Because life is short, buy buy buys and takes selfies to bask in the sun, so she loves herself quickly. What's wrong with loving yourself?
However, two Americans, through more than ten years of social investigation and research, have come to a conclusion: narcissism is spreading all over the world at an unprecedented speed, dragging the whole era to the abyss.
In the modern society where narcissism is prevalent, the research results of these two professors can be said to have stirred up a thousand waves with one stone, which was specially reported by Time Weekly and new york Times Washington Post. Who are these two people who threw stones into the water? One of them is called Jane? M Teng, Professor of Psychology, University of San Diego, USA; The other one is W. Keith? Campbell is a professor of psychology at the University of Georgia.
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The self-love that makes you proud is probably just narcissism. Excessive narcissism is an epidemic of modern people and can be cured!
Narcissism comes from ancient Greek mythology. Legend has it that Narcissus, a beautiful boy, fell in love with his reflection in the water, admired himself in the water every day, and finally languished and died, becoming a daffodil, so people took his name "Narcissus" as the etymology of narcissism.
Since 1898, psychologists such as Freud have made clinical research on narcissism as a personality trait in psychiatry.
1968 American psychoanalysis society defines narcissism as "a pathological phenomenon in which psychological interests are concentrated on oneself". ?
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Let's take a look at the psychological driving factors behind narcissistic behavior.
Psychologists believe that the formation of narcissistic personality comes from people's childhood emotional frustration.
19 14, Freud wrote an epoch-making paper on narcissism, which divided narcissism into primary narcissism and secondary narcissism.
Freud believed that people were narcissistic in infancy. Babies think they can do anything. When they cry, they will have milk to eat. Coaxed at the first call, and served by parents. Primitive narcissism is human survival instinct.
As the baby grows up, this desire to love himself will be transformed into the ability to love others. If there are setbacks in this transformation process, such as not being valued by parents, or being belittled by parents, children will compensate their damaged self-esteem with fantasy self-concept and regard their idealized self as the object of love, thus producing secondary narcissism.
Many psychologists have revised and perfected this narcissistic theory, but in general, they all agree that family background has an influence on narcissism.
There are several typical manifestations of secondary narcissism, such as "self-knowledge expansion", "excessive infatuation with physical beauty", "sense of superiority and privilege" and "superficial interpersonal relationship".
We use three psychological terms to explain the psychological drive behind these appearances.
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"reality distortion"
The so-called "reality distortion" means that narcissists will regard their idealized self as their true self, just like a narcissistic kitten looking in the mirror and seeing herself as a powerful tiger.
The narcissist's "reality distortion" psychology will also show the tendency of self-beautification. We use two data to illustrate:
One data is 364 million. On the famous American photo social media Instagram, there are more than 364 million photos marked with "I" and "selfie".
Another data is 1 1 billion. There are more than 1 1 billion users using Meitu Xiu Xiu software in the world. In other words, one out of every seven people in the world will take their photos beautifully. "If you suddenly see fascinating selfies everywhere on social networks, then you should thank this application from China," the Daily Telegraph said.
Beauty software changes our "actual appearance" into "expected appearance", and narcissists believe in their hearts that the "expected appearance" after beauty treatment is their actual appearance.
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? Self-gambling.
In psychology, "betting" refers to the infiltration and projection process of human psychological and emotional energy. Two inanimate objects, such as two stones, cannot penetrate each other. But between people, there is the ability to bet on each other's emotions.
Narcissists' "self-gambling" means that their focus is on themselves, and even if they focus on others, they will eventually be reflected in themselves. When they talk to people, they always turn the topic into "How did I do it?" They also lack the ability to express their feelings to others.
For example, if you win your friend in a tennis match, the average person will take care of his friend's depression and comfort him by saying, "Well played, let's have another game"; But if you are a narcissist, you are likely to dance with joy and shout angrily to your failed friend: "You lost!" " "
Symington, an Australian psychologist, believes that narcissists have a hole in their hearts, and they have no power to support their life value.
Although narcissists can't hold others in their hearts, they are particularly dependent on others. They will put praise collected from others on their skin like perfume to indulge themselves. Once this borrowed fragrance runs out, their sense of superiority will collapse.
