The furthest distance in the world is not that I love you and you don't know it, but that people who love each other become strangers. Two people have been together for a long time, and everything is familiar with each other. Breathing and smelling are like being integrated. So some people say that breaking up is like being cut off. That kind of pain is beyond the understanding of ordinary people.
I think, since you have a dream, why not work hard for it once? This will not leave any regrets in life.
Since you think the other person is worth saving, you should do it, regardless of anyone's eyes. People never know where they are in this life, and they don't know if there will be another life. In this life, they will always be desperate to find someone for their love. Only in this way can we live up to this life and love.
No matter what the reason is, even if we break up resolutely, it is not difficult to bring our lovers back to us if we can save them with a positive attitude and the right method. Growth is painful, just like fitness. Muscle growth is the same as muscle fiber splitting and then growing new fibers. After the recovery, both sides achieved growth. Therefore, to a great extent, it is not only the feelings of the past that are saved, but the maturity of both sides and a bright future.
So, what is the correct method of compound recovery?
1, don't feel sorry for yourself or complain.
In fact, I really hate the way I speak, but since people often say that it takes two hands to make a sound, it makes sense that this statement has been circulating for so long.
So, the first thing after breaking up, don't blame yourself. Once you do this, you can't face each other with a normal attitude. In the face of such a thing, then you will lose your rationality, unintentionally do something out of line, pester or hurt yourself, and lead to further deterioration of the relationship. Don't even get back at each other. It is generally men who directly hurt each other, while girls hurt themselves for revenge or even derailment, which is not worth the candle.
It should be noted that the end of any relationship is caused by different needs of lovers and poor communication. For example, boys like sports and girls like silence. Once one of them wants to tie the other to his side, and the other is unwilling to give in, the contradiction is inevitable.
There is no right or wrong in emotional matters. Love is mutual, so is tolerance. Otherwise it's just unrequited love. People in love are eager to find a meeting point from love and meet their own needs. But we have to understand that not all lovers can meet their needs. So, don't blame anyone for breaking up. Everyone is watching, and everyone will eventually bear the corresponding consequences for what they have done. Although you may be broken up because of carelessness, as I said before, there is no right or wrong in emotional matters, and you are the result of being broken up.
Love requires both the care and skill of lovers. If skills can make our communication smoother and more comfortable, it is natural that love needs skills. Many people always object that love is skillful, and I think it is naive. Love needs lovers to manage together, and contradictions and disputes will not be unilateral. There is no sense of right or wrong, and there is no need to blame yourself or the other party too much. Never feel sorry for yourself and complain about others' overeating. This will only increase the psychological burden on yourself and the other party, and the loss will outweigh the gain. Even if you save ta like this, all you get is sympathy, not love.
If you want to get back together with ta, you must first forgive yourself from the bottom of your heart, forgive each other, and save each other in a positive state. A positive attitude is the key to success.
2. Improve yourself before saving money.
As the ancients said, three days don't treat each other, but many people only know their position but don't take action to save them. A student once said that he lost 20 pounds while pursuing his girlfriend. He lost weight again after breaking up. Because he didn't think about tea and rice, he felt that he was impressed by her kindness. I said no because you became handsome after losing weight.
I found that many people have a very bad habit of thinking, that is, they feel that they can be casual after catching up with each other and falling in love, regardless of their personal image and living habits. Although lovers have repeatedly mentioned it, ta also thinks it is a trivial matter and is not worth mentioning. Moreover, this situation is gender-neutral.
We should understand that the essence of love is mutual attraction, not mutual begging or mutual pity. When the other person discovers your unique charm and value, your feelings can be free from external factors and put all your thoughts on you.
At first, we were attracted by what we liked. Later, I found that I had some shortcomings that the other party didn't like, and these shortcomings were actually easy to change-such as personal image, speaking style and tone, but many people turned a deaf ear. Many lovers think that love should be tolerant of each other, but he or she wants to be tolerated by the other party, not by himself or herself.
Therefore, before contacting each other, we must change our shortcomings, improve ourselves and become excellent enough, just like ourselves who did not show any shortcomings before falling in love. At the same time, we can't turn all our attention to recovery. Everyone needs to have their own life and career. If you do nothing, ta will not dare to entrust herself to you.
These two points are very important for recovery. If the first point is not done well, the second point is not done well. If the change is not good, the mentality will be bad, and then a vicious circle will be formed.
Many people know that recovery should be frozen after reading some recovery technology stickers, but the true meaning of freezing is unknown, but it is often misunderstood.
