Wu Taoming

A writer said that puppy love is a thorny rose, and we are often attracted by its fragrance. However, once we can't help touching it, we are often stabbed mercilessly. -Inscription

Definition: Puppy love is the phenomenon of puppy love between boys and girls in adolescence or before puberty, which generally occurs before the age of 20. During this period, due to age restrictions and lack of experience, I lacked the necessary thinking ability and more followed my feelings. Feel the outstanding performance and specialties of the opposite sex, such as good study, good looks and special specialties, which often make them admire. If you can't grasp yourself at this time, you will fall into emotional misunderstanding and puppy love.

Status quo: Puppy love has become a common psychological problem among middle school students and even senior primary school students. According to relevant surveys, puppy love accounts for 39.2% of all senior three students and 50% of all senior three students. This tendency increases with the increase of grade. The study also found that after 13 years old, both girls and boys are psychologically prone to sprout the bud of first love, so the phenomenon of puppy love among middle school students has increased in recent years, showing an upward trend. Psychologists have investigated the love situation of 726 middle school students, and found that students who have a secret crush, fall in love and fall out of love account for 1 1.43%, 4.55% and 2.34% of the total students respectively. Surveys from all sides show that middle school students fall in love very rarely, so the success rate of first love is very low. Lovelorn is almost the inevitable result of middle school students' love. Losing love sometimes affects a person's life. Many middle school students who have puppy love have gone from unrequited love to being unable to extricate themselves. It can be said that they have tasted the ups and downs of love.

Reason: To solve the problem of puppy love among middle school students, we must first understand the root of puppy love: So how did puppy love come about? There are three main reasons for puppy love: First, with the general improvement of people's living standards, students' physical fitness is enhanced and their physiology and psychology tend to be precocious. Middle school students are at the peak of their physical development, their height and weight increase, their secondary sexual characteristics become more and more obvious, their sexual psychological desires germinate earlier, and they will have curiosity, love and attraction to the opposite sex earlier. Adolescence is full of mystery to the opposite sex. Second, social and cultural reasons. The bad influence of the media and the temptation of some socially unhealthy young people. The description of love in books, magazines, movies, television and other information media and the spread of western lifestyles have a strong temptation to them, and even cause them special attention, simple imitation, and even breed puppy love. The third is environmental reasons such as family. On the one hand, because middle school students are basically only children, there is a generation gap between them and their parents because of the age difference. They don't want to talk to their parents, and at the same time they don't have brothers and sisters to talk to, which urges children to talk to others about their dissatisfaction with their families and schools and the pressure of study. This desire can easily make middle school students of the opposite sex in Seeds of Love feel emotional and eventually lead to puppy love. On the other hand, puppy love is mostly because parents give too little love. Students who live on campus are most likely to fall in love because they usually lack communication with their parents. Originally, I had a good impression on the opposite sex after entering adolescence. Once a classmate who cares about me appears by my side, it is inevitable to be tempted. Moreover, puppy love students often have a lot to do with personality and family environment. For example, children from single-parent families or families with disharmony are much more likely to fall in love than children from ordinary families, because they lack love since childhood, and are generally withdrawn and eager for love!

The reasons for students' puppy love should be treated differently, and different students have different reasons for falling in love. Specifically, there are five main types of students who are most likely to fall in love.

The first category is those children who need love and care, mainly including children from divorced single-parent families, children under the rough discipline of their parents and children who lack communication with their parents. Such children are prone to loneliness.

The second kind of children have poor academic performance but advantages in other aspects. If they don't learn well, they will find their own value in other ways. For example, handsome guys, beautiful women, special students and even some rich students at home.

The third category is two excellent students or two students with complementary personalities and similar feelings. They are prone to puppy love because they appreciate each other and need each other.

The fourth kind of students are passive lovers. Their resistance to the outside world is very poor. When they are chased by others, they often fall in love involuntarily.

The fifth category is students who like to compare with others. Playing with friends is purely to show your "ability".

Views of students, experts and teachers on puppy love;

"We should not belittle the feelings themselves. There is nothing wrong with love itself. Don't guard against children like thieves. " "Experts say so. But in the eyes of parents, middle school students' love is like "poison", and puppy love makes them nervous. Students said: "puppy love comes and goes quickly, as long as we communicate well, the impact will not be great."

