Everything should be done according to one's ability, even if it is "excellent" If the requirements are too high, you can only destroy yourself step by step.

Among the many tourists in the center, Xiao Xin is my greatest regret.

Xiao Xin is the high flyers of a famous university. She has been excellent since childhood. It was not until I graduated from college that I was confused for the first time in my life. Students should take the postgraduate entrance examination and go abroad.

Looking at the lives of people around her, she gradually fell into another round of busyness. Xiao Xin felt that her road ahead was dark. She wanted to go abroad, but she failed IELTS and TOEFL. She began to submit her resume anxiously, but she was rejected one after another.

Nearly a year after graduation, she had to rest at home.

Later, with the help of her family, she finally found a job, but she was introverted from an early age and could not master the tricks of dealing with interpersonal relationships at all, and she was unhappy all day.

Suddenly one day, she went home happily and told her parents that a boy liked him very much and had been helping her behind her back.

Parents think it's strange. This boy is Xiao Xin's friend. They also know that they have a girlfriend. How did they suddenly like Xiao Xin?

When mother saw Xiao Xin happy all day, she said nothing.

Since then, Xiao Xin seems to have met a savior, and seems to have no more troubles. The smile on her face is always full, and the whole person is becoming more and more confident. She feels very powerful all day and talks to her parents about the current economic situation of the country.

Parents looked at Xiao Xin triumphantly. Instead of relaxing, they became more and more anxious. They watched Xiao Xin carefully.

Xiao Xin always talks to himself when no one is around. She said she was fine and knew a certain country.

When watching TV, put it in a star's concert. She pointed to the TV and said that the concert was held for her.

At night, after dark, she will suddenly wake up from her sleep and cry loudly, saying that someone is trying to arrest him. She has a chip installed in her body and can even feel the pain inside.

Mother touched Xiao Xin's face, held her in her arms and shed tears. She knew that her daughter, who had been excellent all her life, was ill. ...

The perfection of the first twenty-five years collapsed in just a few months.

Until this moment, parents realized that there is no peak in life. It's just my daughter's own illusion, the illusion caused by psychological obstacles.

Most of the perfection pursued by ordinary people cannot be separated from deep inferiority. In the process of pursuit, people are always used to paying attention to their own shortcomings, but they are rarely sure of their importance to the world.

Usually, the more perfectionists show high standards, the more vulnerable they are, because they are used to "self-criticism" and discipline themselves with day-to-day demands until they "drive themselves crazy" ...

02. Willing to be bound by "Excellence"? You are just afraid of failure!

There is nothing wrong with Excellence, but pursuing Excellence and demanding perfection will only bring trouble to life.

Because everyone and everything are not absolutely perfect, this is not a pursuit, but a demand.

In an interview, Tianhou Jolin Tsai publicly stated that the pursuit of perfection is nonsense. For her who has appeared on the screen with fashionable, healthy and beautiful images all the year round, this is undoubtedly a statement that surprises everyone.

Since entering the music world, Jolin Tsai has been demanding himself to the extreme. She practices dancing 14 hours every day, even though she is scarred.

For her, being the best self seems to have become an indispensable part of life.

However, Jolin Tsai laughed at himself: I used to pursue perfection, so that I didn't live like a person, because perfection can never be caught. "

From childhood to growth, a person's responsibility becomes more and more complicated and heavier. People's pursuit of "Excellence" is itself a kind of their own desire for "security" and a self-protection mechanism. There is a wish behind: I hope I have enough anti-anxiety ability.

However, behind the desire is actually a way of thinking because I feel "not good enough":

"If I have a good job, good appearance, good study, perfect life and excellent myself, then I can avoid all the uncertainties in my life. I don't need to face the humiliation and accusations of others because of my incompetence. "

Therefore, for those who always feel that they are not good enough and pursue perfection too much, efforts are just appearances, rooted in their hearts or "forced" by themselves.

03. Are you a family star or a puppet?

How does the demanding of yourself invade your life step by step?

Parental rearing patterns and family environment have great influence on the perfection of children's personality. Generally speaking, if parents are always worried about their children's development when they are young, and are used to focusing on their faults and expressing their love for their children with "anxiety" as the external performance, then children will easily form a "perfectionist personality".

In the growing years, children always tell themselves not to make mistakes, because once they make mistakes, they will be "punished". They will substitute this sense of value into their adult years, and constantly enlarge it subconsciously, telling themselves that if they can't achieve high goals, they will be abandoned by their parents, abandoned by their peers, and will not be affirmed by the social environment.

In the process of helping visitors, the old teacher always goes deep into the subconscious of visitors and tells them that the "imperfection" of childhood is not your responsibility, and you don't need to be accused.

There are many beautiful things in life, why should "Excellence" be the norm?

Please don't live in the shadow of perfection, because "imperfection" is never your fault.