Deborah Norvell

Dr Robert Emmons, a professor of psychology at the University of California, has long been interested in the role of gratitude in physical and mental health. Together with Michael McCullough, a professor of psychology at the University of Miami, he selected three groups of volunteers and randomly assigned them to focus on one of three things every week: troublesome things, things they are grateful for and daily chores. The people in the first group pay attention to everything that is unsatisfactory or annoys them, such as "that damn guy suddenly drove in front of me in the expressway." The second group focuses on improving the quality of life, such as "My boyfriend is kind and considerate-he is lucky to have him." The third group recalled recent events in daily life, such as "I went to buy shoes."

As a result, those who focus on gratitude are obviously happier, and they look at life with a positive attitude. They seldom complain about physical discomfort such as headaches and colds, and actively participate in healthy and beneficial activities. Compared with people who pay attention to troubles, they exercise for almost an hour and a half more every week. People who know how to be grateful are simple and have a higher quality of life.

People around you are also aware of this. "They noticed that this group of people is happier and more energetic. They can see that those people have become more optimistic. " Emmons said. These grateful people "even seem to be more helpful and will help others independently." Emmons was very surprised at the result. "Gratitude is more than just making people feel happy like positive thoughts or optimism. Gratitude really makes people put into action, making people closer to society and more compassionate. " This change did not appear in the other two groups.

Emmons and McCullough further discussed their findings published in 2003. They gather a group of college students and pay attention to the troubles or blessings in life every day, not just every week. From the beginning, emmons and his team realized that regular gratitude checks were very effective. (1) Subsequent research found that those who can find gratitude every day are less likely to pursue material enjoyment-they are less likely to associate life satisfaction with material wealth. They are more willing to give up their wealth than others. It is impossible to see a small slogan on the bumper of their car, which says "whoever has the most will win"

So, how do we use the science of gratitude in our life?

(2) It only takes a few minutes every day, and gratitude is to generate strength. But this requires perseverance, openness and dedication. Emmons said: "I think gratitude is a demanding quality, a harsh quality. It is a kind of tempering and an exercise. " It may not come easily, but it can be cultivated. The cultivation method is as follows:

Record your gratitude.

Take a little time every day-usually before going to bed-and write down three things that happened that day that you are grateful for. Anything can lift your spirits, make you smile and feel happy, or bring happiness to your future.

For everything you are grateful for, write down why it is a good thing for you. Maybe you received an email from an old classmate you haven't contacted for a long time. It reminds you of the good times you spent together and makes you realize that even if you don't contact them, they still miss you. This is enough to show that you are an unusual person.

In addition, record who (if there is such a person) is an influential person in your memory that day and how that person has influenced your life.

None of this sounds difficult, does it? If you had to choose between recording gratitude and doing fifty sit-ups and twenty-five push-ups, you would be more inclined to pick up a pen, wouldn't you?

(3) Gratitude diary allows you to look at life in a positive and concrete way, reminding you to pay attention to the interconnection of life in this fast-paced and indifferent world, and to what extent others have improved your quality of life. A gratitude diary urges you to focus on positive things, not inevitable negative things. In addition, a gratitude diary can also enhance your self-esteem.

Recognition pattern

After a while, you will find some consistency in the list of items you are grateful for. Many projects show the important role that others play in your life. Other projects emphasize some meaningful experiences. You caused everything that others involved, and you can proudly point to them and say, "I contributed to it." This is the so-called happiness brought by an active life led by reason, that is, happiness or satisfaction from the action itself, not its result. All the other benefits that come with it-for example, someone appreciates you and your project is successful-are just decorations.

Get the darts back

Gratitude, after being expressed to others, almost always comes back. People who are appreciated are more willing to repay those who make them feel valuable. A study shows that waiters only need to write "thank you" on the bill before handing it to customers, and the average tip is more than that of people who don't write it 1 1%. Waiters who write the information about the upcoming special meal on the bill can also get higher tips, which are on average higher than 17% to 20%. (4) In today's world where interpersonal relationships are less and less and sometimes very tense, gratitude will arouse repercussions.

Seize the opportunity

Look around you: What is right in your world? If you have any hobbies, put them into action; If not, you can find one. Give a helping hand to others and share your things with others. Making a small gesture to others costs you nothing, but it can bring you many benefits. All these behaviors can increase your chances of gratitude.

Barbara frederickson, a psychologist at the University of North Carolina, said: "Gratitude may sublimate everything from a normal state to a gift."

The story begins on a street corner in downtown Brooklyn.

An old man suddenly fainted while crossing the road. An ambulance rushed him to Kings County Hospital.

In the hospital, the old man woke up from time to time and repeatedly shouted to see his son.

A nurse in the emergency room found a crumpled letter in his pocket, from which he learned that his son was a marine and was stationed in North Carolina with the army.

It seems that he has no other relatives.

Someone in the hospital called the Red Cross office in Brooklyn and sent a request to the Red Cross organization director of the Marine Corps camp in North Carolina to let the young man return to Brooklyn as soon as possible.

As time was pressing-the patient's life was dying-the Red Cross and an officer set off in a military vehicle.

When they arrived at the army, they saw the young man taking part in a military exercise and crossing the swamp on foot.

He was sent to the airport in time to catch the only flight that could take him to see his dying father.

It was dusk when the young navy soldier walked into the lobby of Kings County Hospital.

A nurse took the tired and anxious soldier to the old man's bed.

She said to the old man, "Your son is here."

She repeated it several times before the old man opened his eyes.

The old man took drugs to treat heart disease, which damaged his vision, so he could only see a young man standing outside the oxygen tent in the uniform of the Marine Corps.

He held out his hand, and the marine immediately grasped the weak hand with his strong hand, full of love and encouragement.

The nurse brought a chair and the soldier sat by the bed.

A long night in the hospital. The young marine sat in the dimly lit ward all night, holding the old man's hand and giving him hope and strength.

Occasionally, a nurse came to persuade him to rest, but he refused.

Every time the nurse came in, the soldiers sat there. He turned a blind eye to the nurses' entrance and exit, all kinds of noises in the hospital at night-the banging of oxygen bottles, the laughter of doctors and nurses at night, the cries, groans and breathing of other patients.

The nurse heard him whisper something from time to time.

On his deathbed, the old man said nothing but held his son's hand tightly for most of that night.

The old man died at dawn.

The marine put the dead hand he had been holding back on the bed, and then went to inform the nurse.

When the nurse went to clean up the mess, he smoked a cigarette, which was his first cigarette after he entered the hospital.

Finally, the nurse returned to the nurse's office, where he had been waiting.

The nurse began to comfort him, but he interrupted her.

"Who is that old man?" He asked.

"He is your father!" She replied in surprise.

"No, he isn't," replied the soldier. "I have never seen this man."

"Then why didn't you say something when I took you in?" The nurse asked.

"At that time, I knew there was a mistake. But I also know that he needs his son, and his son is not here.

When I found out that he was too ill to recognize me, I felt that he really needed me.

So I stayed. "

With these words, the soldier turned and left the hospital.

Two days later, the North Carolina Marine Corps Base sent a notice to the Brooklyn Red Cross that the old man's own son was on his way to Brooklyn to attend his father's funeral.

It turned out that there happened to be two marines with the same name and surname in the army, and the number was similar.

The personnel officer took the wrong document.

However, this fake son became a real son when the old man really needed his son.

Moreover, in a very humane way, he proved that there are indeed people in this world who care about their compatriots' experiences.