First, the emergence of the word "puppy love" and people's understanding of this phenomenon
The word "puppy love" first appeared in the 1980s, which refers to the phenomenon that the communication between middle school students of the opposite sex is too close. As soon as the word appeared, it was frequently quoted by the news media and education circles, and the phenomenon of "puppy love" also aroused widespread concern in the whole society. As far as the specific historical background at that time is concerned, being able to publicly put forward this phenomenon and see it in newspapers is a manifestation of social openness compared with turning a blind eye and saying nothing before, but it also shows that the anxiety caused by this phenomenon among teachers and parents has reached a certain level.
However, the definition of "puppy love" has also caused a series of problems, the most prominent of which is the tendency of parents and schools to expand the definition of puppy love. All male and female students' adolescent sexual intercourse is often regarded as "puppy love" by teachers and parents. Not only can it not be effectively stopped, but it is often counterproductive and causes serious harm to children.
In recent years, many experts and teachers have begun to notice the negative effects brought by the widespread use of this definition and made some criticisms. For example, Min, director of the Moral Education Research Center of Beijing Academy of Educational Sciences and deputy secretary-general of Beijing Family Education Research Association, said in an interview with the Beijing Morning Post reporter: "It is crucial, morally valuable and unscientific to say' puppy love'. The correct formulation should be' middle school students fall in love'. " Another education expert also thinks that "puppy love" is an unscientific localization definition: "At present, this word is in danger of being eliminated gradually. The reason is that more and more educational psychologists believe that from Freud's theory, people's love feelings can't be distinguished by early and not early "(liu ling: on the new characteristics and educational methods of middle school students' puppy love).
The appeal of these experts has aroused some repercussions among primary and secondary school teachers, and the use of this word is becoming more and more cautious. But after all, it is still a word that is often quoted. The reason why it appears so frequently is precisely the universality of this phenomenon among middle school students and the increasing anxiety and helplessness of schools and parents.
Of course, because there is no more accurate noun to replace it, we still use the word "puppy love" to discuss it in this article.
Second, teachers' attitude towards "puppy love" has changed before and after.
From 1949 to 1980, the issue of "sex" is regarded as taboo by the whole society, even among adult men and women. Although the phenomenon of "puppy love" among middle school students has always existed, it will not be discussed openly in society or among parents, let alone in newspapers. On the surface, it seems that nothing happened. But in fact, schools and teachers inevitably have to face these problems among students, and some teachers are quite nervous about it. One of the authors1When studying in a key school in Beijing in the mid-1960s, a class teacher called students, especially female students, to have regular meetings, asking everyone to dig deep into their petty-bourgeois ideas. In fact, they explained whether they had ever had a good impression on a boy, and asked them to seriously criticize him after truthfully explaining it and nip it in the bud. However, if the parties still fail to control their feelings and behaviors well, the problem will be "qualitatively changed", and those who are serious will be labeled as "bad political morality", while those who are slightly lighter will be regarded as bad conduct, despised by teachers and classmates, and make the parties feel humiliated for life. This practice reached its climax during the Cultural Revolution. At that time, there was a saying that "a revolution broke out in the depths of the soul", which was described in many academic works and literary works, so I won't repeat it here.
After the reform and opening up, although "puppy love" has been discussed in public, school teachers also think that this is a problem that should be faced up to rather than avoided, and regard it as one of the central contents of education (belonging to the category of moral education), but this does not mean that people's concepts have changed. Although the political color has faded, in the eyes of teachers and adults, "puppy love" students are still regarded as "problem students", "poor students" and even victims. Schools and teachers often take simple and rude ways to suppress puppy love, such as writing reviews, suspending classes, punishing, broadcasting roll calls, and opening love letters. These practices make children feel strong humiliation and pressure. 1980s, Wenxin Publishing House published an article entitled "Becoming Famous", which told the story of a female middle school student whose reputation was greatly damaged and her body and mind were seriously hurt because of "puppy love", which aroused certain repercussions in the education circle and made many educators pay attention to the cautious attitude towards "puppy love". But on the whole, as some scholars have pointed out, teachers and parents still hold a negative attitude towards students' "puppy love", and their attention is also focused on how to take effective measures to stop it. It is undeniable that the influence of this concept has continued to this day.
In recent years, the problem of "puppy love" has become more and more common among middle school students. Although teachers and parents are very anxious about this and try their best to take measures to stop it, in terms of methods, they pay more attention to positive guidance, such as educating adolescent students from psychological and physiological perspectives through lectures and consultations, and helping them understand the doubts of youth with scientific knowledge. Organize students to participate in colorful campus cultural life to disperse their single emotional orientation and so on. Even if problems are found, we should pay more attention to respecting students and don't hurt them easily. In the past, parents often looked through students' diaries, checked students' schoolbags and even tracked students' behaviors, which made students very disgusted and led to intensified contradictions. In recent years, most parents have realized the problem of this practice, and generally will not take this action publicly. Some parents have been able to treat these phenomena rationally and will not explicitly oppose their children's interaction with the opposite sex.
Third, teachers and parents against "puppy love" reasons
Although the society has been more tolerant of the problem of "puppy love" among middle school students, and parents and teachers have handled it rationally and gently, we believe that, on the whole, the concept of adults on this issue has not been fundamentally reversed, and they still hold a negative attitude towards "puppy love". The main problem to be considered is how to effectively stop it.
Why not eat? According to experts, first, economic life is not independent. The purpose of love is to combine the two sexes to get married, which requires economic independence, self-reliance and the ability to undertake family responsibilities, which middle school students obviously do not have. Second, the age of falling in love is far from the legal minimum age for marriage (22 males and 20 females). Love is the preparation for marriage. If the age of love is too far from the age of marriage, it is unnatural.
