Either I feel that my leader is biased, or my friends have abandoned me, or my colleagues have squeezed me out, or my husband doesn't love me ... In short, I am always worried that I won't be recognized and liked by people around me. What's more, I need them to recognize me, need me most, like me most, and being with me is the best!
No, I saw a female friend fall in love with another female friend last week, and I got a lot of goose bumps. I know that the relationship topic of "dare not be intimate with others" has reappeared, but I still couldn't help it at that time. I asked Tian "like falling in love" and Tian said, "What do you think is not like falling in love?"
Yes, isn't our relationship like falling in love? Just talking to different people.
When we were young, we fell in love with our parents. We just want to be with them and don't want to be disturbed and separated by anyone. This is called "attachment" complex in psychology.
If your parents have only one child, you will unconsciously compete with the same-sex parents for the love of the opposite sex (daughter and mother compete for the love of their father, son and father compete for the love of their mother), which is the "love parents" complex; If it won't be long before you have a brother and sister, then you have to compete in various ways to get back the love of your parents who think you have been robbed by the newborn. All this is like a third party in a love relationship, either this third party is your same-sex parents or this third party is your brothers and sisters;
When you grow up, you find that your parents can't meet many of your needs, and you begin to "abandon" your parents to find your own relationships. Everyone in psychology has such a mechanism of "seeking advantages and avoiding disadvantages";
After a while, you will start to talk about the love of boyfriends and girlfriends. At this time, all kinds of deep needs and feelings you have will be vividly presented: you will interact with your other one like the parents' interaction mode in your impression; You will expect and demand each other like the opposite sex parents you want in your impression; You will do many unexpected behaviors, such as losing your IQ; You will leave what you don't think you should leave now, and marry what you don't think you should marry now ... everything is like being cursed, but some are cursed by happiness and some by pain.
Every subsequent relationship is the same cycle: from acquaintance, to a brief encounter, and then to forgetting each other in the rivers and lakes.
The result of every relationship is the same: pretend to resist, make enemies everywhere, or keep your distance.
In this way, your life is constantly in the relationship, with the interaction mode with your parents that you have been used to since childhood, and with the people coming and going around you.
Coincidentally, I just clicked on an emotional article to go in. In my opinion, it's totally disgusting words between the author and his girlfriend. But after reading the comments, I found that few people said things like "I can't stand being sick and tired". Just said "sprinkle dog food" or something. Most of them are still discussing the key point of the article-long-distance love. I once again asked myself deeply: I can't accept the boredom between same-sex friends, I can't accept the boredom of heterosexual love ... Sure enough, classmate, what's wrong with you?
No big deal. In fact, it is because I don't know how to love deeply and I can't love.
Love, seemingly a skill, is actually a state of mind. I don't have that wonderful feeling of love in my heart. Everything I do outside is an example.
There are two shallow reasons why I can't love: (you can refer to it and find out why I can't love)
First, no one taught me how to love when I was a child.
I don't know when the other person is angry, I can hug him, listen to him and make him a cup of hot tea.
I don't know when the other person is depressed. I can hold his hand and run to the cold drink shop to get a bucket of ice cream. I can stay with him quietly and prepare all kinds of small surprises.
I don't know when the other person is lost, you can put on music and mix a glass of red wine to make him roar and look at the sky lazily.
Second, I have a misunderstanding about love.
First of all, I think a big girl like me should be careless, and that kind of "little love" should not belong to me;
Secondly, I like the character of boys. My childhood experience made me misunderstand that "there are too many things for girls". Although I now know that it is only projected from my inner drama, I couldn't understand it before, so in order not to be a "girl with too many things", I try my best to live a generous boy character.
Finally, I feel ashamed to talk about "love". I'm sorry you're jealous of me.
I suddenly remembered taking my parents to Kapalai a few years ago. On the beach where we were jumping endlessly, I raised my camera and casually said to my super happy parents, "Come on, you two hold hands and I'll take a picture of you." Then I felt the air condense instantly, and their limbs immediately became stiff, so I took an extremely embarrassing photo.
