When I was a baby, I was sickly, and the doctor told my parents to be prepared to die young. But I survived, although it was difficult.
Because I have a bad heart, I can't run and jump with other children. The sky in my childhood has been gloomy, and I often hide in the corner and cry secretly. Weakness and loneliness turned into endless worries, tossed and turned in my young mind, which made me know life and death too early at that age and how stingy and cruel life was to me.
Then I grew up. Growing up in a season of falling flowers, my pale face glowed a little in the bright autumn sunshine. I was admitted to the university and fulfilled my dream that I dared not expect when I was a child.
Then I fell in love. That is a very kind boy, generous, open-minded and persistent. I am very happy to enjoy the happiness of being a girl and the endless satisfaction of having a boy. In his warm arms, the blush on my face never faded. For a long time, I almost forgot that I had a miserable childhood and a fragile body.
Until the spring of the last year of college, my boyfriend and I went for an outing. We sat back to back on the grass, looking at the blue sky and white clouds, the pine forest and the shepherd boy in the distance. We sang excitedly: "-I hope you can love me till I die, and I hope you can accompany me to the ends of the earth." -"When I got to the emotional place, my boyfriend excitedly held me in his arms and whispered in my ear," We will be together all our lives, okay? "
Life at that moment is so gorgeous and warm, and so condescending and gentle. Between the blue sky and the green grass, I know my heart is blooming like a flower, showing the beauty I have never had before.
But on that spring night, I stood by the window, listening to the distant insects outside the window, remembering the blue sky and white clouds, the grassland, the distant sheep and the full moon with infinite longing. Then, I cried.
I know how much I love that boy and how much he loves me like porcelain. Our love is pure and transparent, like a blooming flower. But maybe all the beautiful things are incomplete: he is full of energy and strong, but how can I accompany him through the ups and downs of his life with a weak heart and cartilage and a thin body? Love is so unbearable and anxious in the depths. It is better to leave his life early, give him a chance to have a complete love again, and give him a perfect life without regrets than to accompany him all his life and leave him half his life with bitterness.
I am destined not to belong to him, nor to any boy. I should have realized that.
So, after that spring night, I gradually alienated him and snubbed him. After graduating from college, I ignored his obstruction and went to a distant city. In my letter to him, I calmly wrote: "I don't love you anymore-"He didn't know how unbearable it was to deliberately escape from love, and how profound and painful it was to love without being sad!
Later, I faced people and things independently in that city, bearing the deep and shallow joys and sorrows in the world alone. Every time I pass a strange face in the crowd, I feel completely lonely, so I think of the boy who hates my fickle feelings. How did he know that I left him to love him more? How did he know that he had a kind and beautiful girl who would rather hurt himself than him? I just hate that God didn't give us this fate.
After giving up love, I just lived for my mother. Life is given by my mother, and I have no right to take it back. I can only maintain a little hope for my elderly mother. In fact, my mother shouldn't have created such a weak life. After many vicissitudes, I have to leave with many regrets. Life is sometimes unfair to everyone.
For more than half a year, I dragged my illness up and down, and after several struggles, I finally fell ill in the season when lilacs were in full bloom. Listen to your mother, it's time for lilacs to wither. Maybe everything is meant to be. Lilacs will wither soon. I think I will go with them.
As a result, a calm heart is more calm. When I leave, I want to fulfill two wishes: tell that boy that I have always loved him and hope that he will live up to me; Tell my mother again, don't feel sorry for me, just pretend that I didn't live this life more than 20 years ago! I calmly received two telegrams, calmly admitted to the hospital alone, and did not rush to confirm the rash. I waited.
The mother came with the boy. Maybe my mother hinted at the reason why I left him. As soon as he entered the ward, he glared at me fiercely, then held my hand with tears in his eyes, which made my heart tremble with pain.
Mother just kept silent. She has been preparing for more than 20 years, and the tears in her heart have run out.
Later, the doctor came in and asked my mother why she left me alone in this city, and why she didn't give my girlfriend care and encouragement, which made me so careless and depressed.
"Don't blame them, I know my life is short." I forgave my mother and defended him.
"In fact, when you were a child, your heart valve stenosis miraculously healed two or three years ago, but you were weak and didn't love life, and depression became a disease-"
"Miraculously," my mother repeated, looking at me in disbelief, then at the old doctor, and her dim eyes suddenly brightened.
"yes. Maybe-"The old doctor patted me on the shoulder:" Thanks to your boyfriend, you must love each other and be very happy. There are indeed many things in this world that are predestined and we can't change them; But there are many things you have to fight for yourself. As long as you are willing to cooperate with the treatment, you will soon have a complete life like a normal person! "
The old doctor is out. Boyfriend and mother were shocked. At that time, the afternoon sun shone warmly on my face, my mother and my boyfriend.
It took a long time for my boyfriend to react first. He ran out quickly. I heard other boys crying loudly outside the ward, so happy and vivid.
My mother at the bedside held me in her arms and laughed and cried all over her face. For an instant, the wrinkles on her face seemed to be much less.
Later, the old doctor cured me of my illness.
On the day of discharge, I took him and bowed deeply to him. I thank him. He not only restored my body, but more importantly, he gave me a shock in spirit and soul, and made me understand that life is so precious that I have to fight for everything by myself.
Yes, there are indeed many things in this world that are doomed and we cannot change; But there are also many things that we have to fight for ourselves. If life can be fought for, what else in the world can't be fought for?