Tell a stand-up comedy. I didn't mean cross talk before. When I was a child, my family was helpless. After studying for a few days, I found a place for my apprentice. It's my first time to make an antique shop. Theoretically, antique shops are really knowledgeable, and there is a lot of knowledge in them. After studying for more than a year, I learned to hold a child without learning anything else. At home, I watched my teacher and mother hold the baby all day, but I couldn't learn anything, so I asked someone to send me to learn to cook, which is now a cook. It took me more than a year to peel onions and garlic! Later, I thought it was good to say cross talk. It happened that my teacher lived in one of our hutongs, so I said to my family, "I'll talk about cross talk." But the teacher didn't accept it, so how did he accept it later? Because of this, the teacher saw that I had enough cross talk material and had to accept me as an apprentice.

What happened? There is a wood shop in the Hutongkou where we live, selling tables, chairs and benches. The shopkeeper has a nickname "Laobaigan". On the one hand, he is a good drinker and quite fierce. Drink when you get up, get drunk when you drink, sleep when you are drunk, play when you wake up, and feel uncomfortable when you lose, so you have to drink; If you win money, you will feel happy and drink more. Secondly, it is said that this manned space is hotter than dry in vain, and the Erguotou is only 65 degrees. His white work is enough 108 degrees, not to mention how harsh he is on people.

There are two people working for him in his cupboard. From the first day of the first month to the thirtieth day of the twelfth month, he didn't earn much money, and he still didn't have enough to eat every day. In this way, tempting still feel not, want to want to go, want to find an apprentice, the workers dispersed. Why do old white-collar workers leave their jobs to find apprentices? Because the apprentice just eats and wears, has no salary, eats porridge and rotten vegetables, and wears his own rags. According to the rules, an apprentice has to study for three years. In fact, one year, the apprentice can work, and the remaining two years are all for nothing. The apprentice can serve him. He is quite evil when he is looking for his apprentice. He is always afraid that his apprentice will steal his desk, chair and bench. Of course, no one can chew it. He is most afraid of stealing his wine. Therefore, in addition to demanding conditions, he also asked his disciples face to face. The method of taking an examination of apprentices in Laobaigan is very simple, but it is quite special. Some of them failed.

The first one was recommended by his family. He asked, "Would you like to be an apprentice with me?" "Yes, I have." "Let me show you something." As he spoke, Laobaigan turned around, took out a bottle of white wine from the cupboard and shouted at the child, "What do you think this is?" When the child saw that the bottle label said Shanxi Fenjiu, he said, "It's Shanxi Fenjiu."

"Ah, I know the wine and the place of origin!" Tempting to himself:No.. The child added, "It's famous for nothing."

Ah, just call me by my nickname! Not to mention.

The introducer brought the child back and complained, "Why do you call the shopkeeper's nickname in front of him?" He can still accept you! "You said the child wronged enough!

A few days later, someone recommended another one to him. Laobaigan also asked, "Would you like to be an apprentice with me?" "yes." "Let me show you something." Laobaigan took out a bottle of yellow wine from the cupboard this time: "What do you think this is?" "This is Shao Chen, also known as Carved Flowers." "Ah! You know the other name of wine, and you know the name. Don't! Don't! " The introducer said: This shopkeeper has drunk too much again! Why don't you do it well?

As far as he is concerned, he has failed several times in succession. And then it reached my ears. I said to my family, "I am an apprentice in a carpenter's shop." The family said, "That won't do. The old white-collar worker is too spicy for the workers, and no one can stand being his apprentice. " I said, "I can stand it." "He doesn't care whether he is full or not!" I said, "Never mind." "He has to take the exam." I said, "I went, and I got in." When you see that your family is going, ask someone to recommend you. After I went to the wood shop with the introducer, it was still the same to me.

"Would you like to be an apprentice with me?"

"Ah."

"Can you stand it?"

"I have never enjoyed happiness."

"Let me show you something." He also slipped out a bottle of white dry wine from the cupboard: "What is this?"

I looked at the label and shook my head. "I don't know."

"well! Interesting. " Go back and take out a bottle of yellow wine; "What is this?"

I still shook my head: "I don't know."

"hmm!" Laobaigan opened the bottle cap and put the bottle on my chest: "What did you ask?"

I stuck out my nose and sniffed, frowned and stepped back.

"What is the smell?

"Horse urine!"

