Text/Asian Youth Oral: Sweet Thinking
I am a teenage girl of 16 years old. I have never had any nasty thoughts in my heart, but I always have some dreams that make me ashamed to recall at night. After every dream, I feel inexplicable panic and shame, and feel that I am a "bad" girl. I have locked the door every night since I had this dream. I am really worried that I will say something hard to say in my dream for my parents to hear. It's embarrassing.
The book says that I think about it every day and dream at night. Although there is always a PE teacher in my dream, I have no contact with him. At most, I just like to watch his beautiful posture when playing basketball during the day, but these have nothing to do with love and the relationship between men and women. But in my dream, why is there such a scene? I'm confused.
Because I had a "beautiful" dream with my PE teacher, in the later time, I saw him, blushing and my heart was like a deer, for fear that he would read my mind. In that case, I will be ashamed for life. I began to avoid the PE teacher deliberately, trying to restrain myself from seeing him and thinking about him. If I don't think about it every day, I won't dream about him that night. To my annoyance, my teacher "disappeared" in my dream, and then I dreamed of other favorite opposite sex one after another, which made me feel unspeakable.
Many of those dreams are particularly wonderful and unforgettable, so after every dream, I keep it in my diary and lock it up. I think: it must be a wonderful thing to take it out after several years. Fancy youth can't stay, and it's good to leave some memories.
But early this morning, I came to school and found that the desk drawer was turned over, the lock of the diary was opened and the contents were peeked! I am angry, anxious and ashamed, and I feel like I am naked in public! I fell sadly on the table and began to cry. After that, I didn't even ask for leave, so I fled home. The most private things have been known by others. How can I stay in school in the future? Mother asked me why I skipped class, but I was afraid to tell her the truth. If I am tired of asking, I will say that I am not feeling well.
A week later, I went back to school and found that everyone looked at me with strange eyes. Some people laughed at me and heard people whispering about "cheap" and "dirty" topics. I can't wait to be buried! At this time, a naughty male classmate asked me vaguely: Did you have so many good dreams about me? I'm so angry that my lungs are about to explode. I replied angrily, I dreamed of your mother! The other party was defeated by me, and then I muttered: What are you pretending to be pure and prude? Everyone says so, my heart has dropped to freezing point! In everyone's eyes, I am really a "cheap" and "dirty" bad girl.
The days of being disturbed by spring dreams continued until high school. After high school, I broadened my horizons and read many books about the physiology of youth. Even if I dream of spring, I can face it calmly, because I know that it is a normal physiological phenomenon for girls my age to dream of spring. Later, I went to college, made a boyfriend and had a harmonious sex life. I never had sex dreams again.
The diary recording the dream of spring has always been treasured by me, but the lush years trapped by the dream of spring have become the best memories of my youth.