After seeing this advertisement, a young man felt on the Internet: It turns out that getting old is such a pitiful thing.
In the rapidly approaching aging society, not only the life and medical care of the elderly need to be guaranteed, but also their mental state needs attention. A survey of nearly14,000 urban elderly people found that 40% of them felt lonely and depressed, and had nowhere to talk. Although on June 26th this year, "always go home and have a look" was written into the Law on the Protection of the Rights and Interests of the Elderly (Revised Draft), "Don't let parents feel lonely" needs more affection and care from society and children.
Who will accompany your parents at home?
Zhao Benshan's essay "The Hour Worker" tells the story of an old man who is lonely and his son spends money to chat with the old lady. Song Dandan's phrase "Ten more dollars" made the audience laugh, but also made people feel sad about the situation of empty nesters. Recently, the real version of hourly workers was staged in Chongqing.
In the advertising column next to a building in Yuzhong District, Chongqing, a message was posted: "Hard-working and sensible single woman with black hair and yellow skin, empty nesters live in shacks, and the rent is 0. If you are the one, take care of each other ... "On a small piece of paper, the black handwriting is neat and vigorous. The old man who posted this advertisement is surnamed Wu, who is 74 years old this year. When asked why he published such news, the old man admitted that he had lived alone for many years. Because of diabetes, I was worried that no one would take care of me at night, so I had to find someone to accompany me with "zero rent".
Li Nainai, who lives in Chaoyang City, Liaoning Province, has the same loneliness as him. Li Nainai, 76, has lived alone for more than six years. His three children live in Beijing and Guangzhou. She told reporters that she was "like being in a pigeon cage". She seldom goes out and cooks noodles at home twice a day. Usually, children often give her money, and the food she sends is always endless. She is neither hungry nor cold, but "endless loneliness is hard to die." "I am most looking forward to the New Year, like a child." She said with a wry smile that the children can only come back to see her during the Chinese New Year, but after the fifth day, "they all went back to work, leaving me alone", and the heart that had just been "warmed" was lonely again.
"Empty nest", originally a metaphor for the scene after birds leave the nest, is now extended to the family emptiness after their children leave home. With the fierce social competition, more and more children in China have to leave their parents to work and settle in other places, resulting in a huge group of left-behind empty nesters. According to the statistics of the Ministry of Civil Affairs, empty-nest families account for more than 50% of the elderly families in urban and rural areas in China, and some large and medium-sized cities reach 70%; The elderly left behind in rural areas account for 37% of the rural elderly population. Moreover, empty nesting continues. By the end of the Twelfth Five-Year Plan, there will be more than 5 1 10,000 empty-nesters aged over 65 in China, accounting for nearly 1/4 of the elderly population. Because of loneliness, empty nesters are often accompanied by various psychological problems.
Compared with empty nesters, they can still look forward to their children's "homing" reunion, while others are even worse. They can only walk the last journey of life alone in their minds. Mr. Li, who lives in Beijing, is 64 years old. This should be a happy time to have grandchildren, which runs in the family. However, a car accident took his son's life and made his life's happiness a bubble. After retirement, the couple stared at their son's photo in the room all day, almost cutting off contact with their previous life circle. Mr. Li said that all the people in China live for their children. People their age have no children and nothing. Sometimes, in order to relax, they will go to a nearby park and sit until the sun sets in the morning. When they saw young people the same age as their sons playing with their children, their tears could not stop falling.
In middle-aged and old age, he lost his only son and became a helpless old man who lost his independence. Such families are quietly increasing without interest. According to the report released by the Ministry of Health, the number of people over 50 who have lost their independence is increasing, with 76,000 new families every year. The number of families who have lost their families has exceeded one million, which means that nearly 2 million parents can only live alone.
"Loneliness is a sword that goes straight into the old man's chest."
On June 8, 65438, an old man committed suicide by jumping off a building in a hospital in Lushunkou District. On April 19, an old man fell from the seventh floor and died in a residential area in Nanshan Street, Zhongshan District. On June 9, in a street in Shahekou District, an old man chose to jump off a building to end his life because he was unbearable. On June 24, a 60-year-old man climbed the corridor window and fell to his death in Xinji Street, Ganjingzi District. ...
