The broad spirit of Confucius' moral thought system, especially its moral category and cultivation method, represents the special direction and value orientation of traditional oriental ethical spirit and moral civilization, which has nourished Chinese civilization for more than two thousand years. Hannerz Aarth, a Swedish scientist who won the Nobel Prize in Physics, once said in a speech in Paris in June 1988+0: If human beings want to survive in 2 1 century, they must go back to 2500 and seek wisdom from Confucius. Confucius' ideological position in the world can be seen. As a contemporary college student, how to form a good interpersonal relationship in interpersonal communication should also seek enlightenment from Confucius' ethical thought.

Keywords: ethics; Morality; Interpersonal communication; Contemporary significance

First, the connotation of Confucius' ethical thought

The category of ethics refers to the basic concept that reflects and summarizes the phenomenon and essence of human ethics, embodies certain moral requirements and affects people's behavior. Confucius' ethical thought has been circulated in China for two thousand years, and its ethical category is mainly reflected in the following four aspects.

(1) Ren

"Lu Chunqiu?" Benevolence "said:" Confucius is noble. "Benevolence" is the central category and the highest standard of Confucius' ethical system. The spirit of "benevolence" advocated by Confucius is the purpose and foundation of China's ancient ethics, and it is the guide and norm of a country of the world and politics. It reveals the light of human nature for the splendid culture of the Chinese nation, enhances the value of life, and shows the greatness of personality, which is of universal significance in the history of human civilization. Confucius said, "A benevolent man wants his man, and his man is also." . ("The Analects? Yong also cited the same book, only noting the title). On the other hand, it is "Don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you" (Wei Linggong). Therefore, "benevolence" includes loyalty and forgiveness, and its essence is to love others and others.

(2) Filial piety

"Confucius governs all walks of life with filial piety" (Cai Yuanpei: History of China Ethics, page 20) "Filial piety" is the beginning of human relations. This is the most basic moral norm in China society. Confucius initiated private schools and set up accounts to teach his disciples. Most of them emphasized that "the disciples are filial when they enter, and they are filial when they leave." ("Learning while learning") He believes that "filial piety depends on the dimension-filial piety. Friends are brothers, politicians "; "Today's filial piety can be raised. As for dogs and horses, you can keep them. If you are disrespectful, why not? " Confucius believes that the moral feelings of lovers begin with filial piety. So he said, "filial piety is also the foundation of benevolence!" " "(Learning)

(3) Ceremony

Confucius Day "can't stand without learning etiquette". (Ji) Etiquette restricts people's behavior. Confucius Day: "see no evil, don't listen to evil, don't say evil, don't move if you are evil". (Yan Yuan) Etiquette promotes interpersonal harmony. Confucius said, "It is not good to govern the people with courtesy." . Confucius began to train students by teaching them to practice rituals. Students are required to learn etiquette to regulate their behavior, beautify their image, develop good habits and finally achieve noble personality. Etiquette, as a series of external regulations of human behavior, is concrete and thorough. Only paying attention to the final form of etiquette in behavior will inevitably lead to hypocrisy, so Confucius paid special attention to emphasizing the inner spirit of etiquette and the sincerity of people's hearts when implementing ethics. Confucius believes that "courtesy" is the condition to achieve "benevolence", that is, the so-called "returning courtesy to benevolence" means self-denial and self-denial, and the world is benevolent. "(Yan Yuan)

(4) Letters

Confucius attached great importance to "faith". Confucius said: "Confucius taught four things: writing, action, loyalty and faithfulness" (uncle), advocated "making friends and keeping promises" (Cher), and advocated "a country with a thousand times the Tao, respecting things and keeping promises" (Cher). Confucius believes that only by observing the moral norms of "faithfulness" can people handle interpersonal relationships well. Otherwise, if you don't talk about credit and hypocrisy, you will be unable to move. He said: "loyalty and respect, although it is a barbarian country, will do;" If you don't believe in words, you don't respect them. Although you are in the realm, what is it? " (Wei Linggong). )

Second, the practical problems of interpersonal communication among contemporary college students in China

University is an important turning point in the socialization of interpersonal relationship. As a special group in this society, college students are in a period of active thinking, full of energy, wide interests and extremely strong demand for interpersonal relationships. They are eager to establish good interpersonal relationships and get encouragement, self-confidence and a sense of belonging from them. However, due to various reasons, there are many problems in college students' interpersonal communication.

(A) egocentric

Now most college students are only children. One of their weaknesses is their strong dependence and poor ability to solve problems independently. In addition, the disadvantages of exam-oriented education also seriously affect students' communicative competence. In getting along with classmates, some people tend to overemphasize self-centeredness, overestimate themselves and be arrogant and narcissistic. I am used to treating people and things around me with my own standpoint and viewpoint, blindly asking others to understand and respect myself, expecting too much from others, being too strict, being difficult to identify with, tolerate and understand others, lacking the concept of cooperation with others and the ability of empathy, and often starting from my own thoughts, feelings and needs, regardless of others' feelings. This self-centered attitude has a certain negative impact on their interpersonal communication.

(B) the alienation of family ties

Affection is the most basic emotional connection and interpersonal relationship. What it needs is maintenance in real life. However, under the network environment, many college students are too addicted to network communication, which leads them to have a strong interest in all kinds of "network things", "ring the bell to get in and out of the classroom, be quiet in the dormitory and pour out their hearts online". These students who are addicted to the illusory emotional world of the Internet are indifferent to their true feelings, and they are on the edge of the mainstream group of college students. Because of indulging in the illusory feelings of the internet, the intimate relationship has been alienated. In particular, it is more important for them to take care of their families? A kind of bondage and burden. Many college students would rather surf the Internet around the clock than call or write to their parents. Some students have nothing to say to their parents except their living expenses.

(C) lack of etiquette

Etiquette is a silent business card in interpersonal communication. However, nowadays college students are extremely short of etiquette knowledge in interpersonal communication. In daily life, many college students jaywalk, grab elevators, spit and litter. On the university campus, some students talk with guns and sticks, knocking and beating; Some of them are ironic and mean, or ironic and cynical. In terms of appearance, many college students don't dress themselves up, dress strangely, have colorful hair and dress regardless of the occasion. In order to pursue the so-called "fashion" and "chic", girls wear revealing clothes, while boys wear vests, shorts and slippers to go in and out of classrooms, libraries and canteens. In job hunting, many students have tasted the bitter fruit of not knowing etiquette.

(D) lack of integrity

Honesty is the cornerstone of a person's better communication with the outside world. In interpersonal communication, college students, as a whole, should give people the impression that they are full of vigor and integrity, reflecting high quality and good personal cultivation. However, some students no longer regard honesty and trustworthiness, mutual trust and keeping promises as the basic principles of interpersonal communication. Fraud, hypocrisy, cunning and other ugly phenomena are regarded as sacred by some students. I think I need this ability to adapt to the society and become an excellent person. What is often shown is indifference, arrogance, arrogance, being late and leaving early, and things promised are often not fulfilled and go away.

Thirdly, the enlightenment of Confucius' ethical thought to contemporary college students' interpersonal communication.

Interpersonal relationship plays a role in regulating the efficiency of work or study in a certain group. Only when college students are good at getting along with others can they realize the happiness of life. "Benevolence", "filial piety", "courtesy" and "faithfulness" in Confucius' ethical thoughts contain the essence of the basic principles of interpersonal communication, which is the ideological source that contemporary college students can learn from in interpersonal communication.