My name is Ouyang, 199 1. On February 4th, I was born in a small county in Shangrao, Jiangxi.
My mother gave birth to a boy, that is, my brother, but he died of hypoxia not long after he was born. Although I was sad at that time, I was very helpless! At that time, I happened to catch up with my uncle and gave birth to a daughter. I'm going to throw it away without discussion. My grandmother didn't want to give up, so she had to let my mother raise it. Maybe I just took over because of the pain of losing my son.
My sister comes home at the full moon, and her parents regard her as their own. On the one hand, it may be because of the guilt of my brother who died young, and on the other hand, it is because of my uncle's example. My great uncle was adopted by my grandmother, who always regarded her as her own. She likes her very much for fear of discord. My mother has been in contact since she was a child, which is probably the reason.
Three years later, my mother gave birth to me, girl! The second girl in the family! Coupled with family planning, I was thrown into the field as soon as I was born. Six hours later, my dad went to bring it back. So far, he hasn't told me the reason, and no one at home has mentioned it. A year later, I gave birth to my younger brother, a family of five! At that time, if you were willing to work in the countryside, you would at least be hungry.
My mother has been critical of me since she was a child, but she always listens to my sister. Apart from material differences, verbal slander has become a lingering shadow of my childhood.
She often calls me an animal, but I don't know what I did wrong. I remember one winter night, my mother's back hurt so much that everyone else fell asleep. I was the only one who got up and asked her, helped her pinch her back, and called me that the next day.
At home, I believe in Buddhism. I bought a 20-yuan safety lamp at that time. I found the names of four people in my family on a 2-meter-high lighthouse, but there was no me. I asked my mother why there was no me. She said flatly, "You won't die. Buying safety is a waste of money."
In 2003, my father was addicted to gambling and there was no income at home. That year, my sister 15 years old, because she had no money to drop out of school and work in Nanchang Hotel. Since then, I have inexplicably become a thorn in my mother's side. I didn't know until I grew up that spending money on my own study added a great burden and pressure to my family. During that time, what she told me most every day was that she would go to work after finishing junior high school, earn money to go home, and then find a mason or carpenter to marry.
I have been doing well in junior high school, which has become my mother's heart disease. She was afraid that I wouldn't have the money to pay my tuition after I entered school, and even if I did, I couldn't be sorry for my sister who dropped out of school. At that time, in order to make my mother happy, I have been helping my family to do all kinds of work in those years: collecting junk, doing odd jobs, taking care of my brother's diet, farming and so on. Although I work at home the most, I don't feel sad. After all, rural children have been in charge for a long time, and that meeting was simply to help parents reduce their burden.
In 2006, I failed the senior high school entrance examination, but I wanted to study. My mother wouldn't let me study anyway, saying that my sister dropped out of school before finishing junior high school, and she couldn't learn anyway. And I called all my good friends and even teachers to do my ideological work. Even so, I still didn't give up and kept studying, even though my mother said I was nothing every day.
Later, I cried and called to ask my sister if she could study. She told me she could. After my mother knew it, she replied directly, if I study at home, I will be the poorest in the village and will be looked down upon all my life! After listening to it, I was completely desperate. I told my mother that I would earn my own money to study and go out to work the next day.
At that time, I was walking along the rugged path with my worn-out password box. Looking back, I saw my mother smiling happily at the door. I can only cry silently. Nobody saw me off, and nobody said a word to me.
Like other young people in the village, I went to the sock factory where my sister was at that time, a knitting factory in Chencun, Zhuji, Zhejiang. It was July 2006, and I started a day's work in the factory with a hard bench, a table, wrapped socks.
The day after I came in, I began to pack my socks, thinking about making more money and going back to school early. At that time, the salary was almost 800 to 1000 a month. By the piece, I installed a pair of 3 points. I work overtime every day because there is no rest day for my hands and feet. In the first month, I got a salary of more than 700 yuan, and the factory stipulated to pay half and leave half. At that time, my sister helped me get the 500 yuan I sent, because she was here.
I didn't realize that my salary might have been spent by my sister until I got paid to see that she bought a lot of clothes and changed to a new mobile phone worth 1500 at that time. Later, I got up the courage to ask her and told me not to touch my money. Although I doubt it, I can't say anything, but I can only choose to believe what she says.