First of all, we must understand that freezing is similar to breaking the net, but it is not the same thing. The real meaning of freezing is: emotional freezing, the essence of which is to freeze your sense of need, because too strong a sense of need will put you at a disadvantage, rather than cut off contact, but this connection is to reduce your sense of need and pay attention to it occasionally on the premise of improving your self-worth.
1, emotional freezing
After breaking up, many people's first reaction is to save each other by various means. Even if it hurts self-esteem, they think that losing self-esteem can impress each other more. In fact, they just touched themselves and disgusted others.
Begging, crying, pestering, threatening, etc. These practices of lowering your own value will only make the other party more disgusted and think that you are immature, so you want to stay away from you more. Maybe at the beginning of breaking up, your impression in the other person's heart is not too bad, but once you do these behaviors, your impression score will be greatly reduced or even become negative.
The teacher said, "When the other person breaks up with you, it means that he has denied you everything." Therefore, the first step of preservation is freezing. When facing each other's demands and decisions, don't pray, don't entangle and don't meet each other. But to promise and respect each other's demands and decisions. This kind of behavior will make the other person feel that you are calm and mature, which is equivalent to giving the other person time to think calmly.
In the face of breaking up, it is too difficult to calm down. After all, people can't be ruthless, unless it's vegetation. Therefore, during this period, only try to divert attention through various activities that can please the body and mind, so that you have no time to think about each other, reduce your sense of need, and at the same time think clearly about the reasons for the breakdown of feelings, and then make targeted changes to improve yourself.
During the freezing period, we don't meet or entangle, but we can still send holiday wishes and greetings.
2. Make a difference in the freezing period.
The key to saving love is to change yourself and improve yourself. It is best to give each other a huge surprise in three days.
How to change it? How to improve? Is to act during the freezing period. Therefore, freezing is only emotional freezing, but it is not doing nothing. On the contrary, change with your heart, not just talk but not practice. Only when you really change and improve, the other person will think that you have seriously reflected, that you value her, and that you put her in the most important position.
Therefore, when saving love, the first priority during the freezing period is to take action to change yourself, reduce the negative impression and psychology of the other party, and completely resolve the contradiction between you.
But how? How to change it?
1, unconditionally agree
You promise to say whatever ta says, but you don't need to worry at all, because when we break up, the other party generally doesn't make excessive demands. At least when we break up for the first time, most people just say, let's be friends. It is not difficult to promise this, after all, it is just lip service, because it will be redeemed in the end. Friends can't do it, and it's even harder to be strangers. It turns out that the contradiction of breaking up is caused by your different views and feelings about things. Each of us has a rationalization mechanism in our hearts to rationalize all our thoughts and feelings and think that we are right. This is basically the source of couples' quarrels. Each of us looks at everything around us with our own eyes and brains, so our thinking must be self-centered and easy to be selfish. We must realize this. Otherwise, you will think that the problem cannot be solved. In fact, many things are just because we look at problems from different angles, not because we really have irreconcilable differences in our views on things. ..
In order to get what we want and achieve our goal, the first step might as well be to get each other's approval, enter each other's heart and break through each other from the inside. To get the other person's approval, it is very simple, that is, to agree with the other person's views and opinions. In this way, the other person will stop arguing with you and start to reflect on whether he is wrong or not.
Step 2 be absorbed
As I said before, each of us looks at things and people around us from our own perspective. There is no right or wrong, so I often say that feelings are not right or wrong. In the world of love, no matter men, women and children, as long as their feelings are sincere, they are all beautiful. In the world of love, everyone is equal, so even if you disagree, you should respect each other's views and feelings. The more you like each other, the more you need to understand each other. .
Because we all look at things from our own perspective, it is particularly important to learn to put ourselves in each other's shoes. So learn to think about the same problem from the other side's point of view. So that we can feel the same way. When we do this, you will know what the other person wants, and you will begin to understand his thoughts and face up to your position. You will find out where your strengths and weaknesses are. When you look at things from the other person's point of view, you will not only find your own shortcomings in this relationship.
Step 3 start with friends
Teachers like to say: human nature is base.
Indeed, many people don't know how to cherish until they lose it.
Some people, the more you pay attention to him, the more you send him a signal of seeking goodness. The more he ignores you, the more indifferent he feels.
Once you show indifference, the other person will expect something from you. I hope you can look at her more. As the saying goes, people don't cherish what is easy to get.