There is a misunderstanding that confuses the mutual attraction between middle school students and adult men and women, from love to marriage and family, from marriage to childbirth. The problem is that although this situation does not exist, for most middle school students, their "puppy love" does not have such a clear purpose as "sexual marriage". If left unchecked, most of them will not really get married even if they have sexual relations, which makes them very disgusted and does not conform to the facts.
This situation has been greatly improved at present. The head teacher of a middle school in Beijing once discussed this problem with his classmates at the class meeting. They think that the usual "puppy love" actually includes four meanings. First, the budding of youth, that is, after entering adolescence, has interest, admiration and curiosity about the opposite sex; Second, love is focused on the concrete and individual. Once this happens, it will be better to divert your attention. Third, it is clear that boys and girls are "in love", "in love letters" and even "privately for life"; The fourth is premature sex. This should be a more objective definition of "puppy love".
At present, most teachers and parents are worried about "puppy love", which can be summarized as follows:
1, affecting learning
Many teachers and parents of students have said that when children go to middle school, they are most worried that they will fall into the mood fluctuation of "puppy love", which will affect their study. Some parents of middle school students said: "It is no good for middle school boys and girls to get too close together. What the education department has to solve is to let boys and girls concentrate on their studies during this period. "
Although many children think that puppy love will not affect their study (according to the survey of a middle school in the class, there are 27? 5% students think that puppy love can promote their study, but some experts have made a survey, and the results show that puppy love students are very unstable. Among the respondents, 45% students think that love makes them very sensitive, 22% students think they are very fragile, and nearly 70% students admit that puppy love makes their emotions fluctuate greatly. Some students also admitted that the word "love" refers to the devotion to the true feelings under the premise of two of a kind, but the true feelings are not easy to erase, and only add to the troubles.
2. Worried that she would have sex prematurely, there was a story of a girl having sex with a young man prematurely in a sex education CD organized by middle school students in Beijing until she found out that she was pregnant, abandoned by her boyfriend and almost committed suicide by taking poison. Teachers use this as a negative example to warn children, especially girls.
Among these two points, the first point is undoubtedly the core reason why the society cares about "puppy love" and parents strongly demand that school teachers and related experts take measures to prevent "puppy love". This is directly related to the traditional concept of "looking forward to one's success" in China society. China's parents spared no expense to let their children receive more than ten years' education and enter the social elite by being admitted to the university. School education in China has been exam-oriented education for many years, and the assessment and evaluation of teachers are all around the enrollment rate. Today, it goes further. The enrollment rate of a school is even related to its existence. All these make teachers and parents regard all the factors that may hinder students' inner peace as their own and must get rid of them quickly. This should be the most important reason why the phenomenon of "puppy love" among students is so formidable that it attracts the attention of the whole society. One of my strong feelings during my life in the United States is that American middle school students grew up in a more relaxed environment than China, which is directly related to their different views on adolescent learning from China's parents.
Fourth, our point of view.
As long as the college entrance examination system is not fundamentally changed, exam-oriented education will not be eradicated, and parents' mentality of "looking forward to success" will not be reversed overnight. Therefore, it is unrealistic for teachers or parents to completely change the long-standing concept of "puppy love".
However, with the further opening of society, many scholars and educators are now aware of two things.
First of all, this attraction of the opposite sex in adolescence is not the result of moral degeneration, "spiritual emptiness" and the influence of unhealthy film and television dramas, but should be regarded as a normal physiological phenomenon. In other words, such feelings and psychology do not appear, but are an abnormal performance. Only by acknowledging and facing up to this point, the normal communication of middle school students will be regarded as "puppy love" in one sentence, and as a negative behavior, it is futile to stop and so-called "guide" and both will be criticized.
Secondly, schools and parents should fully realize that not only knowledge is knowledge, but also interpersonal relationship, life and love are knowledge that a person should learn and exercise, and should also receive the same attention. And this is precisely the gap between our years of education. Many students educated in this way have already tasted the bitter fruit on the road of life. Here is a small example:
A new industrial development zone in Beijing has gathered a large number of young and promising IT talents. Most of them graduated from top universities in China with master's and doctor's degrees. Now they have a successful career and earn a lot of money, but they can't find a suitable spouse to marry at the age of 30. The whole society was shocked when the media revealed that some of these people had lost their ability to fall in love. Indeed, they were told from an early age that they should devote themselves to studying hard until they were admitted to the university. Many parents also set a "no dating" rule for their children. When they grow up according to the requirements of their parents and society, they find themselves unable to get along with others and communicate, especially with the opposite sex. In this way, the streets in this development zone have to play the role of finding spouses for them and teaching them how to live. This lesson is really thought-provoking.
In short, many teachers and parents have realized that their students and children will play the role of lovers and couples while trying to become successful people in society. Whether their reproductive and sexual psychology is healthy will determine whether they can get a normal and happy life on the road of life. In this respect, they also need to receive a strong education, so that they can really have a successful life.
Only when more people can realize this, the problem of "puppy love" of middle school students will be treated more rationally and their growing environment will be fairer and more relaxed.
Author's resume:
Li Guizhi, female, born in September, 194 1, Han nationality. Professor of History Department of Minzu University of China, director of Mongolian History Society, mainly studying the history of Liao and Jin Dynasties in China and the history of northern nationalities. A brief history of Liao and Jin Dynasties has been published.
Ding Yizhuang, female, born in February, 1948, Manchu. Researcher, Institute of History, China Academy of Social Sciences. Majoring in Qing history and Manchu history. There have been monographs such as "Research on the Eight Banners Garrison in Qing Dynasty".