We young college students are active, energetic and have a wide range of interests, and the demand for interpersonal communication is extremely strong. They try to know the world through interpersonal communication, gain friendship and meet spiritual needs. However, in the process of communication, some people communicate smoothly and feel comfortable and healthy physically and mentally; Some contacts are frustrated, depressed, physically and mentally damaged, resulting in various adverse consequences. According to the statistics of a consulting center, among all kinds of psychological obstacles, interpersonal communication obstacle is the most prominent, which directly affects our normal study and life.
First, the psychological barriers in college students' communication
In the process of interpersonal communication, it is inevitable that there will be some difficulties or inadaptability, but if the individual's interpersonal relationship is seriously unbalanced and interpersonal communication is often blocked, it means that there are communication obstacles. Common communication barriers of college students are mainly manifested in the following three aspects:
(1) Cognitive impairment. Cognitive impairment is prominent and common in college students' interpersonal communication, which is determined by the communication characteristics of young people. In youth, self-awareness is rapidly enhanced and active communication takes place. However, due to their limited social experience and the limitation of objective environment, they are unable to fully contact the society and understand the overall appearance of people, and their psychology is immature. Therefore, they often have an ideal model in interpersonal communication, and then look for confidants in real life accordingly. Once the ideal does not match the reality, they will have communication obstacles and psychological trauma. The other is self-centered. The purpose of interpersonal communication is to meet the needs of both sides, and it is realized on the basis of mutual respect, mutual understanding and mutual accommodation. However, some college students often ignore the basic communication principles such as equality and mutual assistance, tend to be self-centered, like to brag, put on airs, be overbearing and selfish, and never consider each other's needs. Such communication is doomed to fail.
(2) Emotional disorder. Emotional component is the main feature of interpersonal communication, and emotional likes and dislikes determine the future behavior of communicators. Strong emotional color in communication is a major feature of college students' interpersonal communication in youth. Emotional barriers are embodied in the following aspects.
1. Envy and inferiority. Jealousy is a negative psychological quality, which is manifested in dissatisfaction with the strengths and achievements of others, resentment, even cynicism and even immoral behavior. Jealousy can easily lead to painful, sad and aggressive words and behaviors, and lead to interpersonal conflicts and communication barriers. If some students fail in the competition of love, they will turn to abuse others.
Inferiority is a low self-evaluation. The shallow feeling of inferiority is that others look down on themselves, and the deep experience is that they look down on themselves. College students with inferiority complex often lack self-confidence and are timid in communication. If you encounter a little setback, you will blame others; If you are laughed at and insulted by others, it is even more bitter. In fact, inferiority does not necessarily mean low ability, but everything is too high and unrealistic. In communication, I always want to make my image perfect, afraid of losing face, being frustrated or being refused to be laughed at by others. This mentality makes people with low self-esteem often feel uneasy in their communication, so they often limit their social circle to a very narrow range.
2. conceited and shy, withdrawn. In interpersonal communication, conceit is manifested as arrogance, arrogance, superiority, boasting and arrogance. It trusts itself too much to trust others, only cares about personal needs, emphasizes its own feelings and ignores others. Get along with your peers and broaden your horizons when you are happy; Lose your temper if you are unhappy. When you get along with people you know well, you often overestimate the intimacy of the other person, which makes the other person feel alert and alienated psychologically. Inferiority and conceit are two extremes that lead to communication barriers.
Shyness in college students' interpersonal communication is often manifested as shyness, shyness, unnaturalness, blushing and low volume. Serious people are afraid of communication and take an evasive attitude towards communication. Too much restraint on one's words and deeds, inability to fully express one's wishes and feelings, inability to communicate with others, resulting in incomprehension or misunderstanding between the two sides and hindering the formation of good interpersonal relationships.
Loneliness can also lead to communication barriers, manifested in narcissism and self-esteem. The result is that when the water is clear, there will be no fish, and those who love it will have no friends, unsociable and unfriendly. Or it is difficult for others to accept because of some quirk in behavior habits. In this way, I have a psychological and behavioral gap with others and closed myself up.
(3) Personality disorder. Personality disorder is another common interpersonal disorder. The so-called personality refers to the psychological characteristics, including temperament and personality, that people often and steadily show in various psychological processes. Differences in personality bring misunderstandings, contradictions and conflicts in communication, and imperfect personality will directly lead to interpersonal conflicts. For example, people with different temperament types deal with the same problem in different ways. People with choleric temperament are impatient and don't pay much attention to their manners, which often makes depressed people feel wronged and uneasy, causing mutual complaints and dissatisfaction. People with the same personality type (whether introverted or extroverted) are also difficult to get along with.
