"If you go in two directions, you are a parasite that sucks blood on each other's backs."

Generally speaking, two-way love has the following four characteristics:

First, it is not just love.

False two-way: the goal of two-way is to stick a kiss and hold it high all day; This is a two-way trip: the two will be close to each other's position, but they will live their own lives first.

It is not a two-way trip to delay studies and perfunctory work for love, but to send feelings on the road. In the early days of love, we will put most of our energy into love. This is a period of passion, which is normal.

However, if after three to five months of love, you are still addicted to this kind of love, or you always argue and discuss the philosophy of love because of some ideas such as "who loves who is more" and "who doesn't love each other enough", then the relationship is not far from over. Love must have a realistic foundation. This foundation is not economy, but you have to complete the tasks corresponding to the life stage first.

The main tasks in the student stage are studying and various exams, the main tasks in the graduation stage are to determine the academic and career direction and job hunting, and the main tasks in the work stage are to complete KPI and long-term planning. Under the condition that these social tasks are basically qualified, it won't be too much problem for you to fall in love and talk in both directions. After all, in the process of socialization, love is also part of it.

But if you only think about love, all the joys and sorrows revolve around love, and the whole life is like an idol drama. Besides sweetness, there are cold wars and misunderstandings. Without the process of socialization, you can't have the ability and resources needed to maintain love for a long time.

Lack of ability will lead to powerlessness, lack of resources will lead to frustration, growth stagnation will lead to anxiety, and confusion in life will lead to nothingness. After the novelty has passed, your love will only be full of quarrels, and love will become an obstacle to your normal growth, and you can't get rid of the fate of ending again.

Therefore, when you are in love, you should ensure the normal life of both parties, and even it is best to take love as the driving force to speed up each other's life. Even if we break up, we won't all feel that we have been feeding the dog for several years.

Second, the responsibility * * * is borne, the risk * * * is dispersed, and the results are enjoyed * * *.

False two-way: you are always reading papers, writing articles, and busy with work, but you can't make me feel that you want to come to my side; This is a two-way street: you work so hard for our future, and I will try to lighten your burden and move towards our future together.

Two-way travel is not only the process of two people approaching each other, but also the process of two people moving towards the same goal. Choosing to be with one person means choosing two people to share the responsibilities in feelings and life, the risks in their own lives and the fruits in their own lives.

* * * Sharing responsibility means that we can't agree with the saying that "boys should give in, coax and take care of girls", but all responsibilities need to bear the pressure and pain together. * * * Sharing risks means that both big and small decisions need to be reached through communication and share the results of the decisions. * * * Sharing results means that no matter who owns the results, the other party has a part of the credit.

Both sides can't live without each other, struggling to move forward. This is a two-way trip; False two-way is to be a blood-sucking parasite lying on each other's back.

The important task of reality is borne by the other party, and the future full of uncertainty is planned and realized by the other party. If you have a good result, you will be ahead. If you have bad results, you will blame each other, blame yourself for living hard, and sometimes blame each other for not caring enough about yourself. What I pay the most is the nominal "never leave", but in fact it is the uninterrupted value demand.

Third, explain in good faith.

False two-way: Ta makes me uncomfortable, that is, there is no two-way, that is, not enough love for me; It is two-way: although I have experienced the feeling of being unloved, it must not be the purpose of Ta, and the problem may even be on my side.

Two-way travel doesn't mean that your love will always be happy, but in the face of unpleasant moments in the relationship, you can interpret each other's uncomfortable behavior from the perspective of goodwill.

For example, on the anniversary of the other party's negligence, it is understood that the other party is too busy instead of paying attention to you; Understand the alienation and indifference of the other party after the quarrel as having emotions rather than not loving you; Understand each other's requirements for themselves as "picking goods is the buyer" instead of not accepting that you don't love the real you.

No matter how good the feelings are, no matter how loving the husband and wife are, there will be cases where each other's needs cannot be met from each other. After all, the other person is not suitable for you. In addition, in the process of our growth, the emotional needs that have not been fully met for many years will also be entrusted to our partners, which also leads to the emotional needs not always being met in love.

The dissatisfaction with the demand will affect your thinking, making it difficult for you to interpret the current situation as "Ta doesn't love me enough", and want to lose your temper and attack each other or shrink from breaking up to protect yourself.

False two-way means that when you feel uncomfortable, you immediately "turn around", waiting for the other party to take the initiative to approach to prove your innocence, and then "turn around" in the other party's flattery, apology and commitment. The real two-way street is to remind yourself to assume that the other party doesn't mean it, and then think about how to adjust it to make things better.

Fourth, compromise.

False two-way: you always don't take the initiative to contact me and ask me out. I can't feel you walking towards me; It's a two-way street: if you need personal space, how about we meet less often? The two sides who walk in both directions may not be intimate, but they must cooperate with each other. Our understanding of the distance between intimate relationships stems from the intimate relationships between parents and between parents and children.

A person whose father works in a foreign country and only goes home for four or five days a month will have a huge difference in understanding the normal interaction frequency between husband and wife with a person whose parents are doing small business all day. A person who pays attention to seniority when getting along with his parents and a person who talks about everything with his parents will have a huge difference in their understanding of the intimacy between husband and wife.

False two-way relationship is a process in which one who longs for a closer relationship forces the other person to keep getting close to himself, contact himself actively and reveal more thoughts and emotions in the name of two-way. At the expense of weakening the other party's intention, it seems to be a "two-way trip." The real two-way travel is to respect and understand each other's feelings and space needs, maintain each other's willingness to go, and at the same time make each other feel intimate because they feel loved and included.

To put it bluntly, two people should have the consciousness and action of maintaining the relationship and be able to coordinate with each other. But the responsibility for maintaining the relationship is borne by one party, or it is not a two-way street if one party gives orders completely.

And many people say that they want to get two-way love, but in fact they always "stay put", which is just a manifestation of "two-way love", asking the other party to run faster, closer and more obedient. Such a person, who will have the motivation to approach? Let alone go.

Always calculating, calculating whether you are a person who walks in two directions, often you can't get love in two directions. They were lucky to get it for a while, but it didn't last long. On the contrary, people who wholeheartedly consider each other's feelings and take the initiative to take responsibility often unconsciously make their partners want to go to themselves and the future.