I was admitted to the university on 1998, and the school was ok, 2 1 1. My hometown is located in the old revolutionary base areas and mountainous areas. My parents are illiterate and my family grew up in extreme poverty. I remember my grandfather died when I was studying "Serving the People" in the fourth grade of primary school. After the funeral, I came across an iou from my family. I borrowed money from home for grandpa's funeral. Grandpa has seven children, but after sharing, the family still borrows money, and suddenly I seem to have matured. I used to be the first in the township exam, but it seems that since that incident, although I studied harder, my grades have dropped. Besides, I have a younger brother who is seven years younger than me.
Go to school smoothly all the time. When I was in the first grade, my family spent 300 yuan on sponsorship and sent me to the first middle school in the county. From then on, I left my hometown and started my study career. My family couldn't afford to send me to boarding school, so I told my grandfather who was doing lettering business in the county town to let me live in the room they rented. The room is a shabby straw house in the county. The room where I live is dark and damp. At that time, I just came out of the countryside and didn't feel hard.
My academic performance is still good in my class. I was the second in my class in the winter vacation exam of grade three. In a blink of an eye, the senior high school entrance examination is coming, and I met the first sad period in my life.
Grandpa is from a private school. Although he is very knowledgeable and writes like a calligrapher, he is very patriarchal and thinks his nephew is useless to him, so he is often unhappy. In addition, XX made him have a strange temper. I was very young and listened to all the criticisms and lessons around him. When I was in the third grade, the house rented by my grandfather moved once, and this time I lived in a smaller room. My bed and my grandmother's bed are crowded in one room. There are two beds, several cabinets and a black-and-white TV set in the room less than 10 square meter. Grandparents are all 65 years old. Every day they watch TV until there is no TV, which is about 12 o'clock. I started to sleep after class at night, but I can always remember that there was no sound of snowflakes swishing. In this way, after a few months, my mind began to wander. Every night when I am careful, I feel sleepy and my head is numb. Once I looked in the mirror and found that I had a lot of white hair. I forgot to mention some other things here, that is, getting up early to study, which happened before my grandfather moved. The house is next to a road, and there is a department store by the road. At night, the department store will light a lamp and hang it as high as three floors. In order to catch up on my homework, I get up at 3 o'clock every morning. As there was no lighting, I took a cheap magnifying glass and sat on the roadside steps. I use it to concentrate on my textbooks. I remember that geography is the most important thing to read. I use it to look up maps and place names. Once, a pair of lovestruck men and women came out of the movie night market and accidentally looked up and saw me. They stopped immediately. I think my hair is a lot whiter, which may be related to the previous night reading.
Near the entrance examination, I signed up for the entrance examination. At that time, the idea at home was to let me go out to work as soon as possible. At that time, it was 1995, and almost no children in the county had entered secondary school, but all of them had entered high school. As a result, the only two students in our class who applied for technical secondary schools did not have tutors, because the examination subjects in technical secondary schools and high schools were different. So, the student and I ran out of the classroom every night, holding textbooks and looking for a school street lamp to read. He said that he spent most of his time reading, chatting and playing. I still remember that he asked me to take the exam for him, and he gave me 1000 yuan, which was an astronomical figure for me at that time.
The final exam of primary and secondary schools unexpectedly failed. It's an accident for others, because my grades have been very good, but for me, it may have been foreseen long ago. At that time, 450 points was the official line, 420 points was the entrusted training, and I got 376 points. I have no choice but to entrust someone to high school. The vice principal in charge of this work in No.1 Middle School looked at me and touched my head, saying that the child looked very young, and he would definitely be admitted to the university after studying hard for three years. As a result, my family got an extra 300 yuan in sponsorship fees, and I went to high school.