Experts say that resisting puppy love depends on family ties.

The most effective weapon against puppy love is affection and affection. After the child enters adolescence, parents must take time to communicate and chat with their children. Same-sex parents had better talk to their children more and understand their real thoughts. Once a girl is in puppy love, her parents must teach her to learn some necessary knowledge to avoid being hurt. At the same time, parents should be very careful not to create opportunities for her to be alone. For example, don't let the child rent a house alone, and don't let her stay alone after the child comes home on weekends. No matter what happens, parents should be the most reliable harbor for children. For example, if a girl accidentally gets pregnant, she is also a lost lamb and needs the care of her parents. Parents must not give up their children. The warmth of family can resist all puppy love.

The teacher said that we should respect the students' feelings.

Children have high self-esteem. Teachers and parents should respect students first, and then communicate with them. It is natural for students to fall in love after puberty. School teachers must stand in the position of understanding and respecting children. In this process, on the one hand, teachers should give children more tolerance, on the other hand, they should "make up lessons" on their physical and psychological knowledge and do more counseling.

It is not advisable to stop puppy love. People can't think that love is a heinous thing, nor can it be too aggressive to children. Because some parents and teachers do not handle it properly, it is counterproductive. Sometimes it's just a kind of affection between classmates, but it's called love by adults, and you have to care about this and that, and you keep asking questions, which annoys them and sometimes makes it come true.

Students said that what annoyed them most was the parents' disorderly control.

In fact, many middle school students will deal with feelings and find that this love is not suitable for them and will choose to give up. Many middle school students who fall in love, although vigorous for a while, never last more than a semester. After getting along for a long time, I gradually realize each other's shortcomings and will naturally separate. When this kind of love happens, students say they are most afraid of teachers and parents to stop it.

Why shouldn't puppy love:

Puppy love is a "misunderstanding" in the eyes of teachers and parents, and it is a sensitive topic that was once avoided on campus. Parents and teachers have become the police in the communication between middle school students and the opposite sex, and the red light is on. Once teachers and parents find the signs of puppy love, most of them will resolutely stop it and will never give up until they tear down Yuanyang.

First of all, middle school students' thoughts are still immature, and their views on people, the world and society are still naive, and they are in a turbulent period. Today, the two people may still be very speculative, and they may go their separate ways in a few years. Secondly, physical and mental development is still immature. Middle school students may have a "blind sense of maturity". Like self-righteousness, emotional impulse, poor self-control. Most importantly, your career direction is far from certain. Middle school is the age of all-round development and the age with the strongest thirst for knowledge, so your focus should be on learning. Some students think that "as long as two like-minded, falling in love will not affect their study" is not objective. In fact, when your emotions are always led by someone, it is impossible for you not to be distracted in your studies, and the decline in your grades is inevitable.

Many people who are in puppy love are unfortunately caught in the quagmire of "puppy love", perhaps because of unrequited love, fear or not knowing how to express their love to their long-cherished male (female) classmates, perhaps because they are in the sweet moisture of love, or perhaps because they have written love letters to each other but have never replied, so they are caught in the distress of lovelorn. Moreover, their mental health is not optimistic. Unrequited love students often have emotional instability, irritability, depression, inattention, insomnia, emaciation and other physical and mental symptoms, which can cause psychological and physical diseases in severe cases. After the "romance" was exposed, many girls and a few boys would become quiet and shut themselves in the house every day when they came home. Generally speaking, puppy love will seriously affect the study and physical and mental health, some distort the outlook on life, values and world view, and some even face the "tangled" problem of puppy love by ending young life.

Of course, puppy love is not a crime. The problem is that middle school students are in the "golden age" of growth and knowledge. They are not yet financially independent and lack the conditions to establish a stable love relationship. In other words, the foundation of puppy love among middle school students is extremely weak. Many facts show that nine times out of ten, middle school students' puppy love is fruitless, which can only affect and interfere with their study, health and interpersonal relationships, and bring them trouble and pressure. What's more, because middle school students in sexual maturity are prone to strong sexual impulses, some people are difficult to control, which often leads to lifelong regret. It can be seen that puppy love is very harmful to the healthy growth of middle school students.

