Then I finally woke up-

How much effort, can't wait to explain.

If you promise too much, you will get hurt.

Some people, after saying goodbye, really never see each other again. ...

-02-

-"Let's break up."

-"Xiaojun, are you fucking sick?"

Those two voices kept shouting in my head, and I tried my best to destroy them, but I found I couldn't. Really, nothing can be done. I am like a grain of dust, sucked away by something called a vacuum cleaner. I'm afraid of being involved in the darkness.

"Ah ..."

I opened my eyes and found that I was dreaming just now. Stick to your face and stick to your body But I don't have time to care, because those two voices still hurt my heart. I'm trying to find out why.

"Small way, are you awake?"

Hearing the sound, I found Qiqi sitting on my bed, looking at me with a worried face.

My head is starting to hurt, too.

After a while, I asked, "Is there any water?"

Qiqi bounced out of bed and ran to her own table to get me water.

I stared at her cocked ass and suddenly remembered something. I opened my mouth and made no sound. I added a little more strength and asked, "Is it true?"

Qi Qi poured water and turned around, all the expressions twisted together.

At that second, I finally understood why my heart hurts badly.

Xiao Jun! He told me yesterday that he was going to break up, which is true.

I got up from the bed, put on my clothes and shoes at random, pushed Kiki away and rushed out the door.

I want to find out what happened to him!

At the bottom of the boys' dormitory, I walked straight in with my head down. The aunt at the door told me to stop through the glass window. I ran there in three steps and two steps, forgetting her orders.

Go upstairs one step and two steps, and you will soon arrive at 606. I stared at the three numbers printed in red paint on the door, with a wry smile and patted the door hard.

It was Jun Xiao who opened the door. He looked calm when he saw it was me. My heart was stabbed again.

I don't know why he is so calm, and I, like a hedgehog, really want to pierce everyone now.

His roommates came up behind him, and when they saw it was me, they all consciously prepared to go out for a visit. Don't forget to leave a bunch of uneasy eyes before you leave.

He said come in, I still stood at the door, motionless.

I want him to come and hug me.

But after a while, he just looked at me and did not move.

I bit my lower lip angrily, but tears filled my eyes unconsciously. I tried not to let them flow down.

He sighed and came forward, still holding me.

I burst into sobs.

He grabbed my shoulder and sat me by his bed.

Sniffling, I watched him bend down to take off my sandals and slippers and put on a pair of cotton ones carefully.

Somehow, all of a sudden ... Wow, wow, I cried like a fool.

"You are not, say, want to break up? Then why are you being nice to me? "

"Do you know ..."

"You know, I don't know ..."

I can't say a word. I have difficulty breathing.

You know, I can't live without you.

He touched my head, calm face, and sounded like an elder: "Don't be so capricious when you go out."

"Who said that I want to go out!"

He suddenly stopped talking and squatted in front of me, unable to get up.

I want to hear it from him. I think he can hug me and tell me that everything he said yesterday was just for fun.

But he was not so silent, and my heart sank inch by inch.

Slowly I don't want to cry.

After a while, he suddenly stood up and gave me a coat: "I'll take you back."

My heart suddenly cooled, and I said coldly, "Do you have to do this?"

He stopped talking again.

I really hate it when he does this. He has never done this before. I can't wait for him to talk.

"Xiao Jun, you bastard! Who the fuck can't live without you? "

I tore my coat off my shoulder and threw it on the ground. I bumped into his arm and ran out the door.

I'm running hard in the corridor, trying to get out of here quickly. At this moment, I hate him.

I don't want to go back to the dormitory, and I don't want to go anywhere. I wandered aimlessly around the campus and looked back from time to time. He didn't keep up. I finally said something angry, he must know, but he didn't follow me.

He really doesn't want me.

Once again, I failed to live up to my expectations, and my tears and nose flowed all over my face.

65438+ In the dead of winter in February, the night I fell into a black hole.

The pale yellow street lamp on the roadside reflected a cold smile in the faint light.

-03-

Forget when I started to be convinced-you can't leave me forever. Only I can tell the decision to break up. I remember I said it willfully for several times, but you didn't take it seriously, and you still tolerated me unswervingly as always.

