I'm sorry I was born a man. Guan Osamu Dazai's Disqualification on Earth is the only sentence that has been lingering in my mind. In what form does the word alive appear in our lives? Looking back, it turns out that at the beginning, we had no right to choose. Survival is an opportunity for sperm and eggs, and it is an opportunity given to us by our mother. When we landed, no one really asked you, and no one gave you a form to fill in or outline the options. In this way, it is really sad and helpless. If you didn't want to come into this world, then you really can only say, I'm sorry?

Many people are born with jade, but I am not on the lucky list. Reincarnation is still a technical job after all. The process of urbanization makes all kinds of faults peel off until they are presented to everyone, and only everyone is tested. There are always people on the Internet who say that the post-90s generation is the most stressful generation, especially for people like me who come from poor rural areas. I will spend countless nights thinking about how to get out of this poor country and find my own sky in the outside world, so that my family and myself can live a better life. However, after all, I am just a drop in the ocean in the vast sea of people, and it seems that a breeze can easily blow away my existence. Fortunately, the college entrance examination is relatively fair, and there seems to be no other way except to hope for study.

However, even now, looking back on that year, I still can't help crying. It's not that I didn't work hard, but that I failed in the college entrance examination. There is no 2 1 1 and there is no 985. I ended up studying an ordinary undergraduate course. It was a gray time, and the accumulated despair of 18 seemed to completely engulf me with an exam, and the air was filled with despair. I am very grateful to my family for their understanding and support. My mother said, "As long as you are willing to work hard, what is the failure of the college entrance examination?" No matter how poor our family is, we will definitely support you to go to college! "It is difficult to describe what kind of mood it was at that time, but my mother's eyes are full of wet distress and expectation.

So I regrouped and repeatedly chose ordinary undergraduate schools and majors. I remember that my family asked me to fill in the volunteer of teachers' major in order to have a more stable job in the future, or try my best to take an examination of civil servants in public institutions. It seems like a good choice, but I'm tired, I'm not interested, I don't like it. So, in the last half hour of volunteering, I secretly changed my volunteer without telling my family and chose a university in Shandong, majoring in software engineering.

Philosophically, nothing lasts long except change. Everything in the world develops endlessly and circularly. Everything is looking for a space suitable for its own development. Life is a constantly changing journey. At that time, I didn't go to internet cafes several times, but I embarked on a journey of studying with the impulse and blood of being unwilling to be mediocre.

During my time in college, I should probably try to outline my future. I seldom play games and skip classes. Take a break during the holidays or do some part-time jobs. When it is time to study, study hard. Not worthy of the word "excellent", but at least not worthy of "stubbornness".

A person's growth, especially the improvement of vision, ability and mind, often experiences an unknown bitterness. When I first entered school, the foundation was really weak. The first book I borrowed from the library was Computer Fundamentals. I clearly remember that my deskmate's face sincerely wrote "Unbelievable", saying that you actually read this! I understood that he didn't mean any discrimination, but gave a wry smile. In the later days, I studied bit by bit. I am very grateful to my classmates at that time. They gave me a lot of help.

What you get on paper is so shallow that you never know what you have to do. So I applied for an internship in my junior year. I went to a Japanese outsourcing company in Jinan. At first, I only got a subsidy of 600 yuan, regardless of food. The technology is cobol, the project is difficult, the construction period is tight, and overtime is more common. Go to work at 8: 30 every day and get off work after 22: 00 on average. I have seen Jinan at three o'clock in the morning, but I have never seen Baotu Spring in Jinan. The hardest time was New Year's Day in 15. I only have 1.5 yuan on me, and I wear two packs of instant noodles for the Spring Festival. I persisted in this day for eight months.

That year's efforts and growth were great for me, and I enjoyed the wonderful in bitterness. No matter how cheap it is, it also realizes the "realization of knowledge". But this is far from enough, and neither technology nor income can withstand the impact. So at the end of 15, I chose a training institution in Beijing to study android development. 16 65438+1On the morning of October 3, with my dream and 1 100 yuan, I have set foot on this land that I never thought of before. As for the tuition fee of 2.5w, of course, I will pay it after I choose!

When you were young, did you expect to grow up? Did you expect to grow up? When you are young, will you outline the future, be busy and full? When you are old, will you savor the years, calm and rich?

I think people who have had similar experiences should understand what kind of era it was. For more than seven months, knowledge and friendship have quietly sprouted in this passionate time, and then it began to grow sturdily. I am full, happy, unsatisfied and full of dreams. Maybe that's when I began to like Beijing, a city full of smog and unaffordable rent. I often think that life in Beijing is a paradise compared with the days in Jinan. I'm not from a black area. I admit that I don't like Jinan because I live there. I like Beijing not only because I live happily here, but more importantly because the city may not have realized my dream, but at least it has given me opportunities and hopes! I graduated in July and joined a listed company with my real resume in August. The salary is not cheap.

Misfortune comes from the mouth, and happiness comes from the mouth. The good times don't last long. Then I was tricked into pyramid schemes by my college brothers. Fortunately, I was saved by my friend. But obviously, I am unemployed and my financial situation is even worse. At that time, the Android market was not friendly to the primary population, and I didn't package my ideas and abilities. So I was forced to change careers and learn java by myself, in order to continue to live. During that time, I was extremely embarrassed, and my psychology and survival pressure were intertwined into an airtight net. Prepare for the interview during the day and reflect on your mistakes at night. I am particularly unforgettable, and I am especially grateful to my friends who spared no effort to help me through the embarrassing days of my death from the aspects of housing, economy and spirit. I found a new job soon, but my salary was almost halved. Maybe I'm unlucky, maybe I'm lucky.

All growth is a leap in the dark. The new job can only force me to live, and there is not much room for skill improvement. At that time, there seemed to be no choice, so I worked and studied. After nearly a year, I don't want to be silent anymore. I decided to quit my job and start looking for a job. However, after all, the foundation is weak, small companies don't want to go, and big companies can't get in. Stop the third interview in JD.COM. On the recommendation of a friend, I got an interview invitation from a new company, and then I joined the company smoothly. Well, after all, the overall situation of listed state-owned enterprises is not bad. As far as my present situation is concerned, I am already very satisfied. At present, I am also heavily in debt, but fortunately, the pressure is borne by me alone and my family doesn't know it. Boys always have a little sense of responsibility.

After a rough experience, maybe this is an ill-fated one. This winter in Beijing has blown me to the north drift, and I am small and powerless. I hope to be promoted and raised, but the state-owned enterprises are obviously slim. So in the next year or two, be an ordinary person and live hard. Enrich yourself in a down-to-earth manner and pay off your foreign debts at an early date. Vision and pattern should keep pace with the times, and body and mind should always be on the road.

After writing so much, looking back, there is no central idea. This is a specious memoir. In short, as far as I am concerned, don't forget your initiative and try to be an extraordinary ordinary person! Life, always have a little temperature ~

Finally, laugh more than your heart ~