My seniors and classmates say that I have low emotional intelligence and simple personal thinking. My mother said I was too simple. How can I improve my emotional intelligence? Many people say that emotional intelligence of girls is higher.

I pay attention to this problem because one day my wife told me that she felt her emotional intelligence was low and wanted to improve it.

As for me, I am a businessman. Human emotions, psychology, motivation and behavior are very important to us-it can be said that things are life and death. Why do people buy the same goods instead of yours? What is the essence of demand? Why do people buy a lot of things that they will never use? ..... you don't know how to do it unless you figure it out. It is not only a question of sales skills, but also a deeper reason. After I graduated from college, I devoted almost all my spare time to the study of human behavior (it has been more than ten years, and the years are like flying knives) and gave up many previous hobbies.

So since she asked, this question happened to be my specialty, and I sorted out my thoughts.

First of all, the concept of "EQ" comes from four EQ books written by Gorman, including all the answers of Zhihu, which are based on his theory. EQ consists of five characteristics: self-awareness, emotional control, self-motivation, cognition of others' emotions, and handling of mutual relations.

But that's just what his family said. The concept of EQ was actually put forward by Thorndike in 1925. Its real name is "social intelligence", and its original meaning is "a person's ability to understand and manage others, and can take wise actions in interpersonal relationships".

Why bother with this concept first? Because in society, it is of little significance to just control your emotions and deal with relationships-that is, to be a good person and a good gentleman. It's not necessary for smart people in China to teach this.

Of course, these four books are still worth reading. I can make a summary first. The main contents are: control your emotions and put yourself in others' shoes.

Controlling one's own emotions and knowing others' emotions is the basis of emotional intelligence, and empathy, don't do to others what you don't want others to do, is actually a high summary of these four books.

Furthermore, remember not to do to others what you don't want others to do to you. You have mastered the secret of getting started with EQ. It doesn't sound difficult at all. Why do you say it will be expensive?