Let's give an example from real life. For example, if you want your family to help you when cleaning, many people will say, "Go and throw away the garbage!" " "As a result, the person who is in a good mood may help you, but if the person is in a bad mood, then the answer you get is probably" I'm tired now "or" I'm watching TV ",which may even lead to a quarrel. But if you put it another way: "throw garbage or clean the bathroom, you can choose one to help." "In this way, the other party will choose the same, and the average person will naturally choose to throw garbage more easily.
Speaking is not only a "feeling", but also a "technology"! Just as there is a secret recipe for cooking, there is also a secret recipe for speaking. Words are like cooking. Anyone can cook delicious food as long as they master the menu.
Next, I would like to share with you the book "The so-called high emotional intelligence means talking", which is the most popular interpersonal communication book in Japan and the staff training textbook designated by many world-renowned enterprises.
The author of this book is Keiichi Sasaki. He is a top communication expert, advertising genius and copywriter in Japan. Graduated from the Graduate School of sophia university, the top international university in Japan, and then worked in Bobaotang, a well-known Japanese advertising company. He is not good at communication and expression. After numerous attempts and failures, he discovered the touching language mystery and became the first Japanese to win the American advertising award "Golden Pencil Award". He is regarded as the most successful advertising planner in Asia, and has won 5 1 award in Japan and abroad.
In "The so-called high emotional intelligence is talking", the author Keiichi Sasaki tells about his "seven breakthroughs" and "eight skills" on how to speak in personal practice, so that you can get touching wording secrets and be invincible in interpersonal communication.
Next, Anxin will break down the essence of this book into three parts and gradually tell you how to improve your oral English.
1. No detours, 3 steps to teach you to change the answer from no to yes!
2.7 Breakthrough teaches you how to talk to anyone.
3. Quickly acquire the eight skills of creating "epigrams". Whoever you talk to, the world is yours.
Today, let's look at the first part: three steps to turn a negative answer into a positive one.
Have you ever heard the saying that the wording of your speech can really change your life?
According to incomplete statistics, a person will ask for help 22 times a day on average. Of course, some requests will get a "yes" answer, and some requests will get a "no" answer. For example, if you have mastered the communication skills, you can change the answer of "no" to "yes" at least once a day. Then there may be no obvious change for only one day, but if this situation continues for one year, it can change 365 times, which is more than 1000 times in three years. If we can change the previous 1000 times of "no" into "yes", won't life change?
For example, if you invite the right person on a date, many people will say, "Are you free this Saturday?" The answer is hard to predict. If they are two of the same kind, that's good. If not, it's hard to say whether you can get other answers. But at this time, you just have to put it another way: "There is a famous restaurant, and now it can only be booked until Saturday and Sunday. When are you free? " This may change the result and get a positive answer.
In fact, when asked which to choose between A and B, most people will choose one of them. The key is the two options A and B prepared in advance, neither of which will affect the result. In other words, no matter which one the other party chooses, they can achieve their goals.
Generally speaking, in front of people they trust, it is easy for many people to speak their thoughts directly without thinking, and what they say is more direct, even "orders." And this will often get the opposite result to your original idea.
Take my own example. I have a friend who has known me for 9 years. She and I are temporary workers in the same unit. By chance, I learned of an opportunity to prepare for the exam. After I told her, she also said happily that she would take the exam with me. After signing up, I found that her enthusiasm for review seems to be not too high, and she even often stays up late to play games. It's almost time for the exam, and I'm very anxious. I hope she will start studying for the exam as soon as possible, so I said a lot of outrageous things to her, for example, if you don't review well, you won't get into the exam. Why are you so enterprising? It turned out that she thought I was nosy and we had a big fight.
First, let's take a look at what I said. In front of people I trust, I speak my mind without thinking. This way of speaking not only failed to convey what I wanted to express, but also aroused the antipathy of the other party and destroyed our friendship.
In fact, the root of the problem is that what I said only reflects what I think in my heart. What I said is an order that generally does not consider the feelings of others. Nobody likes to be ordered. Therefore, when learning to communicate with others, the first step is to learn first, and don't speak your mind directly.
This step is actually thinking from the other side's point of view, which is what we call "empathy."
First, we can think about it first. How will the other party react if we directly ask for it? If the other party is likely to agree, of course, you can say it directly. But if the other person is likely to refuse, you can't just say it. We can temporarily forget our own requirements and guess each other's likes and dislikes, personality and other factors.
Then let's go back to what happened just now. My idea is that I hope she will review well and try to be admitted to the establishment. In fact, the original intention of this idea is good, that is, there are problems in expression. At this time, let's think about it from her point of view. Her thoughts may be "I am an adult, how can I review myself?" "I don't know why you decide for me whether I want to go this way or not."
At this time, I need to forget my own requirements and think about her personality, current environment and other factors. For example, I am a temporary worker now, and I am extremely unstable. If we are successfully admitted, we don't have to worry about the possibility of being laid off at any time, and the salary will not be so much lower than that of regular employees.
Next, we can enter the third step.
We are asking others to make "each other's interests" and "our own interests" converge. In fact, this step expresses many people's ideas and is beneficial to me, so I am willing to agree to your request. Even if you change the wording, as long as you can achieve your goal in the end.
Then let's go back to what happened just now. I hope my friend can study hard for the exam. Friends hope not to be unstable temporary workers all the time. Then, considering the interests of both of us, we can say, "I know the audit is very tiring, but as long as I can get into the establishment, I will never have to worry about being fired at any time, and I will never obviously do the same job." Our salary is many times lower than that of regular employees. "
This can not only stimulate a friend's enthusiasm for review, but also cause her disgust, which can be described as "killing two birds with one stone".
The above are three steps to teach you to turn a negative answer into a positive one, namely "Don't speak your mind directly", "Try to figure out the other person's psychology" and "consider the wording of the other person's interests". Have you learned? Do you have any better suggestions about communicating with people? Welcome to leave a message in the comments section below ~
Later, Anxin will continue to tell you that seven "breakthroughs" teach you how to talk to anyone.