The correct way for students:

The first suggestion is to put a right attitude. We must understand that there is nothing wrong with falling in love, and students should not feel guilty about their natural feelings. Liking the opposite sex is as normal as a tree sprouting, growing branches, flowering and bearing fruit;

The second suggestion is not to express your feelings easily and casually. Cherish yourself and let your emotions win the beauty that truly belongs to it at the most appropriate time;

The third suggestion is not to do anything that violates the code of conduct of middle school students. If the flowers bloom too early, they will wither ahead of time and fail to bear full fruit.

At the same time, friends of middle school students should strive to achieve "three essentials": first, respect their feelings and do not abuse them at will; Second, we should respect ourselves and not do things that hurt ourselves and others. Third, we should carefully balance the relationship between middle school students' studies and emotions. "Only birds with wings without shackles can fly higher."

Teenagers should correctly handle their own puppy love problems, which can be handled from the following aspects:

(1) We should clearly realize the harm of puppy love and overcome this immature feeling with reason. The most direct harm of puppy love is that it seriously interferes with learning. Because you think about the opposite sex you like all day and all night, it will make you have no mind to study and it is difficult to concentrate in class. Because you don't listen carefully, your academic performance will get worse and worse. Some people say that the attraction of career, the driving force of love and the reaction of discrimination and oppression are the three major driving forces of life. Therefore, if puppy love is handled well, it can produce "synergy". Relevant statistics show that most of those who had intimate relationships in middle school neglected their studies and failed in love, and some even changed from "deep love" to "deep hatred". On the contrary, most teenagers who bury their love in their hearts and concentrate on their studies not only have a successful career, but also get the favor of heaven. Therefore, teenagers should take a long-term view and overcome their feelings with reason. The essence of perseverance is to conquer oneself. If you can beat yourself, you will get rid of puppy love.

(2) Pay attention to mental health, don't watch inappropriate newspapers and magazines, film and television programs, focus on learning, read more biographies of great men, cultivate willpower and set lofty goals. Some teenagers are in puppy love or unrequited love, and like to exaggerate their position in each other's minds, thinking that their words and deeds are related to themselves and even influenced by themselves. The other party's performance dropped and was criticized by the teacher, thinking that it was because of himself, so I felt sorry for the other party; The other person has been depressed or lost weight recently, thinking that this is because the other person misses himself, so he is very moved. This kind of psychology of teenagers is actually a kind of "self-love". In this yearning for the opposite sex, teenagers get nothing but poor academic performance!

(3) We should correctly handle the relationship between puppy love and normal communication between boys and girls. Every adolescent boy and girl, with the gradual maturity of physiology, will begin to pay attention to the opposite sex students, hoping to get to know them and communicate with them. This is a normal psychological phenomenon. Teenagers' attachment to the opposite sex is not what some parents and teachers think, but a shameful thing. This has little to do with moral quality. Most teenagers have had "puppy love" or "secret love" with the opposite sex they like very much. The key is how teenagers correctly handle the relationship between puppy love and normal communication between boys and girls. Don't be overly sensitive, don't think that the opposite sex is in love with you, and don't always show love to others.

(4) Take part in more group activities, distract attention, don't like the opposite sex alone, and don't associate with the opposite sex alone. By participating in meaningful group activities, you can cultivate your own sentiment, set up lofty ideals, and get help and friendship from your classmates. At the same time, doing so can distract your attention from puppy love and relieve your troubles. It can also calm your mind and dilute your strong feelings for the opposite sex you like. There is no puppy love now, and it may happen soon. Therefore, we should try to avoid communicating with students of the opposite sex alone, because the flame of teenagers' "love" will be ignited by the opposite sex at any time due to physiological and psychological factors. At that time, even if you wanted to destroy it, it was hard to do it.

(5) Try to get rid of puppy love. When someone expresses love or courtship to you, when you have love for the opposite sex, you can take the following measures:

Transfer method: transfer energy to study and replace immature feelings with the fun of exploring knowledge.

Cold treatment: gradually alienate each other to cool the hot relationship.

(3) Shelving method: stop the relationship, so that the hearts of both sides are not open to each other and maintain a pure and precious friendship.

