3 One day in the sky, one year on earth; Eating a cigarette in the sky is seven or eight days on earth.
To tell the truth, my five-year-old ideal is to sell apples when I grow up, so that apples will be eaten every day; When I was eight years old, I liked watching cartoons. I hope that when I grow up, I can be a planetary captain and a planetary scientist, and safeguard the peace of the earth. When I learned to play video games at the age of ten, I hope to open a game room when I grow up and play games all day without spending a penny. When I reach the age of fifteen and learn to surf the Internet, I am determined to open an Internet cafe when I grow up, so that I can play online all day long. How comfortable. At the age of twenty, I found my previous ideals naive. Now my ideal is to be a person who criticizes the current situation and attracts worldwide attention. I want to get ahead in business and politics, be the boss, duplicity, generosity, absolute monarch, greed, poisoning people, audacity, evil, hypocrisy, and be the devil wears Prada.
The college entrance examination filled in three volunteers. The first two are Tsinghua Peking University. I waited eagerly at home for a month and didn't wait for the admission notice. I guess the Tsinghua Admissions Team missed my name, and the notice of Peking University was lost by the postman on the way.
Wow, it's rare for you to grow such a mature face before you are twenty years old. You will definitely become a pillar of the motherland in the future.
He who is not afraid to look for bones in eggs is afraid that he must look for eggs in bones.
8 preserved eggs press hooks, and Lao Kai presses preserved eggs;
Eat small fish, the big fish, everything has its vanquisher.
The next morning, when I was sleeping soundly, I had a dream that a strange tree grew outside our dormitory. Its branches are covered with 100 yuan, which is dyed red by snow. I quickly climbed the tree to pick up the money, always picking up the old ones, and then I came out again, so I was so happy that I went straight to my pocket. I can't put it in my pocket. I'll take out the box with my clothes for school. I was having a good time when I was suddenly held down by a pair of big hands. I woke up with a start. When I opened my eyes, I saw those two snails lying beside my bed, smiling and groping under my bed.
10 Although I can't let my parents drive me to college in my life, damn it! Twenty years later, I have to drive my son to college.
Classic Quotations of "The First Talented Person in Jiangbei"!
I think beautiful women are very experienced. Others pay attention to where to look first, and then, and then, at least three eyes. I just need to glance down, and all three can be put in place, not only here, but also there; When you see the outside, you can associate it with the inside.
12 thunder exploded directly on my forehead, which made me feel very annoyed. Do you know how I felt then? Just like watching A Dream of Red Mansions, I felt cold when I heard Lin Daiyu swearing and saying "Fart" to Jia Baoyu, and I couldn't help sighing that fate was unfair to me. I've never experienced a peach blossom for a character like Shen. Luo is such a bitch. Why can she meet such a beautiful woman? The more I think about it, the more disheartened I am. I gradually changed from wonder to melancholy, from melancholy to melancholy, and then from melancholy to grief and indignation. I have always been optimistic, but this time I was really angered.
13 Honey, the Great Wall never falls. Don't be angry.
14 He opened a path in space and split the ether like lightning. You have said it several times.
15 this year, we talked for two months without even holding hands, which is really rare. I think most people have sons in their bellies, and this kind of marriage is also a form of inviting relatives and friends to dinner.
Brother 16, I am a person who killed and set fire, served as a soldier, served in prison, smuggled drugs, stole taxes and took advantage. What dare I do? Do anything for my brother, no matter how tall his building is, close your eyes and jump.
17 yisow smiled and said, "it's very interesting, let you have a look." Then he pointed to the dish in front of Erluoluo and said with a smile, "Look, this dish is made of bean skin. Take a piece of fresh bean skin, cross it with a knife for 100 times, vertically draw it for 100 times, add more than a dozen seasonings, and stew it in an oil pan. So this dish is called' thousand pieces'. " Pointing to a dish in front of Guo Dazui, he said with a smile, "This dish also has a famous name and an interesting name. It takes a big corn cob, first tears off the scalp outside, and then pulls off the corn whiskers one by one. " He pointed to a dish in front of me and said with a smile, "This dish in front of my brother-in-law is also very interesting. This is called' bone removal and ash removal', and it is made by grinding mung beans into fine powder. There are also blockbusters, corpses everywhere, it's hard to fly, life is worse than death and pain. Are these names interesting? Come and have a taste and see how it tastes. Can you still enter? "
I am a sentimental person. I remember that I was single, lonely, sad in my heart, sad in front of the mirror, sighing at my former self, boasting at Guo Dazui, so-so, it was midnight in a blink of an eye. No matter how hard I fight, I can't beat him together. But when it comes to bragging and sloppy, his big mouth and two snails add up, and they are no match for me. If someone talks nonsense to me, I can make your eyes deaf and ears blind.
