When Daiyu gets along with Baoyu, she often relies on Baoyu's tolerance, making trouble without reason and being unreasonable.
On the surface, this is because Daiyu is a sensitive and aloof person who can't tolerate the contempt of others, especially Baoyu, so she likes a little temper; At a deeper level, this is because Daiyu has no sense of security in love. Once she feels that she has lost Baoyu's attention, or Baoyu is too close to "Jinyu", she will be anxious, lose her usual tolerance and reason, and haggle over every ounce for Baoyu. Moreover, the root of Daiyu's anxiety about love is her uncontrollable inferiority complex.
In psychology, inferiority generally refers to the negative psychological tendency of self-evaluation, shame, incompetence and loss of self-confidence, accompanied by self-pity, pessimism and disappointment. Long-term inferiority will lead to inferiority, that is, a person's negative evaluation tendency of self-worth, ability and achievement. Compared with other types of inferiority complex, Daiyu's inferiority complex belongs to sensitive inferiority complex, showing sensitivity and obsession with details. The specific manifestations are as follows: ① Delicate mind, keen perception, often obsessed with details, and overly suspicious of small things; (2) often exaggerate their own shortcomings, compare their own shortcomings with the advantages of others, and even fabricate many weaknesses without foundation; (3) Can't calmly analyze the setbacks encountered, can't calmly treat their own mistakes, sometimes take it out on others, and even feel that others deliberately persecute themselves; (4) Low trust, often suspicious of others, unable to objectively understand others' evaluation of themselves.
This kind of sensitive inferiority in love directly leads to "unreasonable troubles" in love, that is, in a love relationship, one party suffers from loss, criticizes the lover, constantly provokes troubles to attract the attention and concern of the lover, and takes the compromise and concession of the lover as psychological comfort.
Then why is sister Lin, who is born in a scholarly family and has both talents and looks, so sensitive and inferior?
First, family changes. Daiyu is also a good family, and her father Lin Ruhai has a criminal record. She was promoted to doctor of Lantai Temple and was appointed as.
Yangzhou patrol salt suggestion, mother Jia Min is her daughter, Jia Zheng's sister in the government. As an only child, Daiyu is deeply loved by her parents. Her father hired a teacher to teach Daiyu since he was a child. Unfortunately, the good times did not last long. Daiyu died when she was young. Seeing that she was lonely, Grandmother Jia took her to the government to raise her. Shortly after the death of her father Lin Ruhai, Daiyu lived in Guo Rongfu for a long time and became a "person sent by a sojourner". Xu Jia's third reply was "Guo Rongfu adopted Lin Daiyu", and the word "adoption" approved by Zhi Yanzhai was shocking! In the early days of Dai Yu's life in Guo Rongfu, she was "careful step by step, always worried, unwilling to say a word easily, unwilling to go further, for fear of being laughed at." It is not easy for Daiyu, who is proud of herself, to live under the fence.
Second, the character is damaged. It turns out that Daiyu is deeply loved and thinks highly of herself. However, after her parents died one after another, for her, except for Guo Rongfu, she had no friends and could only rely on Jia's family to provide "food, clothing and everything", which made her feel insecure. At this moment, Daiyu had to be careful, her love with Baoyu was full of rival in love, and her marriage was even more unattended, so she became sensitive and depressed. For example, in the 26th episode of A Dream of Red Mansions, Daiyu thought, "Although menstruation's family is like my home, they are really guests. Now his parents are dead and helpless, and now the whole family lives alone. Now I am serious and naughty, and I feel boring. " Daiyu was the apple of her parents' eye in her early years and later became an orphan. This gap will always hurt Daiyu's self-esteem and make her look at herself more negatively. Daiyu's inferiority often makes her aloof, detached, suspicious and fragile.
Third, lack of sufficient attention. Although Daiyu is the "darling" of Grandmother Jia and the "confidant" of Baoyu, her status is not as good as that of "Four Springs". Among the consorts and sisters, Lin Daiyu is not as rich as Xue Baochai, and even worse than Shi Xiangyun whose parents died early but were raised by her aunts and uncles. Back to the twenty-second chapter, Chi Yanzhai wrote: "The strangest person is Daiyu, who is loved by Grandmother Jia. She didn't smell it for her life, but she went to talk to Baochai specially. It was really unexpected. " Grandmother Jia made a fuss about Baochai's birthday, but didn't ask Daiyu's birthday. The fortieth time, Granny Liu visited the Grand View Garden. The Lady Dowager only said "the room is narrow" to Xiaoxiang Pavilion. When she arrived at Wu Hengyuan, the Lady Dowager left her treasure even Baoyu.
The same "Tiji" that I have never seen before, show it to Baochai and personally design and decorate the house for Baochai. Even the Grand View Garden was Xue Baochai's house when it was raided, but it was copied to Lin Daiyu. On the one hand, Jia Fu regards Daiyu as "not a member of our Jia family" and "a relative" (in the words of Xiren and Wang Xifeng). On the other hand, the way of hospitality varies from person to person, and Daiyu's treatment is obviously not as good as Baochai's.