I started my main school life. Not long after freshman year, grandpa died of illness. I went to see him the weekend before he died. He is skinny, and his high cheekbones are exposed. For the first time, he told me how to adjust the method of massaging acupoints with my brain. Grandpa taught himself "Acupuncture", "Compendium of Materia Medica" and other books, which are Chinese medicine and acupuncture that I have always admired. After he taught me this method, he accompanied me through the whole high school examination room. Every time my brain refused to work, I put down my hand to rewrite it, pressed it carefully for a while, and then began to answer questions. This habit has been maintained until my college entrance examination room. A few days later, my grandfather passed away. I didn't know the news until I got home that night, and then I rushed to grandpa's village overnight. I knocked my head three times before entering the door, and my head hit the stone in front of the door heavily. Every time I hit it, a bump appeared on my forehead. Although my grandfather was unkind to me, I didn't feel any resentment towards him. I just feel too deep for this old man. What I can't put down in my eyes is that when my grandmother went to Jiangsu's uncle's house, I slept with him. At night, he rubbed my stomach and said that my spleen and stomach were not good ... At that time, I always felt that my grandfather had too many misfortunes, which made it difficult for him to display his talents.
Three years of high school life is very hard. In the first two months of senior one, the eyes changed from 5.3 in the physical examination of grade three to 150 degree myopia, and began to become four eyes. At that time, the glasses frame was very big, the metal strip was very wide, the frame was full, the glass was heavy, and there were deep marks on both sides of the nose that were often pressed. Eating in high school is relatively simple, drinking water and eating pancakes. I usually go to the canteen at noon to cook a dish with pickles from home. The canteen master stood on the stove and made it with a big shovel. Sweat falls into the big iron pot from time to time. There are a few oily cabbages in a dish, which impressed me the most. However, at that time, everyone's life was like this and they didn't feel hard. Only your body knows the hardship. After entering high school, my palms began to sweat gradually and my memory began to decline. The intermediate grade once reached the 36 th place in the class. I know what the problem is. On the one hand, it is physical, on the other hand, it is spiritual. It's too hard at home Every time I see my parents' gaunt and aging faces, I can't help blaming myself for being useless. But self-reproach not only didn't improve my grades, but obviously increased my mental burden. I always can't sleep well. I doze off in class and can't get up after dinner. My stomach can't eat cold food, and I'm not angry. At that time, I only knew that I couldn't go on like this, so I went home once and bought a pill for strengthening the brain and tonifying the kidney. At that time, I just thought it might need to be made up. I don't know if it's a drug effect or a psychological effect. Although my health is still poor, my grades are improving. I'm in front of the class 10, sometimes in the top five. Moreover, after being assigned to the liberal arts class, I became the vice monitor of the class, which encouraged me spiritually and made me feel my own value.
Although I deeply feel that I didn't do my best, my scores in all subjects except political history are general, but my comprehensive scores have been good. In the college entrance examination, my advantages in history and politics unexpectedly became the bottom of all subjects, but I did well in math and English. I got 666 points in that year (642 points for undergraduate). I have always been puzzled by this number with a very auspicious symbol, that is, it made me choose a national 2 1 1 university that only enrolled three financial majors in the province at that time. Of course, I didn't know it was 2 1 1 university when I applied for the job. I just thought that the school named after the provincial capital city should not be too bad, at least worthy of this score, and only three ordinary people were afraid to accept it. I succeeded in this speculation and was admitted to the university with the third place in the province.
The annual tuition fee for going to college is 2500, plus books, miscellaneous fees and accommodation. Pay 3507 in the first year, and then the rest is the living expenses. Although my parents saved for my school for many years, it was not enough at that time. In order to collect tuition fees, the family began to invite relatives to dinner. After that banquet, my family collected more than 1000, which was enough for my living expenses for half a year. My family didn't send me to school for the first time. I went to school by myself. At that time, I began to be quite independent. I'm used to making my own decisions, including filling in my volunteers.
Let's talk about college life. I am honored that when I first entered the military training, I was selected as a member of the military training propaganda group because of my good handwriting and participated in the propaganda work of the blackboard newspaper. After the military training, he became the grade propaganda minister appointed by the counselor. But when I came back from my freshman year, I began to feel uncomfortable. Counselors and teachers often criticize the work of our propaganda department, and the conference often takes us to talk. But at that time, we felt that the work of the propaganda department was actually very hard, and we often stayed up late to publicize a blackboard newspaper (the blackboard newspaper we made was time-consuming and fancy). Later, a classmate told me privately that you should look at the family situation of other cadres. Later, I came to the conclusion that we can be bullied, so I resolutely resigned. Many students can't understand this. Some students despise my lack of progress with regret. Now it seems that it is really impulsive.
