Keywords: college students? Interpersonal communication? psychological stress
Interpersonal communication ability is the embodiment of a person's adaptation to society and the guarantee of a person's career success and happiness. As we all know, "difficult interpersonal relationship" is an inevitable problem in modern life. Interpersonal relationship has a great influence on college students' mental health. A survey of college students' psychology by Fuzhou Zhi Bo Market Research Co., Ltd. shows that 17% of college students have psychological problems, and communication difficulties rank first among the "four psychological problems that plague college students". The survey shows that about 23% of college students have certain interpersonal problems. This undoubtedly shows that it is very important to deal with interpersonal relationships.
Dealing with interpersonal relationships will be conducive to the healthy development of college students' mental health, normal personality and happy life, to the development of their personal talents, and to the smooth passage of college life. It is also an important way for college students to realize socialization.
First, the status quo of college students' interpersonal communication
When I went to college and met different people and things, interpersonal communication became an indispensable part of my life. And "how to deal with interpersonal relationships" has become a realistic problem that has puzzled many college students for a long time. For those students who are not gregarious, it is inevitable that there will be psychological pressure caused by communication difficulties.
Second, the reasons for college students' communication difficulties
First of all, influenced by exam-oriented education, most students' interpersonal relationships are relatively closed and their communication skills are relatively weak; Moreover, nowadays college students are mostly only children and are regarded as the apple of their eye since childhood. Many of them have some negative effects due to improper education of their elders, such as willfulness, selfishness and doing whatever they want; Some students lack a collective environment since childhood, which leads to a lack of collective honor and cooperation spirit; Other students' parents are over-arranged, which makes the only child lack the minimum ability to live independently and communicate with others, and lack frank mentality and extreme understanding. In addition, most people's adolescent psychology is inherently closed, shy, sensitive and impulsive, which makes college students inevitably encounter various difficulties in interpersonal communication.
Third, the performance of college students' communication difficulties
In the interpersonal communication in life, some students are introverted or tend to be autistic, and are not good at or willing to communicate with others; Some students communicate for the sake of communication and drift with the flow for the sake of principle; Some students are inexperienced and don't know how to get along with different people ... so, some college students will have psychological pressure because it is difficult to communicate with others. If the long-term development is serious, there may be social phobia!
Social phobia is a kind of psychological obstacle, which is manifested by obvious and persistent fear in public places or when interacting with people, fear of being stared at or negatively evaluated by others, and fear of making a fool of yourself or being embarrassed in front of others and trying to avoid it.
Fourthly, suggestions on overcoming the psychological pressure of college students due to communication difficulties.
Confucius has a saying: "Learning alone without friends is ignorance"; Emerson said, "Oh, my friend, this is from the bottom of my heart. Because of you, the blue sky is vast; Because of you, the rose is bright red. " It can be seen that friends play an important role in real life. In other words, it is of great significance to make friends and improve interpersonal relationships. The following are my suggestions for some college students who are not good at making friends and have psychological stress:
1, college students must be clear about the principles of interpersonal relationships.
According to research, the basis of interpersonal relationship is mutual concern and support between people. People are often more willing to associate and maintain relationships with people who sincerely accept and like themselves. Generally speaking, everyone is a natural egoist. Each of us wants others to recognize our value, support ourselves, accept ourselves and like ourselves. Therefore, in social communication, we often attach importance to our own self-expression and attract others' attention, hoping that others can accept and like ourselves. When we understand this principle, we will have a better understanding of how to have better interpersonal communication among college students.
2. College students need to overcome the social cognitive bias in life.
(1) Overcome the habit of taking "preconceptions" as an inherent concept.
We often "define" a person by first impression, instead of understanding and judging a person more comprehensively through in-depth contact. For example, when some college students enter school, once they form a bad first impression on a classmate, it is often difficult to improve in the future, which will affect the normal communication with others. In fact, maybe this classmate is an excellent student, but you had a bad impression on him at first because of a certain point, and we must overcome this idea. Because it is wrong and incomplete to define a person prematurely.
(2) Overcome the "halo effect" in social life.
Halo effect means that a clear and vivid impression of some qualities and characteristics of a person conceals the perception of others. For example, judge people by their looks or by their talents. These are all based on generalized interpersonal communication. This subjective tendency of "a handsome guy covers all ugliness" and "a bad guy covers all ugliness" will bring inconvenience to college students' communication and need to be overcome.
(3) Overcome the behavior of "labeling" all kinds of people in society.
"Labeling" is a common name for stereotype. Stereotype often exists in people's consciousness, which refers to a fixed view of all kinds of people in society, or a generalized view of people. For example, some parents will teach their children that if they don't study hard, they will become cleaners when they grow up. These parents think that cleaners are just cleaning, and the work they do is despicable. In fact, cleaners are also called "beauticians of the earth". They are diligent and have made great contributions to beautifying the environment. From this perspective, "labeling" is an irresponsible behavior, which will affect people's objective cognition and evaluation of things. Therefore, you can't label people at will.