In any case, you should realize that you need to control your feelings calmly. Here are some simple ways to rationally freeze the puppy love that has already appeared:

Treat courtship letters correctly. It seems that the best way for middle school students to express hazy love is to write love letters. Adolescent boys and girls are full of curiosity and yearning for the opposite sex. I often can't restrain my inner impulse, pour my inner love and affection into my pen, and convey my love to each other through love letters. This is a very normal performance. However, this does not mean that middle school students can let their feelings develop freely without restraint. So, how to treat the courtship letter correctly? The most inappropriate way is to write back to the other party immediately and reprimand others; Report to the teacher. Ask teachers to punish "pursuers"; Tell your family, ask your parents to help you solve it, and make the contents of the letter public in the whole class, so that the other party is ashamed.

Imagine what is wrong with the above four practices. If you put yourself in the other person's shoes, I write you a love letter just to express your affection and admiration. If the other party has no "obscene, indecent" words or purposes, then if you take these measures, it will not only hurt your classmates' self-esteem, but also affect your normal friendship. The result of doing this is often to lose another friend who cares about you.

So what is the right thing to do? The best way is freezing. The so-called freezing means that you should clearly express your attitude of stopping puppy love that has arrived or is coming soon. But the premise is: respect others and don't hurt others' self-esteem. The feeling of first love is often pure and sincere. We should protect and guide him, not destroy him Never be cynical, let alone rudely stop it. However, freezing does not mean extinction. On the one hand, freezing means that the attitude of not falling in love is firm, but on the other hand, it is also a respect for first love, which means that there can be a day of thawing in the future, and then a decision can be made when the conditions of both parties are ripe.

The specific way is as follows:

Pretend as if nothing had happened. Some boys may write you love letters on impulse. If you reply immediately, it may make the other party mistakenly think that you care about the other party and may lead to more disputes. If you pretend that nothing has happened, you will still associate with him as usual, don't be too distant, don't deliberately avoid it, and don't show closeness and enthusiasm. After a period of time, he may understand your attitude, so he will shrink back.

Face to face communication. If you pretend as if nothing has happened, the other person will still pursue you and pester you in every way. At this time, you can communicate directly with each other face to face, tell each other that you can be friends, maintain good friendship, and ensure that you will keep secrets for each other. You can also take the opportunity to give love letters to each other during the conversation to show your firm attitude. In short, when dealing with love letters, be careful, respect each other, don't hurt feelings, and don't embarrass each other.

Ask others for help. If the above two methods don't work, and he still haunts you, even after you have warned many times, it is necessary for you to hire a third party you trust. For example, the class reunion will convey your meaning and call parents or teachers when necessary to avoid unnecessary trouble.

Rational control of unrequited love. If you are now in an endless yearning for a boy or girl, and the other person's every move is worrying about your nerves, this power makes you unable to extricate yourself, then you may wish to adopt the method of sublimation. You should control your feelings with reason and try to get yourself out of the whirlpool of feelings. Cultivate your strong enterprising spirit and tell yourself to cherish your youth, study hard and master a skill, instead of indulging in the dispute of loving children. You can read some biographies of great men, or extract famous sayings from celebrities, and urge yourself to constantly surpass your ideals.

Self-suggestion is also a good solution. Always remind yourself: "There are more important things waiting for me to do" and "Don't think about it", properly divert your attention, do something interesting, and devote yourself wholeheartedly. For example, go to the sports ground to play ball, read novels and listen to music. In addition, transfer your activity space. Try to reduce the chances of being alone with him or her, pay more attention to participating in group activities, expand your social circle, and dilute the "love relationship" surrounded by many levels and angles with friendship.

No one will eat immature green fruit, its aftertaste is bitter and astringent. Middle school students who are increasing their knowledge, it is best not to be emotional, you need reason. Walking into a dead end, if you want to get out, you have to pay the price, and a bright future will open for you. There are many beautiful things worth pursuing and experiencing. Swans travel to Wan Li Road because they aim high, while eagles fight the sky because they have a great vision. Today, you should work hard, use all your time and energy, and also for tomorrow's harvest. Don't concentrate your pursuit and ambition in the world of two people too early. Good times can't just get immature feelings.