In the fairy tale "The Emperor's New Clothes", the people loudly praised the naked emperor, which made the emperor very useful and his self-confidence soared. But when a child told the truth, the emperor was ashamed and wanted to run away. It means that the narcissist's sense of superiority collapses.
So, what will narcissists do when they no longer feel superior?
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Shame escape
The first story in the Bible tells that Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden. In fact, it is a metaphor that people will experience a sense of shame after losing their initial protection. Shame is everywhere, and the key is how to deal with it.
There is such a girl beside me. She went to play tennis, expecting everyone to applaud her and say, "You are great!" " "But if she misses a ball, her mood will drop to freezing point, and she will throw away the racket and go home. In life, we will say that this person is too sensitive to play. Psychologically, we call this kind of performance "narcissistic injury".
Something as big as sesame and mung bean will stimulate the narcissist and cause her to evaluate whether she is "good" or "bad". In order to protect themselves, narcissists will pass on their sense of shame to the outside world, such as belittling others, to repair their wounds. This self-protection mechanism, just like fingers automatically retract when touching hot pot, is subconsciously made by narcissists. They use words like "It's not my fault", "It's not my fault" and "It's none of my business".
In 2007, a school shooting caused a sensation all over the world. Seung-Hui Cho, a 23-year-old Korean college student, shot and killed 32 people. The only reason for shooting is that his work was rejected by the publishing house. Seung-Hui Cho felt that no one appreciated his talent, so he took his anger out on innocent people. He wrote in his suicide note: "You tore my heart, raped my soul and burned my conscience. Thanks to you, I can die like Jesus Christ. " This is a typical example of "shame escape".
Because "shame escape" is easy to stimulate violent tendencies, narcissism is also listed as a dark personality by some psychologists.
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Dark personality? !
Although they are dark personalities, narcissists often give people the impression that they are "capable and attractive".
There is a famous saying: "not all mental patients are in prisons or hospitals, but some are in the board of directors."
Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple, is recognized as a super narcissist. Everyone who worked with Jobs admitted that Jobs brought his own "reality distortion field". He once asked employees to design a "brick-playing" game within four days. It used to take months to play this game. Everyone thought this goal was ridiculous, but Jobs convinced them that it was possible. As a result, they actually accomplished the impossible task.
Jobs's "reality distortion" power also brought bad consequences. On 20 1 1 year, Jobs was diagnosed with a tumor. He refused to face this reality and stubbornly delayed treatment for nine months. Finally, it killed him.
Narcissism is a toxic asset in human nature, and we can't equate narcissism with self-esteem and self-confidence.
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Narcissism is the Protestant ethics of this era!
Richard, a famous contemporary western thinker? Sonnets think that narcissists can't understand what self and self-satisfaction are. They must constantly ask what the outside world means to them, as well as their relationship with others or their behavior. But when they start to build relationships with others, they will find that this is not what they want, and thus experience a deep sense of disappointment.
To some extent, narcissism is the original sin of human beings, and we are born with such beautiful defects. This kind of flaw surrounds us in a heart wall, and we can't see the real existence of others, so we can't really grow up.
Narcissism won't make us strong in life.
As Ovid, an ancient Roman poet, said, overcoming narcissism can gain the ability to love. May you and I get rid of the shackles of narcissism and usher in an open and bright life.
Subject reading bibliography:
The age of narcissism (Jane m Tengger singer? /? Keith Campbell? )
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The golden sentences in this book
Narcissism does not mean deep self-loathing or self-provision, but a self-confidence in one's personal achievements and a neutral or even negative attitude towards one's intimate relationship and feelings with others. Don't try to define narcissism and narcissism by enhancing narcissistic self-confidence. What they need to learn is to respect others.
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Like other destructive behaviors, narcissism is also a kind of "delay trap"-it lures you with immediate good results, but it will eventually hurt you.
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The biggest consequences of narcissism are borne by people around narcissists.
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Narcissists often can't get along with people in real life, but online, their narcissistic behaviors and narcissistic photos will get more comments, so users are more willing to establish contact with narcissists, and people's behavior and self-presentation benchmarks will slowly move closer to narcissism.
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Bibliography:
Freud's On Narcissism: An Introduction
(Joseph Sandler, Ethel spector, Peter Fonagy)
Narcissism (Sandy Hotchkiss)
Narcissistic culture (Christopher? Rush)