Comment Source: Editor: Love Writing Date: July 26, 2009

A high fence with a power grid separates him from the free world.

It was a traffic accident. He was confused and chose to escape for fear of huge compensation. Unexpectedly, the surveillance probe had already recorded this scene, and the police easily found him according to the license plate number. He was sued by the plaintiff for traffic accident, with a huge compensation of not less than one point and a sentence of ten years!

Fortunately, his wife didn't dislike her. She took on huge debts alone and visited him from time to time to encourage him to make a good reform.

"Take your time. Everything will be fine when you come out. " The wife said.

With this sentence. He added infinite courage, worked hard every day, and finally got a two-year commutation. Eight years later, he was released from prison.

He neglected to enjoy the sunshine and air of freedom. I trotted home and couldn't wait to see my wife, my long-lost neighbor and friend. His wife accepted him heartily, but everyone's eyes were full of doubt, even timidity. He encouraged himself to get better gradually, and everyone would treat him as before, but the fact was not as good as he imagined.

He began to look for a job because his debts had not been paid off. However, many employers rejected him because of his criminal record. Several times, it was almost time to sign the employment contract, but when the other party saw the little black word "criminal record, eight years in prison" on his resume, he immediately changed his face, grabbed the contract and shouted for him to leave, thus avoiding the plague. That resume seems to be irrefutable evidence that he is a villain. Like an invisible wall, it separates him from this society.

He couldn't stand it. He thought it might be better to go to a completely strange place. So, one day, he got on the train to the south. But when looking for a job, it still ends the same way. After wandering in a foreign land for a month, he finally despaired. ...

Spring has come, and walking on the street in a foreign land, he has no intention of enjoying the beautiful scenery around him. When I left home, I thought I would find a job soon, so I didn't bring much money-in fact, there was no money at home. Now, his hands are empty and he doesn't even have the money to make a phone call, but his stomach is still disappointing. Even if he can make a phone call, how can he face his wife who has been waiting for him for so many years?

When I turned a red light intersection, I heard a sudden stop. People gathered around and saw his painful face and a pool of deep red blood on the ground. ...

A cold high wall keeps people away, and a pair of indifferent eyes will put out hope.

Authoritative interpretation: This article tells us a thought-provoking story in chronological order. Candidates can't just focus on life. Think about life with your heart. He grasped the metaphorical meaning of "wall" and revealed a profound theme-people should regulate themselves and not violate the wall of morality and law; People should be more tolerant and considerate in getting along with each other, and don't let the high wall of rejection stop the pace of life. The candidates focus on the latter. The article tries to write about the hero's efforts, struggles and hopes. At the end of the article, his tragic ending is in sharp contrast with this. This contrast is shocking and inspires people to think about how to treat those who have made mistakes.

The Story of the Wall: A Perfect Composition for Hebei Senior High School Entrance Examination in 2009

Read the following text and write as required. (50 points)

This wall is a well-known thing. There are material walls in life, such as earth walls, brick walls, human walls, hedge walls, glass curtain walls, flower walls, city walls, firewalls, shadow walls and so on. There are also spiritual walls, such as communication barriers, restrictions of laws and regulations, principles of being a man, and moral bottom line. Building a wall can be more restrictive and safer; Removing the wall will reduce the seal and diaphragm.

Please write an article on the topic of "Talking about the Wall" or "The Story of the Wall".

Requirements: ① The topic is optional; ② Self-determination of style; ⑧ Have true feelings, strive for creativity, and don't copy; (4) No less than 600 words (no less than 20 lines of poetry); ⑤ Don't appear real place names, school names and names in the article.

Perfect work

Highlights: a wall, a song, how much reflection and imagination.

Hebei examinee

Since ancient times, I have stood here, ups and downs-

I am a wall, a wall built under the tyranny of Qin Shihuang. Yes, I am the Great Wall of Wan Li, a long wall. I built it with the blood and sweat of CoCo Lee, and I had a soul the day I built it.

I am a wall separating life from death. One day, a woman came to my feet, said to be the eldest daughter of the Chiang family, crying to me about life and death. What I saw at that time was that Meng Jiangnv was not a person, but a group of people. It turns out that my birth is based on other people's lives! In that case, why should I live in this world? I'm broken ... I'm the wall of sin!