Second, the common interpersonal barriers to overcome
Everyone has communication problems more or less. Improving interpersonal relationship and strengthening interpersonal communication are of great significance to college students' study, life and mental health.
(1) Raise awareness and master skills.
Managers should pay attention to guiding college students to constantly adjust their cognitive structure and form a positive and accurate understanding of interpersonal communication, instead of treating interpersonal relationships as deception. At the same time, strengthen the cultivation of communication skills and promote psychological compatibility between the two sides. To this end, in interpersonal communication, we should do as much as possible:
1. Mutual affirmation. Humans generally have a need for self-esteem. Only when his self-esteem is highly satisfied can he have the greatest pleasure and easily accept the attitude and views of the other party in interpersonal communication. Especially in adolescence, college students have a strong sense of self-esteem. In communication, we must first affirm and respect each other, which is half the success of communication. Don't be stingy with your praise to each other. This is not only an affirmation to each other, but also an encouragement to you.
2. Sincere and enthusiastic. In interpersonal communication, if the other party feels your sincerity and enthusiasm, it will obviously get positive comments from the other party. Therefore, in communication, we not only need abundant enthusiasm, but also frankly state our interests, which is sincere and reasonable. This will naturally be accepted by the other party and build a bridge for successful communication.
(B) full practice, improve communication measures.
Good interpersonal relationship is formed and developed in communication. From the first day of school, as long as college students pay attention to strengthening the practice of communication, good communication skills will certainly be formed.
When communicating with some unfamiliar people, new college students can start with general greetings and then turn to neutral topics. For example, which school are you from, your name, your hobbies and so on. And then turn to topics of mutual interest, such as work, study, health, etc. Finally, you can talk casually. This kind of communication can exercise your ability to get the other person to talk and find topics of common interest. At the same time, good interpersonal relationships also depend on mutual understanding. Mutual understanding depends on the exchange of ideas. Therefore, we should pay attention to talking with people often, exchanging views and discussing things of interest. In this way, you can express your emotions and reduce your inner pressure. Seeking the balance between the subjective world and the objective world in communication is beneficial to physical and mental health. But when communicating, the language should be clear, accurate, concise and vivid. Learn to listen effectively, be patient, be open-minded, be considerate, master conversation skills, and attract and seize each other.
In addition, a person has different roles in different occasions, such as being a student in the classroom, a reader in the reading room and a customer in the shop. In communication activities, if we can often imagine ourselves as having psychological communication with each other, understand our psychological state and behavior in each other's situation, and understand other people's psychological feelings, we will understand other people's feelings and behaviors, thus improving our attitude towards others. This kind of psychological communication is also a good way to cultivate communication ability.
(C), cultivate good communication quality
1. Sincerity. When people get to know each other, you know each other's hearts. A sincere heart can make the two sides of communication have mutual affinity and treat each other sincerely. A sincere person can make the friendship between participants last forever.
2. trust. Emerson, an American philosopher and poet, said: Only when you trust people will people pay attention to you. Treat people with courtesy, and people will be polite. In interpersonal communication, trust is to believe in the sincerity of others and understand their motives and words and deeds from a positive perspective, rather than to doubt and guard against them. Trust others must be sincere, not duplicity.
3. restraint. When you get along with others, there will inevitably be friction and conflict, and restraint will often have the effect of "turning an arm into a jade". Restraint is based on unity and the overall situation, even when one's self-esteem and interests are damaged. However, restraint is not unconditional, but should be rational, beneficial and restrained. If it is a moment, it is a sign of cowardice, not a correct attitude towards communication.
4. Self-confidence. As the saying goes, self-love has his love and self-esteem has his respect. So is self-confidence. In interpersonal communication, confident people are always supercilious, natural and graceful, and talk calmly. They are by no means narcissistic and blindly lofty. Instead, we should be aware of our own shortcomings, be good at listening to other people's suggestions and help, and be brave in correcting our own mistakes. To cultivate self-confidence, we should be good at "dissecting ourselves", carry forward our own advantages, correct our own shortcomings, temper and beat ourselves in social practice, and make ourselves mature as soon as possible.
5. enthusiasm. In interpersonal communication, enthusiasm can give people warmth, promote mutual understanding and melt the cold heart. Therefore, treating people with enthusiasm is an important psychological quality to communicate people's emotions and promote interpersonal communication.
Generally speaking, communication between people is a very basic content of human society. As college students, we should overcome the obstacles of interpersonal communication and master various skills of interpersonal communication, so that we can not only feel happy, confident and find our own position, but also make people around us as happy as we are! What are you waiting for? Try to act!
(non-original)