However, it happened that a year ago, when I entered the third year of high school, the word "Peking University" was deeply imprinted in my heart. I was fascinated by the story of Yanyuan, enjoying the scenery of Boya Tower on the cover of the book and the interesting things that Peking University students learned ... From that second on, Peking University's dream began to sprout.
This means that my senior three is several months earlier than others.
Senior one and senior two began to restore their lazy mood and carefully prepare for the college entrance examination one year later. I admit, I am not a good student who is diligent and eager to learn. I have never listened to a 40-minute class carefully. Many times, I even feel tired of learning and think that what I want to learn is too complicated, so my grades have been hovering and there is no big breakthrough. But when a person has a kind of power in his heart, all the facts of resistance will become an incentive, and nothing can't be overcome. Naturally, Peking University is my motivation.
All the firsts happened: the first time I didn't force myself to listen to a boring Chinese class, the first time I took the initiative to find a math paper to do it, and the first time I really understood the role of the law of value ... I doubt what I learned in Grade One and Grade Two, why did the problem that I always couldn't figure out suddenly become so simple? Actually, I have a good idea: Peking University is waiting for me.
Not long ago, I read a book called "Peking University is Waiting for You", which probably tells the story of how some Peking University students easily became top students and entered Peking University, or jumped into the gate of Peking University after some struggles. It all worked anyway. I think someone did get into Peking University easily. They are blessed by heaven. However, I am not. I am not born smart, so I have to go through a painful bloody battle to get into Peking University. I dare not slack off at all.
Contrary to my report card, the summer of 2005 was very hot. On the honor roll, my name lies alone in the most inconspicuous corner, not dazzling at all. This is probably the slack in the second year of high school, but I am already mentally prepared. Even if I hit the bottom, I won't be discouraged.
But the next summer vacation was not easy at all. In the face of dismal results, I began to get ready. As soon as the final exam came out, the school began to make up lessons according to the situation of students at different levels, and I was among them.
The days of the makeup class are the hottest days of the year, reaching 36 or 37 degrees. On such a hot day, my enthusiasm for learning is also heating up. When other students are shopping in the cool shopping mall, I recite words and texts in the shade. Admittedly, no one can stand the anxiety caused by such a high temperature, but I think that only by eating hard can you become a master-Peking University has always been in my heart.
Silently supporting me, in addition to Peking University, there is also the spiritual tree in the center of the campus-kapok tree. The kapok tree has an individual name called Hero Tree, and I like this name very much. It blooms, but does not bear fruit. Flaming flowers grow tenaciously after a winter's destruction, then bloom, and finally fall to the ground silently, maintaining a brilliant face at the last moment of life, just like a hero. I compare myself to a kapok plant, and the third year of high school is my blooming season. No matter how eager I am to be a member of Peking University, no matter how many plaques appear in my sleep, I have never said anything from Peking University. I think, if one day, I am really admitted to Peking University, I hope to give all the people I love, including parents, including my sister, including teachers and classmates a surprise. But if one day, it turns out that I can't be admitted to Peking University, I don't want to bring this pain to anyone.
For the first time, I really feel the joy of no pains, no gains.
The first monthly exam ranked first in the whole grade. This is something I didn't expect before, but it's a matter of course. I finally believe in the power of faith: as long as you believe, you can do it! I began to find that Peking University is not just a dream that can only be hidden in my heart, it can not only appear in my heart, maybe one day when I mention Peking University, someone will think of me. A senior studying in Jinan University told me, Senior Three, let's take a gamble! Anything is possible! I asked her again if it was really possible. She patted me on the shoulder and nodded gravely. I completely believe her, because she has experienced the college entrance examination, and because I once wrote: always believe that you will have a miracle!
I firmly believe that as long as I go all out, Peking University will definitely have my place, because a gentle university will never shut out a student who is striving for it. But my bet is a bit big, twelve years, seriously, three years.
The reason why three years is regarded as a boundary is because my father didn't shed tears three years ago. The senior high school entrance examination not only brought me endless regrets, but also brought heavy feelings to my parents. I clearly remember the moment when I couldn't tell my father that I missed the ideal key high school. Father's eyes were red and bright, and almost all of them were tears, but he finally gritted his teeth and held back. This hurts more than a sharp knife in my chest. Disappointing my parents makes me more sad than losing the admission notice of key schools! So, I remembered the tears that I hadn't shed for three years, and then I spelled it again. I am afraid that if I lose, I will completely collapse! So I swear to God, I must give my father a splendid summer! Give dad a bright admission notice!
