When people are in prosperity, they always feel that they are indifferent and can accept anything. And the test is often the touchstone to test a person's inner strength or not. When adversity comes, we will find that we think we are strong, but in fact we are very fragile. Just like me, I thought that I was beaten by years and it was easy. Later, I found that my vulnerability is so fragile.

Recently, I have always been poked by the news of graduation of various classmates, and I always have a lot of envy in my heart. In addition to this envy, I have nothing to lose in my heart. When everyone started from the same starting line, four years later, others graduated as they wished, but I postponed it. This loss is because I always feel inferior, feel inferior, consciously avoid blessing others, or with inner conflicts, force a smile to bless others. The encouragement, blessing and understanding of others are also interpreted by me as standing and talking as if it were easy at this moment. I will cover up the fact that I don't have by talking about many college management problems. It seems that the management problems of the college can make it reasonable and acceptable for me not to graduate on time. I will imply that I have done a lot of things in the tutor group, so I didn't graduate as scheduled because of lack of time; I will constantly complain to my roommates about spitting out the school and let my unwillingness be vented. But on the one hand, all these behaviors and reactions show that I want to hide my inferiority too much and am afraid of being looked down upon; On the other hand, it reflects that I try my best to find reasons and excuses, but I don't want to admit that my ability is limited and I don't do well. The reason I'm looking for is really related to my procrastination, but it's not the only reason. The most terrible thing is that I am still unwilling to confess and really accept that I have done something bad when everyone agrees with those uncontrollable external reasons. I always symbolically say that I really didn't do well ... but deep down, I was unconvinced and refused to accept that I didn't do well. Unconsciously, I became so arrogant, handsome and like to compare with others. With this mentality, my heart is so tangled and contradictory. I even hope that people around me will stand on my side and speak for me, saying that I can do it together, and then I can enjoy it by myself, so that I can feel healed, understood, not compared and looked down upon. In fact, I live in the eyes of others, eager for outside recognition, so I live very tired. In fact, before writing here, I have never seen this side of myself so deeply, and I didn't expect that I would care so much about other people's opinions. Because, I have always praised myself for being careless, a big girl who can let go and has a big pattern.

In fact, reflecting on the assumptions behind my mentality, I find that there is only one possibility for me, and that is that I am doing well. Because I feel that I am doing well, I feel that I have no problems at all, and the problems are all others'. This assumption makes me blind and confident, makes me afraid to face the facts, makes me find various reasons and excuses, makes my pursuit superficial, paralyzes me, makes me unwilling to accept good ideas and makes it difficult for me to make progress. Actually, do I really have no problem at all? Do you really take every day of writing a paper seriously? From the beginning of writing a thesis to the defense, how much available time was wasted by my addiction to brushing mobile phones, conceit and emotional internal friction; How many books have you read carefully when writing your thesis? Have you really made great efforts to think about theoretical construction? When writing, it is often not a platter? Have you really revised it after writing it? The answer is none. Think about the compound interest curve. From a positive point of view, little by little progress will accumulate amazing power in the long process; Similarly, from a negative point of view, a little perfunctory will have the power to destroy people after a long time. In addition, I recently listened to the doctoral thesis defense of many schools, and then I reflected on myself. Time is not as early as others, revision is not as much as others, and there is no method innovation used by others. We have no talent. With these differences, you want the same result. Is this possible? Is it fair?

The answer must be impossible and unfair. So be willing to accept the differences, accept the results, and stop naively pursuing the so-called face, so-called not being looked down upon. The premise of not being looked down upon is strength, which is the result of taking it out, not the affirmation and praise on the lips. In fact, sometimes we regard ourselves as the center of gravity of the world and the focus of the crowd, and always feel that others are staring at our weaknesses, but the fact may surprise people. At most, you are a small point in other people's topics. There are so many things in everyone's life, and you are not as important as you think, so that others can always discuss your failure as you think. But you are worried about the possibility of becoming the topic of others, and you have so many negative emotions in your heart, wasting your time and getting comfort from others like you are sick.

So, focus on yourself, calm down and live a good day: get up early, arrange your own time, don't do meaningless social activities, brush your mobile phone less, don't indulge in low-level happiness, don't do superficial work, and don't indulge in false efforts to move yourself. Always believe that where the attention is, the harvest is there, focus on books, documents and papers, sink down, get in, and polish your own polished works with continuous efforts day after day. Only in this way can you match yourself with the results you want, and live the life you want, so that you can live truly, easily and transparently. Let go, let go of those desires and distractions, and be a true and non-conflicting self from now on.