I don't know how long it took, but I was awakened again. I have a second life. I am like a nirvana phoenix, longing for rebirth. I understand my duty. This is a thousand conversations, defending my country, defending my country ... Huns attacked me, and I blocked them with my strong chest. They were angry and shot at me crazily. It hurts! It hurts! But I will never compromise with them! I want to perform my duties. Looking at the depressed back of Xiongnu and his black and blue body, I smiled. I can finally make amends. I am a wall worthy of heaven and earth!

Chariots swept across Liuhe, business travel went out of Yangguan in the west, and Genghis Khan's soldiers whistled and smelled the alcohol and proudly walked through this wall. I witnessed the ups and downs of dynasties and the joys and sorrows of emperors and princes. Flowers are similar every year, and people are different every year. I have some insights: everything in the world is born, and everything has its own responsibility when it comes to this world, but not all of them are vigorous. Like me, I am just an ordinary wall to defend the country, but I don't feel inferior, because I know that I am the only man-made trace on earth that can be seen in outer space. I am a magnificent wall!

Now, I open my mind and welcome hundreds of millions of tourists from all directions. Among them are presidents, businessmen, teachers, students, happy actors and sports stars. The camera clicked, but the noise was drowned out by laughter. I saw a handsome foreign guest, who climbed to the top of the beacon tower, blew kisses to someone frequently, then raised his arms and made a V, as if he were laughing heartily towards a bright future. Today, I am a wall of the world!

I am a wall, an ordinary and great wall. I am full of hope for the future. ...

Comments by famous teachers

As an impromptu composition in the examination room, candidates are good at mobilizing accumulation and cleverly conceiving:

1. Unique perspective and fluent writing. Candidates use first-person, anthropomorphic handwriting to describe things from the perspective of narrative, which is more conducive to the natural expression of emotions. The article is restrained first and then promoted, with smooth writing, twists and turns, ups and downs, full of confidence and looking forward to the future. The expression is neat and concise, clear and refreshing.

2. The clues are clear and the levels are rich. "I am a wall" is placed at the end of each paragraph and runs through the whole article, forming a clear clue. The first sentence of the article dominates the full text, and the whole narrative is ups and downs in the long river of history, with rich implications, rich levels, depth and thought-provoking.

3. Think about the Millennium with a broad vision. Jiang Meng crying down the Great Wall, chariots sweeping across Liuhe, Genghis Khan's fighters, businessmen from all directions, the president with a bright smile, and foreign guests with natural charm ... The author thinks about the Millennium and has a broad vision, reflecting and looking forward to the Great Wall from the perspective of time and space. This wall is sinful, innocent and majestic, and it is a wall that laughs at the world.

Excellent composition in the examination room

Highlights and finishing touches: use new feelings and literary talents with your heart.

The story of the wall (2)

I am a wall.

A dark gray wall that is not old but abandoned by people.

The whole meaning of my life lies in existence and silence. ...

A group of children scribbled on me, and I didn't feel sick at all Because they are still young and ignorant, they will understand right and wrong when they grow up. Their lovely little faces full of childishness are filled with happiness and innocence. I like this innocent smile.

A locust tree keeps growing with me, and I bear most of its gravity. Its roots are deeply rooted in the wall and invade my territory. It seems deeply rooted and wants to be born. I didn't refuse his dependence, nor did I quarrel about his career, because I love that green, that bright and that leaf.

Whether intentionally or unintentionally, I didn't say a word, nor did I resist the attack. I don't understand Christianity, and I don't understand the motto "If someone hits you on the left face, give him the right face". I just exchanged my own pain for the happiness and satisfaction of others. This is not weakness or timidity, but patience. Life remains the same, not dim, but not colorful.

Another group of children, with big brushes and paints in their hands, seem to have another big fight. I face them frankly and don't want to make any comments, but looking at their serious expressions, I sincerely wish them to become artists. And when they left, I found that my whole body had changed a lot. The original dim color was replaced by a colorful and imaginative color. ...

It's still the old locust tree. In the stormy weather, I seem to have the possibility of collapse at any time. However, the wide branches and leaves covered the blow of the storm for me. He supports me with a solid root system, and I can face the storm calmly ... As the days go by, there will be many disappointments in my life, but there are also many happiness and warmth. Gradually, I understand that being good to others is being good to myself.

In my story, I have a little insight into life.

