China's accompanying mothers are growing in the UK, and their children are very young. It is understood that the average age of these children who just came to Britain is only 14 years old. Most of their mothers have their own businesses in China. Ms. Li came to England in 2007 with her son, who is 12 years old. Before going abroad, she worked as an executive in a company and was well paid. However, when she and her husband decided to send her 12-year-old son to study abroad, they did not hesitate to resign from the company and accompany him to study in the UK. During the interview with reporters, these accompanying mothers have the same view on their own career and their children's future, and have chosen their children's future without any regrets. They said, on the one hand, they gave up their original life and crossed the ocean, in order to let their children receive better education and win? Starting line? Open; On the other hand, because most of these children are only children, parents have realized the influence of family on their children's growth and don't want their children to be there since childhood? Lack of affection, alienation from family? Growing up in the environment.
But the plan can't keep up with the change. Ms Huang, who works for the Chinese Home in Manchester City, said: We really should report them more and let the society know about them. ?
She said that the English class offered by the Chinese Home in Manchester City has members from accompanying families: children take classes in English cram schools and mothers learn English in adult English classes.
She said:? The story of each accompanying family is different, but the story of each family is a bitter drama. ? Among them, Ms. Huang remembers the story of a mother and son that happened a few years ago:
About ten years ago, Ms. Chen (pseudonym), as a mother, took her son, who was only 12 years old in the same year, to study in Britain, hoping that her son would succeed in his studies in the future. However, the obstacles caused by language are unexpected. After arriving in England, my son's academic performance plummeted because of his poor language ability. So, in addition to studying in mainstream schools, Ms. Chen also sent her son to an English cram school in Manchester Chinese Home.
Every day after her son goes to school, Ms. Chen will learn some elementary English by herself, but language learning cannot be the whole of her life. Due to lack of friends, Ms. Chen is still lonely and depressed in the rest of the time. To this end, Ms. Chen chose to work part-time in a Chinese restaurant, which can not only make friends, but also subsidize her family.
Although I have my own life, the communication between mother and son is less, and the relationship is slowly cracked. Ms. Chen sometimes goes out to work at night, and her son is forced to stay at home alone, addicted to computer games. Due to the lack of communication, the mother and son are increasingly alienated. It was not until Ms. Chen found that her son's English had not improved and talked to Ms. Huang that she was saddened to find that her son had only had a few classes in the cram school and then spent the rest of his money on computer games. She criticized her son for this, but his son retorted that his mother should not send him to study in England.
Ms. Huang said that even though both mother and son don't want to stay in Britain, they are even more reluctant to return to China, especially Ms. Chen. Ms. Chen is ashamed of her husband and has no face to return to China to face her husband and other relatives at home. Now she has to stay in England. The original accompanying travel has become accompanying reading? Independent? The bitter drama didn't turn into a tragedy until Ms. Huang's help and Ms. Chen's son returned to school.
The same is true of accompanying mothers A Ping (a pseudonym) and Xiao Mei (a pseudonym). Their children go to boarding school and don't go home on weekends. I thought it would be better to have a baby here, but it turns out? The school actually has everything. , their own existence doesn't make much sense. I am alone at home every day, and I can't see my children or other family members.
In fact, this result is not unexpected. When Ms. Lin's child went abroad, he was 12 years old, and he already had some understanding and familiarity with the original environment in China. Suddenly coming to a new environment, the differences in language and thinking make children's inner feelings unable to vent, and it is easy to go astray. However, Ms. Chen's difficulties are even greater. Language restricts her life, but the existing life circle can't get her approval. Her responsibility made her feel a lot of pressure, and negative emotions also affected the education of her children, which led to today's ending.
Take the initiative to adjust and be a smart mother?
Sometimes, the story is the same, but the result can be different. Many accompanying mothers can meet the difficulties. Ms. Lin, who lives in a seaside town in the east of England, chose to take her son 14 years old and her daughter 13 years old to attend middle school in England four years ago, hoping to receive a better education. To this end, Ms. Lin gave up her career in Japan and came to Britain to accompany her.
