Text/Wang Moqian

"After the rain, a car came through the dusk, and the old iron sheet went south, and the lover disappeared." -"ideal 30 days"

On the day Yang Ye left, I went to the station to see him off.

He said, Mix, I want to go out and give you a future.

I gave him a hug, and then watched his back get farther and farther away until he left my sight.

After getting on the bus, he sent me a message saying, Mix, it's very cold outside. Go home quickly.

I replied, ok, take care.

Actually, I didn't leave. I came out of the station and sat outside in the square, smoking one cigarette after another. Yang Ye taught me to spit a smoke ring, and now I have learned it, but he's gone.

one

Yang Ye is my fitness instructor.

I decided to go to the gym to exercise because of my ex-boyfriend. Only a month after breaking up, he took photos of his new girlfriend in a circle of friends. It looks petite and lovely. I like it so much that I am weak enough to fall in love.

Look at yourself again. Without make-up and lingering fat, I threw away the fried chicken hamburger ice cream and went to the gym opposite to get a card.

Yang Ye received me at that time, but I didn't give Kan Kan a chance to show his genius in promotion, so I chose to apply for the annual card directly. On the other hand, he probably hasn't seen such a frank client of mine for a long time, and he was surprised from ear to ear.

After getting a fitness card, I will run for half an hour every night and have another hour of yoga class. My goal is to practice the vest line in two months.

Because summer is coming, the business of the gym is getting more and more hot, and I always can't get a place in the yoga class. Yang Ye knew, and always gave me his seat.

Yang Ye always asks me why you come to the gym when you are not fat.

I said, because my ex-boyfriend

He stopped asking. Loving someone always makes me feel inferior. After my ex-boyfriend broke up, I have been thinking about what I am not good enough. I thought about it, because my figure is not good enough.

I always think that one day when I practice the vest line, I will walk up to my ex-boyfriend in a little skirt to let him know that I am also a potential stock and make him regret missing me.

I don't know the significance of doing this, but I always need to vent my sadness after falling out of love, so I put this power on the treadmill.

But then I realized that people who really love you don't care about your appearance. The person who doesn't love you is not because there is anything wrong with you, he just loves others.

two

It was late that night, and I was writing a manuscript when Yang Ye suddenly sent a WeChat. Usually, the topic we talk about is always inseparable from fitness, but that day was abnormal.

He sent me a message. Did you sleep?

I replied, no.

He probably didn't expect me to stay up so late. It took me a few minutes to answer. Do you want to go out for a walk?

It was already in the cold winter, and at one o'clock in the morning, I said, it's too cold outside. Let's take a rain check.

Yang Ye said, then can you talk to me?

I have a hunch that Yang Ye may have drunk or something happened. There are always many readers who come to talk to me on weekdays, so I am best at being a bosom sister. So he comforted him and said, yes, you can tell me anything.

Mix, I have nothing now,' he said on WeChat.

I comforted him, don't say that, you are still young, you will have it later.

Yang Ye didn't speak again, maybe he was drunk and fell asleep. So I closed WeChat and continued my unfinished novel.

I woke up the next day and received Yang Ye's WeChat. He said, thank you for treating me as a friend, Mix.

Later, I still went to the gym to sweat profusely, and Yang Ye has been patiently guiding me. No one mentioned the conversation that night, as if it had never happened.

three

One night, I was running on the treadmill when Yang Ye suddenly came up to me and said, I think you are too tired recently. Let's leave now. I'll ask you to sing and relax.

I said, but my vest line hasn't been practiced yet.

Yang Ye said, listen to me, singing also helps to lose weight.

So Yang Ye and I went to a KTV nearby. I thought it was just the two of us, but I didn't expect Yang Ye's friend to be there at the moment when I walked into the private room.

Watching us walk in, his buddy joked, Yo, he didn't tell his buddy about an appointment.

I looked at Yang Ye with a smile, but he was a little embarrassed and said, No, this is my client, a big client.

Yang Ye introduced his friends to me one by one, but it's a pity that I have face blindness. After he finished, I still didn't remember the rest. I only remember making fun of his friend Dapeng and his girlfriend Xiaoyue at first. Dapeng sells drinks in a bar, while Xiaoyue works as a shopping guide in a women's clothing store.

He said, don't be too formal. They're all fine. Didn't you say that you didn't have many friends when you first came to this city? They will be your friends in the future.

