Chapter 1: Why are we deeply afraid of ordinary life? "If I can't break away from the ordinary before the age of 30, at the latest before the age of 35, then I will commit suicide."
"But what is extraordinary?"
"Like all those successful people."
"specifically."
"That is, you should at least have your own house and car, or at least someone with a certain social status? At least have a considerable deposit? "
"What kind of room, what kind of car? In your opinion, how much deposit is considerable? "
"Well, I haven't seriously thought about it ..."
The above is my conversation with a freshman boy. It was a famous university, and I was invited to give a speech. The dialogue is held in public among 500 or 600 people. I think his words represent the life aspirations of many students.
I have forgotten what I answered at that time. However, since then, I often think that a person's ordinary or extraordinary is actually true.
Ordinary is ordinary. Ordinary people are civilians. "Xinhua Dictionary" is specially noted in brackets-it generally refers to people who are different from aristocrats and privileged classes.
Is it really so frustrating to be an ordinary person? If you are destined to lead an ordinary life, are you willing to commit suicide before the age of 35?
I understand that what freshmen boys say is just a desire to "go higher". Although he should be serious, people who listen to him need not be too serious. But after thinking about it, I realized the disadvantages of various cultural tendencies that have been presented in our society and our times in the past decade, that is, China is only a developing country at this stage; Under the situation that China people can't really live a well-off life, the contemporary culture in China is too enthusiastic to promote the posters of the so-called "extraordinary" life, and this kind of propaganda, especially advertisements, can be seen almost everywhere.
In the end, the so-called extraordinary people's quality of life, in such a culture, almost always boils down to the following points-what kind of house to live in, what kind of car to drive, how many assets they have, and what kind of respect and status society gives them; So, if it is a man, what kind of woman will he marry? ...
In China in the 1920s and 1930s, the same cultural tendency prevailed, which was reflected in men. At that time, it was called "five children entering a hospital", which meant houses, cars, seats, tickets and women. If a person pursues everything, he seems to get rid of the ordinary. At the same time, western culture also showed a similar cultural tendency. The difference is that in their culture, it is lace, a by-product of culture; But here, after 70 or 80 years, it seems to have gradually become the mainstream of culture. The repeated promotion of this cultural concept reflects an intriguing logic-who finally got rid of the ordinary, who is naturally a contemporary hero? Whoever is ordinary or even destined to be ordinary all his life is a bear. Moreover, every cultural person who represents culture, especially an intellectual who "keeps pace with the times", is helping to create momentum, implying a logic that is more harmful to ordinary people, that is, the era of making heroes by current events has arrived. What a good time! Aren't many people scrambling to be extraordinary? You are still ordinary. If you are not a bear, what are you?
It is no exaggeration to say that this cultural tendency is a cultural reactionary tendency. Like Nietzsche's so-called "superman philosophy", it is a cultural tendency to ignore, even despise and insult the social status and life significance of ordinary people. It's anti-emotional. It violates the most basic social function of culture. It is destructive to the humanistic structure of society and the times. It is not surprising that the next generation of China, who grew up in this cultural background, generally believes that they will die before the age of 35.
So, I thought of a conversation with an "alternative" colleague.
I asked him how he got on the road to literature.
Answer: "To get ahead. Even if it is just a little more ordinary than ordinary people, and the road of literature is my only way. "
Seeing that I was stunned, I said, "It's too difficult to be an ordinary person in China."
That was more than ten years ago. Ten years ago, I thought, as he said, ordinary people in China were ordinary, but nine times out of ten they were ordinary and lost. This is the crux of the fact that some people's next generation are not afraid of death and extraordinary.
Then, I remembered a conversation with an American friend.
She asked me, "When I went to China in recent years, I felt more and more that you China people seemed to be afraid of something. What's that? "
I said, "Maybe everyone is afraid to see an ordinary thing."
She asked, "What is it?"
I said, "It's the life of ordinary people itself."