Why should we treat each other as ordinary friends? It is because doing so can not only make the other person's eyes stay on you, but also reduce the other person's preparedness and the pressure of contradiction, and also help him attract him for the second time through your platform, thus saving him (her) again. Let you promise to be friends with each other, of course, not to give up and save, but to really return to the relationship of ordinary friends, but to retreat for progress, outflank and save love. As the saying goes, taking a step back and adopting the strategy of being friends for the time being is tantamount to continuing to keep the relationship and successfully keeping the job after the breakup.
Accustomed to the life of two people, at the beginning of breaking up, it will be difficult for people to accept the life of no longer being lovers, so many people lose their minds in a rage, cut off all contact information and disappear, but can you really do it?
As the saying goes, broken bones are still connected.
Some people do a lot of things that make the other person hate in order to keep the relationship between lovers, which leads to the other person's determination to break up, refusing to meet, blackmailing and refusing, which is even more difficult to recover.
In fact, when the other party broke up or said that you were inappropriate or other accusations and excuses, although you agreed with him, you agreed with everything the other party said. Don't argue, otherwise it will only worsen the relationship, let the other party break up rationally and feel that it is right to leave you.
If you can calm down at this time and verbally agree to the other party's request and decision, the other party will see your calm and good attitude, and see that you are in line with TA's temper, which will increase your goodwill. At the same time, you will also doubt whether breaking up is the right decision and reflect on your behavior. .
Because the person who broke up must have thought about how to deal with it once rejected, and crying and praying is the first reaction of ordinary people to break up. The other party will think about countermeasures. Once your reaction is as expected by ta, the breakup is almost certain.
When you maintain the relationship of ordinary friends, you naturally maintain the right to contact, and the other party will not object to contacting you. When you are free, you can chat with ta, spend time with ta when he is sad, comfort him, and go out to eat for fun when you have the opportunity. Getting close to ta in this friend's way will not cause him any trouble but also enhance your relationship. When ta slowly recovers her good feelings for you and finds that she still can't live without you, it will be natural to get back together.
Therefore, the first priority after breaking up is to position your relationship as an ordinary friend, use this relationship to reduce ta's preparedness and wariness, while maintaining intersection and communication, and creating opportunities for subsequent recovery.
To say the least, temporary patience and concession is a big step for the future, from friends to excessive lovers. Don't lose your temper. It takes patience to save love, especially patience to change yourself. A watched pot never boils. .
The most critical step to recover is to freeze the breakup and grasp the scale. Being too active will increase the pressure and burden of the other party, and the problem of one-sided negative resignation will not disappear automatically.
Saving love requires us to work hard, understand with our heart and strive for it with all our strength. Only by learning to put yourself in others' shoes, understanding others and problems, and enhancing your own value, will the other person come back to you willingly, and your love will be happy and long-lasting.
Matters needing attention during recovery:
In the face of lovers who are about to leave and lose their feelings, many people will think, why is it so difficult to recover? I love you so much, can't I change?
People don't cherish things that are too easy to get. If it's so easy to save love, will you still cherish ta who came back to you again? Do you care about ta's feelings? Will you love ta more than hurt ta?
Saving is a test, not easy, but if you do it right and avoid mistakes, saving love will be smooth.
First, save the love in the circle of friends.
Today, everyone has a smart phone, WeChat, and even a few WeChat. Every state you send is quietly revealing your attitude, lifestyle and mood.
Although you didn't say a word, through your circle of friends, others can see your life, your taste, your eyes-and thus roughly see what kind of person you are.
The teacher once pointed out: "We call anything posted by a WeChat circle of friends a preset thing, that is, who the publisher has preset it for."
If you learn to organize and establish a circle of friends (QQ space and other social software), you can "communicate well" directly with others through the circle of friends. Let's talk about the precautions first:
1, don't put inferior photos in your circle of friends.
Everyone loves beauty, and everyone likes beautiful things.
So friends circle must put good-looking photos. Only in this way can we attract each other's attention. Good-looking here not only refers to self-portraits, but also requires that the photo pixels are high enough, clear enough, the photo background is good, and the environment can be low, but it must be exquisite and tasteful, not low.
Blurred or sloppy photos show that the quality of your mobile phone is not good, and the other party will subconsciously think that your life has no quality, bad work and no future. And clear, comfortable and beautiful photos are your performance of showing high value.
Friends circle is more private. Some people you hate, you can block them in groups.