This is the sense of security you gave me.

But I also know you well-in love, you would rather sacrifice yourself.

Found out you were serious. It's disturbing to believe too much.

Because, as far as I can remember, you are really serious.

Spring has arrived, the spring in love.

After the professional class, Qiqi and I are going to borrow books from the library. On the way, we passed the basketball court. There are several cherry trees outside the dark blue barbed wire, separated by a path. Before the flower season, a few pink flowers were scattered on the branches. They are lovely and touching, and are wonderfully moved by life. They are about to take pictures of them. A voice interrupted me to press the shutter of my mobile phone.

-"Classmate, you stepped on them."

I didn't look back angrily, but I didn't bump into a nasty face either.

I want to answer confidently-"I didn't want to pick flowers, I just came to take a picture."

In a flash, I forgot to explain. I was inexplicably ashamed, so I put away my mobile phone.

But why should I be ashamed! I didn't do anything!

I had no idea that you didn't think I was going to pick flowers.

Qiqi waved to me, but I didn't understand.

You have to point to the warning sign next to the flower bed-take care of the grass and don't go in.

I didn't react for half a beat, just looking at my feet. ...

Remind me that I understand. I obviously didn't mean to.

However, in this embarrassing scene, as a good classmate who is full of responsibility, nosy and soft on the grass, he didn't go away immediately to solve my embarrassment, but looked at me seriously and firmly, which made me even more embarrassed.

I had to move my feet to the open space without green shoots, squat down, lift the clusters of grass I stepped on with my hands, touch their heads and say, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I hurt you ~".

After that, I looked up angrily and stared at you with unfriendly eyes: "I apologize."

With a smile on your face, you snorted and nodded. Then, the matter will go away.

At that time, I thought, this nosy classmate is really serious!

However, later we became friends. When we first met, you actually denied the seriousness I thought at that time with a more serious expression-"I just wanted to make sure that you came down from the lawn, but you foolishly apologized to it. It's so stupid and cute! "

-"I only did it because I felt embarrassed at the time, in order to ease the atmosphere."

-"Is that right? Ha ha ha ha, very cute. "

……

This is just a first impression.

Then one day, you confessed to me in the library elevator, naive and serious.

-"Lu Rou, I am Xiaojun, and I like you."

? -"Oh ~"

-"Oh, how many meanings?"

——"……"

-"say a word? Answer or not answer? "

-"dead Xiaojun, I just nodded!"

-04-

I woke up in the morning with a splitting headache and a dry throat. There is still only Qi Qi in the vague sight.

I remember that she was the only one who came to see me last night.

Xiaojun, you are cruel! All right! Whoever bows first is the one, uncle!

The most unforgettable love story is what you inadvertently said on the phone-I miss you, but you can't beat me. At that time, I almost spit out the milk tea I just drank. I said, don't say such things in the future. That's disgusting. In fact, my heart has already been elated and my mouth can't be closed.

At least, you never broke your promise to me.

I have a cold, but I don't want to see a doctor. Qi Qisheng tugged hard and stopped. I woke up in the quilt, woke up and slept.

I don't know how long it has been, and I don't know whether it is early morning or dusk. Qiqi came back from the outside with a stack of books in his left hand and a bag of medicine and a meal in his right hand. Only she loves me now.

I squatted by my bed, looked at Qiqi, and smiled and said that you were awake. My heart is bitter.

Qiqi put down the book, put a chair on my bed and opened the box lunch for me. Shredded pork with green pepper is my favorite dish.

Rourou, if you continue to be so melodramatic, you will be sorry for your friends.

I took the lunch box and endured tears while eating.

-05-

Still have class, eat and sleep.

I was waiting in my heart, but I only waited for a second of disappointment.

The truth is like a prank.

Has it been a week? Or will it be nearly a month? ...

After class in the afternoon, Qiqi and I went outside the school to find China buns to eat, ready to cross the road, and the green light counted down to three seconds. This consciousness still wants to rush over, but I am not careful. But I don't have a strong hand to hold my arm.

Body motionless, quietly watching the red light.

