Some people really make a clear distinction between body and soul.
In their world: vent ≠ love ≠ betrayal
"I can't remember how long it took, like three to five months, like a year. I know I'm still afraid to recall that picture. "
"Those memories, like a fishbone, stuck in the chest along the throat. Sleeping hurts, eating hurts, breathing hurts, and stabbing from time to time to remind you that things have happened. "
You said, in this case, it's easy to forgive.
Talking about forgiveness is just forcing yourself to forget, trying not to think about it and hiding the wound.
The following is a transcript of my counselor's answers. It takes about 6 minutes to read the full text, and there are dry goods out of the haze at the end of the text.
Family economic strength+repairing cognition and emotions+strengthening the heart is the most important thing!
1. It's really much harder to forgive cheating.
We can't just start over in a few words. Our marriage just needs to shuffle and start over. Who will pay for those overthrown trust and feelings?
I can't believe his kindness to me or his whereabouts. I'm afraid to hear him praise the new female colleague in the company. I even heard him say which female star is not ugly, and I would have doubts in my heart. "Does he like this type of woman?"
What's more, he gave me a gift, and I doubt the motive. "Suddenly courting, did you do something wrong to me?"
I held back, I held back, as long as I stopped, my heart would think of the sweet words he had made love with other women before.
But I can't always "dig up old scores". I'm afraid my children will hear me and my family will feel sorry for me. Who can understand the wife's pain in this situation?
I crushed my teeth and swallowed them. I never wanted to come out, but I was dragged back again and again.
Forgive my distrust and extreme sensitivity. I am an ordinary woman with a small heart, so I can support our small family of three.
How can I tolerate my decision that a man and another woman will do the most intimate thing between lovers in bed?
At this moment, no one knows better than me: I want to continue my marriage and say that I am brave again and put down my dignity for love and family, but my heart is full of holes. Even though we are still close in front of people, I can't love our feelings anymore.
The cruel truth is just hidden, but it will come out from time to time, so you can't ignore it.
That night, we sat on the sofa and watched TV. Gu Yao and Song in Mr. Love are facing divorce in front of lawyers.
I saw Song say, "When I am outside trying to earn money to support my family, you can't get wind and sun at home. Why should I leave home cleanly? "
And Gu Yao's eyes suddenly turned red.
At that moment, I felt like Gu Yao. My tears can't help falling. He seemed to understand something in an instant, sitting beside him silently, just looking at me and handing me a tissue.
There is only the sound on TV between us. It was Gu Yao who growled, "You begged me on your knees."
My heart hurts. I knew Gu Yao was cheating. I knew they would confront each other. I dragged him to watch this TV on purpose. I had a hard time. I think of myself as soon as I see Gu Yao. Why should I live alone in the abyss?
However, when he was silent, I was not happy at all. I'm in more pain. In addition to the pleasure of revenge, I still have some good feelings for him. The regret and sadness in his eyes trapped me like a chain and made me breathless.
It was you who put me first. Now, I don't think it's very happy to make you suffer.
3. Are you confused when you see this? At this point, why don't I want to leave?
I am unwilling and reluctant. Call yourself weak or timid. I'm afraid there will still be such a problem next time.
I will hand over the country I built myself. I watched him apply my cultivated self-restraint and romance to another woman, and I couldn't help feeling fierce and desperate in generate.
And I'm afraid of remarriage and having children, so I won't give all my love to my present baby.
Others will never be you. They can kindly tell you how handsome you are after the divorce, but no one is qualified to let you give up directly, because they never know how much you have paid.
Unless you really give up completely, you can live a free life alone.
Therefore, it is really difficult to save yourself without divorce. But this road must go!
It is better to let yourself go than to forgive him.
I'm not that noble. You want me to give up everything, fall in love again and trust 100% again. Face it, it's impossible.
What I can do is to heal, heal, grow and make my life and mood better. Life must go on!
First of all, record emotions and channel them.
I know I'm sensitive now, and sometimes my thoughts are a little morbid. Always want to drag each other into the water and make him unhappy.
I know there is a problem, but I just can't help it. When I came to consult, I was very painful and struggled repeatedly. The teacher listens to my troubles and will help me to ease my mood.
As required, I recorded my sensitive frequency and inner thoughts at that time and analyzed them for the teacher every day.
Sometimes tears fall when it says. There are too many negative emotions in my heart. If I don't have children, I really don't know if I can remain calm on the surface.
Maybe, like those women on the Internet, I will tear my mistress face to face and make them feel uncomfortable.
Second, repair psychological cognition.
The teacher told me that my emotional cognition and emotional cognition have problems.
I was, and still am, dependent on each other. I hate him and have to stick to him. My cognition is to ask for, ask for his guilt and pain to make up for my pain.
But no one is born to like being taken away. What I wanted before was the money to support my family, and what I wanted was the feelings of care and love from the other side. This idea overwhelmed me and made me lose my way.
Now, through conditioned reflex, I try to adjust my cognition and turn a single request into mutual pay. I will thank and record every income he gives to his family. I will tell each other what I have done, and I will also record all my work at home and convert it into equal economic value.
To say the least, it costs money to hire a nanny. I do more things than a nanny.
Third, respiratory therapy relieves stress.
Whenever I feel stressed and depressed, I will use breathing therapy to clear my brain and delay my breathing time. When I take a deep breath, I feel that the big stone on my chest is not so tight, and my mood will be better.
Fourth, control the family economic power.
Of course, I can't easily forgive him for coming back voluntarily. The teacher asked me to turn the punishment on the other side into rational cooperation in the name of "optimal allocation of family property"
After discussion, part of the family's property must be spent, and the rest should be saved in the name of the children as an education fund. At the same time, there are two suites at home, and a legally meaningful agreement must be signed.
Fifth, the road to self-growth.
I really don't have a strong sense of self-discipline, but after this lesson, I realized the importance of independence. I don't want to look at each other's faces and ask for more money.
Especially after the other party cheated, I was thinking, if I reach out for money, will he take it as his salvation? In case the other party thinks that I am still like a dodder flower, I will never have the right to speak this day, and I will always be a passive accessory.
The teacher gave me a beauty punch, and I picked up my hobby again. Learn how to make up with the teacher in the video every day. I dress up for no one, just for my own pleasure.
I spend three hours every day learning skills, looking for a job and adjusting my resume. If you have no job for three years, you will be afraid and shrink back. But at the thought of what the teacher said at that time, "No one can help himself unless he stands up", he gritted his teeth and went on with his heart.
Sixth, metamorphosis, we will become butterflies again.
I know that there is not so much chicken soup in life, and I have come every step by myself. Who knows hard work? Who knows those grievances and tears?
The teacher encouraged me to go out of my family, learn to be independent and embrace my beautiful self again. I put on makeup for the first time, wearing a dress and high heels. I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself as strange and familiar. I haven't done this for years.
I'm back.
The above is my consultant's manuscript.
The stability of marriage is based on the mastery of economy and resources and inner strength.
"I can take care of my family, but I am not afraid of losing him."
"I can almost say that now I am not afraid of Xiao Si Xiao Wu, and I am not afraid of losing him. Besides, he doesn't have the financial resources and courage to find Xiao Si Xiao Wu. "
"I don't suffer, I don't divorce, but I dare to leave."
To everyone who is lost:
Being an independent person is called growing up.
-"Be the Best of Yourself"
Correct action is the best medicine, don't drag heart disease into mental illness. It is not easy for us to forgive each other, but we must get out of the shadows and solve the problem.
I am your friend Dai. If you have emotional doubts, you can tell me.