2. Don't pass negative energy in the circle of friends.
The circle of friends is not suitable for making long speeches, and many things that like to reprint are actually read by few people. Don't think that only words can convey content, without pictures and reasons. In fact, a good photo is worth a thousand words. People are much more impressed by pictures than words, because people are visual animals and people see the world with their eyes.
Can be said in a picture, you can describe it in many words. You think it's sincere, but you're lazy and you deserve it.
What photos can express is much more profound than words, because words still need people's imagination, but pictures are more intuitive and impressive.
Sunshine and positive photos make people feel happy; Clean and elegant photos make people feel peaceful; Dark and broken photos represent depression, sadness, depression and misfortune ... What photos you show means what kind of life and state you have and what kind of person you are.
In the process of saving love, spreading negative energy in the circle of friends can only reduce your value and make ta more rational in breaking up.
3, but show more photos of the same type.
Friends circle display can generally be divided into three categories: life, value and mood display.
Showing similar photos has three disadvantages:
First, let the other person feel that your life is monotonous and your values are narrow, so naturally you will not be attracted to you;
Second, the other party will soon have aesthetic fatigue, which will lead to resistance, do not want to pay attention to your dynamics, and even block your circle of friends; Third, you will feel unreal, because people should be full and three-dimensional. If you show a certain kind of photos repeatedly, people will wonder if you have another purpose.
Second, the matters needing attention of dating to save love
From the perspective of friendship, you found the right time to date and invited success, which shows that redemption has taken a big step towards success, but don't get carried away, you still have to be prepared. Meeting is a good opportunity to show off, because you can directly show your changes, thus directly generating attraction, so you should seize this opportunity.
1, easy and fun.
After the reunion, remember to talk about some heavy topics and past feelings on the first date, which will remind ta of all kinds of unhappiness in the past. Heavy topics will ruin the dating atmosphere and make people feel uncomfortable, so they want to escape from dating.
Once we talk about the past, it's easy for ta to think of all kinds of unpleasantness in the past, and it's hard to ask out next time. You should find some relaxing and interesting topics, just like the happiest time in the past, sharing interesting things in life and celebrity gossip.
When you show a happy look, it will stimulate ta's curiosity. Ta will wonder why you are happier instead of sad after breaking up, and then ta will wonder if it is wrong to break up. Secondly, people's happy smiles are really charming and can successfully attract ta.
2. No physical contact.
Try to keep your distance and don't have physical contact. This kind of behavior will stimulate ta's defense mechanism, make ta suspicious and doubt your purpose, so keep your distance and let ta imagine.
You must do it, let t a feel that this is just a simple friend date, and let ta feel that you are a very good and trustworthy friend, not with ulterior motives.
But you don't have to do some low-value behavior to please ta. There's no point in platitudes. Don't expose your sense of need.
3. Don't argue
When someone points out a mistake, a person's first reaction and instinct is to defend himself. When saving love, if you do this, if you refuse to admit your mistakes, but always take the opportunity to refute and blame each other, it will be even more difficult to save. The other person will think that you will never change and it is right to break up. Therefore, if you want to save love, you must not argue with ta. Even if what ta said is wrong, you will accept it all. In fact, ta is in an irrational state at this time. Whether arguing or reasoning, it will cause ta's disgust. No matter what you say, the other party is irrational and won't listen.
If you can listen to each other with an open mind, this will reduce ta's precautions and contradictions and make ta's attitude towards you change.
4. Don't expose the sense of need.
People who want to recover often involuntarily show a sense of high demand, such as I still love you; I was wrong, I changed, we started over, and so on. These words are harmful and useless, and will only increase the difficulty of recovery.
The teacher said: "human nature is base, people will not cherish things that are too easy to get, and it is the same to save love." When you show a sense of high demand, ta will feel that it is too easy to get you, so you are not worth it. "
Therefore, in saving love, never show your high sense of demand, so as to successfully save love.
I have saved my lost feelings like you. I tried my best to touch each other, but all I got was cold eyes. Give two suggestions: 1. Give space moderately, chase up and kill down. It will only increase the pressure and then hate you more. 2. Truth: Don't betray yourself to please each other. I wrote an article about my successful rehabilitation experience, called: Chen Azong's complicated mental journey. You can search Baidu. For reference, it will be of great help to make it back! )
How can you see a rainbow without experiencing wind and rain? Salvation is a test and opportunity for both sides to grow and change, but growth is painful. So we must be patient and stand up to setbacks and tests.
It's normal to hit a wall at first. As long as you don't give up and stick to it in the right way, you will surely see the dawn of success, save your love and get back together successfully.