Yang Ye asked me to order a song, but my singing is really bad. In the end, I couldn't resist everyone's invitation, and I didn't want to spoil the atmosphere, so I just ordered a song called "Worship" by Fish Leong.

A long time ago, I heard an idiom called "A promise is a promise, a promise is a promise", to the effect that unfortunately I said something bad. The final ending of this song is "kites have wind, dolphins have sea, so I understand, so I leave."

Later, I learned that the ending of the original story was doomed at the beginning.

four

I know that Yang Ye and I are two completely different people.

Growing up, I have always been a good boy in the eyes of my parents and a good student in the eyes of my teachers. It went well until I graduated from college and went to work. If I hadn't broken up with my boyfriend, I might be married now.

Yang Ye's parents have been working outside the home, and his grandfather died very early, so he was taken care of by his grandmother. He didn't like studying, so he dropped out of high school to work. I worked as a waiter in a restaurant, sold and promoted products, and finally became a fitness instructor with a good figure and abdominal muscles.

He sent me a WeChat message that day, because his grandmother who had taken care of him since childhood died. He was depressed, but refused to be so fragile in front of his familiar friends. He had no one to talk to, so he thought of me.

I especially understand his feelings. My best grandmother left me when I was in junior high school. I was thinking, how could she leave before watching me grow up? So when I see such a sad Yang Ye, I can always think of myself. In front of people, I just smile, but behind people, I am mostly moved by the scene in front of me.

Yang Ye helped me out of the haze of lovelorn, so I decided to help Yang Ye out of the haze of bereavement.

Yang Ye always goes to the bar where Dapeng works when he is free. He and Dapeng are both good drinkers, but they are considerate to me and Xiaoyue, and only give us some rose hip tea at the bar every time.

But that day, I took the initiative to tell Yang Ye that I know you are in a bad mood and that wine is not a good thing, but just forget your sadness for a while.

I thought having a drink with Yang Ye would comfort him. Unexpectedly, my capacity for alcohol is so poor, and the wine is really poor.

On weekdays, I am a quiet person, but anyone who wants a drink has everything accumulated on weekdays. The content of the topic is naturally the last failed love. I don't know what happened to me from the first time we met until we broke up. He abandoned me.

Later, instead of comforting Yang Ye, he sent me home. It was so cold that night that I shivered with cold. Conscious, but unsteady, I feel that I can fly. He took off his wool coat and put it on me.

I blurted it out, Yang Ye. Actually, I wish you were my boyfriend.

Then my stomach turned upside down and I threw up.

five

I woke up in a daze at noon the next day. Turn on the phone, all the news is from Yang Ye. He said, do you remember what you said yesterday?

I rubbed my head, but I really don't remember. He went on to say, you said you liked me and wanted me to be your boyfriend.

I vomited a mouthful of milk and answered immediately. I drank too much yesterday and talked nonsense. Don't take it seriously

Growing up, I only had a crush on others. I never said that when I confessed to others, but I didn't expect to be more and more courageous after drinking.

But Yang Ye said, what if I take it seriously?

I stared at the screen of my mobile phone for a long time and then replied to him. Congratulations. Since then, you have a girlfriend.

Yes, I never know when I began to like Yang Ye. Probably because he looks so bohemian, he also has a gentle heart.

I like to sit behind Yang Ye's motorcycle. When no one is around at night, he will ride very fast. I held him from behind and could only hear his heartbeat and my hair. For a moment, I hope this road will never end.

Yang Ye knows that I like my brother Leslie Cheung, so he watched all his movies with me. When I was watching "Spring is bursting", in the movie, after He Baorong left Li Yaohui, he was sitting in a taxi, smoking a cigarette alone, looking lonely and stubborn.

So I said, Yang Ye, please teach me to smoke.

Yang Ye taught me to smoke. Every time he smokes, I smoke with him. He spits smoke rings, and I learn from him, but I choke every time.

On my birthday, Yang Ye asked me what I wished for.

I said, I want to make a wish in front of Iguazu Falls in Buenos Aires. I don't want to be lonely like Li Yaohui. I have to go with you.

Yang Ye said, well, Xiaoxiao, I will definitely go with you one day.

Yang Ye always said that my voice was beautiful. He likes to hold me behind his back and listen to me sing quietly. I think his ears must be bad, otherwise how can he stand my bad singing?

