And this one is especially unwilling to see it, because this lost young life is not others, but a "child of someone else's family" who has never met before, but seems to have watched him grow up.

If you have been to Guangzhou, mom. You must have heard or read Zhang Yide's father's post. This father used to be a god-class parenting blogger sought after by many mothers. When my son was one year old, his wife divorced and left him alone to take care of the children. In order to better accompany his son, he resolutely resigned from his busy administrative work and concentrated on raising his baby on 17.

In order to make children closer to nature, he sold his house in the city and took his children to settle in the countryside. In his post, Yide has always been excellent, not only with excellent academic performance, but also independent and sensible in life, which has made him gain a lot of mom fans. I remember a time when many mothers would go to their farm on weekends to help the father and son, but they didn't let anyone down. At the age of 3, they completed the primary school curriculum. After graduating from junior high school, he went to Suzhou to attend high school. He was not only handsome and sunny, but also admitted to Oxford College of Emory University, an American ivy league school, to study philosophy.

However, when I heard the news of Zhang Yide again, it was this news that he committed suicide in the United States. It's hard to accept, as if the only schoolmaster I know in Guangzhou has a bright future and is about to live a life that everyone envies. How could I have thought that he would say goodbye to life in such a sad way?

Speaking of Zhang Yide, I have to mention Zhang Fu's dedication to children, which is simply amazing:

He once broke five cameras and took 0.2 million/200 thousand photos to record the growth of children, taking an average of 32 photos a day;

He loves his children to the bone, and has set up a growth museum for them to collect every bright spot of their growth. There are Zhang Yide's first pair of shoes, various award certificates and trophies in the museum. Every time the child grows up, Zhang Fu has not missed it;

Considering that children should have a balanced diet and adequate nutrition, Zhang Fu has studied recipes for ten years, and the dishes cooked for Zhang Yide every day are not repeated;

For children to learn English, Zhang's father carved 250 thousand English letters himself;

It took 18 years to collect 18 copies of Guangzhou Daily on children's birthdays as adult gifts for children;

Zhang Fu spent 16 years writing a book "Poetic Life, Poetic Father and Son" to commemorate the growth of children.

Zhang Fu has always told us with his own actions how crazy a father's love for his children can be. In this father-son relationship, there is no Zhang Yue, only Zhang Yi has his father, and Zhang Fu's contribution has made countless parents feel ashamed.

And Zhang Yide did live up to his father's expectations and became a genius in the eyes of others. At the age of three, he completed all the courses in primary school, and at the age of five, he was able to complete physics papers independently. At the age of six, he could help physics teachers and classmates translate technical terms. ...

Not only that, he also developed in an all-round way and showed outstanding performance in all aspects.

In fact, Zhang Yide's rapid growth in all aspects is inseparable from the elite education that Zhang Fu has been providing for him. From elementary school to university, Zhang Yide has been admitted to aristocratic private schools. If there is no later story, we can understand why Zhang Fu was once sought after by everyone. Before Zhang Yide was admitted to Emory University, which is known as "Harvard in the South of America", Zhang Fu's education looked perfect because he had made remarkable achievements.

Behind the visible achievements, Zhang Fu and the public ignored the heart of this child named Zhang Yide, a lonely soul who was traumatized but never comforted.

He has never been treated as a child since he was a child. How much childhood happiness can he have after finishing primary school at the age of three?

According to news reports, from birth until he was three years old, in order to provide him with a language environment, Zhang's father insisted on not speaking Chinese to him and kept "communicating in English". As soon as the child speaks Chinese, Zhang's father ignores it and never responds. After he was three years old, Zhang's father got into the habit of writing. If Zhang needs coke, it's no use asking. Only by writing and drawing with a pen can effective communication be considered. Three years old is the moment when children need intimate attachment most. It was time for the children to babble, but Zhang Yide got no response. You can imagine how helpless his young heart is.

Not only that, at the age of eight, Zhang's father asked him to cook for forty or fifty people alone in order to "exercise the children's self-care ability". Why is this? Because even if the house is sold, Zhang's father can't send it to an aristocratic private school, and he only lives by farming. Zhang's tuition and living expenses are also funded by fans who pursue Zhang's parenting concept. And that meal was just to entertain fans and raise tuition. Precocious Zhang Yide must know the intention of this meal. We can't know his inner feelings and thoughts at that time. We can only know that since then, Zhang Yide seems to have a heavier burden on his shoulders, and he no longer has innocence.

Among the aristocratic schools, Zhang Yide is undoubtedly the poorest one in the family. Every time he visits a classmate's house, Zhang's father makes every effort to bring back the waste from his classmate's house and sell it, so as to form his good habit of "thrift". In such an environment, different people will always be excluded, especially primary school students under the age of ten, who have little empathy and can really consider from each other's perspective. I guess Zhang Yide must have been a lonely existence at that time, lonely and silent.

But he doesn't have to refute it. At an early age, he knew that his father had done everything for him, and he had no way out. Only by living up to his father's expectations can he make up for his guilt. As the parent of this family, he should be worthy of his father's love, even if this love imprisons him like a shackle, he should also bear the responsibility.