19 four three fried big monkeys, just waiting for you.
I think that year, when I was in high school, I was a gifted scholar in my class. I am proficient in piano, chess, calligraphy and painting, and I have heard others play the piano on TV. Chess, watching people play chess on TV; Books, reading novels in class; Painting and doodling on the desk after class are the most important people in the school. At that time, there was a beauty queen in our school, whose milk name was "Daiyu", and my classmates simply called me "Shen Baoyu". This is a match made in heaven. Every time after class, a dozen girls outside the class looked at me at the door and told me to go out to the bathroom. I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed
Reply: Classic Quotations of "The First Talented Person in Jiangbei"!
2 1 You can call me an animal, but you can't call me shameless. Animals have dignity.
If you don't believe in me, you don't believe in science. If you oppose me, you oppose people.
Why do people hear someone bragging when they brag? It means they are not skilled enough. Some people brag, which can make you dizzy. I don't know 12345, but please admire his skill. Why? Because bragging is not only a science, but also an art.
After all, what's the trick of bragging? Everybody, please listen carefully. When bragging, you must hold your head high, look straight ahead and be calm. Your facial expression should be natural, your face should not be red, and your heart should not jump. Remember not to be very happy, kick your fingers, blush and spit. Let people think that you are not bragging, but talking about Kan Kan with them. Don't be complacent and think that you can blow the cow well. This is just a way to brag. As for bragging at a higher level, it is not convenient to go into details here because it involves a wide range of topics. I'll tell you in detail when I can go to the lecture room.
25 "Wolf Song"
Although the society is stable, public security is impermanent; Safety first, never forget;
In hot summer, dikes are more needed; Sleep carefully, don't be greedy for cold;
Close the doors and windows to prevent thieves and wolves; Hemp rope kitchen knife, often placed on the pillow;
If the wolf comes, don't panic; Water comes to cover, and soldiers come to block;
Thieves release dogs, birds draw guns; Six women in one, unity is the wall;
Sow tight encirclement; One person is not enough, two people help each other;
Three people are not enough, six people are together; The wolf is three feet long and the net cloth is ten feet;
Pick up a kitchen knife and resist; Untie the hemp rope and tie it;
If you are taken to the undergraduate course, there will be praise; If the wolf is too fierce, you can't be reckless;
Calm down and delay the plan; Secretly dial the phone to inform the section chief;
The duty officer will be present as soon as possible; Many people are powerful, and their mouths are strong;
The wolf has ten legs and there is no hope of escape; Despair, only surrender;
Bring it back to the undergraduate course and calculate the general ledger; Remember the above proverbs;
If you meet a rogue, you will be safe. If there is a mistake, raise your knife and commit suicide;
I would rather sacrifice than lose my virginity;
I looked in the mirror carefully again, and I was really relieved of my appearance, and I couldn't find anything wrong with it. However, people are always insatiable and desperately want to find a wife if they can't get one. If they have a wife, they want to get rid of it so that they can find another one, so I hope I can become more handsome. Look at those stars. They are more beautiful at the age of 30 than at the age of 20, and more beautiful at the age of 40 than at the age of 30. This is why the longer the better. Therefore, I believe I may become handsome in the next 20 years. For many years, before going to bed every night, I firmly believed that I would be more handsome when I woke up the next morning, but every time I waited until the next morning, I was always disappointed. In the past twenty years, constant disappointment has led to constant hope. Now I finally understand that a flawless face like mine is hard to surpass.
Now that science is so developed, a man cuts it off with a knife and rubs his chest up, and becomes a woman; A woman adds a small piece to her, and then punches her flat, and she becomes a man.
