interact with feelings, learn to accept and share, and learn to choose and sell their own life philosophy and suggestions without values."

The second part emphasizes the important role of family in the process of educating children. The problem-solving structure is relatively simple.

Teacher Li Zixun emphasized the important role of family in children's education, mainly based on his view that family is a system. He never treats children's problems in isolation, nor does he think that it is necessary to distinguish right from wrong in the relationship between children and parents. On the contrary, he observed the problem in the system, and looked at the situation where the problem occurred, the conditions for maintaining the problem and how the problem changed the family reality and family rules.

Based on this central point of view, the next chapter mainly focuses on the above three issues.

This paper introduces three common problem patterns in family relations with three cases-"marriage tendency", "alliance between mother and child" and "excessive independence of parents".

These three typical family relationship models have caused different typical problem children.

The following chapters, using the consultant's case as a way of presentation, are slightly professional, but I believe parents should have no obstacles in reading.

Judging from the situation of children's problems, Teacher Li thinks that parents should be willing to be the soil for children's growth rather than the reins. As a system, the family will inevitably have an expectation for the younger generation. This unconscious expectation will bind the family, form pressure and bondage on the children, just like the reins of a horse, which will make the children unable to grow up freely.

The reason why children's problems are maintained is often related to parents' loyalty to the family culture in which they grew up.

Our parents have only received the education of materialistic philosophy since childhood, and their brains are locked in the value system of right and wrong, right and wrong, true and false, beauty and ugliness, lacking more ways of communication under the guidance of philosophy. Many of them are just a matter of cultural diversity, which turns into a question of right and wrong.

In addition, some stubborn views on children in eastern culture also exert a subtle influence on the family atmosphere, making it difficult for children to change in this fixed family.

For example, parents are afraid of their children's pride, parents make decisions for their children, and parents worry that their children will make mistakes and become talents.

I recommend you to read Li Zixun's book Family Makes Children.