At that time, it was the happiest thing to get a monthly salary of 10 yuan to eat fried rice cakes, and it was also a one-month reward. At other times, I also scrimp and save money to study. Because I asked my sister to collect money every month, I had no money on me at that time. Usually eating in the factory costs nothing. Occasionally, the workers invited a guest, and I couldn't invite him back. Fortunately, most people are fine.
During that time in the factory, my sister didn't seem to think highly of me, especially when I was at work. She occasionally slanders me in front of everyone, saying that my life is to wrap socks, and being inferior is inferior. If you don't want to be a phoenix, every time you listen to this, you will go to the toilet and secretly cry in the dead of night.
I remember once, the factory was in a hurry to deliver the goods, and we stayed up for three days and nights. In order to earn more money, I only slept for five hours and got up to wrap socks. At that time, I was a model worker. I came the earliest and left the latest. I did everything and my ass was calloused. Both hands were stabbed with a tagged gun, and the blood was blurred.
In this way, I finally went home for the New Year. Sure enough, when the factory paid me, my sister spent all the money she had received before. In the end, I only took 4300 yuan from the factory to go home. Although uncomfortable at that time, but also helpless.
When I got home, I showed my mother the money as a treasure and told her that it was my money for studying. My mother said yes, and said that there were many thieves at home in 2008, so it was safer to leave her money for the time being. I believed it and told me the next day that the money had been paid off, and there was not a penny left! He also said that it was time to earn money to support my family after raising me from a young age to a big one for so many years. I knelt down before my dad and cried and told them that I would be filial to them and repay them in the future. I want to study now! It turned out to be useless. At that time, my mother had found a relative and took me out to work after the Chinese New Year.
Do you know what despair is? After that, I began to be silent. ......
Years later, my cousin and I went to work as assembly line workers (electric irons) in Zhouxiang, Cixi, Zhejiang. At that time, I would buy a lot of books to read by myself. In this regard, my family always gossip that I want to fly and always say that I am disobedient and can't suffer. At that time, I saw through everyone's face and felt more desperate. During that time, I entered a factory and left another factory. My family laughed at me and said I was lazy and useless.
After half a year of tossing and turning, I came to my cousin's house in Taicang, Jiangsu Province in July. On the first day I came, my brother slapped me and said that I had been silent and staring at him, so I could only go to the backyard and cry silently. A few days later, I went to work in a shoe factory (Yusheng, the largest shoe factory in Taicang), and I was still an assembly line worker and a packer. I have to pack 5000 pairs of Anta Li Ning shoes every day, and I don't want to move at the end of the day!
During that time, I was very unsociable. I don't have any friends in the dormitory, and I haven't gone out. I just read a book and go to my brother's house for dinner every Sunday. In fact, he is very nice, but he is a little grumpy. I told my brother that I didn't want to live like this all my life. I want to live in a different way. My brother always advised me not to dream of marrying someone, either a mason or a carpenter. I have always resisted him, saying that even if I can't get married, I won't find anyone casually.
Although he always thinks I am arrogant, he hopes I can really change. Later, he gave me all the books he bought and told me that reading these books could change my fate (Toyota management model, management science, etc. I am very happy and convinced. Similarly, in order to encourage myself, I bought many books on chicken soup. Maybe I was lonely then. Fortunately, my heart is still calm. I found management very interesting when reading books, and slowly began to buy many books on psychology. These books not only make my heart more calm, but also give me some spiritual sustenance.
Reading is the best time in a year in a shoe factory. Then my dad slipped and fell off the roof. Fortunately, it was nothing serious, so I called two thousand to go home. Then my grandfather died, and I took 2000 yuan home to buy a coffin. It seems that something bad has always been with me this year.
During that time, I had nightmares almost every day, and the ghost bed was dark. Someone always wants me to go with him and push me off the cliff. I didn't dare to sleep every day, but I kept chanting Buddha and woke up more than a dozen times at night. My mental state is very bad. Other roommates reported that I was mentally ill. Later, a person was transferred to a dormitory and had no friends, so he could only read in silence.
There were times when I felt I couldn't help it. Fear permeates the whole air and seems to suffocate at any moment. Later, I called my brother and said, If you don't pick me up, I will die. I was standing on the roof, but I didn't want to live. Fortunately, my brother picked me up at midnight.
I slept soundly after that night because my sister-in-law gave me a red rope.
