Think about it. I got the admission notice from CUHK and have been an associate doctor for more than two months. Although I have had the idea of studying for a PhD since I was an undergraduate, it's just an idea. I really didn't expect that I finally came to the doctor's step, and I went to another school to study for a doctor. Perhaps I have experienced too many unexpected surprises and scares in recent years, and I gradually calmed down. When I saw CUHK's offer, I was delighted with the five-figure scholarship every month, but I felt a little confused and anxious about my future doctoral life. I'm worried that I can't graduate on time, publish a paper or find an ideal teaching position.
In fact, I don't understand why I decided to study PhD early. I don't have academic worship, because I can't get my doctorate in one step, let alone ascend to heaven. Even I seldom care that I am a graduate student. I don't do this for money, after all, I can't make much money by studying for a doctorate. So I also resent the words of some relatives and friends who think that I can beautify my ancestors by studying for a doctorate. Calm down and think, maybe the reason why I study PhD is just because I can get praise and affirmation from others in scientific research? Or maybe it's because the teachers accidentally said, you are smart and very suitable for academics? Anyway, I at least believe that although I don't particularly love it, I can still do well, unlike a science student in high school, because math and physics are not well disliked by teachers.
Although I always say that I got my Ph.D. in a muddle, the actual process is much more bumpy, but fortunately the result is quite good. This kind of ups and downs does not lie in the hard work of reading and scientific research, but in the anxiety and helplessness when resources and information are lacking in the process. After all, unlike the college entrance examination and postgraduate entrance examination, PhD students can get high marks only by studying hard, which involves too many uncertain factors such as scientific research results and social relations. On the contrary, sometimes I envy students from some top schools. They have a wide platform and many opportunities. They don't worry about where to study and research, but they can get a master's degree by focusing on scientific research. Tired of staying in our school, our teacher recommended us to other schools or even overseas for further study. But for me, if I don't go to graduate school with a utilitarian and purposeful attitude, if I don't work hard to write papers and produce results, if I don't seize the opportunity to meet doctors and teachers in other schools, if I don't try my best to collect information, my school is not the best, my background doesn't matter, I don't have excellent grades and experience in major projects, and no one can recommend me to go to other schools or other "grassroots masters" with doctoral supervisors, it will be even more difficult to study for a doctor.
I remember the mother's day when I first decided to study PhD or junior year. After telling my mother about my decision to study for a PhD, she was surprisingly supportive. Then the next day, my application for the direct blog in our school was rejected, because my grades did not reach the top quarter, and I was not qualified to apply according to the school documents. Although I am sad, I am convinced. After all, some undergraduates really didn't study hard. But later, I was lucky enough to stay in Jida and continue my graduate studies through innovation.
In fact, I didn't plan to go to another school to study for a doctorate at first. The initial pressure came from my family's dislike of my school. Because they think that I failed in the college entrance examination and came here to study for graduate school, which violates the law that people go upwards. Just when I was very happy studying in Jilin University, my father threw cold water on me, saying that there was nothing to show off, and advised me to give up studying in Jilin University and go to the National People's Congress. So because of my face, I had a dream of going out to study in front of my family, proving that I can develop well even if I stay in this school. However, I didn't think this dream would come true from the bottom of my heart at first. However, I have never given up on Jida, and I even want to seize the opportunity to stay at school.
The second semester of graduate school is my most anxious time. On the one hand, it's almost July now, and I don't have a C magazine, and the number of graduate students and doctoral students in our school has not been given to this major. On the other hand, my IELTS preparation was too casual and did not reach the 7 points required by European schools. Although I want to ask my senior sister for help, it seems that no one has gone to the English-speaking area or other schools to study for a doctorate in recent years. The feeling of no information for help is really worrying. Fortunately, I didn't give up, and it happened that my undergraduate students applied for a Ph.D. in Hong Kong, so I had a trail to follow and made Hong Kong one of my goals. But my heart is still just a dream, and I think it is far away.
So I had to contact the domestic schools with the greatest hope, but in the end I got a rebuff. I once signed up for Cobo summer camp of NKU and SYU, but the former was silently rejected (maybe there was no C magazine at that time? ); The teacher of the latter was very kind and enthusiastic, and asked me if I had any other choice, but when I learned that I had considered other schools (after all, I had to tell the truth), I euphemistically refused my admission request. When I learned that the teacher's enrollment ratio was 10 to 1 or even lower, I silently gave up SYU. I also tried to send an email 2 1 1 to a financial advisor, but all of them fell into the sea (maybe because there is no C magazine? )。 For a time, Hong Kong seemed to be my lifeline.