It's time to study day and night. This kind of life is really bitter and too light. But it is because it is light that I can concentrate all my energy on reading. I cut my hair, which was already very short, only to the length of my nails, which is very easy to take care of; I gave all my snacks to my classmates and didn't want to be bound by flashy substances. I don't want to spend more than two hours going home, which will save a lot of review time. Sometimes I feel that reading like this is a bit obsessive. "But there is no way!" I had to say to myself, "Peking University only likes such people." Peking University is already the spiritual food in my heart at this time. I can immerse myself in the textbook silently day and night, but I can't miss Peking University for a moment. Every time I open the history books and see the photos of Shi Jing University Auditorium, my heart beats faster! When I know that Yu has gone through three college entrance examinations before entering Peking University, I will feel that the future is still bright. When reading middle school students' current affairs and politics, my eyes are always staring at the photos of my senior sister Jue, the liberal arts champion who was admitted to Peking University. I can't wait to go to Peking University to meet this senior sister one year later ... There is no doubt that my investment in Peking University is not as cold as Peking University.
If I set Peking University as my goal just to motivate myself, then I can say that in the days to come, I have fulfilled my promise.
I regard applying for Peking University as crossing a cliff, but I always cross it in my sleep, rolling in the deep. When I wake up, the pillow is always wet, either cold sweat or tears. There will always be only one song in my MP3, the theme song of "Always Believe" by Weng Qianyu and the TV series "The Story of Ashin". I thought of A Xin. No matter how difficult it is, I must hold on to my hope. Are you going to give in just before the college entrance examination?
I didn't have my own ideals since I was a child, so the days slipped away in vain. Now I have my own ideal, no matter how difficult it is to realize, whether it is possible or not, my life has been enriched because of it. To this end, I want to embrace Peking University and the life of senior three, because they really make me feel the meaning of life, that is, I have my own pursuits, dreams, sweat and tears to realize my dreams.
In March, kapok finally bloomed warmly under the attention of everyone. In the spring of campus, all the flowers are blooming, showing off their beauty without reservation, but when kapok blooms, all the gaudiness is eclipsed. A kapok tree burns like the fire of life. When life is ignited by dreams, that kind of light is not shining, not dazzling, but burning. It not only makes people feel distressed, but also makes people feel the meaning of seeking and the motivation of struggle.
In March, graduation photo was filmed, and the location was set at one side of the school hall, where there was a dazzling kapok as the background. The teacher with the longest teaching experience in the school said that this year's kapok is the most brilliant and vibrant year in the history of the school, which indicates the fruitful results of our senior three students. I am convinced of this. Senior three is the most meaningful year in our lives. This year, I worked hard for myself and was proud of myself. The word "Peking University" has taken me through difficult years, bravely facing everything, hiding the joy of harvest and the sadness of loss in my heart, leaving no trace, and even not letting anyone feel the slightest change in my heart-I want to undertake everything independently.
But I clearly realize that the college entrance examination only believes in grades, and Peking University only believes in the college entrance examination. No matter how subjectively I yearn for the university that all my classmates yearn for, and how passionate I feel for him, I can only express my wishes with my grades, which is hard for me to face. Although I study hard and my grades have always been among the best, my ability is limited after all. Looking up at the dividing line of 800 points, I feel dizzy. It is an unattainable dividing line! I began to feel the seriousness of the situation.
In those days, I lived in mental suffering. On the one hand, it is the aura of Peking University, on the other hand, it is the admission notice of another key university that I am determined to win. On the other hand, I worked hard for a year and woven a perfect dream. On the other hand, my father repeatedly emphasized the "conservative" strategy. Looking at my terrible achievements, I was helpless but didn't tell anyone. Long-term self-isolation has taught me to swallow the pain silently and then give everyone a smiling face. Depressed mood also had to vent in the dark.
Many nights, the dormitory was quiet, and the roommates fell asleep tired. I was the only one who bit the corner or finger of the quilt and wept silently. Still chanting the song "Always Believe", every time I hear "When you say I am strong. That's not true. I just won't despair. Because I am most afraid, I am floating in the wind. Gritting my teeth, holding fast to the wings of my dream, my heart is like a whip, and my face is full of tears. I ask myself, will I give up at the critical moment? Can't stand even a little setback? There were many times when I wanted to give up, but as soon as I heard that I would always believe, I immediately became strong. I am not a coward, I must be brave, I still have faith, I must persist, although there is still hope, I must cheer up.
It turned out that determination played a great role.