She said in surprise: "Most of us Americans are quite willing to be ordinary people, live an ordinary life and live an ordinary life. This is incomprehensible. Do you China people really think that ordinary things are not good enough to be combined with terrible things? "
I can't help sighing.
I told her that the quality of life and social status of ordinary people are different because of different national conditions. I said that you came from several generations of middle class, so the ordinary people you said are of course middle class people. The middle class is in the majority in your place. Civilians are a minority. America, a state machine, has always paid special attention to the feelings of your middle class, that is, what you call ordinary people. I said that your ordinary life is a life with a house and a car. As long as a person has a stable job, it is not particularly difficult to live that life. I can't believe it, but this is not an ordinary phenomenon. In China, it is a symbol of extraordinary life. This different attitude towards ordinary people is determined by the average living standards of the two countries. Just like the educated young people in China dream of going to the United States, they and others think that they will pursue an extraordinary life, but in fact, even if they are middle class in the United States, they just pursue an ordinary American life. ...
At that time, I remembered the student's words at the beginning of this article, and I couldn't help feeling all kinds of sadness for ordinary people in China. If you miss that student, you must also be born in poverty; His parents must be too ordinary, too ordinary to be ordinary. Otherwise, you can't be so afraid of the ordinary.
It also reminds me of traveling to France with two old writers more than ten years ago, and chatting with a cleaner in his fifties through an interpreter in Marseille.
I asked him what he was like in France.
He said that he was born to be an ordinary ordinary person.
I asked him if he envied the bourgeoisie.
He asked strangely why.
Yes, his strangeness is not strange at all. He has a beautiful two-story house with a garden; He has two cars, one is a small van assigned to him by the environmental protection department, and the other is his own small sleeping car; The nature of his work is not low in the eyes of others, watering the flowers in the city every day and replacing those withered flowers on telephone poles; He received due respect, and people called him "the beautician of Marseilles".
Therefore, he is both ordinary and satisfied. It can even be said that life is not without happiness.
I also think of the mayor of a city in Germany who regularly sweeps chimneys for the citizens every week. I wonder how many mayors in Germany do this kind of work. Anyway, more than one person is sure. Because another mayor who did the same job has been to China and visited me. Because besides sweeping chimneys for citizens, he is also a writer. He can speak a few words of Chinese, shrug his shoulders and tell me honestly that the mayor's salary is not high and he needs to earn more money to support his family. I didn't feel embarrassed when I said this. ...
A cleaner in Marseille, can you say that he is an extraordinary person? A mayor of Germany, can you say that he is extremely ordinary? However, between these two kinds of people, the difference between ordinary and extraordinary has narrowed and blurred. Therefore, in the so-called social status, it is close to substantive equality. Therefore, the ordinary will not be a problem for them.
When society can't satisfy the basic desires of ordinary people, the most sober part of culture should always remind society of this. Instead of stimulating the former with the so-called extraordinary lifestyle of people. Especially when the life initiative of ordinary people is seriously thrown away by inertia during the social transformation period, when they lose their center of gravity and are in a daze, the most sober part of culture cannot be mistaken for the person who is no longer the first person in society.
No matter in the past, present or future, ordinary people will always be the vast majority of people in a country. The significance of any country's existence is based on their existence first.
More than half of the extraordinary people are among ordinary people.
This is the same for any country.
Therefore, the psychological state of ordinary people, to a certain extent, has almost become the psychological gene of ordinary people.
If culture implies that ordinary people are actually failed people, then it can really make some ordinary people become more "extraordinary" people in various ways; Naturally, more "extraordinary" people can emerge from the broad classes that are psychologically healthy, optimistic, open-minded and ordinary. The comprehensive quality of the latter "extraordinary" person will be much better than that of the former "extraordinary" person in all aspects. Because they are "extraordinary", not because they are afraid of being ordinary. So after they are "extraordinary", they will still think that we are actually ordinary.
