Even if the external self is integrated with this society, I don't know who is loving my inner loneliness.
* * * Love is a necessity in people's life now. How to communicate with each other? How to really communicate with each other?
Especially for some highly sensitive people, * * * emotional communication is a good healing method. * * * Where does emotional communication need to start? Communication, only by communicating with each other can both sides have a sense of * * *.
So what is emotional communication?
Eells Sander, a famous Danish psychotherapist, said: "* * * Emotional communication means that the listener feels deeply about the experience of the confidante, guides the confidante to go deep into his inner world, finds out the root of the problem, and influences and changes him."
Eells Sander is not only a famous Danish psychotherapist, but also a lecturer in psychological counseling, supervision and training. For this reason, she compiled this book, Emotional Communication, for people who are highly sensitive and inarticulate.
This book combines the real cases she has contacted for many years and introduces many ways and means of emotional communication, which has benefited many people, especially those with high sensitivity.
This book puts forward three concepts about emotional communication, which are based on psychological knowledge, including:
1. With the help of the words and deeds of the listener, the listener goes deep into the other person's heart to understand his feelings and thoughts.
With the help of knowledge and experience, the listener has mastered the connection between the character of the confidante and his experience.
3. Listeners convey their feelings to each other, thus influencing each other and getting happiness.
This is a book that both the narrator and the listener are very similar, because everyone is a narrator and a listener.
The book Love Communication combines many practical cases and practical methods to explain things in simple terms and answer questions for those in need.
This book was praised by the British newspaper The Guardian: it captured the night view of England.
This book was praised by the California Reading Newspaper: it is a magical book, which can make you feel the same way about other people's experiences and make others open their hearts to you.
This book was praised by The New York Times: in some ways, the truth contained in this book reflects the enduring wisdom of life. If you can follow the instructions in this book, you will certainly improve your communication skills.
There are all kinds of magazines and so on.
For * * * emotional communication, we must face it positively to find problems, see our own desires and the desires of the other party, and find out where we need * * *.
A deep understanding of vision and personal energy can shape a brand-new self.
A, * * * emotional communication is no echo.
Many times, we achieve a certain goal as soon as possible for efficiency or hope. There are a large number of listeners who like to echo their voices, not connecting with reality, not looking at the essence of things, and blindly echoing their confidants.
It often appears: yes, you are right, you are absolutely right, and so on.
If you let this listener talk, please tell me what I said just now. Why is it right or wrong? It is estimated that this audience will be stunned.
How to achieve * * * emotional communication? As a listener, make sure that what the speaker says is consistent with what you understand.
The author of this book tells us one way: retelling.
Retelling this method seems simple, but it can bring good results.
Advantages of retelling: it can coordinate the opportunity for listeners and confidants to create synchronization and reduce the rhythm of daily speaking.
When retelling, we don't let the listener say word by word. We divide it into several small fragments to make the words more concise and repeat the most important sentences.
When retelling, the listener should not mix his own thoughts, and try to restore the meaning of the speaker as much as possible.
The listener's retelling will play an important role. When it comes from the listener's mouth, the confidante will look into the listener's eyes and judge whether the listener has accepted their views.
When the listener shows respect and understanding to the talker, the talker will open his heart and speak freely. When you become more comfortable in conversation, you also increase your energy to actively find solutions to problems.
From the book "The Case":
Annie: When I went back to my parents' house last Friday, I saw my father lying in an armchair. His face was sad and tired. I went over and gave him a hug, but it felt like holding a piece of wood.
Audience: You just told me that I saw my father lying in an armchair when I came home last Friday. He looks tired and his face is full of sadness. You go over and give him a hug. But it feels like holding a piece of wood.
Annie: Yes. Then I went into the kitchen and asked my mother how everything was. She turned and left without saying a word. I was angry at first, but later I found her sobbing there.
Audience: You go into the kitchen and ask your mother about it. She turned away, which made you angry, but then she cried.
Annie: Yes, I let go of my mother in an instant. I tried to give her a hug, but I was pushed away. She said, "Your father is seriously ill. It's no use crying any more." Nothing can be done now, but you can only choose to endure it. "
Audience: You let go of your mother, thinking that her hug was pushed away. He said that your father was seriously ill, and it was no use crying again. She had to accept this heavy reality.
After retelling, the listener can confirm to the listener through this question: "Did I get to the point, or did I miss something?"
When the listener and the confidante express the same meaning, the listener will better empathize, understand and think about the problems arising.
When the conversation slows down, the mood will also become stable and more willing to restore a more authentic self.
Listeners are more empathetic.
Second, emotional communication is sympathy, not perfunctory.
People pay more and more attention to efficiency, so many times we often ignore the great role of sympathy. Many people long for sympathy, but they are often not satisfied. Expressing sympathy for the other party is the best gift, which may give the other party a brand-new self-awareness and confidence in living themselves.
In many emotional puzzle programs, there are many such scenes. When the confidante finished talking about her bad situation, the host would say at the first time, "You are really not easy, and I can deeply understand your difficulties."
This is a kind of affection, empathy, I understand, I feel it, and so on.
Instead of a simple sentence or two, perfunctory each other.
When the listener's empathy makes the talker feel sincere, the talker will show more information and ideas.
Example in the excerpt:
Hans: I'm not sure if my marriage will last.
Audience: You must feel very painful.
Hans: Yes (with tears in his eyes)
Therefore, the listener should try to have an emotional voice with the confidante. Explain that the listener understands the feelings of the talker and agrees with the ideas that the talker has now.
Let the listener and confidante shorten the unfamiliar distance and gain more trust and support.
The listener guides the confidante out of her negative emotions or actions, instead of becoming an ally of the confidante and flowing into the gloomy whirlpool together.
Third, * * * emotional communication is not only good listening, but also can't be led by the other person's emotions.
If the speaker is a highly sensitive person, then the listener should pay attention to the following points:
1, keep a certain distance from your confidante.
When the listener keeps a certain distance from the confidante, the listener can better observe the confidante from multiple angles.
2. Don't be influenced by the emotion of confidante.
When the communication between the listener and the confidante is a little tired, stop appropriately, and at the same time, the two can sit still for a short time to rest their brains. After the brain has a rest, it will listen and empathize better, and finally achieve the most appropriate guidance.
Listeners should not let emotional contagion, a confidante, be you, because it is meaningless to be a listener, and at the same time, you can't extricate yourself from the emotional whirlpool.
3. Build the confidence of confidante.
Help the talker find his own bright spot and see his own powerful strength. If the confidante keeps the opposite attitude, you can try to make him grateful and let him know that there are still many people in the world who need help, so please take care of yourself first.
The book Emotional Communication is a book suitable for both bosom friends and listeners. The cases and solutions in the book will benefit you a lot.
When you have the energy of emotional communication, you will see yourself differently, and you will be willing to help more people and make yourself happy.
I wish you something in the book * * * Emotional Communication. You can help yourself and others at the same time, and then you will experience the joy of emotional communication.