Fourth, it is easy to be looked down upon. It was not until the 45th time that Daiyu was relieved and said to Baochai, "Those old ladies and maids down there think I have too much to do. Look at these people here, because they see how much the old lady hurt Baoyu and Feng. They are still eyeing me behind my back, whispering, not to mention me. Besides, I'm not the proper host here. I came here helplessly, and they already hate me. I don't know how to advance and retreat now, so why should they curse me? " Daiyu's difficult situation is obvious at a glance, but she is too worried to look down on herself. Therefore, Daiyu is sensitive to other people's attitudes, for fear that others will look down on her.
In order to make up for her inferiority, Daiyu constantly sought Baoyu's attention and consideration, and because she was afraid of being despised and ignored by Baoyu, she wanted to control Baoyu and tie him around. In fact, it is herself who despises Daiyu the most. As I wrote in the twenty-ninth chapter, "Daiyu is a little crazy, and she also uses false feelings to test. Because you will also hide your sincerity, I will also hide my sincerity with hypocrisy. Only with hypocrisy can there be a truth when two fakes meet, and there will be no quarrel. " Daiyu tried Baoyu, but she didn't believe in Ren Baoyu's sincerity, and she didn't believe in herself, which made her love with Baoyu extremely tortuous. Because of her inferiority complex, Daiyu even suffered from a certain degree of depressive personality disorder. She is depressed and sickly all the year round, and has been taking medicine.
The thirty-fourth time, Daiyu and Baoyu made a promise. Daiyu was happy for a while, sad for a while, ridiculous for a while, sad for a while, shameful for a while, and boiling all over for a while, but she didn't know that the disease had begun. Daiyu is also taciturn, overly worried, easily angry, feeling burdened and lacking in energy. She feels difficult, helpless and unpredictable about everything, and her view of life is full of pessimism and sadness. Dai Yu's "Burying Flowers in Spring", "I don't know who buried a flower today" and "Don't mourn for me, I don't know who it is" are the best representatives. The thirty-eighth time, when all the sisters wrote poems, Daiyu was "full of self-pity and resentment, saying who complained about autumn's heart" and "who was aloof and hid, the flowers bloomed late to the end". Although Li Wan put her first, she thought that "she was slim in the end".
Throughout A Dream of Red Mansions, Daiyu's anxiety about love is understandable. On the one hand, she is not suitable for Baoyu's marriage. Compared with the Lins, Daiyu herself is weak and unable to manage wealth. Baoyu can choose Xue Baochai who has a "golden wedding" and Shi Xiangyun who has a "golden unicorn". One of them is very talented, beautiful and has a family background, and the other is both talented and optimistic. Both of them are deeply loved by Jia's elders and pose a great threat to Daiyu. On the other hand, Baoyu grew up in a group of daughters, some of whom are undecided and love to fight with others. Although Daiyu is easy to think, she is more anxious because of girls' reserve and self-esteem.
Love is a balanced structure, and its core component is self-confidence. Sadly, Daiyu began her love with Baoyu with a lot of inferiority complex. All the way down, she was full of anxiety and anxiety. Three days of minor faults, five days of major faults, and finally made myself very depressed, and the original sweet love turned into mutual resentment.
On the surface, Daiyu is a sensitive and aloof person who can't tolerate others' contempt, so she loves to lose her temper. At a deeper level, Daiyu is insecure about love. Once she feels that she has lost Baoyu's attention, she will be anxious. Furthermore, the root of Daiyu's love anxiety is her uncontrollable inferiority complex. In order to make up for her inferiority, she needs to constantly seek Baoyu's attention and consideration. In fact, it is herself who despises Daiyu the most. You Sanjie is strong-willed, often with a strong sense of self and principle, but he tends to be too strong-willed and impulsive. In the face of Liu Xianglian's suspicion, she was anxious, disappointed and even desperate, but she still didn't excuse or pester, and cleared her innocence with extreme behavior. Clearly there are many choices, but You Sanjie chose a dead end, which makes people sigh. Sometimes, the pressure does not come from the event itself, but people strengthen the negativity of the event through subjective cognition.
Yue Xiaodong, a famous psychologist in China, went to the United States for further study after graduating from university. 1993 received a doctorate in psychology from Harvard University, and is currently teaching at City University of Hong Kong. The first president of Counseling Psychology Branch of Hong Kong Psychological Association, invited consultant and honorary chairman of more than 20 mainland institutions; Columnists in many mainland newspapers such as Beijing Science and Technology News, Youth Psychology, Campus Psychology and China Daily (English version); He was hired as a visiting professor by Nanjing University, South China Normal University, Nanjing Normal University and other universities 10. Dr. Yue Xiaodong has done a lot of research in psychological counseling, innovative thinking and idolatry of teenagers, and has achieved remarkable results. He has published more than 60 academic papers in various academic journals at home and abroad, especially his book The Feeling of Ascension, which has made thousands of people in China understand psychological counseling and changed many people's lives. In recent years, he has written psychology in love, psychology in decision-making, psychology in history, idolization and fans, etc.