Silently think that Jun Xiao will add a serious education every time-"obey the traffic, don't mess around!" And his warm and reliable big hands.

The green light is on, cross the road. Nerves become extremely sensitive, and when I hear someone say "break up" next to me, my body and ears can't help sticking out in the direction of the sound source.

A female voice.

-"is broke up? I haven't seen two people go together for a long time ... "

Another one.

-"Well, maybe. I saw Xiaojun and Zhou Xiaoyu walking together yesterday."

Thinking stuck in this sentence, breathing then paused for a few seconds.

Qiqi suddenly pulled me to a trot: "Let's go, let's go, I'm starving ~"

After being led for a few steps, I drew my hand back coldly and raised the syllable slightly: "I can't eat any more, you go."

Suddenly tired, I don't want to fight Xiaojun anymore. It's no use if he can turn around and hug me. It doesn't matter who is who. I miss him very much.

Seeing Xiao Jun again, I feel familiar with the warmth in my heart and have concerns in my eyes. I can see it. I know he can't move on.

Thinking about the purpose of coming, I lowered my voice, looked him in the eye and said word for word, "Xiaojun, I don't want to go abroad, and I don't think Britain will make me better, so I will never regret losing this opportunity." Don't make me go, I just want to be in the same place with you and live your life. "

Xiao Jun looked at me quietly for a few seconds while waiting, and then his eyes moved away from my sight. He took a deep breath: "I have a sister to take care of, and you know she can't see anything; Lulu, you will have a better life instead of staying here with me and being dragged down by me. "

"I don't think this is a drag. Will you let me choose my own route? "

"Your personality, even you can't take care of yourself, not to mention my invisible sister, don't bravado. You will regret it later. "

"I'm sorry that this is my business. Can you not decide for me?"

"Soft, I admit that I like you very much, but I can be happy if I don't like it in the future. What I need is a considerate, considerate and caring girlfriend. "

I choked up: "I can learn all these things ..."

"No, you don't fit. I already have a small fish. "

……

"Xiaojun, you were hit by a car when you fucking went out!"

-06-

Be considerate. Considerate. Will take care of people.

Admittedly, I really don't have these words on me.

However, who pretended to bring me breakfast casually every weekend morning, rain or shine, for three years.

Who is it, when I tell you a little thing and ignore you, give me the strength to tolerate me; Take off your clothes in front of me in winter and ask me to offer a humble apology.

Who deliberately changed the time of their elective courses in order to accompany me to take notes on elective courses? Write my graduation thesis.

who is it? Just because I casually said on the phone that I suddenly wanted to go skiing, I immediately quietly booked tickets and tickets online and took me skiing the next day naively. As a result, when I play, I am always so keen on being my meat pad that I almost crush it into bones. Later, you limped in front of me and I called you stupid. You grabbed my neck and said, "It's you! Do you think I am stupid for others? "

......

That's why I'm so bad.

So, don't be stupid again. ......

-07-

For the first time, I feel that the winter in this city is so cold, as if there are blades in the wind.

I know all my shortcomings. It's just that I wish I had known earlier. At least before you choose someone else, I can make some efforts to give you a chance to choose me.

I don't want to believe the prank of "we broke up", and finally in the slowly moving sunshine, I miss you but can't see you in the twilight, and occasionally I bump into you walking side by side on the campus path with Xiaoyu, which becomes the truth that I can't change and makes me desperate.

I don't want to go abroad at all, but my parents are inexplicably concerned about this opportunity to study abroad at public expense. Call me from time to time, earnestly persuade, mother's adult said several times with tears, only to sever the relationship between mother and daughter.

You are so tired! If you don't promise, you will become what she calls an unfilial descendant.

I lost you because of my immaturity and willfulness. I should grow up. At least one thing can be done: an obedient daughter.

You don't want me to stay here anyway.

It's better to miss you secretly in a foreign country than to watch you sweet talk with others here. In memory, we are still us.

Go through the formalities of going abroad and fill out one form after another. If you don't understand, I just want to call you.

Without you, the form seems to be endless.

I wonder how long it will take to say goodbye to you.

Those who were bored when there were only two of us in the world—

"In fact, universities don't need winter and summer vacations, just go to class every day."