This scene is just a tragedy that happened in Dalian, Liaoning this year. In fact, reports of elderly suicides are common all over the country. The departure of these old people made relatives cry and shocked acquaintances. Many people think that the elderly choose to commit suicide because they can't bear the suffering of the disease. As everyone knows, loneliness is the real motivation behind it.
"Loneliness, like a sword straight into the old man's chest. In the long run, the accumulation of too many negative emotions will cause their depression tendency, and when they are serious, they choose to end their lives. " Li Juan, director of the Research Center for Elderly Psychology of the Institute of Psychology, Chinese Academy of Sciences, was very saddened by this. She told reporters that there are "three circles" in people's social relations, and the outermost circle is the people they meet in daily life, which has little effect on personal feelings; The middle circle is colleagues at work, and the innermost circle is immediate family members. After retirement, the elderly mainly lose their middle circle, so they need family circles to make up for it, but if they are empty nesters, they will face all the lack of "three circles" According to Yang Ping, Secretary-General of Gerontology Professional Committee of China Gerontology Society, with the growth of age, people's sense of security will be lost, which will lead to the increase of negative emotions, and the empty nest just promotes the growth of this emotion.
China Mental Health Research Center for the Elderly conducted a survey of 400 childless or solitary elderly people over 60 years old in Nanjing, Jiangsu Province, and found that their mental health status was worrying: 52.5% people "felt that they could not keep up with the development of society", 49% people "were not interested in anything", 58% people "felt lonely" and 36.8% people "felt that living was boring".
"Lack of spiritual comfort will become one of the main problems that plague empty nesters in China." Wu Shuo, deputy director of the office of the National Working Committee on Ageing, has both the loneliness of missing children and the emptiness of unsatisfied spiritual life. Professor Han of China Institute of Aging Development of Northwest University believes that the selfless love for their children makes it difficult for the elderly living alone to bear the huge psychological gap after leaving. When sick or having an accident, empty nesters who are left unattended often feel abandoned and feel sorry for themselves.
In addition, long-term loneliness will reduce the immune function of the elderly, increase chronic diseases, and at the same time, social function will be more lacking, resulting in autism and eventually forming a vicious circle. A follow-up survey of 1600 elderly people over the age of 60 by the University of California found that the life expectancy of elderly people who often feel lonely will be reduced by 6 years. "Old people often don't realize their emotional barriers or think they are disgraceful. They are afraid of causing trouble to their children and avoiding medical treatment, which is more likely to delay their illness and delay treatment. " Li Juan said.
A phone call, a greeting, always concerned.
I live in Li Nainai, near Hujialou, Chaoyang District, Beijing. I walk 10 minutes every night, go to the gate of the nearby Jingkelong supermarket, and dance with a dozen old people in the narrow open space along the road. Nowadays, such scenes are hidden in every corner of the city, and there are very few places where the elderly live. "We should build more venues for the elderly and let them go out of their homes. The community should also organize the elderly to participate in activities and get in touch with society as much as possible. " Li Juan said.
On June 26th this year, the National People's Congress Standing Committee (NPCSC) wrote the spiritual comfort clause of "always going home to see" into the Law on the Protection of the Rights and Interests of the Elderly (revised draft), stipulating that "family members should care about the spiritual needs of the elderly and should not ignore or neglect them. Supporters who live separately from the elderly should often visit or greet the elderly. " In fact, in China, which advocates "filial piety first", most children are not unfilial, but social development and fierce competition make it impossible for them to stay with their parents often, which deepens the loneliness of the elderly.
In this regard, Yang Ping believes that what children who run away from home can do is to keep in touch with their parents frequently and communicate effectively. You can make a phone call every day, 1 minute is enough, and say something that makes the old people happy, even if it's just to tell them "I'm fine." In addition, don't think that buying more things for the elderly is to hang the elderly in your heart. "Pay more attention to the spirit and listen to them. When people are old, there will always be many feelings. Don't make it too difficult for parents. They will be full of hope for their future life because you value them and your family. "
Finally, the old people should also learn to comfort themselves and treat their children "leaving the nest" correctly. There is no need to feel sad about it. It is normal for children to leave home independently as adults, and it is also the trend of social development. Old people should learn to gradually change their child-centered state of mind, cultivate their own hobbies, and more importantly, keep their spirits happy. Living a healthy and relaxed life for the elderly is the greatest psychological comfort for their children.
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