In July of the following year, I left the shoe factory and went to a Japanese-funded enterprise with my sister. As a result, I resigned two months later because a boy I liked offered to help me find a job. I really like him. No one cared about me when I left home to work in other places to earn tuition. Only he has always encouraged me. He was my warmest sunshine that winter. So I listened to his words, immediately resigned and went to Baoding with only 1000 yuan.
I didn't buy a ticket for the 28-hour train. I stood motionless at the door of the bathroom. Although I am very tired, I am still looking forward to it. I think there is hope at last. When I got off the train and saw him, I couldn't hold back my tears. Later, I came to the place where I lived with him. I knew it was a pyramid scheme and followed it for three days. Later, I told him privately that we would go together and pretend nothing happened. He was heavily brainwashed at that time and firmly believed that staying here would make a lot of money. I must believe him.
I couldn't help it, so I found an opportunity to secretly call my brother and tell him that I was cheated into pyramid schemes (the mobile phone was still working when I first entered), and my brother told my mother. Later, I heard that my mother informed all the people who had contact with me or had a good relationship at that time, telling them that I had entered the pyramid scheme, and she would not care if I borrowed money, so she let me die in the pyramid scheme, saying that I had never given a penny to my family for so many years. ......
In fact, although I entered the pyramid scheme at that time, I never thought about who to borrow money from. I didn't want to mention how sad it was to hear my mother say that, and I felt desperate! As for the rumor of being raped at home later, it has completely killed my heart and I can only bear it silently. Maybe this is my life!
A few days after I entered MLM, I told him to go, hoping to go with me. Unfortunately, I didn't do it. At that time, he had not listened to advice and was still dreaming of making a fortune. I can only get on the train back to Kunshan alone. At that time, the MLM organization asked me to go, which was not too embarrassing. Later, I heard from another classmate that he spent 1 0,000 yuan to redeem me from MLM. I don't know whether it is true or not, but it disappeared with his news in that youth.
On the way back, I stood on the faucet of the train bathroom for 32 hours, staring at the distance without crying, and my mood was unusually calm!
Back to my brother's house, I had dinner and went to Nanchang by train. I'll go and stay with my uncle first.
It was ok for a few days at first, but then I began to get confused. I called my mother and said that I was not sensible or something, but I didn't expect that I would give him money. I knew it well, so I was in a hurry to find a job. I happened to meet a recruitment in RT Mart and went there immediately. That's the first RT Mart in Jiangxi. I just started to make preparations when I went, and my job was mainly to organize membership cards in groups. Knowing that all my colleagues around me are college students, I work hard. I get the most membership cards every day, and I don't see anyone eating. In fact, I have no money to eat, for fear that others will look down on me!
Occasionally, I had the opportunity to participate in training, and then I went to Wuhan with other people, that is, I met my current husband at that time.
I worked hard at that time, because such an opportunity was hard to come by. One month in Wuhan is very happy, including food, accommodation and hotel, a dream day! After returning to Nanchang, I worked as a clerk in Yin Ke. Besides his own efforts, he has experienced many things, and the supervisor will also look at people's faces. I gradually gained a little power in the department. At that time, I actually enjoyed that feeling, but later, because my uncle was going back to his hometown, the house was gone, and I spent most of a month living in the east for a few days. In fact, I also know that most of my friends and colleagues don't like them living there, but I really don't have the money to rent a house.
At that time, I met a colleague named Huang Yong, who was very kind and considerate to me. At that time, he advised me not to leave my job, hoping that I would have a simpler life. My hand was frostbitten and swollen. He secretly wrote me a few lines, Ouyang, if winter comes, can spring be far behind? I always remember this sentence!
After resigning, I transferred to Shang Chao Logistics. To put it bluntly, it is supermarket delivery, and the salary is 3000. It's not much, but it's good to cover it. It is not easy for people to regard me as a woman. I will make a little concession. Waiting for a phone delivery every day. Small trucks unload their own goods and earn some handling fees.
In fact, at that time, I was already with my husband. There is no love at first sight, and there is no love between you and me. I just met someone at the right time, and then I got together, and it was the same for him.
He is also Shang Chao's business, but he has been watching me do things without much concern, and I just took a fancy to him from NTU 2 1 1, and his appearance and height are also good. Then, when we both thought it was time to find someone, we found that you were still pleasing to the eye and naturally came together. Later, he went to work in Kunshan. I was only 18 years old, and I had sex with him. I was afraid that he wouldn't want me, so I resigned and went to Kunshan, and then started a group rental life. Except that he keeps in touch with his ex-girlfriend, my classmates always call me shameless, which is nothing special.
