Text/Yan Yuan, Executive Director of Chaoyang Psychological Counseling Center Hello, Teacher Wei, I am a virgin, my girlfriend is not a virgin, what should I do if I am so miserable! I can't get over it. When I am together, I will forget all the pain. But after the separation, I began to think about this problem. I know this society doesn't talk about it, but I just can't help it. I'll always think about her having sex with the last man. I want to throw up! I won't part with her! I'd rather have my heart broken. I don't want another man to go my way after separation. I love her. I know this is my idea. I want to ask the teacher how to solve my psychological obstacle. I want an effective way to heal my love story. I will ignore it like a very small thing when I bring it up in the future. Thank you teacher! Hello, I saw your question and understood your struggle. In fact, in this extremely realistic country, you are not the only one who has a virgin complex. The virgin complex is a struggle between men. A few days ago, I wrote the words "when I know my girlfriend is not a virgin", just to tell you a basic truth: the problem of virginity is essentially a patriarchal problem. As soon as the article was posted, I didn't expect everyone to pay so much attention to this "hymen" problem. Many friends left messages at the back of the article, expressing their enthusiasm for continuing to discuss this issue. I'm grateful for that. But there are also some individuals who fall into the misunderstanding of male chauvinism and abuse girls who have lost their hymens. This really makes me sad, so write another paragraph here to exchange views with you. In this world, there are two kinds of people with different biological sexes: men and women. In the past, at the level of productivity, whoever had physical strength could get more labor products. Men are physically stronger than women and have no worries about pregnancy and child-rearing, so men get more labor products through labor. Men attract and possess their own "women" by virtue of their material wealth. Men conquer women by conquering the world. Women are helpless and can only conquer the world by conquering men. On the surface, this constitutes a four-party interest circle, each in its place, which seems to be a fair deal. However, in terms of power, this is unfair. Men oppress women through their power. Male chauvinism is a kind of culture, which is formed on the basis of the old productivity level. When the boy fell from childhood and was about to cry, he was taught by his parents that "men should not cry." When the boy grew up, people around him kept telling him, "My hero, be strong" and "Work hard and you will win!" "Good men don't fight women" (in fact, men only fight men). This makes men have been instilled and accepted such values from a very young age, even before they know what a patriarchal culture is. Therefore, in this world, there are two kinds of men and women with different social and cultural genders. In this social and cultural background, men rely on the power given by their social culture to require their girlfriends to be virgins; In fact, the hymen of a girl who is not a virgin is destroyed by a man. This is how the hymen problem arises in the competition between male-dominated culture and men. Men are selfish in competition. The trouble caused by making men's "hymen problem" has greatly hurt women and men themselves. Because, when men attach importance to the hymen and rob it, when men accuse a girl of not being a virgin, it is actually a struggle between men, killing each other and robbing it. As a result, women get hurt and men lose both. However, men refuse to admit that this is their own problem, but turn anger and fear into curses and point them at girls. This seems to make men respect each other and live in the world with dignity. When men unite to abuse girls who are not virgins, the direct struggles and conflicts between men will be reduced and they can shake hands and make peace with each other. But that's how men treat girls, saying that girls are not virgins, but girls are the most injured. They have become the prey of men's struggle in a patriarchal society and the victims of men's struggle with each other. Every man in a patriarchal society seems to require girls to be virgins. If she is not a virgin, she will not love this girl any more. When he knew that the girl was a virgin, he thought she was cute. At this time, the man did not take the initiative to help protect her hymen. On the contrary, he wants to take away her hymen and make her no longer a virgin. When a man has a hymen, he no longer loves this girl, making this "lovely virgin" a girl who is scolded by everyone and no longer loved by men. Every time a man gets a hymen, he will turn a girl from "cute" to "disgusting". Undoubtedly, women who are not virgins are still lovely, but men with "hymen complex" only care about maintaining their private rights, but they don't know how to love these women, which eventually makes men lose the opportunity and ability to love and the woman they really love. This is really sad! Therefore, it can be said that there is something wrong with men's production, which hurts women and men themselves! Men's "hymen complex" actually has its psychological basis and is understandable. Because, when a man no longer loves a girl who has lost her hymen, when a man is anxious, upset and unable to extricate himself, when a man shows abuse and anger to a girl who is not a virgin, in fact, deep down, he feels that he has lost, lost, and lost to another man who took the girl's hymen first. Although this happened in different historical time and space, men still feel very lost and feel that they have lost to a man who has seized the girl's virginity in another time and space. Competition may be a man's nature, but it is also a woman's nature. Equality between men and women seems understandable. However, what makes people feel unbalanced is why men ask women to be virgins, but women can't force men to be "virgins" ! Competition is inevitable in human society. I think competition is possible. Men can shoot each other and fight to the death, instead of taking it out on women and targeting them. Of course, there can be competition between men and women, but competition must be fair competition on the basis of equality between men and women. Men cannot be asked to be virgins, but women cannot be asked to be "virgins". Finally, I deeply respect the girls who have lost their hymens, because they know love, because when they meet love, they won't care about the hymen anymore, because they know that love itself is more important than the hymen, even more important than life. Therefore, when they meet the man they really love, they will be desperate to love and even sacrifice their "virgin destiny". Therefore, men, we should pay tribute to such a girl! Of course, when I say to pay tribute to non-virgins, I don't mean that virgins are bad and not worthy of tribute, and they must be asked to become non-virgins. Because, fundamentally speaking, we should not respect non-virgins or virgins, but should respect the different choices of all women, whether to choose to remain virgins all their lives or when and where to take out their hymens. This is their own choice. Facing their bodies, they have the final choice. We should respect women's right to choose body and love, and respect women's freedom of will! I admire a girl who once told me that "the hymen is mine and I can use it whenever I want, instead of keeping it as a gift for men". In fact, whether a girl is a virgin or not, she is our own flesh and blood. Men should learn from women, love and respect from women, and love and respect women in the way that women love men and respect men's height. Teacher Wei introduced: Executive Director of Yanyuan Bos Chaoyang Psychological Counseling Center, member of Beijing Mental Health Association, executive deputy director of Yanyuan Bos Psychological Counseling Center, senior training lecturer of Yanyuan Bos Enterprise Psychological Counseling Center, youth counseling and training center, and Wei, a graduate student majoring in psychological counseling and psychotherapy in Institute of Psychology, Chinese Academy of Sciences, thinks that every parent is a "poor person". However, is everything parents do really useful for their children's growth? Loving children is the nature, obligation and responsibility of every parent, but love needs methods. For parents, love plus the right method will give wings to their children's growth; Love combined with the wrong method will put an invisible yoke on children's progress. It can even be said that parents' ignorant love is the biggest harm to children's growth. There are no unsuccessful children, only unsuccessful parents. In a very classic sentence, every child can succeed. A gifted child has no reason to be buried, unless his parents have not mastered the correct educational methods and cultivated their children's correct study and living habits. Yanyuan Bos Chaoyang Psychological Counseling Center: Center Introduction: Yanyuan Bos Chaoyang Sub-center is a direct organization of Yanyuan Bos Peking University Headquarters.