Although some people don't think puppy love is bad for people's growth, because failure will make progress and frustration will make them talented; But why wait until the pain comes? Not everything has to be experienced by yourself, and there is no need to take unnecessary detours. In short, don't give yourself boring pressure, which is not good for growth; Soldiers will block, everything goes with the flow, if love comes, work hard; However, it is necessary to distinguish between priorities. If the results are delayed, what was not bad will be regarded as bad by others.

The final solution to the problem still depends on yourself. First of all, you should know where you are in your life and what you should do at this stage. In fact, everyone's growth will go through adolescence, and some problems will appear. The key is whether you, as a party, dare to face it positively or passively let it collide in your life and study. Puppy love is not a shameful thing, nor should it be regarded as a scourge. Physiologically, this is just an emotional fluctuation caused by Herman's secretion. But we must face up to this emotional state. Don't let yourself indulge in it, learn to divert your attention, learn to control your emotions, focus on what you should do most, participate in some social activities after studying, let yourself know more and learn to communicate with others, which is also an indispensable survival ability in your future life.

The teacher's correct approach:

Teachers should follow the following principles when educating students: first, keep secrets for students; The second is to provide reliable emotional support for children; The third is to carry out meaningful related activities to guide students to rationally understand and deal with emotional problems.

At the same time, teachers should abide by the principle of "three noes": first, don't create a mysterious and tense puppy love atmosphere; Second, don't spread students' private information everywhere; The third is not to hurt and denigrate students' personal feelings.

When dealing with such problems, teachers should start from the following aspects:

First of all, first of all, don't be afraid of everything. To establish a correct view of students is to treat students with a comprehensive and developmental view. Only by being good at understanding students' psychological and ideological conditions and understanding them can we do a good job in education and guidance. Observe students' behavior after class, extracurricular activities or group activities, and talk with them, and find various signs of puppy love among middle school students, such as: becoming inattentive in class, transmitting dating information through borrowing books; Become fond of dressing up, pay attention to wearing, and attract each other's attention and goodwill; Like reading romance novels; Academic performance dropped significantly; Speak loudly in front of the opposite sex, make noise, play pranks, etc. Attract each other ... Only by understanding the situation of students' puppy love can we begin to adopt appropriate methods to educate them. In most cases, teachers are too sensitive. As long as boys and girls stand together and talk, they all think that something is wrong, followed by warnings, inspections and even reprimands, and complaints to parents. Now most students are only children, and they are usually lonely. It is more a psychological need to seek friendship and warm emotional communication with the opposite sex, and its essence is very pure. This requires the class teacher to work carefully and patiently, often go deep into the students, take the initiative to talk to the students, make jokes, and tell their hearts. Students are both afraid and fond of teachers, because they are children after all and have little social experience. They need the teacher's advice on many things. Students of this age are easily influenced by the outside world. As long as the teacher puts down his airs and goes deep into the students, the students will regard the teacher as a bosom friend. I also often keep in touch with my parents in order to grasp the mentality of each student. But home visits are not complaints. Only by understanding the stories behind them can we find a targeted solution to the problem, moving students rather than hurting them, and making them feel the teacher's "loyalty" and respect for him.

Secondly, as teachers, we should also trust students, care about them, give them spiritual support and care, and let them adjust their psychology in time. For students' puppy love, we should not take the method of rough intervention, but take the method of gentle rain, and talk and guide students patiently with a close and understanding attitude. When dealing with such things, we should not be simple and rude, otherwise we will get twice the result with half the effort.

Third, help students to establish a correct world outlook, outlook on life and values, so that their personality and psychology can grow and improve. Adolescent education in schools can't keep up with the requirements of the times. Students' physical and mental maturity is advanced, but adolescent education in many schools is not popular. Some schools still let students teach themselves, and some teachers still send shameful messages of love to students. "The more locked up and mysterious, the more students want to try." Puppy love among middle school students is a problem that teachers and students are unwilling to mention. But if we always avoid the problem of puppy love, more students will be curious and fall into a misunderstanding. Speak frankly and clearly, and you may get better results. So in class meetings, I often tell my children how to deal with the relationship between teachers and students, how to deal with the relationship between classmates, especially between boys and girls, encourage them to communicate normally, and help them master the skills of dealing with interpersonal relationships, so as to resolve the contradiction between teachers and students. Although adolescent children have a lot of rebellious mentality, as long as they are well guided, their hearts will be purer, knowledge will be easier to learn and the process of education will be more effective.