When I heard that Wang Nan was engaged to Guo Bin, I cried for three days and nights, and I was heartbroken. I hate that Guo. I swore to him. I will scold him more than ten times a day, otherwise I can't swallow this tone. If there is an opportunity in the future, I must fight Guo aboveboard, either he dies or I die. I will do anything for Wang Nan. Hum! To put it bluntly, if anyone dares to rob Wang Nan with me this time, I will fight recklessly with him.
Another one has short hair and delicate facial features, but has a small face and a bulging mouth, and looks more and more like my dream lover Zhang Yining. Although Zhang Yining is happy to keep a straight face when playing, I just like her coldness. Every time she keeps a straight face, I like watching it more. I swear to God, no one in the world is happier than me with Zhang Yining. My heart for her will never change. If there is half a lie, thunder, chop twice, chop twice and chop three times. If I don't die three times, I will be punished as Zhang Yining's boyfriend. Being Zhang Yining's boyfriend is painful again, and I am willing to bear it alone.
No one is more fierce than eating, because I was born to eat, and eating is my second life, which is called "uselessness". Don't envy me. Compared with my dad, Shen Xiaosi, I am still not as good as myself. My dad is not weak. He is called Shen, who can eat, drink and sleep. He is also known as "Shen Dadu", and he can drink a foot of rice porridge at a meal. Fiona Fang, Fiona Fang is 200 miles away, which is unparalleled.
Reply: Classic Quotations of "The First Talented Person in Jiangbei"!
3 1 I secretly said to Guo Dazui, "Dazui, there are no snails when you go out for two laps at night." Guo Dazui said, "Wait for me to take a bath." I asked, "What bath shall we take now? After half a month of military training, wash the last one. " Guo Zhang mouth the baggage and take the journey: "that how good? I'm sweating all over in this hot day. I only took a bath for half a month. Is my body not going to stink? " I said, "No, I usually take a bath six times a year, and it doesn't stink." Guo Dazui asked, "Ah, which six?" I said, "I want one for February 2nd, one for Zhang Qingming and one for July 30th." Guo Dazui said, "So you won't wash it at the Dragon Boat Festival in May?" I said, "There's no room. We have to make zongzi. " Guo Dazui asked again, "How many more?" I added, "I have to wash one at the bottom in August and a half, and then I have to wait until winter to wash another one. I will definitely wash one at the end of the 30 th night." Guo Dazui praised: "This method is really ingenious, saving water, money and trouble. I will listen to you and don't wash it tonight until the end of military training. "
Raul said, "Does it taste like sweet and sour pork ribs?" Shang Chen shook his head and said, "there is no such smell. Have a cup of cantaloupe, fresh and refreshing, and let you feel the same passion as returning to the desert in Xinjiang. " The second snail added, "I don't like it." Do you have spiced chicken legs? " Shang Chen shook his head again and said, "There is no such thing. Have a cup of coconut and let you appreciate the fiery heat of Hainan Island. " The second snail said, "I don't like it either." Do you have braised beef? " Shang Chen took it and said, "No, an apple, the most classic taste." The second snail said, "I suddenly don't want to drink milk tea." Shang Chen asked, "What would you like to drink?" The second snail said, "I want to drink water ... milk."
Besides, I was frightened at that time, and secretly vowed: "If I escape this time, I promise to study hard and make progress every day, and I will never look at beautiful women again."
Don't laugh at my thinness, I'm covered in muscles; Don't look at my thin arms. I have enough strength. Except Guo Dazui and Er, I don't care about those ordinary little girls and boys, even if they add up to three or five.
Let's make an analogy first. What I said is just an analogy, which is pure fiction. If there is any similarity, it is purely coincidental, and I am not responsible for it. For example, a married man asked his female colleague out for entertainment one day. There are various forms of entertainment and various places. He may go to a gymnasium, an ice rink, a karaoke bar or a double room in a hotel. There are so many kinds that it is difficult to predict. Let's take the singing room as an example. Singing euphemistically in karaoke bars must be a terrible noise. And in the face of female colleagues, unlike the yellow-faced woman at home, it is inevitable that she will be in a trance and accidentally miss her wife's phone call. what can I do? What if my wife asks questions when I get home? Don't be afraid, Shen. I'll give you some advice.
Wives need to change from time to time in order to have innovation and passion. Which successful man hasn't been divorced several times? If you are not divorced, you have not succeeded. It's better to force your wife to take the initiative to divorce, and you will have the initiative to divide property.