The last monthly exam, the original English score finally exceeded 140! I took my report card, found a hidden place at random and cried. At that moment, I was as excited as taking the admission notice from Peking University. The senior sister of Jinan University didn't coax me: I took a good look at Peking University and jumped, winning applause when I tried to jump.
Because of English, I feel that Peking University is not far from me for the first time. Maybe I can reach the height of miracle as long as I stand on tiptoe. This has given me great confidence, and I am more determined to take the road of Peking University. The promise to let my father return to a beautiful summer will come true soon. Thinking of my father's heartfelt smile, I made up my mind to get the notice from Peking University even if I worked hard.
The next day, I was really desperate. Only a handful, I haven't been home for almost three months. There is still one month from the college entrance examination and twenty days from the senior high school entrance examination. I am counting down the day when the college entrance examination is coming, just like counting down the last few days of my life. I am by no means a stingy person, at least for Peking University. I put all my energy into my study. No matter how early I get up in the morning or how late I go to bed at night, I feel like taking stimulants every day. My brain keeps telling me to run. My roommate jokingly said to me, "Be careful, you seem to be desperate." I smiled bitterly and thought: If you were me, you wouldn't even die.
I finally understand why people always do what they always want to do at the end of their lives without scruple. If you care too much about external things at the last minute, you will only have long-term regrets, and so will your senior three career. I hope so.
In the last few days, life can burn more enthusiastically, even if it eventually turns to ashes, it is not in vain to live in this world. Can sacrifice for the dream of Peking University, and die without regret.
For a whole year, I prepared for the worst. The first choice is to apply for Peking University. If Peking University doesn't admit me, it's very likely that the second choice won't admit me. Then I can only apply for the second batch of ordinary undergraduate courses. I have never mentioned my achievements to my parents since the third year of high school, because I know that my final fate can only be an ordinary undergraduate admission notice. I have always stressed to them that I am just a material, and I can never get into the point, lest they experience great joy and great sorrow. It's cruel to them, but it's better than letting them know that I'm taking risks and don't even want to concentrate.
But my final choice made me understand a sentence: "It takes a year to persist, and it only takes a few minutes to give up." At the last minute, I decided to give up!
No matter how hard I try, I always look at Peking University from a distance, which is a distance that can never be crossed. Peking University is my unchangeable ideal, and I will die for it. But I represent not only me, but also my parents. In the past, I was too selfish. I keep the joy of success in my heart and seal everything related to my grades tightly like a vacuum bottle. I don't want them to get meaningless happiness. Therefore, my parents never know how promising their daughter is, let alone share the joy of success with me. At this moment, I hope that parents will taste the sweetness of harvest and let parents work hard to make their children become talents. And this feeling can never be brought to them by choosing Peking University-if I choose Peking University, I am doomed to fail.
I'm not afraid of failure. If I don't want to die, why should I fear it with death? I am not afraid of failure, because I am fighting for my ideal, not for myself. But another meaning of persistence is selfishness. I can't disappoint my parents who put all their hopes on me for my own wishes. If I am good enough, I can agree with my parents, but I can't. I will always be an ordinary girl.
I have no regrets, even if my wish is not Peking University. I persevere and give up decisively. Dreams are one thing, and reality is one thing. When my dream deviates from reality, I will accept it without hesitation. In reality, I can really hear my parents' laughter, which is enough. As for the endless loss, as long as I swallow it alone, no one else will feel uneasy. From beginning to end, I was the only one watching my heart grow old! ! Sometimes I think of the principal who hugged him and said, "Peking University can't refuse me!" Dear brother, I envy his ambition and self-confidence. That spirit has been deeply infecting me. I also long for such ambition. Indeed, I was extremely optimistic that Peking University could not refuse to admit me! Because I gave everything I had, that's why! However, on most days, even if I think of Peking University in my mind, I secretly feel that it is an unreachable dream. This seems contradictory. In this contradiction, I struggled for the whole senior three, just like Peking University accompanied me for the whole senior three.
The moment I gave up, I found myself beautiful, not physically, but spiritually; Not perfect, but beautiful; But no matter what kind of beauty, it is absolutely beautiful. Although I finally gave up, I at least lasted until the minute before the reality came. There are many times when I feel that I am about to collapse and I can't hold on any longer. But as long as I think of Yu, the hero who bravely studied for two years in order to be admitted to Peking University, as long as I think that Sister Que is still waiting for the arrival of a strange me in Peking University, and as long as I think that the campus of Peking University will be all over my footprints, I can cheer up and continue to stick to it. Senior three is as simple as that: a simple person can say that I am paranoid, but how can I get through that difficult time without paranoia?