Comments by famous teachers

The conception and writing of this article are ingenious:

1. The trick is to use new things with your heart. Revealing the meaning of scenery and objects can be described as "meaning"; Unique innovation can be described as "using new". The author describes and understands life from the perspective of "things"-being kind to others means being kind to yourself. This conception and writing method can be described as wonderful and original, with both conception and originality.

Beauty lies in emotion and literary talent. In narrative writing, who narrates is a means to create literary talent and convey emotional talent. Candidates use the first person to write the experience and feeling of "wall" by changing their perspectives. Literary talent makes this article readable and attractive to readers; Emotion makes this article readable and chewy.

Highlights and the finishing touch: cleverly conceived to create a Chinese chapter, which leads to new ideas in the abandonment.

The story of the wall (3)

I walked through the south of the Yangtze River, and the appearance of the season, such as the opening and falling of lotus flowers ... my horseshoe sound was a beautiful mistake. I am not a returnee, I am a passer-by. ...

-inscription

After the rain, the fresh air was accompanied by the smell of soil in the south of the Yangtze River, and I came here-the Qin Dynasty.

Looking at the wreckage of the broken arm, I can't help but feel cold, the tyranny of Qin! No one in the street, through the waste bricks lying in the middle of the road, looked up and saw you leaning against the railing-a woman. You said you were waiting for someone to come back. I asked you where the man was going, and you replied: I don't know, only that he was building a wall ... I subconsciously thought of the Great Wall of Wan Li and won the government.

There is no wall in the south, but how can I tell you that he has gone to the north? The breeze passed by, and it seemed to be mixed with a trace of blood. You said that the Qin dynasty was tyrannical, wasting people and money. Now he has gone to build a wall and taken everyone away, and he is no exception. Can high walls make people healthy, the government harmonious and the country prosperous? The high wall is only to consolidate his regime and defend his territory. Many families are going to be separated again. Why is no one against him?

Sharpen the knife! As soon as I heard it, I stopped and looked around, but you said, don't look? People who have the ability to act have built walls, and there will be no one. I thought to myself: Wall, the wall of Wan Li, how many fresh lives have you sacrificed in the construction? How many bones did you step on? How much blood have you got? It's not your fault, just the selfish and violent Qin Shihuang. Limin hates you, and one day you will revolt; Someone will occupy your country one day; One day someone will carve up your world!

In the dim light, you cried and said that the sound of hooves was a beautiful mistake. You are not a passer-by.

In my dream, I walked across the south of the Yangtze River. Now, I'm standing on the wall after a thousand years, looking out. Who are you heartbroken for and who are you crying for?

There are too many bones under the wall.

Comments by famous teachers

A not too distant story, after the examinee rearranges, gives birth to wisdom:

1。 Abandon praise and create a new life. As Yu said, Dujiangyan is far bigger than the Great Wall in time. This essay abandons the praise of this thousand-mile barrier and makes an alternative evaluation of the Great Wall from the perspective of human nature and a woman. It is a wall, brick by brick, but it contains the blood and tears of thousands of people. This wall is of extraordinary significance.

2。 The story is beautiful. This paper begins with Zheng Chouyu's poem Wrong, which gives people a kind of imaginative beauty, but the sadness between the lines reminds people of the sadness of "crossing Qian Fan is nothing, but full of love water". At the end, Zheng Chouyu's poem was revised, "You are not a passer-by, but a passer-by …". Of course, in this aesthetic feeling, it is a pity that the bones under the wall. The last sentence shows the main idea and sublimates the theme.

The story of the wall (4)

The first rain in early summer has just left, and the air is not as sticky and bitter as traditional Chinese medicine soup, and the smell of fresh mints is everywhere. This feeling is silky, like silk brushing people's faces.

In a corner of the city, I found a low courtyard wall. Outside the wall, pebbles, large and small, are piled up at will, mixed with handfuls of wet sand and soil that are unique when it rains. Out of curiosity, I looked up at the wall, which was a little hard, but not high, so I let go of my sight.

God, how beautiful it is! In an abandoned small yard, a pile of fat mushrooms huddled under the roots of the house, next to a few delicate green grass and a few small flowers dotted in the middle. The flowers are not bright, but a few pure white petals surround the delicate golden stamens. How charming! I watched wait for a while carefully. From time to time, water drops rolled down from the wall to the shoes and penetrated deeply into the fibers, but I didn't know it. The poem "There is an almond in the wall" flashed through my mind, but I felt that the almond was too light: isn't it a hundred times better inside the wall than outside? !