"Do you miss me?"

"Xiaojun, you are less narcissistic!"

"pictures. Jpg Do you think this looks like you? "

"Which like? Unlike ... "

"The boss who sells flowers says this is called meat. Isn't that you? It is plump, stocky and lovely. "

"Xiaojun, where am I fat?"

"Before and after."

"......"

In fact, I like what you said best-"The world is lovely and everything is like you."

The sunshine came silently, and nothing worth remembering happened again.

-08-

It is another spring, and the application procedure for studying abroad is coming to an end.

Qiqi said that I was becoming more and more boring and my personality was not cute at all.

I smiled faintly and hugged her, feeling very sad: "I don't know what to do."

Qiqi patted me on the back: "Just be yourself ..."

I hesitated for a moment, not knowing what to say. I remembered the day when my mother called to discuss booking a plane ticket. I tightened my arm and said, "I really can't bear to part with you, and I can't have any better friends in the future."

Qiqi poof smiled: "OK, but there should be closer friends than you."

"If you forget your friends, it will kill you to be careful that a plane ticket comes back."

"Well, then I forget my friends more often!"

Recently, Qi Qi and I always go to the same noodle restaurant outside the school to eat noodles. We all like the smell of their home. We have been to countless times in the four years of college. Everyone seems to want to go more often. After all, once you go, you lose once.

The noodle restaurant is not big, less than 30 square meters. The geographical location is remote and there are many guests, but there are always one or two tables where you can see all the people coming and going. I've been here with Xiaojun countless times. I don't think he remembers here. After all, he has a new lover.

I still remember some small fragments clearly.

"Xiaojun, don't you think coriander is a little smelly?"

"A little, but it smells good when added to the noodles. Smell it ... "

"Yeah ... I don't want to ..."

"I'll give you some noodles to taste, believe me."

……

"... like, really good ..."

"You put some more mashed garlic, which is better!"

Because one person likes coriander, and because the same person wants to quit coriander now.

I silently ate noodles with my head down, thinking about the past, and with a wry smile in my heart, Qi Qi suddenly poked me with his hand.

I looked up and found Xiao Jun standing at the door, looking at me and Qi Qi. He is a man and has lost weight.

I wish you wouldn't be so lonely, lest I think again.

Qiqi winked at me and told me to move in a little. I didn't move. She had to move a little and let Xiaojun sit next to her.

I kept my head down and pretended to continue eating noodles as if nothing had happened, and my heart was bitter and tight. The air quieted down when he and Qiqi exchanged a few pleasantries.

After a while, he suddenly said, "When are you going to leave?"

I swallowed half a mouthful of saliva and said simply, "within a week."

The air calmed down again. Qiqi put down his chopsticks and said he left early.

I also want to go with her. I'm afraid I'm weak again However, I also wanted to say goodbye to Xiaojun or say something, so I didn't move. Actually, I didn't want to say goodbye, but I wanted to stay. In the end, he said I would wait for you to come back.

Then I stopped eating at all. Xiaojun paid the bill and sent me back. We walked like two parallel lines in the shopping mall where we once walked hand in hand. No one broke the silence first. It was not until he went downstairs to the dormitory that he finally said, "Go up."

The greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment, I know. Anyway, I'm used to it and I'm going to be numb.

He spoke again: "Goodbye."

Why just goodbye. There are countless complaints piled up in my chest, and there is no place to put them.

I turned and hugged him, tears streaming down my face.

Even for the last time, let me lean on it.

Give me strength to say goodbye to you.

-09-

The small fish in my impression is gentle, lady, considerate and considerate. Even as a rival in love, you can't hate people.

She is really more suitable for you and can take better care of you and your sister.

I can't compete with blood relationship. In the next life, let me be your sister, ok? In this way, in the end, you won't consider leaving me first.

- 10-

How about losing your heart?

-don't love the four seasons, don't look forward to twilight, take it one step at a time.

Pack your bags, pack yourself, and quietly grind the days of going abroad.

The day before I left, something happened. I received a phone call from a strange number, but my voice was soft and sticky in my memory.

