Actually, I saw this movie once in the cinema. I watched it twice with my friends. I did it twice because I ruined a sentence. I said it was an anti-domestic violence movie.
After watching this movie, my friend said that she understood the role of police officer Zhao. She went through similar dark days. At that time, she really wanted to save her mother from the pain, accompany her mother to be sad every day and comfort her not to be sad. At that time, she was like her mother's "patron saint".
Friends also said that there are many such "customers" among movie audiences. Most of them are born in 1970s and 1980s, and most of them are parents, and their parents are the generation who often say "beating is kissing, scolding is love" and "a golden hoop makes a good man".
These absurd theories distort the three views of the next generation, leaving some couples who are experiencing domestic violence at a loss, and some people who are afraid to rewrite their parents' trauma with their partners choose not to marry for life.
"If my parents had not divorced, I don't know what I would be like now."
In the eyes of my friends, I see that what is more terrible than domestic violence is to be the "patron saint" of the victimized mother.
As a model of anti-domestic violence, Memory Master shows us how important the role of mother is to children, and the bad relationship between mother and father makes her and children's life so difficult.
Some lies that we have to expose.
Lies 1: My husband often beats me, but I can't live without him.
"My husband often beats me ..." This is just one of the facts that many women who are devastated by domestic violence are willing to say.
In the film, Xiaoyun's mother and Shen's mother are both victims of domestic violence. We saw that they were scarred all over and had no eyes. Although they admitted to their children that they had been hurt, they also fled to relatives' homes for protection. But when their husbands knelt at the door of relatives' houses and begged for self-harm, they gave up psychologically. They healed their scars, forgot the pain, started in bring disgrace to oneself, and continued to pester their violent husbands.
"My husband often beats me, but I can't live without him." This is a lie.
The child who hears this lie will feel that his mother is powerless in the face of violence. What the child can't see is the real reason behind the mother's powerlessness.
Reason 1: Invalid alarm.
Since ancient times, "it is difficult for honest officials to break housework." When a wife quarrels with her husband or even fights, the police can only mediate in law. Maybe the problem was solved at the police station. But many years ago, the law did not stipulate what kind of trial a husband would receive if he beat his wife, so many violent husbands took advantage of the law and went home to continue to violence his wife. A wife can only tolerate her husband's atrocities because she is not protected by law.
Reason two: fear of losing face.
In the film, police officer Shen had a memory when he was a child. When his mother was hiding in a relative's house, his father promised his family in front of her that he would never hit her again. However, when his father successfully picked up his mother, he began to threaten to tow the car away on his way home. He opened the car door, grabbed her hair and retaliated, blaming her for telling her family that she had lost face.
In fact, it is not only the father of officer Shen who feels humiliated, but also his mother who agrees to get back together because she feels humiliated. No one wants relatives and friends to think that an adult can't even handle his own marriage problems.
Reason 3: Economic or spiritual independence is impossible.
Some women can't get divorced because of domestic violence, perhaps because they can't be financially independent. They don't have a job and live on their husbands, so they can only submit to humiliation if they let their husbands do whatever they want.
The film does not explain whether the two mothers in memory are economically independent, but it can be seen that they are very independent in spirit. When officer Shen's father was injured, he needed his son to get himself painkillers. When he was comforted by his son, she said to him, "It's good to have you."
She gave her pain to her son and asked him to take on things beyond her age.
Xiaoyun's mother looked like a frightened bird when her husband knocked at the door. She can't resist her fears, but she can only rely on and obey.
Reason 4: Skolmore plot
Skolmore's plot, commonly known as "hostage plot", is an emotion of the kidnapped person to the kidnapper. In domestic violence, this emotion is the emotion of the abused wife towards the abusive husband.
There is a scene in the film where police officer Shen sees a scar on his mother's hand after being violently attacked by his father. He expressed his fear. Here, the mother's practice is thought-provoking. She painted the scar as a fish, pressed it into officer Shen's subconscious, and turned it into a flying fish that ran out of his mother's hand. In this way, it seems that the wound has become beautiful. At this time, the father's violence against his mother is linked to love and even sex.
Once there is violence in marriage, it is the husband's deep betrayal of love. The wife chooses to deceive herself and accept this betrayal because she wants her husband's love. For the sake of love, they would rather put themselves in an abused relationship and get the enjoyment of controlling the abuse of their husbands mentally.
Lie 2: My mother is in pain, and I silently accompany her in pain.
At the beginning of Master of Memory, we saw a girl named Xiaoyun silently counting. She looked flustered and seemed to be hiding something. The neighbor knocked at the door and asked her parents if they had quarreled again. She said no, you would be surprised to see Xiaoyun hiding her parents' domestic violence.
Parents are the first teachers of the children.
An important lesson Xiao Yun learned from his mother is to hide the truth.
Xiaoyun is a precocious girl. Her expression is calm when her parents quarrel, and she doesn't want to cause trouble to others when her neighbors care. Even when the police asked her if she was hiding the real murderer, she could calmly say that she was underage.
Xiaoyun seems to have been silently accompanying her mother and suffered from domestic violence, but this is an illusion.
In fact, Xiaoyun's heart is full of hatred for her parents. She especially looks down on her weak mother. She knew that officer Zhao had feelings for her mother, but her mother didn't want to leave her heinous father.
A neighbor once asked Xiaoyun, "Where did your mother go?"
Xiaoyun's answer is: "You don't care where she went, just consider her dead."
