Paper Keywords: family education; Young children; Frustration education; path
Abstract: Frustration education has been recognized and valued in the current family education, but it is far from its due position. Parents should take frustration education as an important part of family education and fully understand the significance of frustration education to young children. When implementing frustration education, we should pay attention to the way of implementation and use appropriate methods.
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In recent years, so-called campus events such as children jumping off a building to commit suicide or hurting others due to frustration have frequently appeared in newspapers. Regardless of external factors for the time being, parents should pay attention to internal factors: children's own ability to resist setbacks. Elbert Ellis, an American clinical psychologist, pointed out in his theory of frustration A (event) B (belief) C (result) that induced event A is only an indirect cause of emotional changes, and people's beliefs, opinions and explanations of induced events are the more direct causes of emotions. To cultivate this ability, we must start from early childhood. Freud believed that the experience in the first five years of an individual's life played a decisive role in the formation of personality. Parents are children's first teachers, and parents and family environment have extremely important influence on children's early development. Therefore, it should be an important content of family education to improve children's frustration tolerance and ability to solve setbacks, and to cultivate children's habit of being willing to try, dare to endure setbacks and dare to overcome difficulties.
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First, scientifically and dialectically understand frustration education.
Children's frustration refers to a negative emotional reaction when children's needs or personal motives are not met and are not as good as expected. Frustration experience and performance vary with individual differences and age stages. Children's ability to resist setbacks mainly refers to their ability to endure, resist and solve setbacks, including frustration tolerance and frustration resolution.
It is not uncommon for parents to spoil their only child around us. Many parents only advocate appreciation education, which leads to only appreciation education without frustration education in children's life, depriving children of the opportunity to experience setbacks and making them unprepared to bear setbacks from an early age. Once children who have been growing up with praise encounter setbacks, it is easy to completely deny their abilities, and such children are often more difficult to recover from the blow. And timely and appropriate frustration education can promote the development of children's non-intellectual factors such as emotion, will and personality. Montessori believes that the psychological model constructed in childhood is a primary psychological concentration, and to some extent, all development after adulthood is only the follow-up development and follow-up construction of this pre-concentration. Therefore, we should cultivate children's ability to resist setbacks at the early stage of their habits and character formation. The purpose of implementing frustration education is not to let children experience more setbacks to form a sense of learned helplessness, but to let children dare to face and find ways to overcome difficulties, learn to know themselves correctly in setbacks, experience the happiness after overcoming setbacks, maintain self-confidence and enhance their sense of self-efficacy.
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Second, the way to cultivate children's ability to resist setbacks in family education
(1) example. Absorption is the main way for children to grow up. Montessori believes that children before the age of six have obvious absorption characteristics, and children form their own personality by absorbing everything found around them. Bandura's observation and learning experiment shows that children can learn new behaviors by observing the behavior of adult role models. Children's observation ability, imitation ability and memory ability are very strong. Parents' words and deeds, attitudes and reactions to setbacks and moral personality in daily life have a subtle influence on children. Therefore, parents should have the ability to resist setbacks and set a good example in front of their children. Frustration itself can't give people despair and helplessness, but the negative view of frustration is the root cause. In daily life, parents should have a positive thinking habit. Optimism infects children. They should dare to face setbacks and look at them positively. At the same time, they should also guide children to learn many excellent children's literature works, such as cartoons and fairy tales.
(2) opportunities. Provide children with opportunities to face setbacks, set up frustration situations, and let children dare to face and solve setbacks. The existing experience and knowledge you have personally experienced are often more profound. This song should first make children have a healthy body, pay attention to nutrition, exercise more and get close to nature. Secondly, parents should give their children rational love, seize the educational opportunities contained in the little things around them at any time, provide them with opportunities to feel setbacks, and grasp the critical period of their resistance to setbacks. Research shows that children's ability to resist setbacks develops fastest at the age of 3 to 4.
