For children who are not loved by their parents, ta lacks this kind of acceptance and recognition. In ta's mind, no matter how big ta is, it is actually eager to be accepted and recognized by the closest people. Then, if it is not accepted by parents, ta will work harder to make parents accept it. Therefore, the performance of ta is "filial piety" to parents, which seems to be filial piety and pleasing parents. Of course, it's hard to say what ta really thinks.
There seem to be quite a few such children. In the recently hit Ode to Joy, fan Mei Sheng is such a child. In a family with serious preference for boys, she is not loved by her parents. As an adult, she was only regarded by her parents as a tool to make money and sent money to her family continuously. Although she thinks this kind of life is very bitter, she will still be "filial" because she wants her parents to accept her, love her and say that she is good.
What is filial piety? Without the equal relationship between parents and children, "filial piety" is unfair to children. Why not say "love"? "Love" is based on mutual equality, mutual understanding, mutual respect, heartfelt, parents accepting their children and children accepting their parents. The relationship of "filial piety" is hardly a healthy relationship.
I hope that children can get their parents' sincere "love" and "love" their parents, rather than "filial piety" their parents in an unequal relationship.
Filial piety is a mental illness, which comes from the lack of parents' love and inner insecurity. When I was a child, I was severely criticized and oppressed by my parents, which led me to always try to please my parents and get their approval to meet the gap in my childhood. Therefore, "a dutiful son is born under the stick" is a truth. The more I suppress my children and treat them harshly, the higher the probability that they will be unfilial in the future. On the contrary, people who have received full fatherly love and maternal love in childhood are not so filial in adulthood, because they have received full love and security, and they don't need to please their parents to make up for the gap in childhood in adulthood. When the gap in childhood security is too large, people often put pleasing their parents first in life, even surpassing their spouses and children. At this time, there will be a brother-in-law and a silly dutiful son. Brother-in-law would rather eat chaff and swallow vegetables and mistreat her husband and children than support her younger brother in an attempt to gain the recognition and affirmation of her parents, which was extremely scarce in her childhood. In order to please his parents, Yu Xiaoxiao even beat his wife and children. These are all abnormal behaviors caused by childhood insecurity. Another saying "children with local pain can't get help" also confirms this view from the side. Children who have received full fatherly love in childhood are often not very filial, because they have received enough love in childhood, so they will give priority to their small families and love their children more in adulthood, which is in line with the natural law of human development for millions of years. In essence, filial piety is a part of promoting monarchy. In my opinion, parents and children should talk more about love than filial piety.
I feel sad the first time I see a problem.
Children who are not loved by their parents are more filial. The reason behind this is to get their parents' attention, and to attract their parents' attention with double filial piety, so as to get their parents' love. In essence, it is the same as a three-or four-year-old child crying desperately to get a hug from his mother, but the expression is different.
In family of origin with many children, the eldest is the first child of parents, and there are no other children at birth, which will naturally attract parents' special attention. The third and last child, whose parents are much richer in age and experience, will naturally be treated differently. The second child may be neglected by parents because it is not prominent or the family status is not high, which is the phenomenon of "second child in the Millennium"
Many old people still get their parents' attention and love in this way, which shows how important it is for parents to care about their children.
I think the root of this phenomenon is that children who are not liked want to get the approval of their parents.
For parents with many children, it is inevitable that they will prefer children with similar personalities, but they will be different from other children. For example, cheerful parents prefer cheerful children, while cautious parents prefer well-behaved children.
For a young child, because his parents are the most important people in his life, he attaches great importance to his parents' recognition, so his parents' attitude also affects his life.
If parents treat their children unfairly for a long time, it will easily lead to inferiority and rebellion of vulnerable children.
1. Children who are prone to inferiority are often timid. This sense of inferiority will make the child a "please-type" character. He will always observe his words and deeds, because only in this way will he not be scolded more by his parents. If he can get praise from his parents occasionally, he will be more willing to evolve into what his parents like.
Over time, this kind of child has become thoughtful and cautious, so after long-term careful observation, he will know more about his parents' needs and ideas, and he can understand his parents' preferences after he really becomes a parent, so he is relatively at ease. Because children with this personality tend to be soft-hearted and will be more filial to their elderly parents.
