In an impulsive mood, it is wrong to make any decision ...

The well-known conclusion of these people is a summary of many facts of blood and tears.

In fact, I really can't be impulsive about the survival of marriage, especially the marriage involving the healthy growth of children.

On May 28th, 2020, the Third Session of the 13th National People's Congress adopted the Civil Code of People's Republic of China (PRC).

In the chapter on marriage and family, the law stipulates the "cooling-off period for divorce", namely:

The divorce registration authority may, within 30 days from the date of receiving the divorce application, either party may withdraw the divorce application from the registration authority.

This means that divorce can have a 30-day regret period.

When the code came out, public opinion was in an uproar.

Some people call this a temporary solution, not a permanent cure, but a waste of time.

Some people say that this is an effective way for reason to overcome impulses and help alleviate contradictions.

As for whether it is necessary, perhaps only those who have witnessed it have more words.

Li Ling, 33, and her husband, 37, have been married for 4 years and have a son and a daughter.

0 1, sudden pressure increase, mutual understanding.

"Since I gave birth to my first child, my husband and I have had many contradictions. The pressure of parenting, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the bottleneck of work, and the disharmony between husband and wife all make me overwhelmed. " Li Ling has been suffering from postpartum depression for the past three years.

But for all this, her husband always turned a blind eye and called her too melodramatic. In the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, she always stands on her mother-in-law's side. When the quarrel is fierce, hurtful words such as "there is only one mother, and the daughter-in-law can marry another" will always blurt out.

And her mother-in-law always thinks that Li Ling is looking for trouble, can't bear hardships, and doesn't know how to love her own man.

"A family of four stutters, I drink, I wear, I use, I am not filial to me" is almost the mantra of my mother-in-law.

Li Ling's grievance is that no one loves and understands her lunch break day and night.

At night, the two children woke up in turn, urinating and feeding all the time.

Working during the day, busy, and worried about the children.

When I come home from work, there is lead at my feet and fire in my heart.

"Divorce" can always be mentioned easily, but my husband always turns a deaf ear. Li Ling should just vent.

02, almost divorced, a false alarm.

On one occasion, Li Ling was ill and had a high fever of 39.8℃.

In the middle of the night, Li Ling asked her husband to get up and feed the children with milk powder. Her husband was sorry, and Li Ling was furious and made a scene.

When in-laws got up, they began to reprimand Li Ling for being unreasonable. Like a bitch, she woke up her family and neighbors in the middle of the night and was rude.

"Even as a child, I have washed milk powder for my children countless times. Can't he wash it once? " Li Ling questioned her mother-in-law.

"For this little thing, is it worth it? Where can he make milk powder? I'll take his place, so stop fooling around, okay? " The mother-in-law said impatiently.

"Mom, don't you think you have gone too far? He doesn't have your clothes, you buy them; He has no food, you do it; He has no money to spend, you give it; His children, you raise ... you spoil your son to your mouth and clothes, like an uncle, but you don't feel bad about me being a cow and a horse at home! "

And insisted that her husband make milk powder. But the husband just can't afford it.

"That's none of your business, always noisy and move out. When you got married, I bought you a wedding room and moved in, lest we old people bother to please. " My mother-in-law slammed the door and left.

After 1:00 in the evening, Li Ling had a high fever and left her two children with her husband and mother-in-law to go back to her parents' home.

In the following week, the more she thought about it, the more angry she became. She kept sending messages and WeChat to her husband, complaining about her grievances and resentment, accusing him of being a "mother-in-law", "old-fashioned", "irresponsible" and "timid".

She was accused by her husband of being "irresponsible", "willful", "abandoning her mother" and "unfilial".

So, under the emotional impulse, the two hit it off: divorce.

Li Ling drafted the divorce agreement, and they made an appointment to prepare for the divorce.

On the eve of divorce, Li Ling searched on his mobile phone: "Will the Civil Affairs Bureau mediate a voluntary divorce?"

She was disappointed with the answer, because divorce mediation can only be done by suing for divorce.

Only then did she realize that what she really wanted was someone or something who could tell her husband that she worked hard and needed to be understood and valued, and that her position in her husband's heart was higher than that of her mother-in-law and children.