And the future of a country composed of people who even we think are ordinary is really boundless. On the other hand, if there are too many such people in a country-just using the extremely ordinary living conditions in other countries as a model to prove that they are successful in their own country, then this country is suffering from deficiency-heat syndrome. For example, a person's face is red and not necessarily healthy; It may be liver fire, or it may be dizziness due to tuberculosis.
In recent years, our culture has introduced too many so-called "extraordinary" people to us in various ways, and the final evaluation of their "extraordinary" will always fall on their assets and values. This is the cultural legacy of a country that is afraid of poverty. As a result, some "extraordinary" people who call the wind and rain for a while have suddenly become disgraceful people, people who cheat the world and steal fame, and even have overlapping charges.
In a society where many people panic in the ordinary, there will be endless "extraordinary" people.
If culture does not pay attention to and emphasize the social status of ordinary people from the beginning, even if they look weak, it seems that they are no longer worthy of cultural distraction. Then, such a culture will only spare no effort to sing praises for those "extraordinary" people and connect with them in terms of "higher" interests. So I don't see some of them as "special" suspects.
This is a snobbery of China's cultural, ideological and ideological circles, including some elites. ...
Chapter 2: Reflection on the road of life: My boyfriend's 20-year-old daughter, a scholar, went out to Xitang alone. This is the first single trip in her life. The scholar gave her a blessing: "I hope you have an affair!" " "
The little girl had a good time all the way. When she returned to Shanghai and arrived at the South Railway Station, something happened. She said that a boy her age asked for help at the South Railway Station, saying that his wallet had been stolen, and asked passers-by to support 19 yuan's ticket. The girl looked at each other and suddenly felt that she should help him. She took out her wallet, looked around and said regretfully to the boy, "I have no change, only one hundred dollars." The boy said, "Never mind, I'll find it for you." The girl was shocked: "You can give me change, why not buy a ticket to go home?" The boy said, "I'm short of 19, not even 19." Then give her sixty dollars. The girl took a few steps and felt wrong. She turned back and said, "You should give me eighty dollars! Why give sixty? " The boy said, "I have a sister. She was embarrassed to ask, so I asked for it for her. "
The girl believed it. After walking for a while, I felt something was wrong and went back. I asked the boy to get the money back, saying that I only promised him nineteen dollars, but I didn't promise him forty. After a long time, the boy really gave her back twenty.
The story ends here. The girl asked me, "Do you think this boy is a liar? If he is a liar, I will be cheated by him for 20 yuan, which makes me feel bad. If he really lost his money, I'll ask him to pay back 20 yuan. If I don't help him completely, I still feel very uncomfortable. "
I told the girl with a smile and thought about the other side of the story: if he is really a liar, you will be cheated for less than 20 yuan because of doubt; If he really needs help, you have already helped him half. As long as one more person believes in him, he can go home.
The girl asked me, what do you think, is he a liar?
I said, it doesn't matter. The important thing is that it makes you think. If you don't go out alone, you will never have a chance to meet such a thing and let you make an independent judgment. But I want to give you some advice:
First, when you give money away, don't take it back, even if you are cheated, admit it. The reason is that if he is not only a liar, but also a bandit or hooligan, you will lose more than these forty dollars. Your safety and health are more important than any economic loss.
Second, people can't be cheated forever in this life. Since it is a certain thing, we should be deceived as soon as possible. Because at your age, you think 40 yuan is a huge sum of money, but after working for a few years, you don't think it is much. After more than ten years, you will only remember this matter and will not care about money. Only 40 yuan is charged for a class, and the income of boys is actually lower than that of tutors. If you have been living under the wings of your parents, you are likely to be cheated for the first time when your parents are physically and mentally weak. At that time, both money and mental losses may be too great for you to carry in middle age. Don't be afraid of being cheated, just grow up every time you are cheated and learn to judge.