Since then, I have never forgotten this adventure. So, after a rain, I came again. I don't know, but there are variables.

The wall was torn down.

A pile of broken walls branches, mixed with flowers, grass, everything. Muddy water is flowing, so I don't need to stretch my head to see it. He lost his last comfort. Grass is a weed and flowers are wildflowers. They grew up in the mud and could not see any beauty. I feel lost.

Before long, it seemed to realize its smell. There is a saying that "distance produces beauty". Isn't that working? Looking through the partition wall, everything is beyond our reach and has subtle mysterious charm. Without that barrier, everything is under control, but it is meaningless. This man really loves to humiliate himself. When he can't get it, everything will be fine. I got it, but it became useless.

The wind is light and the air is still fresh, but it seems different. Why? I put aside my boring thoughts and ran to the next goal across the wall.

Brief comments:

The article is quite Zen. Through the description and comparison of what the author saw before and after two rains-a wall collapsed, he realized the truth that "distance produces beauty", with novel conception and far-reaching influence. The article is fresh and ethereal; The language is natural and fluent, elegant and vivid. The article is poetic and picturesque, and it is a relatively successful composition in the examination room. It is suggested that the article be revised in two places: first, "from time to time, water drops rolled off the wall to the shoes and penetrated deeply into the fibers, but I didn't know" was changed to "from time to time, water drops rolled off the wall and soaked clothes and socks, but I didn't know"; The second is to delete the ending "I put aside my boring thoughts and run to the next goal across the wall".

The story of the wall (5)

The earth wall of my grandmother's house is the freezing point of my childhood memory, and it is still clear in my mind.

When I was a child, my parents put me in foster care at my grandmother's house because I was busy with work. Grandma's earth wall is low and old, but it carries all my good memories. It is historians who witness the memories.

In spring, naughty I buried a few seeds under the earth wall, waiting for the arrival of autumn with fruitful results and ears of wheat. So grandma and I began a long wait. There is a huge pagoda tree growing in the wall, which forms a beautiful scenery with the earth wall. Sophora japonica blooms with flowers all over its branches. From a distance, it looks like a pile of holy and warm cotton candy, sweet, fragrant and refreshing. At this time, I will climb to the earth wall and pinch off a large number of blooming Sophora japonica flowers and sprinkle them on my grandmother who is enjoying the cool under the tree. "The goddess is scattered!" Grandma happily held me down and told me stories in her arms accompanied by the earthen wall. Below is a warm picture.

In summer, the earthen wall is covered with bean seedlings and wax gourd seedlings I planted in spring ... with small and attractive fruits, I play in the earthen wall and even trample on my beloved seedlings. Climb to the earth wall at night, sit in the shade of Sophora japonica and fall asleep leisurely. Accompanied by the earth wall, this is a beautiful picture.

In autumn, accompanied by hope and earth wall, I finally came, bringing the joy of harvest. I will climb to the wall and pick melons and vegetables excitedly, sit on the wall, look at the fruitful fruits on the wall and munch on watermelons. Against the backdrop of the earth wall, this is a moving picture.

Winter is the best season for me to have snowball fights with my friends. Of course, the earth wall has become a safe "trench" that I am proud of; Sometimes I will build a huge snowman on the wall with my friends. It looks childish and can be arrested. It is a kind picture accompanied by the earth wall.

The four seasons pass by like running water, and the annual rings follow the four seasons, and my companions and I also fly by. Instead, draw an invisible memory line on the earth wall and draw the happiness and beauty of life in your mind.

Earth wall, my friend!

Brief comments:

4, 5. Both articles are essays, which express the special feelings of the past scenery with the wall as the clue or medium by describing the events or scenes related to the wall all the year round. Scenes are beautiful or sad, life is full of flavor, interest and artistic conception, which shows the young authors' experience and taste of nature and life. The difference is: the emotions in the last article are more complicated, and I have tasted all the joys and sorrows; The mood of the following article is constant, carefree and playful. The former adopts fragment combination, while the latter adopts conventional style, each with its own merits. But both of them have serious injuries: the previous descriptions are unclear, such as autumn articles and winter articles, and the combination of articles is suspected of being hard-drawn; The author of the following article lacks life experience and accumulation, and some common-sense jokes appear, such as "Spring, Sophora japonica blooms", "Autumn full of wheat fragrance" and "Autumn … munching on watermelon" and so on. In addition, the title of the last article was The Story of the Wall.