In August of 20 10, we suddenly decided to get married. Because of his age, he went home and got engaged. On the day of engagement, he drank with his classmates. His classmate got drunk and called me shameless, saying that he had been married to me for ten years. Then he didn't say a word for me. He just looked at a group of classmates and laughed. I kept silent, and his classmates scolded my dog. He smiled happily. I silently shed tears!
Not long after I got married, I got pregnant. During the whole pregnancy, I lived alone except for a month when my mother came to take care of me. He works the night shift and doesn't see anyone every day. I wash alone. I dare not touch the gas tank. The gas leaked when I slept at night. I'm very scared. I left the window open all night for fear that it would be bad for the children. I asked him to fix it and ignored me.
At that time, my body and mind were extremely poor. When I was three months old, I was swollen all over, and I vomited when I was pregnant. I can't eat anything. I have never seen meat. I prepare two bowls of rice every day, one for vomiting and the other for eating after vomiting. Because I didn't have the strength to vomit again, I was pregnant for seven months and the factory wouldn't let me go to work. I'm afraid I can't afford some things. I left early on maternity leave, and when I returned to his house, my family was disgusted.
My mother-in-law is intermittent mental illness. She went crazy when she was very young. Her family is a mess, with five daughters and a son. It is also because of the family environment that most of her five daughters are looked down upon by her husband's family and don't know much about the world. They like to haggle over every ounce and have little contact with each other.
When I got home, my pregnancy reaction was better. Finally, I waited until the baby was coming. I insist on going to Nanchang University Hospital to give birth, because my stomach is as big as twins. I'm afraid I can't give birth naturally. After three days in the hospital, there was no response. My husband complains about the high cost of hospitalization every day, and then takes me up the stairs. /kloc-in September of 0/5, I climbed from 19 to 1 with a big belly. After being scolded by the doctor, I was quickly dragged into the delivery room. I died painfully in the delivery room. He took my mother shopping. I called him. He said he couldn't help me and let me have my own baby. I didn't even hire a midwife to save some money. Doctors always ask me where my family is. I said I have something to do!
My son was born at 23: 03, and when my son and I were dragged out, he said, I was born like this, so stressful! I didn't say anything. The nurse was on duty in the middle of the night and asked me to go to the toilet to see if there was any possibility of massive bleeding. I asked him to turn on a light and didn't pay attention to sending water to the child, just sleeping! The next day, my parents-in-law came and looked at my grandson with joy. At that time, he and I had already gone through the discharge formalities. My mother is honest and dare not say anything. When I was discharged from the hospital, I just gave birth and walked behind. My mother walked in front with her child in her arms. Their family chatted in front and laughed happily from time to time. Laughter blew my heart to pieces with the cold wind in the morning.
When my son was 4 years old, all kinds of things were very difficult at that time, and there was no estrogen in his body because of the heavy workload. The hospital prescribed many hormone drugs. After eating the whole menstrual disorder, I went to see an old Chinese doctor and prescribed a lot of Chinese medicine. Unexpectedly, snake gall sore and herpes zoster came later. It is said that there is a snake around you. If you get around it, you will die. At that time, my left chest was obviously ulcerated and my left chest was obviously torn and painful.
During this time, my husband was afraid that I was an infectious disease and tried to stay away from me. I can't find a way to go to the hospital, and I can't cure it. My condition has obviously worsened. I stand in front of the window in pain every day, looking at the distance. My heart is unwilling! Maybe it's bad luck. Someone recommended an old local doctor. The doctor said she couldn't help me. I begged her to try. Later, the dead horse became a living horse doctor and picked a lot of snake eyes on my back. She seems to feel the snake crawling and the pain is unbearable. The local doctor said that he came once a day during this time, and it hurt every day. I had to hold back and the result was really good.
I don't know if it's lucky or unlucky. At this time, I found that I was pregnant. I'm lucky that I can get pregnant without estrogen. In this way, I spend every day in pregnancy reaction and viral pain. At that time, my work was extremely unsatisfactory. Because of his outstanding work ability, he was squeezed out and suppressed. I am sent to carry boxes every day, and I dare not tell others that I am pregnant. Afraid of others' jokes, you can only carry it silently!
