"The road to marriage, every day is similar scenery, the same process. Very weak. If you want to get along well, you really have to rely on Huigen ... The so-called other half doesn't adapt at first and keeps running in during the revision process. If you have more than me, you can spend your whole life together like a jigsaw puzzle ... "—— Wang Weizhong's One Man Has Half a Partner.
In the new drama Tomb-Sweeping Day, director Wu Nianzhen compares marriage to a fire, which gradually cools down from blazing. How to keep a certain temperature and not let it go out depends on the maturity, willingness and methods of both husband and wife. Starting a new stove will experience temperature changes and may not last long.
Love has three components in psychology: intimacy and commitment. Lin, an associate professor in the Department of Family and Anthropology of Normal University, analyzed that * * is a physiological need and "goes downhill with time"; Intimacy is "a soul mate who knows me for you and appreciates and respects each other"; Commitment represents a sense of responsibility and belief; The bigger the love triangle, the more stable the relationship. "Before entering the marriage, you should think about the indispensable elements in the love triangle. There is no right or wrong, you can adjust it according to your personal preference, and then you have to accept the marriage mode that comes with it, "Lin said.
Four suggestions to avoid the trap of the old couple.
If we pay more attention to the partnership in marriage, rather than the role and function, that is, let the intimate elements increase day by day, love can always remain constant. However, marriage and gender experts have observed that people in Taiwan Province Province often work too hard as parents in marriage, but forget to think about whether they are good spouses.
How can marriage not fall into the trap of the old couple and keep the temperature of love? Experts suggest starting from the following four points:
Keep in touch: "Why does Chunjiao love to talk and Zhiming want to cheat? Author and psychologist Yang Congcai reminded that communication is the most important course for men to learn. Accept the differences between men and women before fine-tuning. Women speak an average of 20 thousand words a day and need to share their feelings; Men only need to be considerate and empathetic, and don't need to give too many opinions and criticisms.
In terms of sexual demand, "because of the secretion of testosterone, men flash across a sexual thought every 52 seconds on average, which is not a question of right or wrong, nor is it an excuse," Yang Congcai said. However, after having children in Taiwan Province Province, the habit of sleeping together between mothers and children needs to be adjusted. The frequency and place of sex is a topic that couples should communicate.
Pay attention to each other: before marriage, it is easy to pay attention to each other and pay attention to the small details of each other's living habits. After marriage, it is easy to be covered up by trivial matters, or there are too many things to take for granted, even the hair style has changed, and the parts that are cherished by each other gradually disappear.
Praise each other: Husband and wife should always praise each other, and don't be stingy. Life is the accumulation of small things, so we should expand good feelings at any time.
Equality of relationship: the relationship between two people should be equal. As parents of their "children in their hearts", they still have to face the problems and psychological needs from their families, rather than relying on the other half to save and satisfy you.
People will change, and love in marriage is also a process of development. "Just as children develop differently as they get older, the constant thing is to keep up with each other's footsteps," Lin said. If you understand the change of life course, you won't be afraid of it. What you are afraid of is that you didn't notice it, didn't have time to appreciate it, followed it, and didn't walk hand in hand. The ideal intimate partnership is "to accompany, follow and lead each other. Sometimes you are in front of me and sometimes you are behind me, but don't fall behind too much," Lin added. The key point is whether you are willing to wait and support each other.
Deng Huiwen, a gender relationship expert and psychologist, also described it as "an affair is like a cancer in the soul or marriage given by God", forcing everyone to pay attention to the health of diet at all times. "To care about the intimacy between husband and wife, any change in relationship should be regarded as something that needs to be dealt with", she stressed.
Deng Huiwen, who has treated many marriages, believes that hopeless marriage is the kind of relationship that "pays obvious inequality and the values are too different", and the rest are worth cherishing and working hard.
Perhaps, by this standard, few marriages are perfect. However, as Wang Weizhong wrote, "Without marriage, ups and downs, and children to continue family values and feelings, it would really lose a lot of flavor. 」
(Excerpted from: Wedding Dress, Wedding Photography, Taipei Wedding Photography Information Network)
References:
1 the transformation track of Li Yuying's wedding dress shop in 2004, Journal of Feng Jia Humanities and Social Sciences.
Special Report on Clothing of Li Yujie, Chen Yan, Li Wanyu, Soong Ziying and Weng Guoyu.
3 Wang Song Rong, 2002 Study on Consumer Behavior in Taipei Wedding Banquet Market, Master's thesis of Senior Administration, School of Business Administration, Tamkang University.