You will find that this is the first half of a thank-you speech for a doctoral thesis, which is devastated in the face of 22 years of study. But I took a different path.
And the offline workplace topic salon. Some people share her experiences, and her colleagues don't allow others to touch her things and don't like parties. After she learned that her colleague came from a family, she came to the conclusion that it had something to do with her family. No wonder this happened.
Why do you have different views on these two people?
For doctoral students, they will feel that they can go the same way after so much suffering.
For my colleagues, I feel that I have suffered so much. No wonder.
These are two different viewpoints, the former is teleology and the latter is causality.
The theory of cause and effect was put forward by Freud-looking for cause and effect inward, seeing yourself and knowing yourself;
Teleology was put forward by Adler-seeing unknown possibilities and changing one's own strength.
Causality theory is good, and teleology is also good. What matters is how you can help the future and face the unknown after you see the reason. At this time, I saw the possibility.
1, born in a family is not a basket, everything is put in it.
A truly mature person will not blindly blame his parents' early injuries on himself, but will put them back in their respective family of origin to understand and reconcile with their inner obsession.
It is very important to come from a family, which is the foundation of our life. We will follow the example of our parents and constantly imitate their behaviors and thoughts; It is also possible to take a relative as an example and never become like anyone, for example, never become like him.
Being born in a family is a kind of belonging, but not everything can be put in. There is no way to change the past, but the view of the past can be changed. In the future, everyone will encounter something similar to the past, and the trauma will be triggered again, but we must always look forward.
2. The possibility of seeing the future from the trauma.
Teleology and causality seem to be opposite, but in fact causality describes the past and teleology looks forward to the future, and they are not in conflict.
Everyone will encounter all kinds of trauma in the past. In the process of tracing back to the source, you can see that the trauma you have suffered has been affecting the present, but don't immerse yourself in the sadness of the past and tell yourself that this scar needs to be healed. You can do something to change the status quo and heal yourself.
Why don't you want to get married? Because when you see that your parents are unhappy in marriage, they either quarrel every day or have a cold war every day. They are afraid of their marriage.
The reason why parents are unhappy in marriage is that they are afraid of repeating the same mistakes.
But the person who married himself was not his parents, but another person. He/she tells you that we can face the trivialities of life together and deal with difficult problems together.
Seeing the misfortune of the past, we can choose a different life for our future life. Although parents are constantly fighting in their marriage, in their own marriage, they can choose the cold war or active communication. Choose different reasons and get different results.
Third, if you see something different, you can do it differently.
I know the cause of the injury, but more often, I am at a loss in the face of similar situations. But seeing is believing and time will tell us what to do.
In the past, I tried many methods, but failed to solve the problem. There is no way to solve it so far. We can't finish the stage tasks ahead of schedule, and always underestimate the time needed to complete the tasks, which will hinder the solution and doubt our ability to solve problems.
Allow yourself not to change, and not changing is also a kind of change. Subconsciously, I have a solution to the problem, or I will struggle, I want to find a better way.
There is no good or bad choice, and every choice is the most suitable for the present. Even if you choose the same, you must first see why you don't want to change.
There are many century-old shops in Japan. Mojinoya Kazuo is a fruit shop that has been passed down for thousands of years. According to legend, this shrine was built in 10 19 years ago during the Heian period when the epidemic in Kyoto was serious, in order to pray for the elimination of the epidemic. This store is as old as Imamiya Shrine, and it is the oldest surviving fruit shop in heian period.
They have been circulating for more than 1000 years, and the people who run them are under great pressure. They can't break their own inheritance, so they take many measures, such as family inheritance, to ensure the continuity of the enterprise.
For them, the constant is to keep the purity of the enterprise, insist on doing one thing well and survive for a long time.
In life, many people feel that they need to change, and even fantasize about changing the past. But after today, it will be the same as yesterday. I am very annoyed, even hate myself, hate the past, and blame all this on my family.
Look at your behavior from the past and find the meaning of your behavior from this model. If you see different things, you can do different things. Even if you don't have the strength to go out now, see it changing.