Later, I resigned and went home. Because I took banned drugs, the child could not stay. I wanted to take it off in a big hospital, but my husband asked me to take it off in his county. In order to save a few hundred dollars, let me lie on the operating table and take it off directly. I remember the indescribable pain in my life! When I came out, my family said happily that 200 yuan for abortion was really cheap. Just like the first time, I just miscarried and blew in the cold wind for 1 hour. On the way back, I told him to buy some supplements. He said it was unnecessary. I sat in the car with my eyes closed without saying a word!
I recovered and started looking for a job again. At that time, I began to contact the Internet e-commerce industry and entered a cosmetics company that was just starting at that time. Later, it took me a long time to know that the leader decided to hire me only because he had the experience of logistics in Shang Chao before. A girl who often carries goods must be fast and diligent. So I started a new job, until now.
Since sending odd jobs, I have been packing, delivering and returning goods in the warehouse for half a year. During this period, I often look at customer service reception and operational help when I have time. Although they are tired and complaining all day, I still find their work particularly interesting. I know many of them look down on me and don't play with me much. Sometimes I ask them some questions with an expression of disgust. I feel that I don't know anything, just deliver and pack honestly, and I always want to learn everything. Although I know all this and see it in my eyes, what can I do? I can only learn more and work faster. ......
Finally got a chance. A customer service worker left his job for a while and couldn't find the right person. The leader asked me to try. As a result, I won the biggest order of the month in less than a month. Since then, I seem to have wound myself up, going to work during the day, going back to take my children to sleep at night, starting to learn art by myself and promoting my own operation. Sometimes I only sleep for two or three hours at night. My husband woke up. Seeing that I'm still awake, I won't say anything. He just turned and went back to sleep.
Half a year later, I became the manager of the operation department, looking at my colleagues who were lukewarm to me before. Although I wouldn't say anything, I was still so happy. The company is growing, and so am I. Now I am a group company, and I have not reached the peak of my life like the protagonist in the story.
17 in the second half of the year, I chose to resign for some office political reasons. I went to a listed company in the electronics industry to do data analysis, which is undoubtedly a huge challenge for me who graduated from junior high school. Another zero and a new beginning. I can only do my best. I often have friends who will advise me not to be so unhappy and just be a simple and contented person. But I am not reconciled. Everything I do is to change my destiny. Only by working hard can I have a chance.
My husband has no idea about his work. He worked as an ordinary clerk for 10 years. He likes to take advantage of others and is proud of himself. He was very passive outside, but he was a different person when he got home. When something happens, he always pushes me out to deal with it Maybe my indomitable spirit was forced out by him. There is no resentment against this. Today, my salary and position are much higher than his. Coupled with the widening gap between people's horizons, there is less and less communication between them.
I have never thought about what will happen in the future, and I will not naively think that life will get better and better from now on. I just hope my son doesn't go through those hardships like me. I always think that the simplest thing in this world is to work, as long as you work hard, life needs a lifetime of exploration!
Someone told me that life is getting harder and more comfortable every year. If it is getting more comfortable every day, it must be much more difficult every year. I don't know whether it is hard or comfortable now, but I still want to believe that life will get better and better.
20 18, at the beginning of the new year, it is very important to recall every step, despite stumbling. Think of the sentence I copied in the book: everything has cracks, that's where light comes in. Full of joy!
Postscript:
This article is based on the personal experience of a reader friend. Maybe some people think that suffering is a valuable asset after reading it. Just like the ice flower boy who became popular unexpectedly on the Internet recently, the suffering in the eyes of ordinary people is indeed their daily life.
In fact, suffering is not worth praising, as Zhou said:
Never believe that suffering is worthwhile, suffering is suffering, and suffering will not bring success. Suffering is not worth pursuing, and tempering the will is because suffering is inevitable.
My friend Ouyang, although he has experienced many experiences that his peers have never had, now he doesn't speak well. As a girl born after 90, the mother of a 6-year-old child, chatting with her will always feel a kind of truth and purity. Although she laughed and scolded, she also had troubles and worries, but she was like a cactus rooted in the earth, always showing a kind of tenacity and strength to pierce the sky.
I hope we can all be treated gently by this world, even if life is always mean and ridiculous. After all, there is an inch of joy in life, so why not?