Third, even if his suffering is real, you don't have to blame yourself for not helping him. Because help and charity are coincidence and fate. You can't help everyone who needs help. The people you helped are predestined friends with you, and the people you missed show that your fate has not yet arrived, and there must be others to help them. This is the same as love-not every man and woman who meet will fall in love, and the person you love may not love you. Being together is fate, so we should cherish it. Not together means that the right person is still waiting for you.
The girl asked again, "Auntie, do you know that there is a beggar who kowtows and earns 8,000 yuan a day?"! If you knock well, you will get 10 thousand yuan. Why are so many people fooled? "
I replied, "There must be some occupations in this world where high salaries are unreasonable. For example, it violates moral aesthetics, such as illegal crimes. We all know that drug trafficking may become rich overnight, or it may be brought to justice immediately. We know that corrupt officials may be worth hundreds of millions, but they are more likely to stay up at night. We won't and dare not do such a job. When I was young, I knew that waitresses earned 3,000 yuan at night, and my salary might only be 5,000 yuan a year, but I wouldn't envy their high income. Begging is a profession, even if you know that you can earn 10 thousand yuan a day, are you willing to kowtow to everyone? For these high-risk occupations, we dare not and disdain to do it. On the day they were engaged, they were actually showing weakness to us. Their money is not easy to earn.
There are other occupations that look beautiful and make good money, but you may not make it or want to make it. Stars or public figures, they live in the spotlight every day, every gesture is judged, and money only buys their freedom. My occupation seems to be carefree and independent, but if you look at history, the mortality rate of poverty or suicide in this industry may be much higher than that in normal occupations, and I am also engaged in high-risk industries!
The girl asked again, then why are these people willing to choose such a career that has no self-esteem and makes people feel disgusted?
I said, son, I'm glad that you have so many questions to think about every day, and I'm glad that your values are forming. The world itself is colorful and diverse. Physical disability, determination to live a wonderful life without relying on others makes you admire, and there are also people who are lazy and get something for nothing. There are talented people who have accomplished nothing, and there are people who are born dull but blockbuster. If this topic gets out, it will be endless. But in the end, you know good or bad, know how to advance and retreat, be able to choose, choose the road you like and are proud of, and stick to it, and your happiness in this life will be guaranteed.
Chapter 3: After reading it, I also understand that when people reach middle age, the word "Wu" condenses a thousand words of life feelings and understands the vicissitudes and helplessness of the world, so I unconsciously learn to laugh at the prosperity of the world, calm my life mentality, ask for nothing, ask for nothing, let nature take its course, learn to be grateful, and have no regrets about my heart.
Views on middle-aged people: life and life
After middle age, day by day, day by day; Have a day and have fun; Live a day and earn a day.
The feeling of middle age II. Happiness and joy
Happiness will not knock on your door, nor will it fall from the sky. Happiness is created by our own efforts, and we should try our best to find it. Happiness and happiness are a feeling, and the key lies in our mentality.
Middle-aged people realize three, money.
Don't take money too seriously, let alone haggle over it. Once you figure it out, it's a foreign object, and you won't bring it with you. If someone needs your help, it is a great pleasure to give generously. If spending money can buy health and happiness, why not! If spending money can make you carefree, it's worth it! Understand that people can earn and spend, and be kind to themselves.
Perception of middle age 4. Health is your own.
Money belongs to children, status is temporary, honor is the past, and health is your own.
When people reach middle age, they feel different.
Parents' love for their children is infinite, while children's love for their parents is limited; Children are sick, parents are worried, parents are sick, children are satisfied with asking and watching; Children spend their parents' money at ease, and parents spend their children's money, which is not so smooth; Parents' homes are also children's homes, and children's homes are not parents' homes. Different is different. A wise man regards the contribution to his children as an obligation and pleasure, and asks for nothing in return. If he wants to come back, he will ask for trouble.
What will people realize when they reach middle age? 6. Who do you think will get sick?
Count on children? There is no dutiful son before the long bed. Count on your wife? I can't help myself. I still count on money. I can only spend money to recuperate.