"Is it a soft elder sister? I am Xiaojun's sister, Kiki. "

"Yes, I am."

The opposite person choked for no reason: "Sister Rourou ... can you not go abroad?" Brother, he really likes you. Recently, he's always hiding in the toilet watching your video crying. Although my grandparents are gone, you can send me to an orphanage or a nursing home, or simply let me sleep anywhere. I don't need anyone to take care of me. I don't want to see him sad. Will you stay? "

The mobile phone hit the corner of the table, fell to the ground and split in two.

My head is rumbling.

The center of gravity is scattered, so I can only squat on the ground feebly, holding the corner of the table with one hand. Can't pour it yet.

I don't know what he has been through these days.

The closest person is gone. Busy breaking up with me and letting me go abroad. Take care of my blind sister.

It's terrible. Why can't I share anything for you, but I'm still the one you want to appease. I only think about myself. I just want to hate you. I don't think about the reason. I don't know everything you have been through.

Poor sister, poor Kiki, sensible and confusing. In contrast, I am really headstrong and don't think of others.

I don't deserve to be around you.

Just like you said goodbye with pain, let me fly higher. I also hope that you can be happier and have a lover who takes better care of you and shares it with you.

It's time to let go.

- 1 1-

Three years later. London.

I didn't like rain before, but after three years, I became no longer annoying and even felt a little kind. I can't say the specific reason, maybe it's just a habit. After all, at first, this annoying climate was the only thing you could remember that accompanied you the most.

Life 3. 1, dormitory-library-classroom is surprisingly boring.

Without him for three years, in the time of becoming independent, my thoughts really faded. It's just that no one can move in a certain position.

I was struggling to hold my paper in the library when I received a neat overseas phone call.

Have you got a boyfriend? I haven't heard from her for a long time.

On, the other party was silent for a long time, thinking that the signal was too bad. I tried to cut it off and call her back, but Qiqi suddenly started talking again. I can't describe her tone because I can't see her expression.

"There is one thing I have been hiding from you. Three years ago, Xiaojun decided to break up with you at the invitation of your parents. At that time, your parents promised not to object to your marriage after returning to China as a condition. After all, his grandparents died unexpectedly and suddenly he had a blind sister to take care of. He said that three years between you and him is nothing, so he is not afraid even if you go abroad. Also, Xiao Cheng, I hope you can relax ... "

After a while, Qiqi's voice began to tremble: "Xiaojun, something happened the other day, and everyone was gone."

I interrupted her with a smile: "Qiqi, are you sorting out the script?"

Qiqi shouted, "Yes ... really ..."

I interrupted her again, said I didn't believe it, and hung up the phone.

The temperature in the library is 26 degrees. It is below zero outside the library, and it is raining all over the sky. The body can't feel the difference. In this city with no sense of belonging, night always comes.

I didn't know I had an umbrella, but I didn't open it, which attracted passers-by to stare at me like a silly fork. All I know is that I'm going back to my dormitory to find my second-hand mobile phone in China, and I want to use it to call Xiaojun. He must be here. He will answer the phone.

If you don't answer once, I can call more times. Until it is connected.

I don't think I should cry or be sad, so there must be some doubts about this matter.

But it is not only the endless busy tone that fills the eardrum, but also the sudden tinnitus-the painful nerve has finally found a carrier.

In the forgotten old mobile phone, there are two short messages lying alone.

One was three years ago, on the day of going abroad, he sent it-"OK, it must be better."

There is another one, which was at 7 o'clock in the evening a month ago, which was converted into 3 o'clock in the morning in China-"I miss you."

You fucking want me to be fine, why don't you be fine yourself?

Xiaojun, how can I miss you if you want me for a lifetime?

- 12-

"He obviously pays the most attention to traffic safety. How could something happen to him? "

"He said he saw a girl across the street who was very much like you ..."

I can always pick out a small detail in my memory.

"I suddenly found that the house numbers of the dormitory are all like your name?"

"Huh?"

"606, soft."

Also, at that time, a sentence became a prophecy.

"Xiaojun, you were hit by a car when you fucking went out!"

Honey. Forgive me, I just can't breathe.

end