We can't deny that children's childhood experiences often affect the trajectory of their lives, including the formation of their personalities. Zhang Yide is not without his own preferences and feelings, but he chose to hide himself from his father who gave everything for him.

In Zhang Yide's application for studying abroad, there is such a passage:

This rural lifestyle may sound attractive to today's urbanites, but I hated it when I was a child. Once, I stepped on a bug barefoot in my bedroom and had to scrape it off the concrete floor when I changed my clothes. Those bugs often lay their eggs in clothes hanging under litchi trees to dry. Because our roof is metal, thunderstorms also make me feel terrible, especially at those moments. Because I'm always with richer children: Remember the house my dad sold? He used the money to send me to the best private school in our district.

We thought that in Zhang Yide's memory, it should be his father's cooking, small animals raised on the farm, and his parents and children who admired him. But I never imagined that the memory he left in his youth was "bugs and thunderstorms", helplessness and fear. The stress of being with rich children.

Poverty is not terrible, but his father's contribution and donations from others must make him feel stressed. He can't accept even a little bit of failure and disappointment, and he can't even let himself smile and relax for a while.

He said in a circle of friends that he hoped his friends would supervise him and remind himself when he was lazy in paddling. He is strong in everything and strives for the first place in everything. Because only in this way can we live up to our father's efforts and be worthy of the help and care of the public.

I think Zhang Yide will always be a successful one in his short life. He has never failed, and he doesn't even know how to face his own failure. In his circle of friends before his death, Zhang Yide wrote "Life goes on" with a photo of a broken wine bottle. Does this mean that he has suffered any setbacks? We don't know, what we know is that he failed to face it after all.

He put too much pressure on himself, which is also the result of his father paying too much.

Do you still remember Wang Meng (a pseudonym), a master studying in the United States? 20 18 published a long article: sever all relations with parents.

In his article, he accused "My mother likes to do everything for me ..." Wang Meng, who grew up under the arrangement of her parents, had poor self-care ability and was introverted and withdrawn. The teacher once gave him an evaluation that "communication is defective and the ability to resist setbacks is poor." Because of poor hands-on ability, many things can't be solved at work, so I have to resign. Then he chose to study in America. After consulting a psychologist, he realized that many of his problems actually originated from the excessive efforts of his parents. From that moment on, he chose to get rid of control and start his life again.

It's a pity that Zhang Yide is not as lucky as Wang Meng. Maybe he has too much responsibility.

Zhang's father once said that "role exchange" is often carried out with children, so that children can take the lead in family affairs and play the role of father. The phenomenon of parent-child role exchange mentioned by Japanese psychologist Tetsuo Kato in Parents Who Don't Grow Up.

He said that this is a problem that has been neglected all the time, and children who grew up in families with parent-child roles exchanged cannot understand the real family relationship. What we are talking about here is not a certain game, but the living environment of children.

Tai Kato San has pointed out many times that in a family where parent-child roles are interchanged, parents are still in the mood of satisfying their childhood desires because their childhood desires have never been seen or satisfied. When they are in a mess in social interaction with the outside world, they will turn to the children who are the easiest to control and dominate.

For example, they will spoil their children and brag about how well they have done in front of them. What do other people's parents do? But I'm different. How do I treat you? ...

At this time, parents actually unconsciously changed the roles of parents and children. They are like children, waiting for their words to be praised. At that moment, the child had to say, "Wow! Dad/Mom, you are great! " If you don't tell them, they will be angry. However, children can't encourage and praise adults like their parents, and even if they do, they are far beyond their age requirements, so the roles of children and parents are reversed.

From Zhang Fu's point of view, he put all his energy into the children. His love touched the world and himself, but it brought endless suffocation and pressure to the children. He is sought after by others and spoiled by children. "Look, son, what have I done for you?" At this time, as a son, Zhang Yide had no choice but to respond with praise, encouragement and recognition like a "father". After this kind of behavior was made public, it stood at the highest point of morality. Zhang Yi could not refute it and even had his own feelings. Did the father ask the child what he wanted?

According to the data of the World Health Organization, 1 in every five young people suffers from depression. The suffocating love for parents is one of the important reasons for adolescent depression. Many times, parents' self-righteous efforts can only touch themselves, but make their children miserable. Eating chaff at home, but willing to rely on others to subsidize their children to receive private elite education, children may not feel happy, but will fidget and breathe.

After Zhang Yide died, in a letter to Dave's classmates at Emory University, his father wrote:

"Since the childhood, I respect him, far more than respect myself. So much so that I exchange roles with him from time to time. He is the father, I am the son, and he is the master, taking care of everything in the family. Therefore, I unconditionally respect, recognize and accept all the decisions in his life, including this time, his final decision. "

I think, for Zhang's father, his heartache is beyond words. Maybe he loves children in the wrong way, but his sincerity is also touching.

Sri lankans have passed away, so we should not judge right or wrong, and we are not qualified to blame anyone. We just feel sorry for the man next door. He should have lived a happy life. If there is anything worth warning, it must be that parents should always reflect on whether their education methods are appropriate, and also pay attention to what happened to their children, whether this is related to our poor parenting methods.