There are probably kapok trees to witness my efforts. After volunteering, until the end of the college entrance examination, kapok trees swayed in the torrential rain, tragic. It rained all day and all night, which made me wonder if God was crying, so I silently said, "Don't cry, the tears in my eyes have dried up."
I really can't cry any more. In 365 stormy days, tears accompanied me to sleep every night. I always secretly ask with tears, "Why can't I get a chance when I'm beaten?" ? I have tried my best, and I have paid and even sacrificed a lot for it. "For Peking University, I didn't go home for half a year. I let my parents down for Peking University. I can't sleep every night for Peking University. For Peking University, my hair grows on my head. At that time, my sister came to see me in the dormitory. Occasionally, she sees a few white hairs on my head. She asked distressfully, "My hair has turned gray. Is it worthwhile to work so hard in senior three? " I didn't answer, just smiled bitterly and thought, for Peking University.
But I have no right to complain. There are many people who suffer more than me. What I have suffered is nothing compared with my peers who have suffered a lot, but it was the first time in my life that I was tempered! That kind of suffering is beyond the understanding of ordinary people. That's an old saying: plum blossoms come from bitter cold. I am not a plum blossom, but I want to get the charm of plum blossom, so I took root in the cold north and tried to have a fragrance after frost. Although I can't be a plum blossom in the end, and I don't have that natural fragrance, I feel the necessary training to become a useful person. In my mind, I have become wintersweet myself. Many things are not what people expect. We shot graduation photo in the season when kapok was in full bloom, but we had to shoot it again because of quality problems. When we got the news, it was already the season of kapok blooming, and the bustling scene of the past could not be preserved. Actually, I already know this. The wonderful moment can't last forever, I have to face it all the time. At this point, my heart is calm. I don't have to be swayed by considerations of gain and loss, and I don't have to cry, but I am close to being philosophical.
Everyone has their own extremes. Everyone tries to climb to his limit. Some people succeeded, others failed. Nietzsche once wrote in a little poem: Don't climb to the top of the mountain, and don't stand at the foot of the mountain. Seen from half height, the world is really beautiful. I quite agree with you, because I am a person who can't climb to the extreme, but what does it matter? At least, I tried, and I enjoyed climbing, which is enough.
What makes me satisfied may not be the result. Senior three is a year to wash my soul. A year ago, I didn't know what an ideal was and what a pursuit was. I always muddle along. Although I know that time is fleeting, I can't find the motivation to move forward. Why live, what kind of life, how to choose the life you want, these questions have never been answered. However, more than 300 days passed and gave me a definite answer. Although I haven't thought about these problems positively, I have been inspired by my actions, which is a feeling that is difficult to describe in words. I can sacrifice everything to pursue the most sacred thing in my heart. It is far away from you, but it has been driving you. You will forget your pain and believe that verb called "pursuit" again and again. This is the meaning of your contribution. If you pursue something, your soul will be enriched, just like that sentence: "When you work hard, the Sahara desert will also float snowflakes for you."
After a year of hard work, Peking University and I are still a group of parallel lines that never intersect. I tried my best to get close to Peking University, trying to find an intersection, but in vain. Maybe I will never set foot in Peking University in my life, let alone have my story on the campus of Peking University. I just hope someone can know that once, Peking University occupied a child's heart for a whole year.
Today, I still don't regret the oath I made at the beginning to be admitted to Peking University. Even if I don't work hard after taking the oath, I still have the confidence to be admitted to the university my parents yearn for. Besides, I don't regret giving up at the last minute. Although I did, no one knew that I had been so miserable and fought for Peking University except myself. Now that the result is clear, we should learn to accept it gladly, just like the wild chrysanthemum on the roadside, which once dreamed of growing countless fruits when the flowers withered, just like the carambola apple. It is not afraid of wind and rain, sun and rain, only to realize the dream conceived in the heart, chrysanthemum risks losing its life and tries its best to absorb all nutrients from all parts of the body. In order to bloom brilliant flowers and bear perfect fruits. No one understands the pain of wild chrysanthemum, and no one can find anything from the closed bud of wild chrysanthemum. It doesn't want to get everyone's expectations and then let everyone down. It grows quietly, blooms silently, and finally dies quietly. When others laugh at its ignorance and overreaching, my heart secretly applauds it: it is alive, and it is wonderful for itself. Maybe in others' eyes, he is nothing, but listen to bloom's voice! Isn't this the most beautiful music played by life? The moment the wild flowers are in full bloom, the most spiritual life in the universe is crying and laughing! Bloom's voice has always been so touching!