2. For children who resisted unfair treatment from their parents when they were young, they were relatively independent and generous. Although they had great opinions about their parents when they were young, they were often very filial when they really grew up.
On the other hand, after the child becomes the protagonist of fate, he will often prove his parents' mistakes by being more filial to his parents.
First, the love here is the love that children feel, or whether parents really don't love their children. If parents really don't love their children and children really don't feel love, then the probability that children who are not loved by their parents are filial to their parents is very low.
Second, objectively speaking, the possibility that parents don't love their children will be very small, but the expression will be somewhat different. In other words, parents have the motivation to love their children, but their ability to love may not be enough. Sometimes they express their love by beating and cursing. This is not to say that parents do not love their children, but that parents have not learned how to love their children.
Third, although it is uncomfortable for parents to beat their children, they believe in their bones that parents love them. Therefore, even if it seems that parents don't love children, children actually feel the love of their parents. So such children will still be filial to their parents.
Fourthly, under the traditional culture of China, there is a proverb called "A dutiful son is born under a stick", which is based on love under a stick. If there is no love, only sticks, children do not understand their parents and do not firmly believe that their parents love them, it is difficult to have a dutiful son.
Fifth, in a family with many children, some children may not get as much love as their brothers and sisters, but they will be more filial. There are two possibilities for such children. One is to think of himself as a parent. He will take care of his brothers and sisters with his parents, and of course he will be very filial to his parents. Another is that his parents always think he is not good. He just wants to change his parents' mind, that is, tell them "I am the best" and constantly prove that he is good with filial piety.
(Author: Chen, director of psychological counseling and psychological growth department, national second-level psychological counselor)
Why are children who are not loved by their parents more filial? Personally, I think that children who are not loved by their parents expect to supplement their families with their own material conditions in order to gain their parents' attention.
The more reason is that children who are not loved by their parents know that their parents will spoil another child and there will be no good result in the future, so they are filial to their parents. Filial piety is more like subsidizing people who are loved by their parents and expecting them to be kind to their parents.
Let's go and have a look, but those parents who have a special preference for one of their children have been obsessed with the child they like since childhood.
When I was a child, other children in my family might think that they didn't do well enough, so my parents didn't love themselves and tried their best to cater to them.
When they grow up, they will see this situation more and realize that their parents will only be more sad in the future. As parents, we must plan for their parents' future. As a result, I have been constantly helping my parents in material and labor, and trying my best to solve their worries.
Actually, I always think this is not a good idea. In this way, the spoiled child will feel that his parents take care of him for granted, and over time, he will develop gluttony and laziness.
It cost 30 yuan to buy jeans in junior high school, and my mother found out. She was very angry. Think I'm wasting money. If you disturb me, I will argue with her. Then my dad came and kicked him in the stomach. Scold me. And ordered me to cut my pants. I finished crying. Only child! Now I'm married. Unfilial. But it will definitely not bring trouble to the family. Because not all parents are willing to pay for their children!
Seeing the first reaction to this question, some people will think that this is a false proposition, some people will feel sad, and some people will sigh and acquiesce. People often say that love is mutual and feelings flow in both directions, but the reason why people ask such questions must be because there are such cases around them, even happening to themselves.
We can adjust the direction of this question, "Why are children loved by their parents not so filial?" From this perspective, it seems to be much clearer and there are many cases around. So what are the reasons why children who get more love from their parents are unwilling to be filial to their parents? In my opinion, there are three reasons:
First, children who accept love and pay unconditionally from an early age can easily get used to this kind of unreserved love and feel that adults' love for themselves is taken for granted, relaxed and even free. Once he is used to taking, he cannot learn to give at the same time. If his parents fail to devote all their time or resources for various reasons, or if their parents give their love to new family members, he will be more likely to be jealous and angry and feel that his parents have deprived him of his position as the center of the universe. So when he grows up, he will think that his parents should love themselves selflessly, which is natural, but then he will hate his parents for other things. "Filial piety" is not necessarily their obligation.
