People are thrown into this world. Heidegger's "being discarded" means that people come to this world with many contingencies. First of all, the birth and arrival of people are not determined by people's will. For the contingency of life, Sartre has a more vivid description: "Life is like being thrown on a fast-moving train, and people know nothing about where it comes from and where it is going. The only thing people can do is to choose freely in existence and be responsible for themselves and the whole world independently. " Seriously! As far as I am concerned, choosing to be a primary school teacher is the result of many accidental accumulations-although not entirely, strictly speaking, it should be the superposition of contingency and inevitability-but one thing is certain, no matter what factors cause it, the result of the status of "primary school teacher" is certain and unchangeable, which was, is and may be in the future.

I don't know when, when I began to understand all this, I suddenly realized that the only thing I could do in the face of great contingency was to be responsible for myself. I always ask myself: What does it mean to be a primary school teacher? I kept asking and writing. Peng Taris said: "Maybe I always say the same thing, sometimes almost the same word, but I always revolve around a unique center, a center I can't find, from various ways. It can be said that it only exists through its absence. " I think my repeated remarks may only prove that I keep asking.

From middle managers to pure teachers

1In July 1995, I graduated from the First Normal School of Hunan Province and was assigned to a primary school in Kaifu District. At first, I taught math in one or two classes of senior high school. Soon after, he was transferred to a suburban school and served as the teaching director for eight years. In the first decade of my career, I taught mathematics, Chinese, science, labor, art, calligraphy, morality and life (society) and English. I used to be a class teacher, director of education and chairman of the trade union. I have changed to three schools, won prizes and won many honorary titles (excellent teachers in urban areas, teaching and research activists) ... but I am often confused.

In the first ten years of work, the dean's transactional work accounted for 80%. Although in the second half of 20001,Kaifu District was the first experimental area of curriculum reform in China, as the first experimental teacher, I devoted unprecedented passion to the discipline construction of "Morality and Life (Society)". In the words at that time, I was "plunged into the torrent of new curriculum reform". I used to take my children to grow vegetables, raise silkworms, feed tadpoles, go to the park to find fallen leaves, go to the community to observe the surrounding living environment, play games … and enjoy happiness with students. But after all, as a middle-level school manager, it is impossible to put all your energy into teaching. On the one hand, I fulfilled my duties dutifully. On the other hand, there is a voice repeatedly in my heart: which is better, management or teaching?

In 2004, I was awarded a senior title, which means that I have achieved the ultimate goal in the eyes of ordinary people. However, I have been asking myself, where is the way out? It was not until I got a master's degree in education in Hunan Normal University that I finally made a decision that no one could understand: I quit my teaching director and became a pure teacher.

In the second half of 2005, I chose to teach my major-English, and also participated in the teaching of morality and life in a class. In this process, as a teacher, I never even put down the question of "going or staying". Paradoxically, the more confused I am about teachers' profession and education, the more I think about it. As a result, it seems that my feet stand firm.

"Back to the origin. From the administrative post, the heavy teaching work made me really feel the difficulty of teaching, and also deeply felt the powerlessness and pain of education. If I am fortunate enough to have experienced a career promotion through study, then back to reality, I can see more educational truths and feel more educational details than before, and these bring me more pain and frustration than success. "

This is a passage from my diary in 2007, which somewhat reflects my state at that time-the reality is so unbearable that I am still confused and anxious.

We can only stick to it and try to find a breakthrough in our daily life.

I carefully combed my many years of professional growth experience, and analyzed the living conditions and professional development of primary school teachers and related vocabulary by taking myself as an example. First, form a research paper and achieve excellent results in the defense of master of education; First, it was published in the authoritative publication Education Reference. In writing, I take care of myself calmly and rationally, trying to get rid of monotonous, mechanical, repetitive and passive life.

With the help of the Internet, I seek professional support, set up a personal education blog and participate in various online seminars. I keep an education diary almost every day and publish my practical thinking and reading experience about education in time. At the same time, make friends with outstanding people in the educational front and actively participate in various educational seminars. For example, Dr. Liu Lianghua's "Educational Narrative Research", Mr. Zhang Wenzhi's "Life-oriented Education Research", the national advanced seminar for front-line teachers, and the distance training of new thinking of the Ministry of Education. ...

In August, 2006, Professor Liu Tiefang of Hunan Normal University established the "Friends of Lushan Mountain" teacher cooperation salon, whose members are mainly outstanding teachers from Changsha, Xiangtan and Yueyang, and built a platform for integrating educational theory and practice in the form of non-governmental organizations. Salon lasted for five or six years, during which activities such as online discussion, reading, lesson discussion and field trip were carried out, and three advanced seminars were held in Yueyang and Changsha on 20 1 1, 20 12 and 20 13 respectively, which gained a good reputation. Related activities have been published in Fujian Forum (Social Science Education Edition), Collected Works of Educators, China Education News and Education Times. As a backbone member, I have been actively participating in the activities of the salon and benefited a lot.

I try to be an actor.

From 2008 to 20 1 1 year, I devoted myself to the exploration and practice of English ballad course. Starting from the topic, starting from the daily teaching, I will change my classroom bit by bit. Reading in the morning, performing ballads three minutes before class, holding a class ballad contest, and setting up a school-level English ballad reading group ... I almost put all my energy into classes, students and projects. These figures may explain the problem. Take the next semester of 2009 as an example. I almost gave myself to triviality and complexity, but I felt unprecedented enrichment and happiness. I recorded nearly 50,000 words of thinking, made 40 courseware, corrected 152 children's homework, recorded 152 children's singing performance, and rehearsed 9 children's picture books.