The choice at the end of July is the most difficult time. Although I have obtained the qualification of doctoral enrollment, I have always been conservative and steady. In order to win a sigh of relief and fight for it, I declined the invitation to study for a doctorate and decided to fight for it. However, there are no teachers and doctors associated with HK school in the department, and the process of magnetization depends entirely on ourselves. The process is also very unsatisfactory. 7.8 The envelope magnetic letter was sent out, and only one school received a positive reply. Maple leaf country and kangaroo country are basically sinking into the sea. However, there is a big gap between my research direction and the professional direction of several schools in HK, which also makes me confused and depressed for a long time. Finally, to be on the safe side, I refused my tutor's advice for the first time and gave up the direction I had been doing for more than a year (although my tutor wanted me to stick to it), which was consistent with the mainstream direction of HK teachers. But in this way, it is difficult for my instructor to give me more advice on Propasol for application, so I have to support me mentally.
Looking back now, when I applied for HK, including writing Propasol, it was always DIY. Fortunately, the undergraduate students studying for Ph.D. in HKU, the undergraduate sister studying for a master's degree in CUHK, the senior sister of CU Education whom I met in the forum, and the president of City University whom I met through my friends all provided me with some application materials, and the young teachers in our school and the professors of PolyU gave me guidance on RP writing, so that my doctoral climbing process would not be too miserable. Although I experienced frequent loss of contact with Mr. HK (which was later proved to be due to the mailbox), the RP on page 18 was rewritten, and the application materials were repeatedly wrong, resulting in a dangerous accident at the school I applied for. But in the end, I resisted the pressure and followed suit. There was no emotional breakdown. By the way, I also participated in two graduate forums.
Every time I think back to the experience of Shenbo, I will always sigh that nature has made people. At first, I was looking forward to publishing a C journal to help me apply for a doctorate in mainland China, and I paid a lot for it. I was very anxious, but it was not until the third year of research that the first C journal was published. But at this point, I have chosen to study abroad. However, journal C is not very helpful to overseas applications (it was later learned that the most important thing overseas is RP and scientific research experience). Instead, he participated in several insurance innovation competitions and "did nothing", which became one of the key questions asked by the professor. At first, I thought I would go to PolyU. After all, the professors there were very enthusiastic about me (the research direction on the phone was exactly the same) and helped me a lot (helped me change the RP twice). If CUHK ranked high, the competition might be more intense. But later, the committee of PolyU didn't accept me. On the contrary, CUHK, who has little contact and has a high ranking in majors and schools, gave me an offer, which was the first batch of admission.
I have to admit that CUHK's proposal is very lucky. After all, the great god who signed up with me either graduated from a Hong Kong school, published in English, or had excellent scientific research experience, which I didn't have. So when someone asked me why I didn't apply for HKU University, I didn't feel sorry. After all, CUHK is a great achievement for me, and HKU has no courage to apply. I am also very grateful to the young professor of PolyU. Although I didn't become her student in the end, he gave me so much help when I was a complete stranger. But I am more grateful to my mentor. I am the first student of my tutor. Although he is very young, he has taught me all the knowledge and skills he can teach, and put me on the road of studying for a doctorate. My tutor is a very serious and responsible tutor, who basically teaches me to write papers by hand, and never gives up on me even if I write badly. With his good intentions, I gradually became less good at writing, with three C journals, and won Cecil Forum, Sociology Annual Meeting and a bunch of other conferences that I longed for when I was an undergraduate.
Perhaps because of my nanny-like guidance and training, I kept thinking before applying, what should I do alone if I leave one day and go to another school to study for a doctorate? And this is one of the sources of my recent anxiety. Although our doctor looks glamorous, what should we do without such meticulous help from the unfamiliar environment, pure English teaching and writing methods, brand-new research direction and unknown doctoral supervisor (CU is the tutor after admission)? Maybe another reason for anxiety is that I am too ambitious. In addition to graduating on time, I also need enough SSCI, international conferences, foreign exchanges and so on. And I want to find a good teaching post after graduation, but my ability is not enough now.
Writing here, the original impetuous and anxious mood slowly calmed down. I am not afraid of hardship and fatigue. I believe that when I really encounter those pressures and difficulties, I will not shrink back. After all, my efforts to study for a PhD tell me that even if the situation is getting worse, don't give up hope, but calm down and try to solve the problem. It's just the nervousness and anxiety before facing the unknown difficulties, which is a difficult process. I don't know what will happen in four years. Perhaps my strong personality determines that these four years will not be too easy, both physically and psychologically.
I remember four years ago, on the day Bao Yan succeeded, I sent a circle of friends to encourage me to go to NUS to study for a PhD. Although I finally went to CUHK, this ideal has been half realized. I don't know if four years of hard work, going to NUS for exchange or being a postdoctoral fellow, can realize this ideal. But fortunately, it is much more difficult to get from CUHK to NUMBER than from JLU! Although my anxiety will never be solved, I still hope that I will not lose my mind in anxiety and do what I should do every step of the way.
Finally, I hope I can get my master's degree on time, run every process of doctoral admission smoothly, arrive in HK safely at the end of July, and start school smoothly, so as not to make too many moths. All right, that's it. I promised to send him the fifth draft of my graduation thesis at the end of the month, and now this job is going to DDL, which is even more worthless if the business is delayed because of anxiety.