This paper compares the differences between Chinese and American families from three aspects: the cultivation of children's independent consciousness, the establishment of self-confidence and the recognition of exploration behavior.
(A) on the cultivation of children's sense of independence
1. American families have a positive attitude towards the cultivation of children's sense of independence.
American families attach great importance to the cultivation of children's sense of independence and consciously assume this responsibility. "American children's parents believe that the cultivation of independent consciousness, including personality and self-esteem, is composed of all one's attitudes towards oneself and can affect one's life-long behavior." (Note: Guo Faqi: On Personality Education in the United States, (NPC Copying Textbook Pedagogy) 200 1(4), 138 ~ 142) Parents of American children realize that to cultivate their independent consciousness, they must first learn to be responsible for their own actions. Parents in American families often rarely interfere with their children's life decisions, let them analyze and choose for themselves, encourage them to do it boldly after they make a decision, and let them taste the joy of success and the pain of failure in the consequences of what they do. This unconsciously applies Rousseau's educational principle of "natural consequences". Secondly, American parents also realize that children's sense of independence is not only manifested in spiritual independence, but also in material independence. Therefore, when American children are very young, parents will cultivate their independent economic consciousness, let them make money by washing dishes and delivering newspapers, and independently control this "wealth". In this way, in these seemingly trivial things, children's independent consciousness of relying on themselves, making their own decisions and working hard is gradually cultivated.
2. Many parents in China often run counter to the cultivation of their children's sense of independence.
The attitude of parents towards their children in China is often paternalistic, which has its historical origin. Mencius said, "Make Qi Situ teach human relations; Father and son are close, the monarch and the minister are righteous, the couple are different, the young and the old are orderly, and the friends have letters. " (Mencius on Teng Wengong) Among them, "the order of the young and the old" is aimed at children. Its existence determines the basic attitude of parents towards children in China, and it emphasizes the absolute obedience and obedience of parents and children. This idea of "orderly upbringing" has gained a new interpretation today, that is, parents' "arranged" behavior towards their children-parents' choice is their children's decision. Materially, parents are children's "private banks". Since then, children have been attached to their parents since childhood.
From making a decision to being responsible for the consequences, it is an independent, active thinking and self-responsible process, which is conducive to independent thinking and active exploration; Obedience to parents is only a passive adaptation, and it is easy for children to develop the bad habit of passive acceptance and lazy exploration.
(B) on the establishment of self-confidence
1. American families attach great importance to the establishment of self-confidence.
They put "self-confidence" on the first bridge to success. Their specific approach is to actively affirm the results of children's self-exploration and let children realize their value from an early age. When children carry out inquiry activities, every little progress will be valued and encouraged by their parents, so that children are full of confidence in their abilities and can continue to move forward along the road ahead. On the one hand, it helps children to make choices and have the courage to stick to it; On the other hand, it also helps children to correctly understand all kinds of setbacks and not be discouraged easily.
2. Some practices of parents in China often make children feel inferior.
First of all, the problem of "building children's self-confidence" has not attracted enough attention in most China families, and quite a few parents have not consciously cultivated their children's self-confidence. Secondly, influenced by the traditional "paternalism", a large number of parents in China, in order to maintain their "dignity", did not take the initiative to discover their children's advantages and attach importance to their progress during their growth, but criticized their shortcomings and deficiencies everywhere. Who knows, it is in this frequent reprimand that children lose the courage to explore this magical world.
Self-confidence is an important prerequisite for active exploration and innovation. It's hard to imagine what a child full of inferiority will invent.
(3) Determination of exploration behavior
No exploration, no innovation. The different attitudes of Chinese and American parents towards their children's "active exploration behavior" deserve our deep consideration. Generally speaking, American parents have a positive attitude towards their children's exploratory behavior. They encourage children to put forward their own different opinions in life and actively explore problems. Even if parents think that children's behavior has no positive effect, they will not interfere too much, but let children gradually realize their own problems and correct them in their own exploration. However, most parents in China hold a negative attitude towards their children's exploration activities. The standard of "good boy" in their mind is "obedient", and the "exploration activities" carried out by children themselves are regarded as "nonsense" and stopped.
As a result, there are great differences in the number and types of childhood activities between Chinese and American children, especially those adventurous and exploratory activities, which China children often "miss" under the strict discipline of their parents.
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A narrative of family relations.
China people have strong family values, consanguinity and family ethics, which are deeply rooted. Parents and children will always be a family. Even if you get married and set up a new home, you will still be inseparable from your parents and regard supporting and serving your parents as your due responsibility.
Americans are different. As soon as their children reach adulthood, they will leave the nest and their parents will no longer raise them. Once children are independent, they will no longer pay attention to their parents' affairs, let alone support their parents or live under the same roof for generations.
This cultural difference between China and the West is particularly obvious in China. In China, it is natural for parents to buy things for their children when a big family comes to shop, and it is also natural for adult children to pay their parents. It is often the case that adult children compete for money for their elderly parents, and the two sides compete for a long time. Foreigners are different. Parents and children manage their own money separately, not living in isolation from each other. Even some children have to buy things with their own pocket money from helping their parents do housework. Every time I reach out my arm and take a coin from the wallet of a child shorter than the counter, I always feel unspeakable sadness in my heart. I really want to ask my parents standing by, why don't they pay? And those adult children are as financially independent as their elderly parents. When their elderly parents cut their hands from their crumpled wallets to save money, they felt at ease and were unmoved.
There was once a big guest who lived in a high-class white area and was a doctor. Every time he comes, he wants to buy thousands of things. Once, I went shopping with my mother from new york. Seeing that he is a big guest, the boss dare not neglect him. He personally received them and took them upstairs to see valuables. It took him a long time to get down. The boss couldn't help saying, "The old lady is picky and doesn't like anything." Downstairs, the old lady picked three cloisonne boxes with a total price of 50 dollars and an equivalent pink crystal elephant. She put them in the palm of her hand and couldn't put them down. One minute she said she wanted to buy an elephant, and the next she said she wanted to buy a box. Think twice. I can't help but whisper to myself: since I like it, why not buy it quickly? What a miser. At this time, the son standing next to her was impatient and said to his mother, "You only have more than 50 yuan. You can only buy one. When you go back to new york and remit the money, the boss will send it to you. " Oh, I was wrong about that old lady. It is not that she is picky and stingy, but that she really has no money. I have mixed feelings in my heart: No wonder Americans don't have such high expectations for "success" and "success" as China people do. A doctor who spends money like water would rather see his mother disappointed than pay a little money for her. It's a pity that the family has raised a rich boy, but his parents can't touch any light.
This is the reality in the United States. A son can become a millionaire, but his parents are still poor, which is far from the China tradition of China people that "mother and son are precious" and "one person gains the word and the whole family can ascend to heaven".