Because of her good English ability, she quickly adapted to the British environment. And the study of a pair of children is her greatest concern. My son used to study in a Chinese school in Hong Kong, so English is his weakness. Ms. Lin was disappointed when she learned that her child's middle school had no funds to teach English to foreign students, but she was not discouraged. Since the first year of school, she has been to the school many times to discuss with school representatives. In a mainstream white school in Britain, it takes unparalleled courage to win the majority of school representatives, and the efforts made to prepare for the meeting are unmatched by others.
It's a pity that her son GCSE's English performance is not satisfactory. Even so, Ms. Lin did her duty as always. Seeing that my son is about to enter the university, poor English performance may become a big obstacle. Without the help of the school, Ms. Lin works as an English tutor for her son at home and urges him to do exercises every day. Mother and son are United, and her son recently got an ideal score. Ms. Lin is relieved for the time being.
From a strong woman to a stay-at-home mother. Asked if she regretted the decision she made at the beginning, Ms. Lin said frankly: I still regret it. ? Who knows that she said that she regretted that later schools in Hong Kong also offered IELTS preparation courses for students. If I had known this, I would have let both my children pass the IELTS before going to college in England, so that I wouldn't have to come in a hurry when I was in middle school. ?
However, she also said that cooking lunch for children every day now makes her relationship with children closer than before, which is incomparable in the past. Finally, when talking about whether she regretted giving up a lot, she repeated the sentence: I don't think I am that great. ?
Ms. Lin has many successful experiences. During the interview, some mothers enriched their lives by participating in Chinese community volunteer activities in local communities. But it is not difficult to see that accompanying mothers want to build one for their children? Great expectations? How much hardship has been paid. It must be admitted that the power of maternal love is immeasurable, but selfless love may not bring positive results. The child is growing, so is the mother.
Overcome language and psychological barriers and integrate into the new environment?
Language barriers and cultural differences are the biggest problems faced by accompanying mothers. In fact, the child is still young and has a strong adaptability to the new environment. On the contrary, my mother, because she positioned herself in the original environment, faced a huge gap after coming to England, which caused a heavy psychological burden.
Jeffy Ho of the China Heart Association, the largest association in Britain that cares about China people's mental health, said that what measures should be taken to help accompanying families integrate into foreign society depends largely on the situation of each family, so different families should adopt different methods to adapt. But on the whole, in the case of language barrier, accompanying mothers can go to local Chinese community centers more, whether learning English or participating in community activities, and expand interpersonal context more, which can help accompanying families feel the sense of belonging in strange society more quickly and adapt as soon as possible. If you feel very troubled emotionally or psychologically, you should take the initiative to seek help and receive appropriate psychological counseling in time.
Jeffy Ho also pointed out that accompanying parents should also pay attention to their children's emotional problems. After all, the lack of a parent in the daily life environment will have a great impact on the growth of children. Ms. Xue, the founder of Motherlove Bridge, a British charity dedicated to helping adopted children in China and overseas Chinese descendants understand their root culture, talked about the present situation of parents accompanying overseas, and thought that most of them were borne by mothers, and the biggest challenges faced by mothers abroad were language barriers and cultural barriers, so parents would pay more attention to their children. However, children have strong integration ability and adapt to the new environment quickly, and their dependence on their mothers will rapidly weaken, but their mothers will lose their emotional and life sustenance and become at a loss. Over time, parents and children have fallen into a painful alienation.
Xue believes that while taking care of children, mothers should strive to explore a life that adapts to their own development, get out of the narrow life circle and participate in some social activities of local Chinese. Parents realize and prove their value in front of their children, which is also a nutritional element in the process of children's growth. And China society has formed as soon as possible? Preview? Mechanism, for those families who plan to send their children to study abroad, provide knowledge reserves and ability counseling, so that parents have the opportunity and ability to seek self-development overseas and even expand the family economy while their children receive a comprehensive education.
No matter in the past or now, the language and cultural problems faced by accompanying mothers abroad still exist, but what about today? Stay with mom? Children are breaking down these obstacles with a more positive attitude, so that they and their children can better integrate into the local society.