After that, college life degenerated and was free. After leaving my hometown and getting familiar with the big city, I began to forget my parents' hardships in my hometown for a while and began to spend money boldly. After all, there is always some living expenses at hand. Gradually surfing the internet and going to the south gate of the school to see the projection have become the theme of my life with my dormitory classmates. And with the in-depth understanding of college life, I feel the pressure of rural children more and more, which is intangible and real. I always remember that after military training, before it was very cold in winter, I always wore my military training jacket. It seems that there were very few people wearing yellow-green military uniforms on campus at that time, unless he came from the countryside. There are also poverty subsidies, and sometimes you can get 100 or 200 yuan. A year later, before the Lantern Festival, I got a pair of wool pants from a charity organization. I still wear these pants in winter. It's almost 10 years. In the winter of my freshman year, I went to the railway station wholesale market and bought a so-called sweater for 30 yuan. That was the first time I wore a finished product, and I still wear this sweater. Being a poor student gives me the greatest pressure, because I can't eliminate this difference with others. In the final analysis, it is a kind of inferiority complex. I didn't feel it at all in high school, although it was a hundred times more difficult than in college at that time. In order to make up for my inferiority, I began to develop myself in other ways. I often take an active part in class discussions and debates and become my performance venue. I once became an active figure in my grade, although I am no longer the propaganda director of my grade. But no matter how positive the outside world is, it is difficult to calm the unstable heart. I feel severe pain. I don't see any books at all in self-study every night. I became very tired of learning, and I only tried my best to vent. Movie screening on the Internet began to become the main content of my college life, and I stopped learning English. Often absent from class with three other English classes, it became the famous Four donkey kong. After sophomore year, the third-level video hall in the south gate of the school began to see us. Only one week before the exam, we began to review. Maybe college courses are relatively easy, and I get good grades every time, and I always get scholarships. The scholarships of the school are still very generous, 2700 for first class, 0/700 for second class/kloc-0, and 800 for third class. In four years, he won the second class twice and the third class twice.
Probably in the second semester of my sophomore year, I started to be a tutor. A governor's family found me as a tutor through the college. The teacher is a boy in junior high school, but much taller than me. Maybe it's malnutrition He has never exceeded his father's size and has always stayed at the level of secondary disability. In the government house, I realized what life is and what is the gap. Shortly after the tutor began, I felt that what the child lacked was not knowledge, but frustration education, so I told him more about rural affairs or life truth. The first counseling is about two months. I got 400 yuan RMB. When I left, I couldn't help leaving a letter to the headmaster, which was about my opinion that tutoring was ineffective. Unexpectedly, it was this letter that, after half a year, let the governor's family find me again and started my tutor career. It took about two months this time.
In my junior year, fate changed my life again. After I resigned, the two propaganda cadres who took office were ordered to resign by the new regulations issued by the college because they failed in four courses. I was re-employed and soon became the deputy director and director of the Youth League Committee Office of the College. In my senior year, I caught the last bus and solved the organizational relationship. At that time, in the university, it was still considered very important to solve the organizational relationship, especially to find a job, so giving gifts became a choice. Some student cadres who are later than me and have lower grades have also been solved in front of me. I probably know some reasons. Unexpectedly, after the discussion was passed, another unexpected thing happened, because our dormitory hygiene failed the first inspection, and the college wanted to cancel my qualification. After understanding, I understood what the problem was, so I was forced to go to the supermarket to buy 20 pieces of Qian Qi's things and went to the counselor's house. The counselor finally understood me and let me pass. It was the first time in my life that I gave a gift. Although it's not much, I know they usually cost more than 500 yuan.
