This article has been brewing for a long time and was originally intended to be written as soon as I graduated. However, I spent a month traveling around America and another month staying at home. Please call me: Tuo ~ Draft ~ Wang ~

This article is very simple. I just want to tell a story, not be reasonable. Those unspoken words and feelings are all here. I have a hunch that the meeting will be long. Thank you in advance for listening.

Going abroad as an undergraduate is a relief for me. Since junior high school, my parents' work has undergone some changes, and I am particularly sensitive in adolescence. The depressed atmosphere at home suddenly made me enter a rebellious period. Originally, the grade was ranked in the top 20, and the grade gradually dropped to 100, and then I was admitted to Huiwen with extra points in the senior high school entrance examination. I don't know where I got my confidence. Maybe it's because I was a good girl for ten years and a bully for eight years, so I thought I could cope with Huiwen's studies easily, and then I was slapped by reality for three years. My best English continues to hover above 60 points, and I am ecstatic about math, physics and personality. Although there are also factors that make the exam difficult, I mainly didn't pay attention. Special thanks to Monica, my English teacher. She once said at a parent-teacher meeting that some students in our class don't take it seriously because of their good foundation. They have been living on their laurels, and it is too late to work hard after eating! I didn't name names, but my mother thought it was me and told me when she came back. I was very disdainful at that time, but I began to pay attention to it secretly. Actually, I've always been a hard mouth on the surface. Who doesn't want to be excellent? In addition, I began to prepare for the SAT and did a lot of grammar and reading questions. I became more and more proficient in the use of exam-oriented English, and finally got into the top three in my class when I was in Grade Two. Mathematics is useless compared with physics in English, so I won't go into details here.

When I was a freshman, my mother induced me to study abroad, and then I began to prepare for the exam and study abroad materials. For me at that time, it was really beyond my ability to prepare for going abroad and take care of my studies at the same time. Every day is a nightmare. Looking back now, my mother must have endured me every day, and I don't know how angry she was. Anyway, she broke out in senior three. I dropped out of school for half a semester to sprint for TOEFL and SAT, and my final results were not satisfactory. Then my mother said, it's time for you to go back to school and take the college entrance examination. Don't go abroad if you can't get the score. You should repeat it for me. At that time, I felt that she pushed me too hard, and I was under the pressure of more than twice as many classmates, but in fact, she was just afraid that I would not study hard when I went abroad and study hard when I could not learn anything.

Anyway, the war between me and my mother has officially begun. I don't talk to her, I don't give her a smile, except to eat, drink and go to the toilet. As soon as I got home, I got into my room and closed the door. I was especially grateful that I didn't have to go home to face my parents at that time, but I could help each other with my classmates who were particularly good at science. They told me math and physics problems, and I told them English problems. I also ride home with money every day and send English text messages. The company of my friends has brought a glimmer of light to my life. I had a particularly unfocused half semester, which really helped me a lot. Although I was forced out, I did very well in the first model exam at the end of the term. Then I thought I had chips, so I went to negotiate with my mother. I said I wanted to go to AP next semester, not the college entrance examination. My mom said, okay.

In high school, I really need outside help to study hard. I don't know what self-discipline is. So I took three AP exams, psychobiological calculus, and only the psychological score was enough for this science score, and the other two exams were extremely poor. At this time, I actually vaguely realized which major I was good at, but my parents and relatives took turns to persuade me not to study psychology, and I didn't have a firm idea. Anyway, my purpose is to go abroad and stay away from my parents, so I listened to their words and chose pedagogy.

I applied to six schools, and finally only the guaranteed school accepted me. However, I am still very happy, because I can go abroad.

On the day I went abroad, I had another quarrel with my mother at the airport. I think she takes care of me too much. My mother gave me a letter, and I glanced at it casually on the plane, preaching endlessly. I was so angry that I tore up the letter and threw it three or two times. After tearing it, I feel more relaxed than before. From now on, you should never interfere in my life again, and I won't give you a chance. I thought to myself.

Freshman had a particularly pleasant time, and the fresh environment and maximum freedom made me feel at home. I sent an email to my mother in the middle of the semester and at the end of the semester, writing about my recent situation, which probably means that I don't want to go home, and I am fine without you. My mother is actually quite happy, and she feels that her rebellious daughter is quite disappointing.

Freshman winter vacation caught up with the once-in-a-decade snowstorm, and the canteen was closed. After eating the stock, I finally couldn't bear it. I asked two other friends to walk to the supermarket to buy food. The nearest supermarket in our village is also half an hour's walk. We don't have a car. A person doesn't have the courage to walk back and forth, so we can talk while walking. I met a woman about my parents' age when I checked out after shopping. She explained that her name is Teresa, her husband and I are pastors in our town, and she lives near our school. Just now, she drove home after shopping in the supermarket. On the way, she saw the three of us walking and thought it should be DPU students, so she hurried back to the supermarket to give us a lift. Her original words were: I can't watch you walk in cold weather and do nothing. Of course we appreciate it. Let her take us back to school. When we were leaving, she gave us her phone number and said that if we needed to go to the supermarket or other places, we would send her a message and she could pick us up for free.