Finally, students' puppy love should be channeled rather than forcibly prevented. Normal communication between men and women is ok, as long as the discretion is well grasped. If some students can't handle it well, it's not too late to remind them in time. Once the signs of puppy love are found, we must pay attention to methods, let students know that puppy love is a very irresponsible performance for their future, let them know that it is not easy for parents and society to cultivate them, and let them have a sense of responsibility from an early age. They can't ignore their future and the expectations of their parents and teachers because of their own impulse. When educating children, don't forcibly prohibit their behavior, which will only trigger their rebellious psychology, force them to develop in the opposite direction, be more patient and respectful, and let them know that the teacher understands them, so that they can communicate frankly and effectively, and don't let them feel that the teacher just wants to break them up. For those who can't open for a while, we should take a cold treatment and wait for their enthusiasm to slowly fade. For example, there are two classmates who will be inseparable for a while. I promised them not to tell their parents for the time being, and put forward two rules that must be observed at the same time: first, no dating, maintaining normal communication at school, and second, focusing on learning. Two students obey the rules, and they gradually feel that there is something wrong with their love. It's not that they have a problem, but that the time of love is wrong, just a beautiful mistake. As a result, their love relationship gradually became a normal classmate interaction. A pair of puppy love children should be treated separately according to the actual situation. We should strengthen the education of correct outlook on life and values for children with spiritual emptiness, pay attention to controlling the time for children to spend money and extracurricular activities, and urge children to focus on their studies; Children who love vanity should be encouraged to participate in beneficial cultural and sports activities according to their own specialties to realize the value of life and enhance their sense of social responsibility; For children who are blindly in love, we should use reason to help them rein in their emotional wild horses and realize that different ages have different tasks. Puppy love students often have different degrees of ambivalence. They can't get rid of the shackles of love, and they are also worried that they will fall behind in their studies and be scolded by their teachers and parents. Therefore, they especially hope to get the care and understanding of others. Therefore, puppy love students should not be discriminated against. They should increase their trust in teachers with love, care, understanding and respect. Only in this way can they help guide students out of the whirlpool of puppy love and facilitate teachers to guide them and achieve good educational results.

Of course, in addition to the above methods, we can also cooperate with parents, schools and society to engage in more activities suitable for middle school students and improve their appreciation ability. For example, organizing students to carry out "how boys and girls communicate correctly" and holding lectures on appreciation of literary works can not only eliminate the mystery of the opposite sex, but also improve the aesthetic ability of middle school students, thus reducing the occurrence of puppy love.

In short, the puppy love phenomenon of middle school students is different from other mistakes, and most of them are carried out in secret. Moreover, puppy love students often have a lot to do with their personality and family environment. Therefore, as teachers, they should adopt appropriate methods to educate according to the different characteristics and situations of each student. There are many ways to treat middle school students' puppy love correctly. The main thing is to treat this problem in a timely and appropriate manner. The key is to respect students, understand students, love students with your sincere heart, care for students and trust students. Only in this way can we deal with the problem of puppy love among middle school students.

Parents' correct practice:

We must remember three principles. First, we should understand and respect children's emotional changes, and don't put all kinds of negative hats on children. Second, in this unique stage of adolescence, we should actively accompany our children and give them necessary life guidance, instead of sticks, beatings and threats; The third is to remember that parents are always the strongest backing for children and help them to coordinate and deal with all kinds of difficulties and troubles in adolescence.

Parents should also do "three don 'ts": don't treat children's good feelings for the opposite sex as a scourge; Don't equate puppy love with moral corruption; Don't forget that there was a time when you were young.

Parents should unite teachers and cooperate with schools, and usually tell their children all the knowledge of adolescence, including sexual knowledge. Once children are found to be puppy love, they should first stop over-disciplining. Try to close the psychological distance with him. The second step is to go into the heart, understand the true thoughts of the child's heart, and let the child tell his troubles. The third step is to discuss with your child and solve the problem.

In short, as long as children have the right attitude, grasp the way to vent their feelings and weigh the advantages and disadvantages of puppy love, with the cooperation of parents, schools and teachers, the problem of puppy love will be handled correctly. Let the flowers of the motherland bloom brilliantly, and let the rising sun of the motherland Ran Ran rise!