The next day, Li Ling arrived first, and her husband came last.

I haven't seen you for a few days. My husband is unshaven and looks depressed.

Two people walked into the service hall of the Civil Affairs Bureau and began to go through the formalities. When signing, Li Ling began to sob in a low voice.

She remembered that she had not been married by her husband at that time, so she turned against her parents, just to find an honest person who understood that she loved her all her life.

She remembered the comfort and satisfaction of exercising in the morning and walking at night when the husband and wife were living alone in the early days of marriage. Every time, her husband kindly put her by the roadside.

She remembered her husband's joy and carefulness when she was pregnant for the first time. Her first sentence when she comes home from work every day is to ask her, "What do you want to eat? I'll do it for you. "

However, since the birth of two children, she began to dislike her husband's lack of money and burden, and the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law was always one-track.

And she seems to have started the fighting mode, fighting with heaven, earth and her mother-in-law's husband. In this process, she often hurts the enemy by 1,000 and damages the enemy by 800.

Seeing Li Ling wiping his tears, her husband whispered, "If you don't want to go, we won't go. You have the final say. "

"Why don't you leave?" Li Ling made a stubborn mistake!

"Then why are you crying?" The husband said that he took the pen that Li Ling was signing. Li Ling picked up another pen, ready to continue signing, but her husband took it away.

This scene was seen by the civil affairs bureau staff, so they asked about the reasons for the divorce.

Li Ling just cried and said nothing. Her husband said, "With children and living with parents, there are many contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. My mother is old and pays a lot. I stood in favor of my mother and wronged my daughter-in-law. I usually have less work, which makes my daughter-in-law very painful. "

"You look at you, this divorce agreement has a house and a car, and there are sons and daughters. It is not worth divorcing for this trivial matter! Go back and think again! " The kind civil affairs bureau staff advised.

After that, Li Ling and her husband separated for more than 40 days.

The husband sent Bauer to Li Ling to live with his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, while he lived with Dabao and his parents.

During this period, the husband began to buy some daily necessities for Li Ling and his children, and he was more concerned about Li Ling.

On Saturday and Sunday, my husband took Dabao to spend the weekend with Li Ling and Bauer. There are four people in the family. Often the husband is responsible for buying daily necessities, cooking and washing dishes, and Li Ling is responsible for reading and cleaning the children.

Slowly, although her husband didn't mention it, Li Ling also realized the hard work of her in-laws to help her take care of her children on weekdays, and the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law also eased.

However, separation is the bottom line for Li Ling to continue her marriage, and her husband has experienced simple and substantial happiness in getting along with a family of four.

03, problem solving, reconciliation.

Forty days later, her husband and Dabao moved into Li Ling and Bauer's house.

The two agreed to send their children to their in-laws' home to take care of them during the day, take them back to their own home after work, honor the elderly during the New Year, and the husband and wife do housework, earn money and take care of the young.

"I can't believe what it would be like if I got divorced then." Li Ling bowed his head and smiled, as if he had survived.

"Some difficulties are temporary and can be solved, but many people choose divorce to terminate their marriage. As a result, old problems cannot be solved, and new problems breed again. If I divorce, my children will not receive a good education, and even the elderly will be involved. Even if I remarry, I will not run well. " Li Ling's husband regretted it.

Divorce is really common in today's society

Big enough to divorce because of domestic violence, derailment and discord;

Small enough to divorce for an unwashed bowl, an unwashed sock and an unpleasant remark.

Divorce is also touted as synonymous with "stop loss in time", "free rebirth" and "reborn".

However, more examples tell us that divorce is "escape", "dereliction of duty" and "incompetence", and more is regret and endless troubles.

Therefore, the "cooling-off period of divorce" is very necessary.

Can give each other some space, more opportunities, and give a complete home more sense of security.

In this cooling-off period, it is more a process of self-reflection, recalling the original intention, adapting to divorce and underestimating gains and losses.

Of course, the "divorce cooling-off period" does not apply to domestic violence, cheating bigamy, long-term separation and other illegal acts such as marriage in name only.