After I returned to the dormitory, I sent her another message to express my gratitude, and then disturbed her two or three times, and I became familiar with it. They took me to church and invited me to dinner at home, so they met their three daughters, seven aunts and eight aunts, and four old people. Later, they naturally became my host family. I call them mom and dad, and they call me daughter. This family is the most important group of people I met in this small village in Central America.

Sophomore should be a very important year for me. After the honeymoon period of my freshman year, I began to feel out of place in the rural areas of American imperialism and became withdrawn and cynical. At the same time, I began to take control of my life: I changed my education major to psychology, chose a tutor and minored in music (piano). Majoring in psychology and choosing Pam Propsom as my tutor is the most important and correct decision I have ever made. My love for this subject is in direct proportion to my understanding of this subject. The more I learn, the more fascinated I am, and I can't help but take the time to treat it. As my nickname, the teacher is strict, organized and perfectionist. She is serious and responsible for students' study, providing them with all possible internship opportunities and answering their doubts about life. She is simply a tailor-made tutor for me. She wrote me countless letters of recommendation of all kinds, and should have a good talk with me before writing them. I respect her, fear her and love her. Without her, I may not be a better me.

But the sudden increase in courses made me a little caught off guard and a little depressed. From the end of the first semester of sophomore year to the end of the second semester, I have been consulting in the psychological counseling center of the school. My mother suddenly suffered from depression from 15 Spring Festival. It really "broke out" and the whole person collapsed at once. I later analyzed that it should be from my junior high school that her company had an accident, my grandmother died, I rebelled, and my grandfather died. Continuous blows may lead to post-traumatic stress disorder. She never gives vent to her emotions. The backlog of emotions was saturated when I was a sophomore, so depression gave her an unhealthy emotional outlet. While trying to give her emotional counseling, I also received psychological counseling, which is like a preview of my future career.

My mother's experience made me suddenly mature, and let me learn to adjust myself, balance my life and study, and ease my relationship with her. Sophomore summer vacation is basically to get home. When I saw her, I told her that you had to go to the hospital. I prefer not to use drugs, so I found a doctor who did well in CBT online and found that Concord was not bad. Fortunately, my mother graduated from Beijing University of Chinese Medicine, and she can still find some contacts in the hospital. I got an appointment with the best psychologist in Concord, so I took my mother with me. My mother was dragged all the way by me, and I briefly told the doctor about the situation. After that, she did blood test, trace element test, head CT and psychological scale. After a long journey, she made an appointment for the next visit and went home. I stare at my mother every day. Time to get up. Drink some water and eat something. Let's go downstairs for a walk. I think I'm starting to pay my debts. She broke her heart in high school, so let me make amends at the beginning of this summer vacation.

When I came back for a follow-up visit, the doctor still prescribed medicine for all kinds of results. I am a little reluctant, because I am well aware of the side effects and withdrawal reactions of psychotropic drugs, but the doctor explained that we should adjust the hormone level in the body first, and then solve the psychological problems bit by bit. Theoretically, the effect of CBT and medicine had better be true, so I accepted it. My mother is very good. She takes medicine on time according to the doctor's advice and listens to my life arrangement. Soon, things began to improve. I am relieved that I don't have to take care of her all the time, but this mode of getting along has become a habit. We have finally changed from a mother and daughter who broke up without a word to equal friends who take care of and care for each other. This summer vacation of Grade Two, we didn't even have a little quarrel. The war that lasted for two years finally came to an end, and two nervous people finally shook hands and made peace.

When I was a junior living in a single dormitory, I was more withdrawn than when I was a sophomore, and my dissatisfaction with the school became stronger and stronger. Next semester in my junior year, I will go to Germany for an exchange. I thought a change of environment would change my mood, but I still live alone because I live in a host family far away from most student dormitories. When I was a sophomore and a junior, I went to many places in America and Europe by myself. These experiences also make me peaceful, lonely but not lonely. I began to enjoy the pleasure of being alone, constantly catching the little luck in life, and gradually grew into an independent person with personality.