From English teachers to Chinese teachers and class teachers

20 1 1 In the second half of the year, I transferred from Kaifu District to Furong District, and was assigned to Yu Ying No.2 Primary School to teach English as the head of teaching and research. After an unusually full and busy semester, I am once again faced with a major choice-whether to complete the major events in my personal life (treating diseases and having children) or continue to work?

I have to choose the former because of my age. 20 12, in order not to affect the school teaching, I hired a substitute teacher and I ran between hospitals by myself. This year, I experienced the most lost time in my life. This kind of confusion may be the fear of the unknown, or the loss and helplessness of putting yourself in a strange place-life suddenly became empty and there was a big fracture, not because there was no direction, but because the sense of direction was too clear and strong, but it was impossible to grasp. Fate is so impermanent. The ego drifts in confusion and expectation. Only by relying on the power of hope or a vague and optimistic heart, in prayer and expectation, waiting will not become suffering. This state, until I succeeded in IVF conception, until I finally became a real mother.

At the beginning of 20 14, when I returned to campus, I seemed to have only one choice: teaching Chinese and being a class teacher. Without much hesitation, I chose to obey the school arrangement-although I have been teaching English for many years, although I still have a hungry son. I can't estimate how many difficulties I will encounter after switching to teaching Chinese, and how many I can't overcome?

When I first came into contact with Chinese, I set myself the goal of two words: it takes me a year to adapt. Adapt to Chinese teaching, adapt to class management, and adapt to your new identity after transformation.

Looking at the work that year, I found that it was actually based on class management. The class I took over is the next stage of grade five. The senior children have already had a preliminary sense of self, but they are still young and lack basic thinking and judgment. Besides, I am the new head teacher. How to make children know and accept me as soon as possible and get through the adaptation period smoothly is very important for class management and Chinese learning in the future. In retrospect, I mainly did the following:

1) Give the class management right to the students as much as possible.

Establish the concept that "everyone is the master of the class and everyone is important" in the class. Ideas need to be embodied through a certain carrier. I advocated "everyone has something to do, everyone has something to do" through the class cadre campaign; Set up a study group, everyone in the group has a division of labor, advocate the atmosphere of cooperative learning, and strive to give full play to students' autonomy in learning. ...

2) All routines are the foundation of a good class style.

The school has school rules and the class has discipline. In the case of large class size, if we want to surpass the refined class management, we need to be strict in all routine aspects, so as to form habits and minimize management costs. Imagine that when children enter adolescence, they are particularly prone to impetuousness, bad temper, quarreling easily and even swearing at each other. Teachers often have to deal with such problems, and their daily work is very hard. Coupled with these troubles, how can they be at peace?

So we must reach an agreement with the children in the class: what can we do in the class? What are not allowed? I will make use of the class meeting to solicit opinions extensively and discuss with the whole class intensively, make clear the class rules according to the actual situation of the class, and form a class "law" for everyone to know. Secondly, the way of class routine management should be simple and easy to operate. I tried to distribute stickers in combination with the school's "elegant teenager" evaluation. I also tried to learn credits and coins, and imitated yellow cards, red cards and green cards on the football field. This is relatively novel, with the meaning of games, which students like and easy to operate.

3) Establish the vision of the same class, so that the class construction can transcend triviality and move towards Excellence.

If a class is only satisfied with the daily work of the school, is satisfied with peace every day, has no clear goal and direction, and has no common vision and hope, it must be a mediocre class. I have two profound experiences in teaching these years. First, the class teacher himself is the best example. Practice is better than precept. As the leader of the class, the head teacher has a subtle influence on the students themselves. What children are asked to do, the teacher must first do it himself. For example, we all want our children to love hygiene and do things in an orderly way, so teachers should pay attention to their personal image, including whether the daily work arrangement is orderly, whether things are always done in an orderly way, and even whether the office desktop items are clean and tidy, which are silently transmitting some kind of signal to students. If children are required to love learning and be willing to suffer hardships, then teachers should also be willing to study hard and have enthusiasm in their own teaching work, so as to infect students. Second, as a class group, we should have our own business cards. This business card is not a visible poster hanging on the classroom door or wall, but an abstract and unique class symbol that every child can really feel. Take the two students I took as an example. I have always insisted on doing one thing, that is, running a class composition newspaper. Class composition newspapers all have a nice name, which is collected from children. Some are called "Seven-color Rainbow", others are called "Dream Flying", and each name has a beautiful wish. For example, the name "Dream of Flying" comes from students' words: "Through composition weekly, we can stimulate our inner thoughts and abilities, know our true selves, and let our dreams fly freely in the blue sky and white clouds."

In our composition newspaper, the first class of students ran the first issue after the end of the second phase in five years, and ran the twenty issues after graduation. This year's students set up a phase every five years, and now they run a phase every six years. Class composition newspaper can not only provide a platform for children who love writing to communicate and publish, but also stimulate and enhance most children's interest in writing, and it is also a training stage for children to practice. After a semester's diary is written down, children gradually learn to observe life, record their feelings, express their opinions and dissatisfaction, and even have some thoughts and feelings of sadness that teenagers don't know. The class composition newspaper is also a public opinion platform, and children can freely express their views on a certain phenomenon under the guidance of teachers. For example, for the school's "running exercise" activities, children have gathered a lot of words in their hearts. On the platform of weekly newspaper, they express their opinions, agree, disagree, suggest and seek truth from facts, all of which are objective ... so the class composition newspaper invisibly leads the class to correct public opinion orientation.

If the key word of my first decade of work is "confusion", then my second decade can be summarized by "change". Whether from middle managers to pure front-line teachers, or from English teachers to Chinese teachers and class teachers, these changes seem to be only from one field to another, from one major to another, but in fact, for me, the changes are fundamental. Every change is a transformation; Every change is a self-examination; Every change is a new beginning.

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