Yang Ye and I had our ears pierced and tattooed. I tattooed a sly red fox on my ankle, and he tattooed a vigorous eagle in the same position. I was originally a person who was afraid of pain, but because of Yang Ye, I am not afraid of these things.

Yang Ye said that he and I became bad girls.

I smiled and said, maybe I am a bad girl myself.

six

On Valentine's Day, Yang Ye and I chose a set of rings. I smiled and said to him, Yang Ye, I don't know why, but now I suddenly want to marry you.

Yang Ye looked me in the eye and said, Mix, wait, this day will come.

But I'm waiting for a ticket.

He said, Mix, I want to leave this city and make a living. If you give me two years, I will build a future for you.

Looking at the determination and yearning in his eyes, I know I can't stop him. So I can only say, take care, you know, I've been waiting for you to come back here.

Yang Ye is gone after all. There is no such thing as chasing trains on TV. I watched him leave the station calmly and watched his back disappear into my sight bit by bit. Then turned around and burst into tears. The phrase "don't go" that couldn't be said at the station failed to be said after all.

I didn't leave immediately, but sat in the square outside the station for a long time until the sun set and the stars shone in the sky.

At the beginning, Yang Ye sent me his message every day.

Xiaoxiao, I got off. I feel strange and prosperous in this city.

Xiaoxiao, I share a room with others. Although it is in the basement, there is a lot of space. I've been submitting resumes these days, and I'm going for an interview tomorrow.

Xiaoxiao, do you know? I found a new job. You'll be happy for me, too.

Xiaoxiao, I miss you very much when I walk home every night.

But later, Yang Ye's news gradually diminished. Until one day, I couldn't contact him at all, and he just disappeared out of thin air. I don't know where he went.

Now that communication technology is so developed, it is easy to know a person's news, but it is also easy to lose a person's news. He changed his mobile phone number and moved to a new house.

After Yang Ye left, Dapeng and Xiaoyue were very kind to me, but we became friends who talked about everything. There is no way, I can only ask Dapeng and Abortion for help, but they haven't heard from Yang Ye either.

I went to Yang Ye's city alone, but I couldn't find him in such a big city after all. I went to the basement, he said. I have changed to a new tenant. At his place of work, the boss said that he had left his job.

I wandered around that city for a month. Walking on the road every day, I have developed the habit of looking up at passers-by on the street intentionally or unintentionally. I think I will meet him in the street one day. However, that day is really far away.

On the way back to the station, watching people come and go outside the window and watching lovers hug and say goodbye, I clearly know that I am the abandoned person again.

The heroic goshawk finally flew freely to his vast world, but he didn't know that the lux fox had been waiting for him to go home in the sand dunes.

postscript

Two years passed quickly, and I seldom listened to Fish Leong's songs. On the contrary, I like folk songs, and I like Chen Hongyu's Ideal 30 Days best. "The place where the dream collapsed has been covered with moss."

I used to fantasize that Yang Ye would come back to me and tell me that he still loved me. But, after all, that's just my own imagination. Overnight, those stories will always become memories

He came, left, loved, and I should wake up. I thought I wouldn't make it through this winter, but then I saw Spring Peach, Xia Lian, Autumn Chrysanthemum and Winter Plum. Another year has passed, and now I no longer miss it.

So, I followed my mother's idea, went on a blind date, met the right person, and soon got engaged and married in one go.

Before taking the wedding photos, I went to the tattoo parlor to wash off the fox. I didn't feel very painful when I tattooed with Yang Ye, but now, the knife glides inch by inch on my skin, as if it was not the fox that was washed away, but the memory of Yang Ye in my mind. It hurts to forget someone.

I said to myself, Yang Ye, if I want to forget you, I will always forget you.

On the wedding day, abortion said to me, these two years, do you hate Yang Ye very much?

I said, I hate him, I hate him for leaving without saying a word, and I hate him for not coming back after waiting for two years. Maybe I was wrong from the beginning. He is not a returnee, I am just a passer-by.

But abortion cried and said, don't hate him. He loves you very much, more than anyone else. But you know what? He always feels that he is not good enough to give you a better life. With nothing, he doesn't have the courage to face you. He couldn't give you a future, so he chose to leave.

I didn't speak again.

But Yang Ye, you know what? When you said I was going out to create a future for myself.

But in my future, I hope you don't leave.