(4) Overcome the "recency effect" in real life.
? "recency effect" refers to the deep impression and strong influence left by one person on another through the relevant information recently obtained. For example, American psychologist Lucian once did an experiment. When he described a boy named Jim to a group of people, he said the advantages first and then the disadvantages. When describing the advantages, 78% people think that Jim is a friendly person. But after talking about the advantages, people don't think so well of Jim by interrupting their thinking, inserting some activities and telling them his shortcomings. According to the experiment, everyone is influenced by recency effect, but people with simple cognitive structure are more likely to produce recency effect. In many contacts with people, recency effect has certain universality. Therefore, we should look at and evaluate a person from a macro perspective, not limited to a certain point, so as to understand a person better and more comprehensively, rather than subjectively, thus ruining a relationship.
3. College students need to repair themselves.
As college students, we should not only overcome all kinds of incorrect cognition, but also create a good image, cultivate good quality and enhance personal charm. First of all, we should improve our psychological quality. Interpersonal communication is the overall function of thought, ability, knowledge and psychology, and the lack of any one aspect will affect the quality of interpersonal relationship. Some students have bad psychology in interpersonal communication, such as social fear, inferiority, indifference, isolation, suspicion, pride and jealousy, which is not conducive to establishing good interpersonal relationships. Need to strengthen self-training, improve psychological quality, and communicate with a healthy and sunny attitude; Secondly, we should have good communication quality. Such as sincerity, trust, restraint, self-confidence, enthusiasm, etc.
4. College students need to learn communication skills.
As long as college students pay attention to communicative practice and learning skills, good communicative competence will certainly be formed. Here are some of my suggestions for communicating with people:
1, listen carefully.
As the saying goes, a good listener must win more favor than a good speaker. Listening here doesn't mean listening all the time without saying a word, but asking more questions at the right time to show interest. Even if you think his topic is boring, stick to it, because it is respect, understanding and tolerance for the speaker. After all, this is communication with people, communication with people, not going its own way.
Be careful what you say.
A good proper limit, even a very ordinary sentence, will add a little weight. The words are few and precise, giving people a thoughtful feeling. Speak as objectively as possible, seek truth from facts, and do not exaggerate; Praise others out of sincerity; Pay attention to euphemistic tone when criticizing, and try to be sincere when speaking; Try not to say sarcastic words, and don't say exciting and hurtful words.
(3) Pay attention to conciseness when speaking.
A concise and powerful speech can keep people interested. Extra words and non-keywords can be boring. In the fast-paced modern society, no one wants to spend more time listening to your long speech, but wants to listen to your concise words. Never talk endlessly, and don't exaggerate yourself blindly. We should think twice before speaking.
(4) Learn to be helpful.
? Helping others is the traditional virtue of the Chinese nation. We help others, not for utilitarian purposes, but more out of goodwill. More often, helping each other can build a long-term friendship and benefit us for life. Being ready to help others is still the embodiment of enthusiasm and kindness, so it is very important to help others in life and interpersonal communication.
(5) Learn to be honest with others.
The relationship between friends should be equal and respectful. A "friend" who lacks sincerity and mutual assistance as the principle of making friends is not a real friend, and such a relationship cannot last long. It is worth mentioning that the friendship established only by eating, drinking and having fun is extremely fragile! Imagine, if one day you are penniless and pushed to the end by life, will those "friends" stand up? They just covet your money and enjoy the pleasure of spending it. They are not the kind of friends who are in trouble! Although making sincere friends is not necessarily pure friendship, at least you can have a clear conscience or make friends who are equally sincere to others.
Conclusion: Success is not achieved overnight. And life will inevitably meet all kinds of people, and it is inevitable that two people will not get along. Sometimes getting along with people may not be harmonious, or even incompatible. In this regard, my suggestions are: first, be mentally prepared. The second is to establish a positive attitude. Be neither supercilious nor supercilious, and take good advice. The third is to take the initiative as much as possible. Because in most of life, people are often passive. Only by actively establishing relationships can we create opportunities for ourselves.
As college students, we don't have to be perfect when communicating with others, but mastering these practical communication skills can greatly improve our ability to communicate with others and be a man. In that case, why not? Of course, behind all kinds of analysis and suggestions, we still have to rely on our own experience summary and practice in social life.
References:
1, Taodou. Com "psychological investigation report of college students-investigation report"
2. Psychological papers on the current situation of college students' interpersonal communication (3,000 words)
3. He Ziyang's Sina.com blog.
4. Social phobia-Baidu health care code
5. Exploration, scientific exploration: What is recency effect? The simplest example of recent effect (last impression)
6. Get along with people, get along with friends and classmates, and make friends.