You need to supplement your family situation after your junior year. My family can't afford my tuition after the second year of high school, but my parents still support me very hard. My mother used to go out to work to support her family, but she got sick after going out and had no choice but to go home. My mother's intelligence began to decline seriously, which should have started after an operation in my high school. My feeling is very obvious. After the operation, my mother's memory response obviously slowed down. By the time I was a sophomore, she was very old, but in her 40 s, she looked like she was in her 50 s. I was a very sensitive person, and I felt uncomfortable when I saw my parents' psychology. However, when I returned to school, I didn't know how to face the conflict for a while. I am more and more evasive, trying to forget my family affairs, immersed in depravity and forgetting my true feelings. My junior family couldn't afford the tuition, and I didn't get my diploma until my senior year. The money for changing the diploma can be said to be my father's life: my father had a car accident four years ago. At that time, my father came back from selling vegetables with a wooden unicycle in the Huaihai Campaign and was hit by a fast-moving car under the roadbed. Our country's wooden unicycle was smashed, a tree was knocked down, and my father's ribs were injured, but fortunately, there was no danger to his life, and the car ran to the roadbed. Therefore, the family successfully obtained compensation of more than RMB 1 1,000. When I took the money from my father's life to change my diploma, when I received the voucher issued by the staff of the school's finance department, my heart was numb at that time. At that time, I didn't hate this kind of education system, and I didn't have a strong sense of guilt towards my father. I was only numb.
Philosophy and psychology seem to have nothing to say except the decadent and boring life of student cadres, and there may be feelings, but how can a person with serious inferiority develop normal love? He still doesn't understand feelings, maybe his feelings for himself are silly love, and he lacks too many plays.
I was lucky to find a job. I only submitted my resume once and was asked to sign the contract the next day after the interview. I decided to work four years ago, and then I went to work naturally after going through everyone's madness in the next semester of senior three. I work in a branch of a state-owned bank in a coastal city in Shandong. At first, I was good. Leaders paid more attention to it and became the secretary of the president of the city branch. However, with the increase of my understanding of society and units, my psychology began to deviate. In the eyes of ordinary people, as long as a secretary does a good job, it should be very promising to promote a branch vice president in two or three years. But I still don't like that stubbornness, so I nagged the leader all day and finally went to the personal finance department. At this time, I have begun to have some money in my hand. Soon, I bought a computer, contacted several colleagues and started my game career. I'm addicted to a Chinese Odyssey 2. From August 2002, for more than two years, except for work, I spent more than six hours surfing the Internet almost every day, and life was a game. Later, I became the biggest gang leader and the first profiteer of the server. I still remember that a weapon I made was sold to RMB 300 yuan, and the other party sent me the money from Tibet. Of course, the game is more about paying RMB. For more than two years, plus selling cards for big coins, I invested nearly 1 10,000 RMB. In fact, at that time, I knew very well that I had to relax completely, otherwise I would really be overwhelmed by what I had been holding in my heart for a long time. I still remember the advice given to me by a girl after she entered the university. She said you were too autistic. Since then, I began to reflect on myself, dissecting and debugging myself by reading many books on celebrity biographies, philosophy and psychology, but I have never received satisfactory results. In order to make my body comfortable, I went to have a painful gastroscope, but later I told myself that when eating cold rice, I could overcome it mentally first, so that my stomach was temporarily free from torture. I spent a lot of RMB on games and gave almost all the rest to my family. After working for more than a year, I gave it to my family 13000, but in 2004, our new college students and workers also had the opportunity to buy the remaining small houses. What worries me most is that I can't afford the down payment. If a house with a value of 65,438+10,000 yuan needs a down payment of 20,000 yuan, others can get a loan from the bank, which is unbearable for me (I regretted spending too much money in the game at that time). I firmly told myself that I can't ask my parents for it anymore.
Fortunately, I found a two-bedroom apartment of more than 30 square meters, which only cost more than 60 thousand, and the down payment was only 13000, and it was close to the small market and had a shed. A bold plan began to emerge in my mind. I overdrawn the down payment with my credit card. After completing the formalities, I went home in time and got back 13000 yuan. At the same time, I told my parents about my plan to sell vegetables in the city, but I didn't tell them that I was going to resign. On June 5438+ 10, 2004, I asked for a month's home leave, but I didn't go out, but hid in an internet cafe for a month, thinking about whether to continue doing it in this small city and how to arrange my next life. Then I made up my mind.
After I got the house key, I submitted my resignation. At the same time, I began to review the judicial examination. After the Spring Festival in 2005, my parents came to my home in a coastal city and started selling vegetables in the city. To my surprise, my parents, who are over 50 years old, can't adapt to the intelligent life of the city at all, and they can't do the business of selling vegetables, even though my father has sold vegetables for most of his life (our village is mainly a vegetable farmer, with an average of 7 points). During my 10 month in the city, my parents sold vegetables and pineapples, but it turns out that my arrangement for my parents was wrong. In September 2005, I also failed the judicial examination. Of course, at this time, I haven't really started to make myself work hard on the road of learning, and more often I am looking at something that is of no direct use. In June 2005, I made another decision.