1. natural setbacks. In children's daily life, parents consciously encourage their children to find ways to solve their own difficulties, form good habits and experience success. In addition, children can be allowed to do some things they can in life: simple housework, eating, dressing, washing their hands, folding quilts and so on. Those children who have strong self-care ability will often have better adaptability when they enter kindergarten in the future.
2. Man-made setbacks
(1) Create opportunities that children like, and attach importance to games and early reading. Game method is a way to let children experience setbacks and overcome difficulties through games. This is children's favorite activity. When parents take their children to play games, they can consciously give them some problems in the game according to their characteristics. They can also artificially control the winning and losing order of the game when playing competition games with their children, so that children can learn to adjust their mentality when facing setbacks in the game, or skillfully weave the setbacks that children may encounter in their daily lives into interesting games, thus cultivating their willpower. The process of children bravely completing the game is also a process of overcoming difficulties in happiness. Especially for two or three-year-old children whose independence and dependence are prominent, no matter what they do, they always like to do it by themselves, but they often can't do it well. At this time, parents should have more patience and encouragement, and they can teach their children the correct methods through games. Some children don't want to get dressed, so parents can help their children get dressed while reading vivid children's songs? Grab the collar, cover the top, mouse, find a hole, drill east, drill west, and squeak into the house? Children will think this is an interesting game and like to wear clothes. When playing hide-and-seek games, hide your child's favorite candy toys, briefly introduce the location, let the children find them in the joy of the game at night, and unconsciously overcome timidity and fear of darkness.
(2) Delay satisfaction and let children learn to wait patiently.
Delayed gratification refers to the choice orientation of voluntarily giving up immediate gratification and being willing to wait for more valuable long-term goals, which is a kind of ability to show self-control in waiting. According to the characteristics of children's physical and mental development, parents can use some tricks to delay a little time, or divert children's attention, or change from timely satisfaction to delayed satisfaction, successfully meet variable conditions, and let children make their own efforts before satisfaction. At the same time, hug and kiss your child more to meet your baby's emotional needs. When the child's requirements are not met immediately, the child slowly learns to wait. From the first minute to a few minutes and then to longer, the child's ability to resist setbacks will be improved in step-by-step training.
(3) methods to solve setbacks
First of all, let children be psychologically prepared to accept failure and realize that frustration is a very common thing that everyone will encounter. Parents should not make a fuss when their children get frustrated and lose their temper, because this is just a way for children to vent their emotions. Secondly, guide children to pay attention to and enjoy the happiness brought by hard work, and learn the correct attribution. Guide children to attribute failure to external factors that can control change, such as insufficient efforts, and less to stable uncontrollable factors such as ability. Thirdly, help children find out the reasons for failure, constantly improve themselves and strive for the next success. We should also learn to appreciate the winners and see and learn from the strengths of others. Finally, let children have a sense of physical and mental security. Giving children unrealistic expectations, encouraging, caring and loving them more can improve their courage and confidence in trying again. Praise and strengthen children as soon as they make progress. Follow the law of children's physical and mental development and help children establish reasonable expectations suitable for their own development level.
(4) Moderate
Children's frustration education should be to protect them from suffering, and set them some difficulties and obstacles suitable for their physical and mental development purposefully, so that children can experience success through hard work. For those setbacks that can't be overcome through great efforts, it can't help children form good personality. Therefore, the setting of setbacks should be based on the child's recent development area, grasp the intensity, difficulty and slope, and gradually increase the difficulty. Not every child is suitable for frustration education, and not every frustration education is suitable for every child. Parents should understand their children, and the implementation of frustration education should vary from person to person.
References:
? [1] Feng Jiangping. Psychology of frustration [M]. Shanxi: Shanxi Education Press. 199 1.
? [2] Shan Zhonghui, editor-in-chief of Zhu Jingren. Interpretation of foreign educational classics [M]. Shanghai: Shanghai Education Press, 2004.
? [3] Liu Liying. Research on the development of children's frustration tolerance and its influencing factors [D] .2006.
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