We are asked to be a good mother, daughter-in-law, wife and employee ... but no one has ever asked us:
How can I be myself?
And communicate with friends of all ages around me and find that 30+ women have been born seriously-
You just give birth, and we old people will take care of you. What should you do?
No matter men or women, children should not be too lonely.
……
I interviewed the mother who gave birth to a second child in the community, and everyone would say "I'm not alone for the child", but this is "I don't think so". There are really many children who say to their mothers, "I'm so lonely." Do you want another one? "
People are hard to tear apart, and there is a little helplessness in the words of these second-born mothers. I don't want to get into it.
Until yesterday, I was helping a girl revise her resume. At 32, she has two babies. Now her resume says "No Triplet Plan", but it is just as difficult to find a job.
I realized that the influence of triplets on women has already appeared.
For example, I recently coached a woman with a stay-at-home mother for four years to apply for a job. Last week, I met three such replies in succession:
After reading the resume, it's not appropriate.
I chatted during the interview, and it didn't feel right.
And a woman who never stopped her career, with a 2-year-old child, was repeatedly asked by the interviewer when applying for a job:
It takes you an hour to go to work, so we'll work overtime. Can you arrange it at home?
Don't blame these enterprises for being unscrupulous (although these enterprises are indeed short-sighted), this difficulty is structural. Therefore, even if how to report gender discrimination on the internet, even if the annual big data shows that the income gap between men and women is widening, even if the state requires that there should be no gender discrimination, women still face these shackles alone.
Why substantive changes in women's career development are hard to come by! This is because the externality of fertility has not been solved from the social mechanism level. Externality is an economic concept, which refers to the income from doing this, but I pay the cost myself. Then I will lose a lot. Externality can fundamentally explain why women don't want to be promoted. Profit-seeking enterprises will not consider the externalities of women's reproductive and caring roles. Therefore, if there is no relevant policy and support mechanism to internalize these externalities, enterprises will continue to prefer men.
At the same time, the division of labor within the family has not fundamentally changed-don't tell me that men are doing housework now, and the situation may be relaxed, but the gender role of fixed lines has not been subverted. We are speaking with rigorous data. There is a study called "Investigation and Research on Household Division of Labor after 90s". It is found that the post-90s generation has serious contradictions caused by the division of housework. After giving birth, the amount of housework for women increased obviously, while the amount of housework for men did not change obviously. After the birth of the post-90s family, the average weekly housework time is 35.7 hours (Tucao catches up with a full-time work class, and a job is 40 hours every day for 8 hours and 5 days), among which women finish 24 hours, mainly cleaning the room, cooking and packing things, while men mainly go out to buy and wash cars (PS is not the time to accompany their children).
On the first floor, there are no such problems as you mentioned. Women are now riding on men's necks. How fair.
So I put facts and reason.
On the second floor, even if women are really difficult, there is no way.
In fact, what we usually can't do is a systematic problem.
Any systematic problem, like a cable, is one of the threads we weave every day, and it can't be broken in the end. So if we tear down a thread every day, can we finally break it and live freely?
Then I have three suggestions.
First, women will feel happy because of their children, but they will also feel bound.
Feeling trapped is not because you are selfish, not because you are not competent enough, not because you are not as tough as superwoman. Being trapped means your feelings are real. So women who want to have children are brave, and women who don't want to have children are just.
Support yourself emotionally, even if the whole family doesn't understand you, your hard work and depression are reasonable.
Having said that, I remembered my postpartum depression in those years. My mother said, What do you think you are doing? Adults and children are complete. You don't have that much stuff. At that time, I once suspected that I was too sentimental and fragile in the past, and later I was more injured.
Second, some people say that "as long as it can be arranged, family and career can be taken into account", and I say you can do it.
When it comes to the balance between career and family, the social advice is usually to make women qualified to work hard. You have to be smart, strong, gentle and dedicated, and you will be balanced. This statement is at the expense of women's personal well-being and barely meets the tasks of family and career, which is unbalanced. The real balance is not that women try hard to arrange, but that others share it-whether it is hiring domestic workers, buying commercial child care services or sharing it with men, I will balance the tasks.
Don't underestimate the smallness and greatness of housework. Going to the balcony to tidy clothes, take out the garbage, help children prepare clothes, cook ... these projects may only take 30 minutes, but they add up to a lot. If you are willing to invest, you can get rid of yourself.
Third, adhere to the principle of putting yourself first in any decision.
No matter how many children you have, how to have them, and how to raise them after birth, as the specific executor of fertility, I suggest you come up with your own views first, and then make a clear attitude with your family. Under this principle, you can really balance your tasks.
Finally, everyone is eager for success, which has nothing to do with men and women. Employers are also requested to look at the abilities of female candidates objectively. You are not required to take care of them, but please try to employ them according to their abilities, which will be better in the long run. That's not what I said. McKinsey, a world-renowned consulting firm, has long found through research that enterprises with gender balance and respect for women have better profit performance in a longer time line.
I am a good sister, a good girl, a good girl, providing professional counseling with temperature operation.
References:
[1] sheets. Investigation and study on the division of housework in the post-90s generation [D]. Jilin Agricultural University, 20 19.
[2] Yang Hualei, Hu Haoyu and Shen Zheng. Inconsistency of Goals, Positive Externality and Maternity Subsidy [J]. China Economic Problems, 20 19(04):82-93.