I sold my house. My parents and I went back to our hometown, demolished the old house and began to build a new one. My idea at that time was that my parents were very old, so I couldn't let them continue to live in this low, damp hut, and I couldn't let the villagers say that going to school would only lead to poverty, and super-life would make them rich (there was a poor family in the village who had four children, and now he built a two-story building early by working with his children for several years). For the first time, I feel really standing with my parents. 1992 to 2006, after studying and going out 14 years, I went back to the countryside to live with my parents, and I was building a new house for them.
At this point, my brother has been in high school. My parents went to the coastal city to live with me for a year. He is the main school in the county. For almost a whole year, he lived alone. I don't want my brother to go through too many twists and turns because of the hardships he has experienced. Building a new house that belongs to our family may help him get rid of some shadows of life earlier. And after all this is done, I can also go into battle lightly and do what I really like. At that time, after experiencing the madness of the game, I found that I really should do something about myself.
Living with parents for two years from 2005 to 2007 is not all rational happiness. The old farmer's inherent haggling over every ounce and trivial quarrels, as well as some selfish lives, often make my judicial examination study very annoying. In addition, I have to supervise the construction. The construction of new houses has been carried out intermittently for more than 40 days, and it has been overspent again and again. The final expenditure is beyond my capacity. The previous plan is to build a tile house, which can save a sum of money, about 65438+100000, and it is not beyond my economic strength. But my parents insisted on building bungalows and buying steel when I was not at home, which made me very uncomfortable. Later, I had to attend many things in person, because it was beyond my father's ability. After the New Year in 2006, I officially started studying for the judicial examination and bought a lot of books. But my health is worse than when I was in crazy games, perhaps because of the old man's food problem. I seldom eat meat in my hometown. My brother is at school, and a family of three is often a dish, eating pancakes and drinking porridge. My body can only allow me to read for more than five hours every day. At that time, before the house was built, we moved into our neighbor's cabin (they went out). When summer comes, it starts to leak, and then there are fleas. Really helpless. After living in the city for more than 10 years, I always thought I was still from the countryside, only to find it difficult for me to adapt to the life in the countryside. In June, before the doors and windows were ready, my parents and I moved the bed in first. It's cool and cool, but there are no doors and windows. On a moonlit night, the room is too bright to sleep at night. There is no wall in the yard, and the whole yard is a mess.
It pays to continue reading. In September 2006, I finally got the certificate in the judicial examination. Finally, I got my wish, left that small coastal city and came to Beijing, the capital, to start my lawyer dream. The problem before me now is to make money for my younger brother to finish college and free my parents from heavy physical labor as soon as possible. Then time came to our eyes. Looking back, it should be 15 years. During this period, I heard about Ma Jiajue's case, and I saw the ultimate depravity of my friends around me. Of course, I also saw the successful struggle experience of my friends around me. Of course, I mean my college friends from the countryside. An outstanding feeling is that it is too difficult for college students from the bottom of rural areas to adapt to this fierce conflict society. Fierce external changes bring fierce internal conflicts. This is too difficult to debug, and the society has not given enough understanding to rural college students in this respect. In fact, what rural college students need most is not economic help, but psychological recognition and sense of belonging. Many rural college students are smart and ambitious, but they have psychological scars. Once these scars break out in a certain period, they will turn into such problems. However, what I want to appeal to is the understanding of rural college students. Because they are really difficult. After leaving school, they face double debts, not only economic debts, but also emotional debts. However, they are unable to repay this double debt when they go to work. They get married and buy a house, which one is relaxing? Many rural parents become poor after providing a college student for the country. When they get married and buy a house, they often have to borrow money to continue raising their children. Parents of college students in rural areas of China should really be the most respectable parents, the most selfless parents and the most sad and tearful parents in the world.
Every poor rural college student has a touching story of blood and tears.
I hope that parents in rural areas all over the world will get the most sincere filial piety from their children and get the understanding of their children all over the world.