The descendants of the Chinese people have thousands of years of meaning in expressing "love". Coupled with the influence of parents' words and deeds, naturally what we see is full of embarrassment. Brother Ming Xiu and I have broken through a lot, but there is still "less love" blood in our bones.
I described the details of the show of love between female friends, and JIU ge suggested to me that "you should try to do this to your family Ming Xiu".
My first reaction was "God, I can't do it"! For me, "big nerves" are more relaxed and comfortable, and gentle and delicate love is really difficult to do.
Just like my writing, there is little romantic feeling, and most of it is technical, explanatory or argumentative without any feeling.
Alas, writing here, I have a sad feeling: Do you know how much it will cost to say "I can't do it"?
Can't love, let us gradually away from many friends who appreciate, but also silently push away many friends who like themselves;
If we can't love, let's cycle lifelessly in every relationship. If we are not satisfied, we will divert our attention. If we can't move it, we will refrigerate it.
If you can't love, just build a protective wall around my heart. It seems to protect our fragile blx, but it also keeps everyone away. You think the whole world is isolating you, but in fact you have abandoned the whole world.
I want to love, but I can't. I want to get close, but I dare not.
This may be like the star in the night sky that has been blinking at you, constantly confessing to you, but it can only be kept at a distance of countless light years. Even if it is really desperate to walk into your heart, it will only turn into a spark that makes people stop instantly. Finally, it will come into your heart, but it will be a great pain and pit.
In short, "not loving" makes you trapped in a relationship. So do you want to continue to build a tall and thick wall, or do you want to stop and look back and see what the deep reason is that you don't love?
If you see the article here at the moment, then I invite you not to look down, but to close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, and then feel the answer to my question.
The question is: Why are you afraid of being intimate with others?
Feel it quietly in your breath and wait for the answer to emerge.
Yes, you think it's right, not that you can't love, but that you dare not love.
After you are afraid of intimacy, others will find that you are not so good, and your enthusiasm will decline. You are afraid that after intimacy, you will lose your image, mystery and freshness, and then be abandoned. After you are afraid of intimacy, others will not understand you at all, which will make you even more disappointed. After you are afraid of intimacy, the other person is not as good as you think, which will make you despair again. ...
You are too scared, so don't touch it.
These fears are the culprit. They let you close your heart and let you be cautious, fearful and step by step in your feelings.
Take the simplest example: you are afraid that others will think you are not good enough, so you have built a wall in your heart, and the other party in any relationship will never touch your heart.
Without the nourishment of mutual inner real energy interaction, the heart will dry up. They deal with a cold wall all day, and gradually they are exhausted. If they could run, they would have run. If they can't run away, their parents and children will be scarred by your cold wall.
At this time, I will take you to see the truth. Do you like real people or people who are wary? I believe that most of the answers are "I like real people", so since I am afraid that others don't like you, why not be a real person to please others, but pretend to be yourself and be a person that others won't like at all? You said you wouldn't dig a hole and jump yourself? !
You are afraid → you are prepared → the other person thinks you are prepared → the other person is afraid → the other person is prepared →→→→→→ This relationship can't be handled well!
Did you see who created all this?
Of course, it is difficult for you to see the truth at once, because we are surrounded by "fear" in this way, just like in the endless darkness, you can't feel the light, but you can only rely on rampage and hope for a little hope.
Fear is not terrible. The terrible thing is that you have been on the run and dare not face your inner fears. Running away from fear will only create more fear. The only way is to face it and cross it.
Behind every "fear", there is a childhood trauma. As long as the trauma is healed and the misunderstanding is eliminated, there is naturally no need to bear the pain on the road of life.
Check the state of each relationship. If you keep running, you will only die of exhaustion or exhaustion in the relationship war.
Face fear, heal wounds, awaken love and return to love. ...
Darkness can't be eliminated, just light it.
May you and I bravely face the deepest fears from now on, release the pain of the past and never escape; I wish you and I can be comfortable in every relationship in the future, so that every relationship can nourish each other and nourish ourselves. ?
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