I did my first internship in a children's psychological intervention institution in Philadelphia during my junior summer vacation, and this experience directly affected my later graduate application. I was tortured by a group of 35-year-old Xiong Haizi for eight weeks, but I was also warmed by them for eight weeks. Every child, from the initial incomprehension and disgust to the final love and concern, I have established hard-won trust with them. This internship made me find two problems: first, I always thought that psychological intervention should start with children, and the sooner the better, but by understanding the background of these children and their good and bad behavior rules, I found that psychological intervention for parents is actually the most urgent, because Xiong Haizi often complains about bear parents; Secondly, I don't have a strong heart and enough patience to give psychological intervention to my children, so I won't stay in this profession for a long time, and I will be depressed or crazy for half a year. But if I only stay with these children for half a year, the trust we just established will be destroyed, and every time these children establish trust, they will be hurt. If I leave like this for half a year, I will actually hurt them twice. So I made a decision. If I want to consult, I will do it for adults, not children.

Senior three is like the repetition of senior three. It is not an experience, but a kind of pressure. In the first semester, on the one hand, I began to write a literature review of papers, and I had to read many papers every day, but several other courses were still indispensable. On the other hand, I began to prepare for the GRE exam, determine the direction of master's/doctoral study, find a school tutor, and write a personal statement application. At the same time, I also worked as an intern in the school counseling center, translating texts for sociology professors, participating in the research initiated by teachers, and designing my own experiments for the next semester with my partner and thesis tutor. Speaking of which, my thesis supervisor Robert West is also my favorite professor. Because he is "extremely smart" (in fact, he shaved his head himself, hahaha), I nicknamed him "Bald West". Sarah Salazar, my partner and I chose the topic of our thesis. Regarding the cognitive advantages of bilingual users, another professor of cognitive psychology in the Department of Psychology is expected to take over, but the professor of neuroscience has taken over explicitly. Bald-headed Xi, like a teacher, is a famous Yan teacher in the Department of Psychology. His teaching style is better than that of teachers, and he is more considerate, experienced and intelligent to students. He is really smart, and the whole person exudes a "awesome" temperament. At first glance, it's a little fierce (tall and thin, bald, sunken eyes, huge nose, short white beard around the mouth and chin), but when you get used to it, you can see an imperceptible sense of cuteness and a lovely speaking style. I especially like his class and follow him to do experiments. I often have some arguments with him, all of which are academic discussions, and I have benefited a lot. My partner is Mexican, and he doesn't have that string of science in his head. He thinks about equality all day. Of course, this is understandable, but it does have many negative effects on academic objectivity, so bald West likes me better. Tuxi also gave me many suggestions for future development, provided many job opportunities as research assistants and wrote me many letters of recommendation.

That is beside the point. During my four years in college, I slowly began to learn self-discipline and dissatisfaction. I really hate myself in senior three. So, I held my breath and studied in a liberal arts college that no one had ever heard of (although the teaching quality of American liberal arts college is better than that of the familiar comprehensive university). Graduate students must be admitted to famous universities! My original plan was to study PhD directly and study papers in this direction (Neuroscience &; Bilingual), I applied to seven top universities, and at that time, I thought I should have a letter of recommendation from Logger Vick, but I ignored that I actually didn't have any research experience as an undergraduate. As a result, all seven research institutes failed. I originally wanted to work as a research assistant for two years before applying, but I didn't know why I was so uncertain, so I applied for master's degree and psychological counseling in four schools at the end of February this year. This has been bothering me for a long time, because the direction is different, so the recommendation letter should be asked again, the personal statement should be rewritten, and even the resume should be rearranged. Later, I analyzed that on the one hand, when I applied for a master's degree, my classmates began to enroll, and I still had nothing here; On the other hand, it is the panic of not going to school and being forced to step into society.

Anyway, it's another long wait. During this time, Wendy Du has been comforting and encouraging me, pulling me back from the brink of despair and collapse again and again. Finally, in the revival season, I got the admission of applied clinical psychology in Pennsylvania State. A month later, I got an interview for psychological counseling at the University of Pennsylvania, and I was prepared with excitement. I had a nice video chat with the interviewer. When I talked about my internship in Philadelphia, the interviewer was surprised. She said, you know, that institution has cooperated with us professionally for many years, and many of our interns have gone. I have a hunch that it's done, and it's probably done this time. I've always been afraid of interviews. I thought it was caused by my personality, but this time I found out that I was just not ready before. Then soon, the University of Pennsylvania accepted me, and not only that, but also gave me a scholarship of $5,000. Another month passed, and I got the admission notice of academic consultation from Southern University. Finally, I decided to go to the University of Pennsylvania.

Four years of hard work has paid off, and my heart is finally smooth. I can finally say the name of my school proudly, and my parents can finally be proud after years of being questioned by relatives and friends about their education methods.

The innocence of childhood, the diligence of teenagers, the arrogance and loneliness of early adulthood have made today's peace and firmness. Growth is slow, there is no shortcut, and each stage must have a unique trajectory and sentiment, and each stage is indispensable. The road ahead is still difficult, even more difficult, but I know where I want to go, so I won't be afraid.