Giving conditional love is essentially satisfying and serving others.
The answer to love and being loved is actually to be yourself first.
Love is divided into conditional love and unconditional love.
Both are love, but they are different.
Conditional love means my love will come back.
Because I gave you love, I have the capital to ask you.
How I treat you and how you treat me are two related events.
For example:
Because I give you good food and drink, you must obey.
Because I care about you, you should give me attention and recognition.
Because I work for you, you have to give me money.
Because I often praise you, you should also praise me.
Because I married you, you should be good to me.
-this is a causal relationship.
Every penny I pay comes at a price.
Some are clearly marked, clearly marked, with goods in one hand and love in the other.
I secretly marked some of them. I give you love, but I won't tell you what I want. But if you don't give me what I want, I will show you my anger and blame you for not being a thing.
Conditional love is also love.
After all, this is also an act that can benefit the other party.
Unconditional love means my love will never come back.
I love you willingly. You don't have to do anything to me.
How I treat you and how you treat me are two independent and unrelated events.
In fact, unconditional love is not deep or far away. In our life, it is everywhere.
For example,
When the mother saw the child sneezing, she was distressed and unconsciously took a thick dress.
You saw the kitten shivering with cold, and you unconsciously picked it up to keep warm.
You saw the old man staggering across the street, so you gave him a hand subconsciously.
Love in these moments may be unconditional.
Of course, not everyone does these things unconditionally.
What is the essence of unconditional love?
Unconditional love is essentially a kind of emission.
It doesn't love for love's sake, and it shouldn't.
It is because you have love that you naturally send out and reveal it.
Unconditional love means giving love to others when you are yourself.
The point is that you are being yourself and loving others is only an accidental result.
Like the sun.
The sun's love for humans and plants is unconditional.
But does the sun love human beings?
The sun is just being itself. It likes to glow and heat, and by the way, it forms love for humans and plants.
Such as unconditional respect.
When you don't control people's desires, when you don't need others to serve you, you naturally form unconditional respect for people.
At this time, you are just being yourself and forming respect for others.
In this respect, you won't feel: I respect you and don't control you. Why do you want more? ...
Just like you respect flowers and open them at your own pace.
Such as unconditional attention.
You just think he is nice, full of curiosity and interest, and you are deeply attracted to him.
At this time, you will follow your feelings and pay a lot of attention to him.
At this time, you are not paying attention for the sake of attention. You are just being yourself, and you have formed a natural concern for others.
In this concern, there will be no injustice. You don't think: I value you so much, and you still ...
Such as unconditional approval.
A flower surprises you, a movie shocks you, and you will sincerely express your feelings with "wow".
At this time, you are just being yourself, and by the way, you have formed an identity with others.
A person spontaneously does something he wants to do because of his feelings of pleasure, surprise, love, distress and emotion. By the way, it also constitutes a contribution to others. This is unconditional love.
This kind of love has no sense of giving, and it is a natural and spontaneous state.
At this time, you naturally won't ask others to do anything for you.
And conditional love, the starting point is to satisfy others, is the act of loving for love's sake.
This is a kind of love centered on others. At this time, when people express their love, they have a sense of giving.
And once a person has a sense of giving, he begins to accumulate resentment.
At the same time, I began to expect the other party to do something for myself based on "I am good to you".
Giving unconditional love is essentially being yourself and serving yourself.
Giving conditional love is essentially satisfying and serving others.
Unconditional love is limited.
Limited does not mean conditional.
The sun also has a life span. One day the sun explodes, and it will stop loving people and plants.
However, this does not mean that the love given by the sun at this moment is not unconditional.
When a person is himself, there is actually so much attention, attention, respect and recognition given to others.
Because you only have so much attraction, shock, touch and demand for him.
So naturally he can only give you so much unconditional love.
If the loved one is not satisfied, he will expect more; People who love don't accept so little from themselves, but also ask themselves to pay more.
At this time, forced love is love for love, and it has become conditional love.
So, unconditional love and conditional love have a turning point-
Give love:
As much as the other person has charm, you are attracted to him, and you can naturally give much love.
In order to get love:
How much energy you attract others, others will give you how much love.
This part is paid sincerely, spontaneously, admirably, involuntarily and without asking for anything in return.
What this part of love insists on paying is a kind of self-disappointment and self-grievance, which has become conditional.
The love you want except this part is a kind of compulsion, a kind of accusation, a kind of complaint and a kind of dissatisfaction to others.
So the degree of unconditional love you can get depends on the degree to which you attract others.
Therefore, the anger about "why doesn't he love me" is essentially to escape the incompetence of "why am I so unattractive".
Where is the limit of unconditional love?
Is how much vitality you have.
The more vigorous your vitality is, the more curious you are about everything in the world, and the more you can pay attention, recognition, attention and respect.
The richer your emotions are, the more naturally you can show them.
And a person who always asks himself to give love to others will suppress his vitality.
His own curiosity will not be too great, and if he is depressed, he will not have too many feelings to flow.
The love given at this time is both reluctant and hostile.
So, how to achieve unconditional love?
Is to be yourself first.
Follow your feelings, pay attention to what you want to pay attention to, recognize what you want to recognize and respect what you want to respect.
Express what you love spontaneously, instead of asking yourself who you should be nice to.
How to increase unconditional love?
The more you can be yourself, the more you love yourself;
The more you love yourself, the more you can give spontaneously.
How can we love unconditionally?
It is not forced by demands and accusations, but by being yourself, which will make you attractive.
If you are attractive, someone will spontaneously want to give you love.
The answer to love and being loved is actually to be yourself first.