Second, it is said that parents' love is a harbor, where we can rest and escape and enjoy the resources and advantages of the harbor. A spoiled child must be supported by his parents from an early age, and everything can be done by them. He didn't study hard, and his parents paid him to go to a good school. If he doesn't study well at school, his parents will find a relationship to help him graduate; When the job search in society was not smooth, his parents used their contacts to hammer out an iron rice bowl for him; The relationship with colleagues and superiors is not handled well at work, and parents come forward to give gifts and coordinate; At marriageable age, I don't want to contribute myself. I even have to give my parents the private affairs of finding a girlfriend, and I often complain to my friends that what my parents introduced to me is really unbearable. Therefore, when the cruel social reality shattered his blx, it was not so easy to blame his parents and want him to be filial.
Third, the more intimate people are, the more angry they are with him; The more outsiders we are, the better we should behave. This is not only the performance of many of us, but also the consistent attitude of those children who have been loved by thousands since childhood towards their parents. Feelings can influence each other, but sometimes they are one-way. Just like a boy loves a girl very much, but he loves a reincarnation as much as possible, but he still can't get the girl's heart. Everyone has heard many emotional stories with unhappy endings. So are parents. Even if your parents give you all their love, you may give your enthusiasm, kindness and love to others, regardless of their feelings, but just because of their nagging, regardless of their face, and they have a big fight.
Then, why are children who are not loved by their parents or who are not loved enough by their parents the most filial or still filial? That's because they always want to prove their value and parents' approval through their parents' love when they are very young, but their parents always give more love and resources to other brothers and sisters. No matter what they do, in the end, parents are still more and more "eccentric" in their love for their sister or brother, so they start a long way to get their parents' approval. When I was young, I relied on cleverness. When I grow up, I rely on my love and obedience to my parents. They want to win the hearts of their parents, which is actually the embodiment of their love. What kind and loving children want most is the trust and recognition of their parents. Therefore, they will still love, as if they have never lost it.
Welcome to pay attention to "little corn hemp" and share the gains and losses on the road of parenting with me!
That's good. The reason is that parents are people, not gods, but also like and dislike. Old people certainly won't admit it. Inadvertently, parents will find various reasons to favor individual children from all aspects of energy and financial resources, forming a strong and weak pattern among children. On the other hand, favored children have developed the habit of eating more and eating less, while children who have fallen out of favor have developed the habit of losing money since childhood, always hoping to do more to win the approval of their parents. They are used to and recognize their parents' doting on individual children. When parents need their children to take care of them, the quality developed since childhood determines that most favored children will still feel disadvantaged when they pay little, while those who are not loved by their parents are willing to pay and feel very suitable. All this is formed unconsciously for a long time, and parents generally don't deliberately go eccentric. No one should be resentful. My parents think that I am in poor health, and I am afraid that I will have no food in the future. Intentionally or unintentionally, don't let me spend money indiscriminately. It is this frugal habit that has benefited me a lot, while other siblings' parents want them to get ahead and give more or have no money every day. My parents will have to rely on me to pay for it in the end.
Anyway, in a word, children who don't value their parents often don't find fault with the elderly, but only care about them.
This is all tears! I'm rocking on a cane chair, typing this word! Parents don't love their children, are unwilling to invest time, energy and money, and even attack and persecute them, resulting in their children's low emotional intelligence, lack of skills, unable to integrate into the crowd and unable to gain a foothold in society. They want to get rid of the environment, but there is nothing they can do to protect their rights and interests, because it will harm their own interests. Although I can't bear it, how can I live without filial piety? In this case, public opinion still stands on the side of children and condemns bad parents. Let's talk about my personal experience. My father abused me and it was easy for him to go to jail. My mother survived and the divorce was over. What about me? He is disabled. After he got out of prison, he scrimped and saved and opened a small shack together. After he died, I went to see my mother again. She may not take me in. Of course, this is just a hypothesis. I forbear, and my mother didn't mention divorce. I used to think, why don't they like me? Am I not good enough? If I do better, will I get their approval? I even did something stupid against common sense to get their attention, and then I gave up, just to suffer less. We now have two suites and live a comfortable life. Because of this, my mother didn't dare to force me to work full-time, but begged me to give her a pension and die.