Cherish the realization of middle-aged seven.
For what has been obtained, people often ignore it; For those who can't get it, they often think too well! The beauty and happiness of life lies in how to appreciate, knowing that people cherish and appreciate what they get and constantly discover his meaning, life will be full and happy.
What do people feel when they reach middle age? 8. Have a happy attitude.
Life is full of gratitude and appreciation, less than the upper level, more than the lower level, and contentment is always happy; Be kind to others and be willing to give and help others; Cultivate a variety of hobbies, enjoy it, enjoy it. Treat things with a calm mind, so that you will always have a happy mood. With a happy mood, you will have health.
When people reach middle age, they realize that plain is true.
Senior officials, rich and powerful, are a minority; Ordinary people are the majority. A few people are not necessarily happy, and most people are not necessarily unhappy; Look at the majority, don't feel inferior. There is no distinction between high and low. As long as you do your best for your career, you will make contributions, feel at ease and have a clear conscience. What's more, everyone is retired, and so is everyone. The final destination is to return to nature. In fact, senior officials are not as good as Gao Lu, Gao Lu is not as good as longevity, longevity is not as good as happiness, and happiness is happiness.
Middle-aged people realize that 10. Where is the fun for middle-aged people?
1, study: reading, reading newspapers, playing computer, playing the piano, painting, writing and photography. Learn what? No matter what you choose, you not only gain knowledge, but also exercise your brain and improve your ideological level.
2, sports: swimming, dancing, boxing, each has its own strengths, enhance physical fitness, and feel better.
3, entertainment: travel, sing, play mahjong, as long as you like, have fun, make friends from playing, why not!
4. Making friends: Old age life should be multifaceted, diversified and colorful. It is not enough to have only one or two friends. You should have a group of old friends. Friendship can nourish your old age, so that you won't feel lonely, and you will live a colorful and interesting life.
5, cultivate a variety of hobbies, have a childlike innocence, and constantly explore and practice to make life colorful.
Middle-aged people's views on XI. Happy family formula
Appreciation, respect, expression+communication, understanding, tolerance+dedication, interaction and innovation = happiness+happiness.
Middle-aged people realize that 12. Live a good life for yourself
For my career, for my parents, for my family and for my children, most of my life is very busy and tired. There is not much time left now. It's time to live for yourself! Live as happily as possible, and do what you want and want, no matter what others think or say! Because we don't live for the likes and dislikes of others, we live our true selves!
Middle-aged people realize thirteen, pain.
A person's endurance, patience, resolution and ability to eliminate pain ultimately depend on himself. Time is the best doctor, and the key is how you choose to live during this time.
The feeling of middle age: nostalgia
Why are people nostalgic when they are old? When people reach old age, their careers have come to an end, and their former glory has become a thing of the past. Standing in the last post of life, their hearts are eager to be purified, their spirits need to be sublimated, and they expect simple feelings.
At this time, only by revisiting the old place, gathering with relatives, reminiscing about childhood dreams with old colleagues, old classmates and old comrades-in-arms, and telling interesting stories about youth, can we find the feelings and true feelings of youth, cherish the true feelings and enjoy the true feelings, which is also a great pleasure of old age.
Middle-aged people realize fifteen and let nature take its course.
If no matter how hard you try, you can't change your dissatisfaction and status quo, so be it! This may be a relief. Everything can't be forced.
Middle-aged people understand sixteen and face death calmly.
Birth, aging, illness and death are natural laws and irresistible. When death catches you, you need to face it calmly and laugh at death! As long as we are honest all our lives and don't do anything wrong, we should draw a satisfactory conclusion for ourselves.
When people reach middle age, they can truly appreciate that light life is pure, light flowers are fresh, light sky is lofty, light skirt is pretty, light smile is mellow, light friendship is true, light love is drunk, light sorrow is clear, light loneliness is beautiful, just a little past, present and future. When people reach middle age, they are drunk.