"good! All right! It's you, but you found a good apprentice! Great! "

The introducer was nearby, angry and laughing, and said, what's wrong with this vain job? Treat wine like horse urine and scold you, but you want it. Indeed, everyone has it.

Since then, I have been working as a carpenter's apprentice. This guy is good enough. Get up at night, go to bed in the middle of the night, and have not eaten enough. An old man is good at playing cards, but he doesn't come back until twelve o'clock every day. I have to wait for the door. He comes back at midnight, and I have to make tea for him. He also said, "How many briquettes have you burned these days?" You have to save some. "I said," alas. "

One day, he came back at dawn and I didn't make a fire. In the past, I saw Laobaigan sleeping soundly in bed, with his mouth still red, talking in his sleep on the whiteboard. I went up to him and said, "Boss! Wake up, shopkeeper! " Laobaigan turned over and rubbed his eyes: "What's the matter?" I said, "Boss, didn't you ask me to save some coal?" I counted 48 briquettes just now, and they were all burned. ""oh! Why are you telling me this? You are deliberately causing trouble. Let's go Let's go "From now on, he will never talk about coal consumption again.

On this day, Laobaigan won the money, bought an old hen, a piece of ham and two bottles of wine, and planned to have a big meal. As soon as he woke up, his poker friends came to him to play cards. He won the money and was thinking about it, so he went with his friend who played cards. When he left, he said to me, "I went to play cards and will be back tomorrow morning." Be careful of the door on the counter. Did you get a look at him? This is a ham. Hang it on the wall and be careful not to be stolen by the cat. ""alas! "

"And the old hen in the backyard, don't let rhubarb dog next door eat it!" "alas!" Then he pointed to the cupboard door: "I have two bottles of things in my cupboard, so pay special attention." They are-two bottles of poison. A bottle of red arsenic; A bottle of green arsenic. Eat dead, don't move! " "alas." "Remember?" Remember. "Say that finish, he went away.

After he left, I knew he had to come back at dawn. I thought: I have learned so much here that I can't learn any more. I caught an old hen in the backyard and ran to a restaurant in an alley with ham. I often go to this restaurant to beg for food for old white-collar workers, and I know them very well. As soon as I entered the door, I said, "Boss, our boss said that a batch of wood has recently arrived and we have run out. I'll leave you a chopping block. Our shopkeeper said that there is an old hen for you to clean up and a ham for you to chop. "

"good! All right! Ok! " The owner of the restaurant coveted a chopping block and took the chicken and ham. At that time, the chicken was slaughtered, the hair was washed, the chamber was opened, and the ham was chopped into pieces. After I took it back, I stewed chicken and steamed ham. After a while, the ham was rotten and the chicken was cooked. I took out two bottles of wine, one is "Zhuangyuan Red" and the other is "Grape Green". I ate and drank, but soon the bowl was dry, the plates were clean and the bottles were empty. Pack up your belongings, throw away the bones, pour the wine bottle on the ground, and lie on the bed in vain and fall asleep.

Dawn, tempting to lose everything, with a full back. I smelled alcohol as soon as I entered the door. When I went in, I found myself lying in bed, sleeping soundly. Two empty wine bottles fell to the ground and looked up at the wall. The ham is missing. When I ran to the backyard, I found the old hen missing. Laobaigan this gas; "oh! You are all open! " Come and slap me: "Get up! Wake up! Get up! "

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. As soon as I saw that I came for nothing, I pretended to cry: "Boss, can you come back?"

"If I don't come back and die outside, why are you crying!"

"Boss, listen to me."

"What to say! Where's my chicken? "

"Yes, you listen to me! After you left, I was watching business when I heard chickens crowing in the backyard. I went to have a look. It was rhubarb dog next door who took the chicken away. Of course I wanted to catch up, but I didn't catch up; When I came back, I found that the cat had stolen ham again. I think: I lost my chicken and ham. You must hit me when you come back. what can I do? Then I remembered the two bottles of poison you said, and I thought, I will die! I drink the green bottle first, but there is nothing wrong with it, and then I drink the red bottle. Don't hit me, manned! "

Hearing this, Laobaigan was so angry that he couldn't tell it was wine. He stamped his foot with anger: "Hey! All right! -You! -Hello! "

At this time, I am still angry with him. I said, "How can I not die after drinking two bottles of poison from the shopkeeper?"

"ah! Immortality-immortality, that's not enough medicine! "

"The medicine is not strong enough, please give me two more bottles!"