But no matter how much Xiaoyun hates her mother, she must be extremely loyal to her mother, because her mother makes her feel insecure.
She thinks she is also a bad boy, because her father beats her mother, and her mother will treat Xiaoyun coldly and violently in a way that she doesn't care about Xiaoyun and Xiaoyun.
Xiaoyun's heart is self-denial. She can't get the protection of her parents at home, so she can only ask police officer Zhao for help. Ironically, this is not a wake-up call, but only strengthens her inner self-denial.
Police officer Zhao, who has a similar childhood experience with himself, is very helpful to Xiaoyun. He put headphones on Xiaoyun and used music to eliminate the noise when his parents quarreled. This behavior made Xiaoyun re-examine the way of silently enduring and avoiding pain. Only by hiding the truth can he protect himself.
So when both parents died in the living room, Xiaoyun let officer Zhao go. She didn't know that officer Zhao killed her mother by mistake. She just calmly reported to the police after Officer Zhao left, living in the shadow of her childhood and not knowing the truth.
Domestic violence in marriage is a deep betrayal of children. Children choose to be alienated from the outside world when their parents quarrel or fight, and bear it silently. In fact, they are passively protecting their parents' abnormal marriage. They believe that they have been abandoned by their parents, but they dare not resist, because there is no one like their parents in the world who can care for them.
Lie 3: Mom is in pain, and I want to help her end it.
The role setting of police officer Zhao proves that domestic violence has the characteristics of intergenerational transmission.
Officer Zhao lacked warmth in his childhood, and his father played the role of the devil at home. His mother submit to humiliation, but she is often contradictory. Officer Zhao wants to save her. He said, "If only my father had died," but she was scolded by her mother, who said, "Stop it!"
The mother's behavior brought a wrong cognition to police officer Zhao, which made police officer Zhao feel that although her mother was a victim, her father's violent behavior was not wrong. Since her father is not at fault, a gentle mother who lives under violence deserves it.
My mother threatened officer Zhao with tenderness and loyalty. She said, "It's good to have you." My mother regards her children as her patron saint. What a vicious act.
Officer Zhao can't resist his mother. He suppressed his hatred for his parents in his subconscious, so that Jiang Feng mistakenly thought that someone else had killed his mother after implanting his memory.
Unclear memories and error-prone memories all prove that police officer Zhao is unwilling to admit that he hates his parents. He lied to himself, turned himself into his mother's savior and helped her end her pain.
In the eyes of police officer Zhao, my mother seems to have cancer, and my father is cancer. My mother failed to beat cancer, but she was terminally ill and could never get better. In order to stop her pain, police officer Zhao changed her mother's painkillers into sleeping pills with a small stool, and her mother drowned in the bathtub like a fish she painted.
As an adult, police officer Zhao is still entangled in the guilt of hating his mother. He chose Xiaoyun's mother, another victim. He transferred his unfinished wish to save his mother to Xiaoyun's mother, trying to save her and take her away to make up for the love that her mother didn't give him at first, but Xiaoyun's mother said to herself, "I won't like you, you will only make me sick."
Sure enough, Xiaoyun's mother, like her mother, refused officer Zhao. Do they all like demons as much as dad?
Officer Zhao accidentally pushed Xiaoyun's mother downstairs because she had devil's blood in her body.
Children who have witnessed domestic violence, the more they grow up, the less they want to be violent. On the contrary, the more likely they are to be violent. They inadvertently acted as the "patron saint" of the victims, trying to "save" the bad relationship between their parents and gain their parents' affirmation. Once there is no response, they try to rewrite their unhappy childhood experiences with intimacy.
True x:
In Master of Memory, Jiang Feng and Zhang Daichen represent onlookers. At the end of the film, Jiang Feng is no longer a melon eater. He was implanted in officer Zhao's memory. This film says that if the memory is not erased within three days, it will become a permanent memory.
Jiang Feng has the memory of police officer Zhao, and we experienced the cause of domestic violence in the film. We can identify some information about domestic violence through the violent father in the film to prevent domestic violence.
Beware of those couples who can't control their emotions: they often get furious over trifles, and once you ask for a divorce, they will threaten to die.
Pay attention to those partners who have too high self-esteem: they are not allowed to do anything wrong, are too sensitive to small things, and are very persistent in rumors. Once you do something against his will, he will slander you everywhere.
Stay away from alcoholic and gambling partners: Their humanity has been subverted by these bad habits. In order to satisfy these bad habits, they will ask you to satisfy them with violence.
Finally, I have to talk about partners with distorted personality: they may be mentally ill, very depressed and manic, and they will be violent to their partners for no reason, but they don't remember afterwards.
After watching this movie, will you wake up the memory of fear because of similar experiences, or are you afraid of encountering a violent partner ... When police officer Zhao implanted Jiang Feng's memory, he also felt the silent dedication and love that Jiang Feng and his wife Zhang Daichen gave to the unborn child, which he always wanted but never got.
We can't erase the trauma our parents gave us. They are as real as the love they give us. We don't have to make peace with our parents. We must make peace with ourselves ... just like the lyrics of "I can't forget you" at the end of the film:
I can't forget you.
It's you who are not at ease.
The past cannot be erased.
You are my evidence.
This "you" has been living in our hearts, waiting for us to know, listen, feel and satisfy TA ... in front of children and partners, we can learn to be our qualified parents.
Stop running away from the truth behind those lies and believe that "seeing is the beginning of change."